High School Redux
Title: High School Redux
Movie: Never Been Kissed
Pairing: Kradam with a little Cookleta
Rating: PG-13 just cause of the swearing
Music: If I Had You - Adam Lambert
Words: around 20,000
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, even though the people are real, this never happened, only in the sad little cesspool of my mind.
Notes: When I started this, it was only going to be about 5000 words. Adam had other ideas. Please, suspend your belief - try imagining Adam as that pudgy teenager we've all read about, try to imagine him not ending up in the theater...where would he have gone? Thanks to condancer for going through it for me, even though she was heading out the door on holiday. I luh you bb! All mistakes my own as usual
“You can’t be serious!” I stared at Anoop. Simon Cowell, the label owner was waving his hands enthusiastically in the air.
The label manager of Cowell Records, my immediate boss, shook his head, helpless, and Simon replied, “I think it is a brilliant idea. We’ve all lost track of what the kids of today are listening to. We need to be out there in the trenches, talking to them, finding out what they want and where the industry is heading.”
I was pale and shaking. “But sending me undercover to a school disguised as a student? Isn’t that a little extreme? Can’t we just...” my hands flailed. “I don’t know, take a survey or something?”
Simon shook his head. “No, because people lie on things like that. It’s like that American Idol show, they all think they can sing but perhaps five of them are actually capable of actually holding a tune.”
I frowned, struggling to follow the logic. “Simon, surely taking a core group of kids and asking them what they listen to and what they want to hear more of…”
He held up an imperious hand. “I have made up my mind. You will have to do it unless you think you can’t, Lambert, in which case you will have to look for another job…”
I felt my shoulders slump. “No. I’ll do it.”
“Good.” And he was gone. Like the ill-wind that blew no good. I looked over at Anoop, helplessly.
“This is not a good thing. I have very bad memories of high school. I was never the cool guy.”
Anoop raised an eyebrow. “As opposed to how popular you are now?” I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him.
“I am twenty-seven years old. I don’t know if I can pass for a teenager.” I was desperate.
“You look like an eighteen year old with no make-up on and you have those freckles and bad skin and let’s be honest; you’re a bit overweight which always makes a person look younger.” Anoop's logical tone was setting my teeth on edge.
“Thank you very much for that physical dissection.” I growled and my boss shrugged.
Matt came skidding into the office. “Dude, I heard you’re gonna be an undercover brother?”
Good news sure traveled fast it seemed and I nodded. “Yeah, going back to school. To find out what the kids of today really want from their music.”
My best friend since kindergarten pulled a face. “You were so great at high school.”
I pointed a finger at Anoop. “I am just going on the record as saying that this is going to end in disaster. Simon is not the all-powerful Oz and not every idea that flits through his brain is a good one.” On that parting note, I spun on my heel and hooked my sleeve in the door handle, ruining it and my grand exit. Fuck.
That night, I was having dinner with my step-brother, David, who had never had a problem with popularity in school. He thought the whole idea was hilarious and brilliant.
I watched the food roiling in his mouth with fascination while he talked. “Man, if I could go back to school I would totally study and ace all my tests and get that football scholarship.”
I stared at him, astonished. “You hate football.”
He shrugged. “But then I could go to college and study music and get that break. Like you.” We were both theater kids, it was all we knew. My mother and David’s father, both amateur actors, had met when I was five and had been together ever since.
“I haven’t had a break yet, Dave. I work for a record label. I am a lowly executive on the food chain with no power at all. There is nothing ‘break’-y about my job.” It galled me that I hadn’t lived my dreams either.
“So, take this chance and make the most of it.” Dave told me. “Don’t be the loser this time, Adam.”
When I showered that night, I thought about his advice and wondered if it would be possible. My memories of high school were traumatic to say the least. Strawberry blond hair, pudgy, freckly and with bad skin, I had been a walking wet dream for every cruel taunt possible. And then there was the fact that I was gay and mostly closeted about it. That made everything even worse. Small town America is not okay with homosexuality no matter what the posters say. It had been a nightmare that I really didn’t want to relive now that I was an adult and in control of my own destiny. Right. Me, in control. I even mocked myself in my mind!
I dried myself off and looked in the mirror, even though my hair was now dyed brown, the fat still fought to hold its place around my waist and the dreaded freckles mapped every inch of my skin. Even the break outs hadn’t gone away completely. I was the unluckiest adult on the planet.
I rested my hip against the sink and thought about the worst night of my school career, perhaps even my life, it had certainly scarred me. It was prom night and I hadn’t planned on going. I mean, I had girl friends, all members of our Glee Club, but they had dates and I wasn’t going to go stag. That would be worse than going with my cousin, Juanita, which my mother had tried to encourage.
I had a crush on the cutest boy in school, Micah Brand. All the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be him. You know, one of those perfect boys that only ever exist when you’re a teenager and the world still has promise?
Matt had come running to me and told me that Micah was going to ask me to the prom. Seriously. What had I been thinking? That the most popular boy in the entire state of Arkansas was interested in a big, fat, freckly Jew? That I had awoken his gay? But I was young and stupid and in lust so I had said yes when he came to ask me.
The night of the prom I waited for him to show, dressed in a tuxedo and was both excited and terrified at literally coming out to everyone. I mean, they already knew, but this would be official. Micah didn’t show. He went with Wendy Lutin, the head of the cheerleaders and they were voted King and Queen of the Prom, of course. I waited for him until ten that night, then my mother came and pulled me inside and I sobbed myself to sleep.
So yes, going back to high school wasn’t something I was looking forward to.
My ‘father’, Simon Cowell, had registered me at Compton High that day. The small part of me that wasn’t stone cold terrified was highly entertained at being the big boss’ ‘son’. It was the closest high school to where Dave, Matt and I lived, about an hour out of LA. Large enough for me to blend in easily but small enough for me to become a part of the school life quickly.
When I pulled up in my battered and belching Ford Cortina, everyone stared at me. My stomach clenched with nerves as I relived those last unhappy years. New boy in school syndrome hadn’t changed in ten years. I walked up the steps and into the school, the halls washing me with instant memory. Most of them awful. I stopped and stared around, spotting the high school usual suspects, the pretty girls, the jocks, the brainiacs and the misfits.
“Oh, sorry.” A rough velvet voice apologized for bumping into me and I looked down into bright eyes partially covered by fire red hair.
I smiled down at the girl. “That’s okay. I was kinda standing here like a statue. Not your fault.”
She grinned and held out a hand. “Allison Iraheta. Glee Club Captain. You’re new?”
We shook hands and I nodded. “Adam Lambert. Noob.” We smiled at each other for a moment.
She asked, “Do you want me to show you to the secretary’s office?”
I nodded gratefully, “That would be very nice of you. Thank you.” She looked a bit surprised and I reminded myself to use more slang. Kids didn’t speak English too well these days. Too good. Ugh.
She led me down a maze of corridors full of hundreds of teenagers. At the door to the principal’s office she left me with an invitation. “Glee Club is practicing this afternoon. You’re welcome to come. Even if you don’t sing, we’re always looking for people to help with music or costumes or…” She trailed off and looked at me.
“I can sing. A little.” I admitted and her smile grew big and delighted.
“Awesome! Meet me here at two thirty and we can go together. Then you won’t feel weird.” I grinned back at her, watched her head off down the hall and felt myself relax a little. Perhaps this wouldn’t be the disaster of the century after all. I turned to go into the office and the door slammed open and I bounced off it like a ball, tumbling to the floor.
“Oh God, are you okay?” I opened my eyes and looked up into warm brown eyes. And fell in love.
“Um…” I lay there, beached whale fat and mumbled, gazing up at the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life. He crouched down next to me and reached down, grabbed my hand and pulled me up into a sitting position.
“Hey.” He held up two fingers. “How many fingers?” His voice was hot silk and I was stunned into silence. An occurrence that many of my friends would celebrate.
“T…two…” It sounded like I was talking through razor blades and he grinned, relieved.
“Thank God. Not good killing someone with a door.” He changed his grip and shook my hand. “Kris Allen, music teacher.”
“Adam…uh…Lambert.” I returned his hand shake and then remembered my cover. “New student.”
His face fell and he drew back. “Oh.” He sat back on his heels and then got to his feet, hauling me up. He was little, but strong and I towered over him. “Welcome to Compton High, Adam.”
His smile was more reserved and suddenly all I wanted was to make him smile again. “I’ve met a girl, Allison. She told me to join the Glee Club. Are you the teacher in charge?”
The grin emerged again. “Yep, that’s my baby girl. Alli is our little star. Do you sing?”
I nodded. “A bit. I was always a Glee Club member at school.” He looked confused at my odd phrasing. “I mean, at my last school. I was a member. Of Glee Club.” I face palmed mentally because I sounded like I had a brain deficiency or a speech impediment or both, and I wanted to impress this beautiful man quite desperately.
“That’s …uh…good to know.” He started walking away and turned back suddenly. “I’ll see you later at Glee?”
My nodding was more vigorous. I probably looked like I had a disease since I carried on nodding, long after he turned the corner and disappeared. Fuck.
The principal was pleasant, the secretary more so and I quickly had my class assignments and was heading for biology. It had to be easier than when I did it first time around. Right?
Of course it was.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day One:
Is it okay to kill children these days? I mean, could I plead justifiable homicide? I’m sure there’s some handbook given out to bullies everywhere.
And since I am all ‘back to the future only it’s the past’, I will take this moment to state categorically that I hate kids and I would rather have my nuts cut off than breed. Okay? Remind me of this day when I talk about having children.
It was excruciating and humiliating how quickly I fell back into the patterns of my formative years. The football jocks picked up on my oddness and by lunchtime I was covered in chocolate milk and slaw. My neatly pressed chinos would never be the same. And my cardigan was a lost cause.
The only bright spot in that unbearable day was when school ended and I was collected by Allison at the principal’s office and guided to the haven of Glee Club. When we got there, I searched for the pretty face I had collided with earlier and felt something in me ease when I saw Kris Allen, music teacher, talking to a slim, blond girl with a ridiculous tattoo running the length of her arm. Kids were allowed to have tattoos now? I was so out of the loop!
“Teach! I brought fresh meat!” Allison bellowed and everyone spun around to look at us. I waved tentatively and followed Allison to the stage.
“Well done, my young apprentice. You have grown in the ways of the Glee Force.” Kris intoned and they shared a grin. He smiled at me. “Hello again, Adam.”
My throat closed and I lost the power of speech. If he bottled the charm of that smile he could…rule the world or some shit like that, because it was potent. I cleared my throat. Or maybe that was only me. “Hi.” I croaked.
Kris turned to the rest of the group. “Guys, this is Adam Lambert. He’s new in school and he says that he can sing a little,” the grin grew wicked. “Shall we give him a real Glee Club welcome?” They all clapped and yelled ‘yes’ and Kris shouted at the guy behind the piano, “Hit it Scott!”
The rocking beat of “Don’t Stop Believing” started and the kids all sang along. Kris grasped my shoulder and it was all I could do not to whimper. “C’mon Adam, this is like a Glee Club standard. You have to sing too!” So I did. And for the first time in almost eight years I let my voice free.
“Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin', yeah”
Then I realized that everyone else had stopped singing and was staring at me. “Sorry. I haven’t done that in a while. I must be a bit rusty.” I stammered.
Kris looked at me in disbelief. “Fuck. Sorry kids. But seriously, fuck. Who has a voice like that?”
I felt myself flush. I wasn’t sure what he meant, was it good? Bad? Get the fuck out of Glee? “Sorry?” I apologized again and Kris just shook his head.
“That was fuckin’ awesome dude? You have like the voice of a fuckin’ angel!” Allison was practically bouncing off the floor and her smile stretched wide over her face. I felt my shoulders relax as the rest of the kids surrounded me, chattering and asking me questions. I peeked over at Kris. He was standing at the piano, handing the musician a white stick and …oh my God, was he blind?
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Two:
I can safely say that being around teenagers drops one’s intelligence quotient by a good few hundred points. My vocabulary is already suffering under the onslaught of ‘like’ and ‘dude’ and ‘totally’. I may never recover. I might have to go back to college after this for a refresher course in how to speak English.
Oh, and high school jocks? Still the most hideous people to walk the halls, apart from the cheerleaders. They take lessons in insults and jibes and making people feel inferior. I am a fucking grown-ass man. I need to get over myself.
Day two started well enough. No food accidents or walking into doors or anything remotely embarrassing. Good times. Then it was time for Music and I walked in there with my heart about beating itself out of my chest because I was seriously crushing so fucking hard on Kris and I was a student so he wouldn’t (couldn’t) look at me in that way and I might just die from all the teenage angst in my twenty-seven year old body. God help me.
Of course, Danny, football captain and all around asshole (we’d met), stuck his foot out and tripped me and I went down face first, ramming into a desk and seeing the starry heavens. Then I tasted the sticky iron of blood and remembered that I had an alarming tendency to pass out when I saw…
I woke up in the nurse’s office with an icepack on my head and a throbbing pain in my lip. I opened my eyes and looked around and of course, Kris was sitting there, brown eyes worried, mouth tight and hard.
“Thank God. You’re awake at last. How do you feel?” He was anxious, concerned and I melted a little. He was just all sorts of adorable.
“My mouf ith thore.” Shit. I’d split my lip. Kris smiled in relief. I tried to smile back but yelped when the pain stabbed through me.
“Danny has detention for about a year.” Kris informed me.
I shook my head, fucking balls, that hurt. “Nao. Doan do dat. Ill on’y make fings worse.” I prayed he could understand my garbled panic. When he smiled and nodded, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Okay, but he’s gonna have to do the time today. What he did wasn’t cool.” He reached out a hand and repositioned the icepack. “Try get a little rest. You took a hell of a knock to your head,” he told me.
“My head ith pwetty tuth.” I replied and this time I think my eyes actually rolled in irritation.
Kris grinned, mouth quirked up at the side. “I’m gonna let you chill here for a bit and then, I’ll drive you home, okay? You might have a concussion and shouldn’t be driving.”
I think that’s when the hyperventilating started.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Three:
Is it possible to fall in love at first sight? I think I did. It’s been three days since I met Kris but all I can do is think about him. I even caught myself doodling his initials with a heart around them. Oh dear lord, save me from this regressed teenage crap.
When he drove me home, he wanted to make sure I got inside okay but I made up some stupid ass story now I think he thinks I come from an abused home. He’s the knight on the white charger type. I’m sure he was ready to come in with me and protect me from my evil family. That said, sigh. My foolish heart is smitten. And my mouth is fucking sore.
Before I forget, let me tell you about Archie….
Day three brought apologies (grudging) from Danny, admiration (sincere) from Allison and introductions (surprisingly) to David Archuleta, school heartthrob and Glee Club co-captain.
Oh my fucking God. Not only was Archie (seriously, how cute is that?) the most gorgeous little creature on the planet and I had disturbing visions of folding him up and putting him in my backpack, but he was nice. How was that possible? He actually sat and talked to me while we were sitting watching the girls wailing Janis Joplin’s “Cry Baby”. Pretty boys never really talked to guys like me.
“So, um, Adam, where did you transfer in from?” His voice was soft and sweet and he stared right at me as he talked, focused and sure. I couldn’t get over how amazing his skin was and those eyes… Just because I was on diet, didn’t mean I couldn’t look at the menu, right?
“I, uh…” I tried to remember what Simon had cataloged on my transfer. “I was in a private school in Los Angeles. It was run by the Church of Scientology.” I wanted to kick Simon right then.
David frowned. “Wow, gosh, I mean, that must have been tough. They have a lot of rules, don’t they?”
I nodded, cataloging my scant knowledge of Scientology mentally. “Yeah, it was, especially when I got sick and they wouldn’t let me have medicine.”
David’s face was crinkled with concern. “Oh my gosh, that’s terrible! I can see why you moved away from there.”
My agreement was tacit and we grinned at each other. He was so not the kind of guy that usually interested me but there was something innocent and just plain good about him that charmed me. We chatted about school and music and how godawful jocks were and how kick awesome Glee was and the afternoon sped by. I was a little in love with this lovely boy. I am fickle. Sue me.
“Adam.” Kris was standing in front of us, looking from one face to the other with a small crease in his brow.
“Oh hi, Mr. Allen.” I chirped because here, in this place, I was home and felt comfortable. It was the real world that kept cutting me down. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Please, call me Kris, everyone else does.” He still wasn’t smiling and I wondered why. “We want to try a new song and Alli suggested that you would be perfect for the lead vocal.”
I swallowed hard and shook my head. “No. Seriously, chorus is fine for me. I get stage fright and then I start coughing and then the world collapses into a black hole.”
My babbling had the effect of making my hot as hell teacher smile so I guess that it wasn’t a bad thing. “We’ll take care of you. I promise. Now, you and Archie need to come on down, I actually think it would work with the two of you singing it.”
I exchanged a look with David who smiled gently and stood up, offering a hand. I took it reluctantly and then was shaken when he didn’t let go and led me down to the stage. I was so surprised by him. He really didn’t seem the type. But I should know better, it’s always the quiet ones who take you aback.
Kris looked down at our joined hands and then passed us sheet music to “We Are the Champions”. We had to let go of each other’s hands but he stood close by me, tiny but sturdy body close. If I didn’t know better I would have thought that he was cuddling up to me, but I did. Know better I mean. Because that was impossible.
And then he started singing and I felt my heart stop. I just stared at him and he stopped singing and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I sound off-key?”
I shook my head. “You sounded amazing.” His smile was perfect and I turned into a little puddle of goo right there. Not that I had one sexual thought about him, okay, maybe a little one, but I just liked him. He made me want to be a better man. Dear God. Now I was quoting Jack Nicholson. The world was going to end.
All this time, Kris watched us, eyes dark, face expressionless and why I felt like I was cheating on him, I really didn’t know.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Four:
I am in serious shit now. Simon called wanting to know how the research was going. I told him that I was a member of the Glee Club and he told me that I was a complete loser and that if I didn’t get some useful information soon, he was going to pull the plug on the operation. Not saying I wouldn’t do the dance of joy if that happened, but it would probably be accompanied by him pulling the plug on my job, so I promised him results by the end of the week.
And in other news…God gave me Dave to test me. I swear. There are less than two years between us but seriously I am grateful that he’s not actually related to me in any way other than by marriage, which to be honest, is a fairly solid connection, but at least there are no shared genetics.
He decided that my terminal uncoolness needed a boost. Like him. So he enrolled himself in the same fucking school. I hate him. You want to know why? Because within an hour of his arrival, he was like the king of cool and everyone loved him. That’s why.
But at least I have Glee...
“So, Adam is like a celebrity among the Scientologists,” I overheard Dave talking to a group of large guys, one of whom was my nemesis, Danny. I ducked back behind the wall and eavesdropped. My step brother continued. “Like, Tom Cruise used to ask him to sing at every morning worship even though there are some pretty big names in that congregation.”
“How do you know all this stuff about Adam?” Big Mike, the other half of Danny asked suspiciously. Yeah, Dave, how do you know all this stuff about me? I thought nastily.
He was ready with an answer. “I used to go to the same school, but they kicked me out when I told a teacher that aliens weren’t real.” He laughed. “Adam was always better at pretending than me. You know, his mom is like a famous theater actress and his dad died and left him a shitload of money.”
“So why does he drive that crappy Ford then?” This time it was Danny asking.
He had a reply there too. “He doesn’t like to look like he’s bragging on his money. He’s sort of a modest guy, you know?” I was rolling my eyes and decided to announce my presence. When I walked around the corner, Dave caught my eye and grinned. “Adam! What a coincidence. We were just talking about you?”
“Really?” I drawled, wondering if the sarcasm was too blatant. Not that it would deter my brother.
“Yeah, I was just telling the guys about your time at the school in LA. You know, when you used to hang with Tom Cruise and shit?” He widened his eyes and stuck his chin forward, encouraging me to go along with the lie.
I shrugged. “I prefer not to remember that. It was a very tough time for me when I had to leave.” My acting skills were not that great so I decided to get away while I still could. “I’m heading to Glee Club, Dave, are you coming with?”
His new friends looked at him in horror. Glee was still the school equivalent of algae on rocks. “You like Glee Club?” Danny asked. He looked like he was debating whether to disown him from the Cool Kids Club. Only David Archuleta seemed to avoid the taint, but that was because he was an angel.
Dave nodded happily. “Yeah, I like that I can express my creative side on the stage and my physical side on the field.”
I muttered, “Of course, that leaves little time for your actual intellectual side for the classroom.” Dave grinned at me and I had to restrain myself from throwing my book bag at him.
“That’s what I have you for, buddy.” He slung an arm around my shoulder and we strolled off towards the auditorium.
“I hate you.” I hissed out the side of my mouth as we walked down the hall.
“I love you enough for both of us.” Dave whispered back and I started laughing.
The guys and girls were already there when I walked in with Dave and the singing stopped as they stared at us.
Alli was the first to speak. “Who’s the stud, Adam?”
“Dave, this is the Glee Club, guys, this is a friend of mine from my old school, Dave Cook.” I made the introductions and walked over to Kris who was busy with Scott at the piano. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought him with me. He’s an okay singer, even if he is a bit of a jerk.”
I smiled at Kris who gave a short smile in return. “No problem, Adam. We always welcome new members.” He turned back to Scott and just like that I was dismissed. I frowned down at the back of his head. This wasn’t the same guy who had been so nice to me on my first day here.
I felt a touch at my waist and turned to find Archie smiling at me. “Hi,” he said and his hand stayed there. Oh.
“Hey yourself,” I replied, bumping back at him and skillfully dislodging that small warm hand. Archie continued smiling and then the smile disappeared as Dave bounded up to us.
“Hey! I’m Dave Cook, Adam’s friend.” He held out a hand and Archie took it, appearing reluctant.
“Um, hi? I’m David too, Archuleta though. I mean my name…” And he subsided into a miserable silence, quickly letting go of Dave’s hand.
“That’s great.” He was trying to be friendly, but Archie had curled in on himself like a turtle and wasn’t coming out. I was surprised by another person’s odd behavior that afternoon. Archie didn’t like my brother. Everyone liked Dave. Everyone. “So, maybe so we don’t get confused, I’ll be Cook?” I was bemused. Dave was trying way too hard here. I took a quick glance at his face. Uh-oh.
“Do you want to go and practice our song?” Archie asked me without replying to Dave and I had the feeling that he was very seldom rude to anyone. Dave and I exchanged a look.
“Sure, Archie.” I followed him and we settled into the comfortable rhythm of music and lyrics. I watched Dave out of the corner of my eye. He was chatting to Megan, laughing and goofing off, but he kept glancing over at us. Kris was also trying not to look too interested in what we were doing. Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser as Alice would say.
Archie was not a touchy guy. I watched him with the girls and boys in the club. They all went out of their way to ruffle his hair or touch his arm or nudge him, but every time he pulled away or dodged the hands. It was a strange thing but Archie didn’t seem to have the same problem with me. He snuggled up against me like a kitten, finding a spot under my arm and staying there. He smiled up at me while we sang and I felt a moment of alarm. This could not be good.
We walked out together after Glee, Dave trailing after us and I asked Archie. “So how old are you? I mean, you don’t look old enough to be a senior.” Subtle Lambert, but I was not going to encourage a crush from an under-aged boy.
Archie, still tucked up next to me, looked up. “I’ll be eighteen in December.” He smiled. “You’d better be at my party.”
I took a deep breath. I had to head this off at the pass. “Wow. So you’re seventeen, huh?” I am a mathematics genius, go figure.
He nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, my parents have promised me a car for my birthday. I can’t wait.” He was so precious that I wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and keep him safe from the evil world out there forever.
“So, can I come to your party too?” Dave was hanging over my shoulder, one arm draped around my neck and grinning down at Archie.
His smile dimmed and he stammered, “Oh. Yes, of course. All the Glee members will be invited. I think Kris and his girlfriend will be there too.”
Girlfriend? It appeared I had misinterpreted a whole lot about Kris. I had been sure he was gay. Obviously my gaydar was seriously out of whack.
“Cool.” Dave was acting like a puppy desperate for attention and I was bewildered. Obviously this boy was affecting him in some way and I was intrigued. As far as I knew, my step-brother was as straight as a ruler. School might be fun after all.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Five:
I have no idea how shit happens to me all the fucking time. I got a letter from Archie in class today telling me he likes me. Oh God. I am a pedophile. Dave saw the letter and now he’s not talking to me. He thinks I’m a pedophile too. I didn’t do anything! Besides, he’s a kid, hormonal and emotional and this is going to go away. Right?
On a more research-y note, I was talking to Alli, who told me that the club the kids all go to every weekend is called, “The Cage”. We’ve made a date for tonight. Apparently Friday night is the time to be seen. I hope I can get enough ammo to give to Simon so that I can escape the hell that is High School Redux.
“So, I hear you’re going to “The Cage” tonight with Alli?” Archie appeared at my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I had no idea what had prompted this crush but I was really uncomfortable. And he was totally my type, except for the illegal-you-could-get-put-in-jail part.
“Yeah.” I replied. “I want to see what all the hype is about.”
Archie looked up at me. “Can I come too?” Hopeful brown puppy-dog eyes gazed at me and stronger men than I would have been able to refuse him.
“Sure. I’ll fetch you at nine?” He smiled brightly and headed off to his next class.
“You are such an asshole.” Dave’s voice was vicious and I turned to him in surprise.
“Oh, excuse me, you’re talking to me again?” I was irritated with the holier-than-thou attitude I’d been treated to last night. I wasn’t responsible for how Archie felt about me.
“You’re leading him on.” Dave accused and I rolled my eyes. “You’re letting him think you’re interested.”
I glared at him. “Maybe I am. And in a few months I can do something about it.” I was feeling mean. “What’s it got to do with you?”
“You’re too old for him.” Dave fired back.
I laughed. “Again, what’s it got to do with you?”
Dave dropped his gaze and shrugged. “I like him. He seems like a cool kid.”
“He’s safe from my evil clutches, dickhead. I like him too, he’s a sweetheart.” I was annoyed with Dave, because what did he fucking think I was going to do to the kid? Debauch him and desert him? “What’s with you anyway?” My curiosity was aroused. My brother was awfully protective of a boy he’d only met yesterday.
Dave sighed. “I like him,” he repeated and looked me dead in the eye.
“What do you…oh. Oh.” I stared back. “I didn’t know that you were…um…” I was drowning here. In the middle of a high school hallway I was learning something about my brother that I never would have believed. Certainly never suspected.
“Neither did I,” he told me, face miserable and mouth drooping.
I reached out and pulled him close, fuck whoever saw us, held him tight and his arms went around my waist as he buried his face in my shoulder. “Sorry. I have been an asshole.” I whispered into scruffy hair.
“Yeah, that’s okay. I just saw him yesterday and…” Dave stepped back, eyes a little red. “It hit me like a brick in between the eyes. It was like, oh, there you are, I’ve been waiting for you.”
I smiled at him. “So that’s why all the girlfriends have never worked out.”
Dave shrugged. “Looks like it.” We started walking to class and he said, “Now what do I do?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Wait until December for one, work on making him your friend for another.”
“He hates me.” Dave grumbled and I started laughing.
“Could you sound more like a teenaged girl?” He tackled me and knuckled me in my arm. I yelped and ran and he chased me down the hallway, threatening me with murder and the calls of various students followed us.
The Cage was a scary place. It didn’t strike me as somewhere school kids should hang around but they were there in their masses. We pulled up in my junker and looked at the warehouse where strobe lighting pierced through the ceiling and sank neon knives into the night sky.
Alli had called shotgun and that left my two Davids in the back seat. They had been silent for the first few minutes and then I had smiled to myself when I heard them whispering to each other and then start talking animatedly. I didn’t eavesdrop. Dave had to do his own spade work.
“This is not what I was expecting.” I declared as we stood at the door and looked up.
The door opened and a large guy stepped out. “We’re full,” he told us.
I opened my mouth to protest but Dave shouldered me out of the way. “We’re friends of Danny and Mike. They’re expecting us. Tell them Cook is here.”
The bouncer looked down at us. Perhaps I should have worn something a little less conservative. “Wait here.” He disappeared inside and we all looked at each other. A few minutes later he came back out again and motioned for us to enter.
The bass hit me first like a gut shot. I almost lost my breath. Then the writhing bodies and strobe lights took my attention. I stood there. When I had been growing up, there had been nothing like this. Of course, I had been the least popular person at school so there could have been, but this…this was a revelation.
I looked at the band on the stage, Goth rock and punk leather and I felt a sonic boom reverberate in my chest. This. This. This was what I was meant for. Twenty-seven years old and I had found my calling. I turned to look at Dave who was looking down at Archie. His mouth was open and astonished and I could see my brother fighting the temptation to haul him close and keep him there.
Alli was bouncing on her feet and grinning. “Oh. My. God. This is like the most seriously un-fucking-believable thing ever!” And she was gone. Spear piercing the mass of flesh and vanishing into the dark.
Dave tapped my shoulder. “This is intense.”
I nodded absently, eyes riveted on the lead singer who was decked out in PVC and leather and feathers, with black nail polish, eyes rimmed with kohl and bright red lips. “Yeah.”
“Adam?” Archie stood next to me, sort of sandwiched between Dave and I.
I looked down at him. His eyes were wide and nervous. “What’s up, Archie?”
“I don’t really like this kind of thing. I mean, my gosh…these people are sort of scary.” Archie’s voice trembled a bit and I looked at Dave who shrugged. Somehow, this place didn’t scare me. For the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. “Adam.” Archie persisted and I felt impatient and uncharacteristically wanted to shake him off and move on.
“I’ll look after him, bro. You go do your thing.” Dave spoke into my ear and I could see that he understood my impatience, my need to move. “Go.” He could see that I was feeling this strange and wonderful place right down into the depths of my soul. I nodded my thanks and moved towards the band.
When I got there, in front of the stage and looked up, I realized that the lead singer was actually Kris, our teacher. Something stirred in me, hot and wicked and full as I stared at him. He caught my gaze and his eyes widened briefly and then stayed on me, watchful, hungry. I stood there. Still and caught by the blaze in his eyes.
They finished their set and called a break. Kris hopped off the stage and came towards me, bottle of water in hand. Up close, he was even more gorgeous and I felt my breath stutter.
He smiled, slow and dangerous and commented, “I’m surprised to see someone like you at a place like this, Adam.”
I felt insulted, although it wasn’t really surprising that he thought of me like that. I was a bit of a standout here among the sea of black and gray in my chinos and cardigan. I suddenly wanted to be dressed in leather and PVC and wearing eyeliner and being fierce. The thought made me a little terrified, but in a good way.
“I came with some friends.” I waved towards the back of the club where Dave and Archie were huddled in one corner, talking earnestly. “We heard about this place and wanted to see what it was all about.”
His red mouth curved again and I found myself mesmerized by the full lower lip that just begged to be kissed and nipped and …
“…should go.” I had missed a conversation.
“Pardon me. I couldn’t hear you.” Acceptable excuse in this place right? His smirk told me otherwise.
He leaned close, spoke into my ear, “I said, Archie doesn’t look happy, you should go.” His face was so close to mine, breath warm against my cheek. If I turned just a little… Then he stepped back and smiled at a petite blond woman who came up to us. “Hi, honey.” She was adorable with perfect skin and perfect hair and I hated her on sight.
“It is a mad house in the ladies rest room,” she informed us, laughing.
Kris motioned to me. “Katy, this is one of my students, Adam. He’s transferred in from California and has also joined Glee Club.”
She held out her hand and I shook it sullenly, into the whole teenager act. “You look normal at least, unlike this freak of mine here!”
She hugged Kris and he grinned. “I don’t think she knew what she was getting when she started going out with me.” I controlled the gag reflex. He might look like hard rock but he was really soft marshmallow. Talk about false advertising. Oh dear lord, the inner bitch was out in full force. I needed to get away from him.
“I’m going to go join Dave and Archie.” I smiled briefly and insincerely at Katy. “Nice to meet you.” I glanced over at Kris who was frowning a little at me. “See you in class on Monday, Mr. Allen.” Yeah, he got that I wasn’t being nice. I fled back to my posse.
Archie was cuddled up to Dave but as soon as he saw me, he rushed to my side and fastened himself there like a limpet. Dave glared at me and I raised my eyebrows at him. This wasn’t my fault. Just then, Danny and Mike came over with a giggling Allison and I saw that she had been drinking. I wanted to say something cutting to the two jocks but couldn’t breathe I was so angry.
Dave did the talking for us. “Assholes, she’s sixteen. She shouldn’t be drinking. None of you should!”
Danny smirked a bit and replied, “It’s just a little beer, dude, won’t do her any harm.” The lack of concern in his expression sent my blood boiling and I stepped forward. Dave put an arm on my shoulder, held me back. Alli chose that moment to turn green and flee for the rest room. Danny started laughing and I lost it. I had never hit anyone in anger in my whole life, but I made a fist and let fly and Danny hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Mike stopped laughing and turned to me aggressively, fists up and was met by both Dave and I ready to fight.
He stopped, looked at us. Maybe he was a better person than Danny because he just bent down and helped his friend up. Danny glared at me, nose gushing blood. “You bwoke by dose!” He accused.
I shrugged. “Take it as payback for giving me a concussion and a split lip.” I waited, hand throbbing, but ready, and Mike just murmured something to Danny and half dragged, half carried him out of the club.
Megan came out of the ladies room with a pale and shaky Allison. “I think our little friend has had enough fun for the night,” she told us and I nodded. I picked Allison up; she weighed hardly more than a feather and headed for the door.
“Everything alright here?” Kris was at my elbow and I looked down at him.
“All under control.” I assured him and continued on my way, Dave and Archie at my heels.
The night air was cool and the noise from the club was muted. I carefully deposited Alli in the back seat and strapped her in. Dave jumped in next to her and Archie got into the front seat, next to me. I only realized then that Kris was still with us.
“You’d better not take her home in that condition. Follow me to my place and she can sober up a bit before you head home.” Without waiting for our agreement he went to his car, a Mustang, and flashed his lights.
I looked back at Dave, who shrugged. “Don’t ask me. Follow the teach,” he instructed. So I gritted my teeth and obeyed. I wanted to moan about being a grown-up but of course, to Kris, I wasn’t. I was a stupid kid who had allowed his friend to do a stupid kid thing.
Kris pulled up in the driveway of a small house, white picket fence included, of fucking course, and ushered us inside. Allison was awake and mumbling and Kris poured her some water and gave her a couple of aspirin and she obediently swallowed them. Archie sat with me on the sofa, pressed up against me and I could feel Dave glaring holes in my head. Honestly, I was not responsible for anyone’s actions but my own and this was getting a little annoying.
I jumped up and went to crouch by Alli, brushing her hair back. “Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?”
She looked at me through her bangs, eyes bleary. “Don’t feel so good, but the room isn’t spinning anymore so that’s a plus.”
I grinned, relieved. “Glad to hear it.” I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Kris.
“She should be okay. It looks like she didn’t have too much.” He told Alli, “Now you know why you should wait until you’re twenty one to drink, Miss Alli.” Her weak smile was his reward.
“Don’t worry, Kris, I won’t be drinking ever again.” Her fervent statement made me laugh. That promise would not last long.
“Okay, hon, let’s get you home.” I held out a hand and helped her to her feet. She swayed a bit and subsided against me as I glanced at Kris. “Thanks, Mr. Allen, I appreciate the assist.”
His face went a bit dark and he replied, “It’s Kris.” I felt a little shiver of pleasure. He wasn’t completely immune to me. That was good to know. I filed it away to think about later.
“Sorry. Kris.” I was being a bit mean, but he had a girlfriend so all arguments were invalid. He was not batting for my team. I felt entitled to sulk for a while.
I think he bared his teeth at me. Dave and Archie followed us back out of the house and we said our goodbyes and headed out. Alli was almost sober by the time they reached her house. She waved us goodbye from her door and we drove off.
Dave asked, “Do you want to go and get a burger or something? It’s still pretty early.” I looked over at Archie, who nodded enthusiastically.
“I-hop or Burger King?” I asked.
“There’s a really nice diner just down the road. They make the best burgers in town.” Archie offered and I grinned.
“The diner it is then,” and followed Archie’s instructions. The diner was an old-fashioned chrome and paint place with plastic booths and bright red bar stools hunkered up by the counter. The disinterested waitress looked about a hundred years old and placed menus in front of us. We all ordered burgers with the works and sodas. I was delighted to see the old-fashioned soda fountain perched on the corner of the service counter and in the furthest part of the diner was a real juke box. I held out a hand to Dave who handed me some coins and I went over to make my selection. Soon “We Will Rock You” by Queen was blaring and the three of us were sitting in our booth, grinning at each other and singing along.
“I think I need a make-over.” I declared and Dave looked at me, headed tilted slightly in question. “Tonight, when I saw that band, heard that music, tonight, it all made sense to me.”
Dave asked, “What do you need from me?”
I smiled, no questions from my brother, just immediate help offered. “You need to take me to shops where I can find the clothes and shoes and the rest of the stuff.”
Archie piped up, “But that’s so different from how you look, Adam. Are you sure you should make such a drastic change?”
I looked at his earnest face. “Yeah. I’ve been hiding for too long, Archie. It’s time for me to become who I was meant to be. I have found my place.” Dave and I exchanged a look and my brother just blinked and smiled. He was on board.
“So, we go shopping tomorrow?” Dave asked. He hated it but was prepared to sacrifice for me. I nodded.
“Can I come too?” Archie asked and I froze. How was I going to explain to this kid why I had credit cards and money and…oh, right, I was rich thanks to Dave’s stories about me.
“Sure, Archie. I hope you don’t get bored though.” He shook his head vigorously.
“No! I mean, I think it would be fun.”
“Yeah, fun, like pulling teeth.” Dave muttered but he grinned at me to let me know he was joking. We finished eating and took Archie home.
“He’s a cool kid.” I told Dave who nodded and sighed.
“Kid being the operative word, bro. No matter how awesome I think he is, he’s eight years younger than me and still legally unavailable.” Dave sounded despondent. It wasn’t the brother I knew.
“It’s only a few months and then he’s legal and you can make your move. He’s not exactly straight, not with the way he hangs on me.” Archie frustrated me. I wasn’t interested, but wasn’t sure how to get that across without hurting those terribly fragile feelings. “He’s going to have a tough time dealing with his sexuality. In this part of the world being gay is hard. Ask me, I know. And as for you, your whole life is going to change.” I glanced over at him, slumped against the car seat. “You’ve been straight all your life and now you’ve fallen for a boy. It’s gonna be an uphill battle for you, bro.”
Dave groaned, “I hate that we have to be in these boxes.” He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and sighed. “I just wanted to help you get your job done because you were so fucking useless at school and what happens? I turn gay.”
I started laughing. “You’re such an asshole. You don’t turn gay, dickhead. You just found out that sexuality is fluid and that you find people of both sexes attractive. It makes you bi-sexual. Not gay.”
Dave mumbled, “Still, going back to school to find out something like that after twenty six years on this earth is a little terrifying. Also, it’s sort of embarrassing, not knowing stuff about myself, you know?”
“Yeah, but you’ve got me. I’ve been through it all already.” I patted his knee.
“And you’ve got me to help you turn into the coolest rocker type dude so that you can convince your hot as fuck teacher that he’s actually in lust with you.” Dave grinned slyly at me.
I stopped the car outside our apartment and turned to him. “I am not changing my look just to get into his pants.”
Dave shrugged and opened the door. “Whatever. You carry on telling yourself that you don’t have a hard-on for the guy and I’ll carry on believing that the moon landing was a hoax.” I shoved at him and the two of us wrestled our way inside. Matt shouted at us to shut up.
Saturday dawned bright and shiny and Archie called, begging off due to a family ‘thing’. I was both guilty and relieved as Dave and I set out for Los Angeles. The clothes I was looking for would not be found in Compton, we needed the big city. I drove and Dave put his seat back and slept the whole way. I spent far too much time in my own head, thinking about Kris and my new image and what the reaction would be to it all.
We stopped at Tomatino for the first leg of my transformation. The head stylist, a cute, thin guy with a shock of platinum hair and a black fringe called, unsurprisingly, Tommy, guided me to my seat and promised that I was in good hands. I told him that I wanted to look different.
Dave said, “Make him look like a cross between Pete Wentz and Gerard Way meets Edward Cullen from Twilight.” I stared at him in horror. “Trust me, bro, I know what I’m talking about.”
Tommy grinned, a baring of teeth that made me think of a wolf, and me being a rabbit. “Gotcha,” he replied and sent me to the basin to have my hair washed.
Three hours later, we staggered out, manicured, pedicured, made up and done up to the nines. Tommy had instructed his pretty little assistant to deal with Dave and I had received his undivided attention. My nails were painted black; I had eyeliner and mascara to match and my hair… I resembled an anime character; my hair was gelled into a shock of spikes, dyed black and dusted with electric blue streaks. I looked…fuck…I looked amazing.
Now I needed to get the clothes to match my hair and face and grow the attitude and cajones to pull it off. Dave promised that he would spend the weekend teaching me how to act how I looked.
Cue the montage…We hit every men’s clothing store in town, and some of the ladies stores as well. Dave sat and watched me trying on outfits like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, only I wasn’t a hooker, I was gay. I bought leather and metal and silk and cotton and denim in every shade of black and blue and purple and even a little plaid. Trust me, it worked, especially with the skin-tight girl jeans that Dave made me buy. And the tight black vest to wear under it. I was in heaven and until this day, I hadn’t known what I was missing.
It was at the shoe store that Dave said, “I think we have found your calling, dude. You were born to shop.”
I stood there in my brand new black boots, hands full of shoes and said, “You know something, you’re totally right.” We grinned at each other, completely in sync.
So, by the end of the day, I was kitted out like a rock star, clothes, accessories, shoes, product, everything Dave could think of and a few things that occurred to him while we were shopping. I was also completely broke and my credit card was maxed out like a motherfucker but I looked unbelievable. I kept looking at myself in passing windows in shock.
We headed back to Compton, talking all the way, Dave about what to do now that he had discovered that Archie had accidentally triggered his gay and me about how to activate the gorgeous Kris Allen’s latent love for me. I had a feeling that there was already an attraction. I was hoping. Desperately.
“But he has a girlfriend,” I whined and Dave shot me a glare.
“So what? I’ve had a bunch of girlfriends and didn’t stop me from falling fast and hard for Archie.”
I mumbled, “You’re a man-whore, though.”
“I heard that.” Dave reached over and dug a finger into my side. I was extremely ticklish and arched my body away from the tormenting digit and nearly drove into the ditch at the side of the road.
“Fuck off, Cook!” I yelped, “You’re going to get us killed!”
Dave pointed at me. “I am your mentor, your guru, your guide to being cool. Best you be nice, big brother.”
I grinned at him and he grinned back. “You’re still a man-whore.”
“Better than being a virgin,” he retorted and then I nearly drove off the road again trying to get at him.
Sunday was a day from hell for me. Dave was a slave driver. He made me listen to Bowie, Queen, Iggy Pop and every glam rocker who ever lived and then made me sing their songs. Matt added his two cents in, playing some of the songs on his portable keyboard, teaching me the rhythms and flows of the tunes and I found out that I actually liked that style of music. I could totally hit some of those crazy notes. Just call me Glambert.
Then they showed me some of the performance videos on the net and I was blown away. If I could pull this off then the career I had been hankering after my whole life would be a reality. I could feel it. My niche, twenty seven years down the road, was in a decade before I was born. Who would have thought?
Dave made me strut and slink and perform in my new clothes until he was satisfied with how I looked, how I spoke, how I moved. Then, at around ten pm that night he declared, “You are going to be the fiercest bitch who ever walked those school halls. And your pretty teacher is going to fucking freak out when he sees you.”
I looked over at them, we were all sprawled out on the sofa in the living room, beers in hand, and exhausted. “I’m not doing this to get that guy, you know.”
Matt’s mouth tipped up in a smirk. “You keep telling yourself that, Barbra. I know the truth.” Dave snorted into his bottle and I kicked out at him with a pointy-toed boot.
He yelped as it connected with his ankle. “First and foremost, I am doing this for myself. With this make-over, I’ll be able to portray the image of a musician and then maybe I can move out of producing music and actually performing it.” I raised a second finger. “Secondly, I want to be more assertive, more confident and this look, fuck, it makes me a rock star and no one is going to mess with that.” He opened his mouth and I wagged a third finger at him. “Third, I look fucking amazing and maybe that will get me the man of my dreams.”
Dave tipped his beer at me in salute. “I like those reasons. I always thought you had potential, but you’ve spent all your life hiding behind your weight and your hair and your freckles. You never allowed yourself to see all your possibilities.” He smiled, genuine and warm. “I’m very proud to call you my brother, always have been, but now, at least you match the hotness that is me.”
I laughed, drinking the last of the now flat ale. “If I can pull this off tomorrow, then, yeah, I’ll be as cool as you.”
Dave shook his head. “Big bro, you may be hot now, but face it, you’ll never be as cool as me.”
“Yeah, you’re right. No one could ever be as cool as you, Dave, even if you do have a really big head. In real life, I mean, your head is rather large. For a human head.” I put my bottle down and ran, laughing my ass off as he chased me through the apartment. Matt finished both our beers.
Part 2 here! http://community.livejournal.com/reel_idol/6249.html
Movie: Never Been Kissed
Pairing: Kradam with a little Cookleta
Rating: PG-13 just cause of the swearing
Music: If I Had You - Adam Lambert
Words: around 20,000
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, even though the people are real, this never happened, only in the sad little cesspool of my mind.
Notes: When I started this, it was only going to be about 5000 words. Adam had other ideas. Please, suspend your belief - try imagining Adam as that pudgy teenager we've all read about, try to imagine him not ending up in the theater...where would he have gone? Thanks to condancer for going through it for me, even though she was heading out the door on holiday. I luh you bb! All mistakes my own as usual
“You can’t be serious!” I stared at Anoop. Simon Cowell, the label owner was waving his hands enthusiastically in the air.
The label manager of Cowell Records, my immediate boss, shook his head, helpless, and Simon replied, “I think it is a brilliant idea. We’ve all lost track of what the kids of today are listening to. We need to be out there in the trenches, talking to them, finding out what they want and where the industry is heading.”
I was pale and shaking. “But sending me undercover to a school disguised as a student? Isn’t that a little extreme? Can’t we just...” my hands flailed. “I don’t know, take a survey or something?”
Simon shook his head. “No, because people lie on things like that. It’s like that American Idol show, they all think they can sing but perhaps five of them are actually capable of actually holding a tune.”
I frowned, struggling to follow the logic. “Simon, surely taking a core group of kids and asking them what they listen to and what they want to hear more of…”
He held up an imperious hand. “I have made up my mind. You will have to do it unless you think you can’t, Lambert, in which case you will have to look for another job…”
I felt my shoulders slump. “No. I’ll do it.”
“Good.” And he was gone. Like the ill-wind that blew no good. I looked over at Anoop, helplessly.
“This is not a good thing. I have very bad memories of high school. I was never the cool guy.”
Anoop raised an eyebrow. “As opposed to how popular you are now?” I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him.
“I am twenty-seven years old. I don’t know if I can pass for a teenager.” I was desperate.
“You look like an eighteen year old with no make-up on and you have those freckles and bad skin and let’s be honest; you’re a bit overweight which always makes a person look younger.” Anoop's logical tone was setting my teeth on edge.
“Thank you very much for that physical dissection.” I growled and my boss shrugged.
Matt came skidding into the office. “Dude, I heard you’re gonna be an undercover brother?”
Good news sure traveled fast it seemed and I nodded. “Yeah, going back to school. To find out what the kids of today really want from their music.”
My best friend since kindergarten pulled a face. “You were so great at high school.”
I pointed a finger at Anoop. “I am just going on the record as saying that this is going to end in disaster. Simon is not the all-powerful Oz and not every idea that flits through his brain is a good one.” On that parting note, I spun on my heel and hooked my sleeve in the door handle, ruining it and my grand exit. Fuck.
That night, I was having dinner with my step-brother, David, who had never had a problem with popularity in school. He thought the whole idea was hilarious and brilliant.
I watched the food roiling in his mouth with fascination while he talked. “Man, if I could go back to school I would totally study and ace all my tests and get that football scholarship.”
I stared at him, astonished. “You hate football.”
He shrugged. “But then I could go to college and study music and get that break. Like you.” We were both theater kids, it was all we knew. My mother and David’s father, both amateur actors, had met when I was five and had been together ever since.
“I haven’t had a break yet, Dave. I work for a record label. I am a lowly executive on the food chain with no power at all. There is nothing ‘break’-y about my job.” It galled me that I hadn’t lived my dreams either.
“So, take this chance and make the most of it.” Dave told me. “Don’t be the loser this time, Adam.”
When I showered that night, I thought about his advice and wondered if it would be possible. My memories of high school were traumatic to say the least. Strawberry blond hair, pudgy, freckly and with bad skin, I had been a walking wet dream for every cruel taunt possible. And then there was the fact that I was gay and mostly closeted about it. That made everything even worse. Small town America is not okay with homosexuality no matter what the posters say. It had been a nightmare that I really didn’t want to relive now that I was an adult and in control of my own destiny. Right. Me, in control. I even mocked myself in my mind!
I dried myself off and looked in the mirror, even though my hair was now dyed brown, the fat still fought to hold its place around my waist and the dreaded freckles mapped every inch of my skin. Even the break outs hadn’t gone away completely. I was the unluckiest adult on the planet.
I rested my hip against the sink and thought about the worst night of my school career, perhaps even my life, it had certainly scarred me. It was prom night and I hadn’t planned on going. I mean, I had girl friends, all members of our Glee Club, but they had dates and I wasn’t going to go stag. That would be worse than going with my cousin, Juanita, which my mother had tried to encourage.
I had a crush on the cutest boy in school, Micah Brand. All the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be him. You know, one of those perfect boys that only ever exist when you’re a teenager and the world still has promise?
Matt had come running to me and told me that Micah was going to ask me to the prom. Seriously. What had I been thinking? That the most popular boy in the entire state of Arkansas was interested in a big, fat, freckly Jew? That I had awoken his gay? But I was young and stupid and in lust so I had said yes when he came to ask me.
The night of the prom I waited for him to show, dressed in a tuxedo and was both excited and terrified at literally coming out to everyone. I mean, they already knew, but this would be official. Micah didn’t show. He went with Wendy Lutin, the head of the cheerleaders and they were voted King and Queen of the Prom, of course. I waited for him until ten that night, then my mother came and pulled me inside and I sobbed myself to sleep.
So yes, going back to high school wasn’t something I was looking forward to.
My ‘father’, Simon Cowell, had registered me at Compton High that day. The small part of me that wasn’t stone cold terrified was highly entertained at being the big boss’ ‘son’. It was the closest high school to where Dave, Matt and I lived, about an hour out of LA. Large enough for me to blend in easily but small enough for me to become a part of the school life quickly.
When I pulled up in my battered and belching Ford Cortina, everyone stared at me. My stomach clenched with nerves as I relived those last unhappy years. New boy in school syndrome hadn’t changed in ten years. I walked up the steps and into the school, the halls washing me with instant memory. Most of them awful. I stopped and stared around, spotting the high school usual suspects, the pretty girls, the jocks, the brainiacs and the misfits.
“Oh, sorry.” A rough velvet voice apologized for bumping into me and I looked down into bright eyes partially covered by fire red hair.
I smiled down at the girl. “That’s okay. I was kinda standing here like a statue. Not your fault.”
She grinned and held out a hand. “Allison Iraheta. Glee Club Captain. You’re new?”
We shook hands and I nodded. “Adam Lambert. Noob.” We smiled at each other for a moment.
She asked, “Do you want me to show you to the secretary’s office?”
I nodded gratefully, “That would be very nice of you. Thank you.” She looked a bit surprised and I reminded myself to use more slang. Kids didn’t speak English too well these days. Too good. Ugh.
She led me down a maze of corridors full of hundreds of teenagers. At the door to the principal’s office she left me with an invitation. “Glee Club is practicing this afternoon. You’re welcome to come. Even if you don’t sing, we’re always looking for people to help with music or costumes or…” She trailed off and looked at me.
“I can sing. A little.” I admitted and her smile grew big and delighted.
“Awesome! Meet me here at two thirty and we can go together. Then you won’t feel weird.” I grinned back at her, watched her head off down the hall and felt myself relax a little. Perhaps this wouldn’t be the disaster of the century after all. I turned to go into the office and the door slammed open and I bounced off it like a ball, tumbling to the floor.
“Oh God, are you okay?” I opened my eyes and looked up into warm brown eyes. And fell in love.
“Um…” I lay there, beached whale fat and mumbled, gazing up at the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life. He crouched down next to me and reached down, grabbed my hand and pulled me up into a sitting position.
“Hey.” He held up two fingers. “How many fingers?” His voice was hot silk and I was stunned into silence. An occurrence that many of my friends would celebrate.
“T…two…” It sounded like I was talking through razor blades and he grinned, relieved.
“Thank God. Not good killing someone with a door.” He changed his grip and shook my hand. “Kris Allen, music teacher.”
“Adam…uh…Lambert.” I returned his hand shake and then remembered my cover. “New student.”
His face fell and he drew back. “Oh.” He sat back on his heels and then got to his feet, hauling me up. He was little, but strong and I towered over him. “Welcome to Compton High, Adam.”
His smile was more reserved and suddenly all I wanted was to make him smile again. “I’ve met a girl, Allison. She told me to join the Glee Club. Are you the teacher in charge?”
The grin emerged again. “Yep, that’s my baby girl. Alli is our little star. Do you sing?”
I nodded. “A bit. I was always a Glee Club member at school.” He looked confused at my odd phrasing. “I mean, at my last school. I was a member. Of Glee Club.” I face palmed mentally because I sounded like I had a brain deficiency or a speech impediment or both, and I wanted to impress this beautiful man quite desperately.
“That’s …uh…good to know.” He started walking away and turned back suddenly. “I’ll see you later at Glee?”
My nodding was more vigorous. I probably looked like I had a disease since I carried on nodding, long after he turned the corner and disappeared. Fuck.
The principal was pleasant, the secretary more so and I quickly had my class assignments and was heading for biology. It had to be easier than when I did it first time around. Right?
Of course it was.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day One:
Is it okay to kill children these days? I mean, could I plead justifiable homicide? I’m sure there’s some handbook given out to bullies everywhere.
And since I am all ‘back to the future only it’s the past’, I will take this moment to state categorically that I hate kids and I would rather have my nuts cut off than breed. Okay? Remind me of this day when I talk about having children.
It was excruciating and humiliating how quickly I fell back into the patterns of my formative years. The football jocks picked up on my oddness and by lunchtime I was covered in chocolate milk and slaw. My neatly pressed chinos would never be the same. And my cardigan was a lost cause.
The only bright spot in that unbearable day was when school ended and I was collected by Allison at the principal’s office and guided to the haven of Glee Club. When we got there, I searched for the pretty face I had collided with earlier and felt something in me ease when I saw Kris Allen, music teacher, talking to a slim, blond girl with a ridiculous tattoo running the length of her arm. Kids were allowed to have tattoos now? I was so out of the loop!
“Teach! I brought fresh meat!” Allison bellowed and everyone spun around to look at us. I waved tentatively and followed Allison to the stage.
“Well done, my young apprentice. You have grown in the ways of the Glee Force.” Kris intoned and they shared a grin. He smiled at me. “Hello again, Adam.”
My throat closed and I lost the power of speech. If he bottled the charm of that smile he could…rule the world or some shit like that, because it was potent. I cleared my throat. Or maybe that was only me. “Hi.” I croaked.
Kris turned to the rest of the group. “Guys, this is Adam Lambert. He’s new in school and he says that he can sing a little,” the grin grew wicked. “Shall we give him a real Glee Club welcome?” They all clapped and yelled ‘yes’ and Kris shouted at the guy behind the piano, “Hit it Scott!”
The rocking beat of “Don’t Stop Believing” started and the kids all sang along. Kris grasped my shoulder and it was all I could do not to whimper. “C’mon Adam, this is like a Glee Club standard. You have to sing too!” So I did. And for the first time in almost eight years I let my voice free.
“Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin', yeah”
Then I realized that everyone else had stopped singing and was staring at me. “Sorry. I haven’t done that in a while. I must be a bit rusty.” I stammered.
Kris looked at me in disbelief. “Fuck. Sorry kids. But seriously, fuck. Who has a voice like that?”
I felt myself flush. I wasn’t sure what he meant, was it good? Bad? Get the fuck out of Glee? “Sorry?” I apologized again and Kris just shook his head.
“That was fuckin’ awesome dude? You have like the voice of a fuckin’ angel!” Allison was practically bouncing off the floor and her smile stretched wide over her face. I felt my shoulders relax as the rest of the kids surrounded me, chattering and asking me questions. I peeked over at Kris. He was standing at the piano, handing the musician a white stick and …oh my God, was he blind?
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Two:
I can safely say that being around teenagers drops one’s intelligence quotient by a good few hundred points. My vocabulary is already suffering under the onslaught of ‘like’ and ‘dude’ and ‘totally’. I may never recover. I might have to go back to college after this for a refresher course in how to speak English.
Oh, and high school jocks? Still the most hideous people to walk the halls, apart from the cheerleaders. They take lessons in insults and jibes and making people feel inferior. I am a fucking grown-ass man. I need to get over myself.
Day two started well enough. No food accidents or walking into doors or anything remotely embarrassing. Good times. Then it was time for Music and I walked in there with my heart about beating itself out of my chest because I was seriously crushing so fucking hard on Kris and I was a student so he wouldn’t (couldn’t) look at me in that way and I might just die from all the teenage angst in my twenty-seven year old body. God help me.
Of course, Danny, football captain and all around asshole (we’d met), stuck his foot out and tripped me and I went down face first, ramming into a desk and seeing the starry heavens. Then I tasted the sticky iron of blood and remembered that I had an alarming tendency to pass out when I saw…
I woke up in the nurse’s office with an icepack on my head and a throbbing pain in my lip. I opened my eyes and looked around and of course, Kris was sitting there, brown eyes worried, mouth tight and hard.
“Thank God. You’re awake at last. How do you feel?” He was anxious, concerned and I melted a little. He was just all sorts of adorable.
“My mouf ith thore.” Shit. I’d split my lip. Kris smiled in relief. I tried to smile back but yelped when the pain stabbed through me.
“Danny has detention for about a year.” Kris informed me.
I shook my head, fucking balls, that hurt. “Nao. Doan do dat. Ill on’y make fings worse.” I prayed he could understand my garbled panic. When he smiled and nodded, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Okay, but he’s gonna have to do the time today. What he did wasn’t cool.” He reached out a hand and repositioned the icepack. “Try get a little rest. You took a hell of a knock to your head,” he told me.
“My head ith pwetty tuth.” I replied and this time I think my eyes actually rolled in irritation.
Kris grinned, mouth quirked up at the side. “I’m gonna let you chill here for a bit and then, I’ll drive you home, okay? You might have a concussion and shouldn’t be driving.”
I think that’s when the hyperventilating started.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Three:
Is it possible to fall in love at first sight? I think I did. It’s been three days since I met Kris but all I can do is think about him. I even caught myself doodling his initials with a heart around them. Oh dear lord, save me from this regressed teenage crap.
When he drove me home, he wanted to make sure I got inside okay but I made up some stupid ass story now I think he thinks I come from an abused home. He’s the knight on the white charger type. I’m sure he was ready to come in with me and protect me from my evil family. That said, sigh. My foolish heart is smitten. And my mouth is fucking sore.
Before I forget, let me tell you about Archie….
Day three brought apologies (grudging) from Danny, admiration (sincere) from Allison and introductions (surprisingly) to David Archuleta, school heartthrob and Glee Club co-captain.
Oh my fucking God. Not only was Archie (seriously, how cute is that?) the most gorgeous little creature on the planet and I had disturbing visions of folding him up and putting him in my backpack, but he was nice. How was that possible? He actually sat and talked to me while we were sitting watching the girls wailing Janis Joplin’s “Cry Baby”. Pretty boys never really talked to guys like me.
“So, um, Adam, where did you transfer in from?” His voice was soft and sweet and he stared right at me as he talked, focused and sure. I couldn’t get over how amazing his skin was and those eyes… Just because I was on diet, didn’t mean I couldn’t look at the menu, right?
“I, uh…” I tried to remember what Simon had cataloged on my transfer. “I was in a private school in Los Angeles. It was run by the Church of Scientology.” I wanted to kick Simon right then.
David frowned. “Wow, gosh, I mean, that must have been tough. They have a lot of rules, don’t they?”
I nodded, cataloging my scant knowledge of Scientology mentally. “Yeah, it was, especially when I got sick and they wouldn’t let me have medicine.”
David’s face was crinkled with concern. “Oh my gosh, that’s terrible! I can see why you moved away from there.”
My agreement was tacit and we grinned at each other. He was so not the kind of guy that usually interested me but there was something innocent and just plain good about him that charmed me. We chatted about school and music and how godawful jocks were and how kick awesome Glee was and the afternoon sped by. I was a little in love with this lovely boy. I am fickle. Sue me.
“Adam.” Kris was standing in front of us, looking from one face to the other with a small crease in his brow.
“Oh hi, Mr. Allen.” I chirped because here, in this place, I was home and felt comfortable. It was the real world that kept cutting me down. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Please, call me Kris, everyone else does.” He still wasn’t smiling and I wondered why. “We want to try a new song and Alli suggested that you would be perfect for the lead vocal.”
I swallowed hard and shook my head. “No. Seriously, chorus is fine for me. I get stage fright and then I start coughing and then the world collapses into a black hole.”
My babbling had the effect of making my hot as hell teacher smile so I guess that it wasn’t a bad thing. “We’ll take care of you. I promise. Now, you and Archie need to come on down, I actually think it would work with the two of you singing it.”
I exchanged a look with David who smiled gently and stood up, offering a hand. I took it reluctantly and then was shaken when he didn’t let go and led me down to the stage. I was so surprised by him. He really didn’t seem the type. But I should know better, it’s always the quiet ones who take you aback.
Kris looked down at our joined hands and then passed us sheet music to “We Are the Champions”. We had to let go of each other’s hands but he stood close by me, tiny but sturdy body close. If I didn’t know better I would have thought that he was cuddling up to me, but I did. Know better I mean. Because that was impossible.
And then he started singing and I felt my heart stop. I just stared at him and he stopped singing and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I sound off-key?”
I shook my head. “You sounded amazing.” His smile was perfect and I turned into a little puddle of goo right there. Not that I had one sexual thought about him, okay, maybe a little one, but I just liked him. He made me want to be a better man. Dear God. Now I was quoting Jack Nicholson. The world was going to end.
All this time, Kris watched us, eyes dark, face expressionless and why I felt like I was cheating on him, I really didn’t know.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Four:
I am in serious shit now. Simon called wanting to know how the research was going. I told him that I was a member of the Glee Club and he told me that I was a complete loser and that if I didn’t get some useful information soon, he was going to pull the plug on the operation. Not saying I wouldn’t do the dance of joy if that happened, but it would probably be accompanied by him pulling the plug on my job, so I promised him results by the end of the week.
And in other news…God gave me Dave to test me. I swear. There are less than two years between us but seriously I am grateful that he’s not actually related to me in any way other than by marriage, which to be honest, is a fairly solid connection, but at least there are no shared genetics.
He decided that my terminal uncoolness needed a boost. Like him. So he enrolled himself in the same fucking school. I hate him. You want to know why? Because within an hour of his arrival, he was like the king of cool and everyone loved him. That’s why.
But at least I have Glee...
“So, Adam is like a celebrity among the Scientologists,” I overheard Dave talking to a group of large guys, one of whom was my nemesis, Danny. I ducked back behind the wall and eavesdropped. My step brother continued. “Like, Tom Cruise used to ask him to sing at every morning worship even though there are some pretty big names in that congregation.”
“How do you know all this stuff about Adam?” Big Mike, the other half of Danny asked suspiciously. Yeah, Dave, how do you know all this stuff about me? I thought nastily.
He was ready with an answer. “I used to go to the same school, but they kicked me out when I told a teacher that aliens weren’t real.” He laughed. “Adam was always better at pretending than me. You know, his mom is like a famous theater actress and his dad died and left him a shitload of money.”
“So why does he drive that crappy Ford then?” This time it was Danny asking.
He had a reply there too. “He doesn’t like to look like he’s bragging on his money. He’s sort of a modest guy, you know?” I was rolling my eyes and decided to announce my presence. When I walked around the corner, Dave caught my eye and grinned. “Adam! What a coincidence. We were just talking about you?”
“Really?” I drawled, wondering if the sarcasm was too blatant. Not that it would deter my brother.
“Yeah, I was just telling the guys about your time at the school in LA. You know, when you used to hang with Tom Cruise and shit?” He widened his eyes and stuck his chin forward, encouraging me to go along with the lie.
I shrugged. “I prefer not to remember that. It was a very tough time for me when I had to leave.” My acting skills were not that great so I decided to get away while I still could. “I’m heading to Glee Club, Dave, are you coming with?”
His new friends looked at him in horror. Glee was still the school equivalent of algae on rocks. “You like Glee Club?” Danny asked. He looked like he was debating whether to disown him from the Cool Kids Club. Only David Archuleta seemed to avoid the taint, but that was because he was an angel.
Dave nodded happily. “Yeah, I like that I can express my creative side on the stage and my physical side on the field.”
I muttered, “Of course, that leaves little time for your actual intellectual side for the classroom.” Dave grinned at me and I had to restrain myself from throwing my book bag at him.
“That’s what I have you for, buddy.” He slung an arm around my shoulder and we strolled off towards the auditorium.
“I hate you.” I hissed out the side of my mouth as we walked down the hall.
“I love you enough for both of us.” Dave whispered back and I started laughing.
The guys and girls were already there when I walked in with Dave and the singing stopped as they stared at us.
Alli was the first to speak. “Who’s the stud, Adam?”
“Dave, this is the Glee Club, guys, this is a friend of mine from my old school, Dave Cook.” I made the introductions and walked over to Kris who was busy with Scott at the piano. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought him with me. He’s an okay singer, even if he is a bit of a jerk.”
I smiled at Kris who gave a short smile in return. “No problem, Adam. We always welcome new members.” He turned back to Scott and just like that I was dismissed. I frowned down at the back of his head. This wasn’t the same guy who had been so nice to me on my first day here.
I felt a touch at my waist and turned to find Archie smiling at me. “Hi,” he said and his hand stayed there. Oh.
“Hey yourself,” I replied, bumping back at him and skillfully dislodging that small warm hand. Archie continued smiling and then the smile disappeared as Dave bounded up to us.
“Hey! I’m Dave Cook, Adam’s friend.” He held out a hand and Archie took it, appearing reluctant.
“Um, hi? I’m David too, Archuleta though. I mean my name…” And he subsided into a miserable silence, quickly letting go of Dave’s hand.
“That’s great.” He was trying to be friendly, but Archie had curled in on himself like a turtle and wasn’t coming out. I was surprised by another person’s odd behavior that afternoon. Archie didn’t like my brother. Everyone liked Dave. Everyone. “So, maybe so we don’t get confused, I’ll be Cook?” I was bemused. Dave was trying way too hard here. I took a quick glance at his face. Uh-oh.
“Do you want to go and practice our song?” Archie asked me without replying to Dave and I had the feeling that he was very seldom rude to anyone. Dave and I exchanged a look.
“Sure, Archie.” I followed him and we settled into the comfortable rhythm of music and lyrics. I watched Dave out of the corner of my eye. He was chatting to Megan, laughing and goofing off, but he kept glancing over at us. Kris was also trying not to look too interested in what we were doing. Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser as Alice would say.
Archie was not a touchy guy. I watched him with the girls and boys in the club. They all went out of their way to ruffle his hair or touch his arm or nudge him, but every time he pulled away or dodged the hands. It was a strange thing but Archie didn’t seem to have the same problem with me. He snuggled up against me like a kitten, finding a spot under my arm and staying there. He smiled up at me while we sang and I felt a moment of alarm. This could not be good.
We walked out together after Glee, Dave trailing after us and I asked Archie. “So how old are you? I mean, you don’t look old enough to be a senior.” Subtle Lambert, but I was not going to encourage a crush from an under-aged boy.
Archie, still tucked up next to me, looked up. “I’ll be eighteen in December.” He smiled. “You’d better be at my party.”
I took a deep breath. I had to head this off at the pass. “Wow. So you’re seventeen, huh?” I am a mathematics genius, go figure.
He nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, my parents have promised me a car for my birthday. I can’t wait.” He was so precious that I wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and keep him safe from the evil world out there forever.
“So, can I come to your party too?” Dave was hanging over my shoulder, one arm draped around my neck and grinning down at Archie.
His smile dimmed and he stammered, “Oh. Yes, of course. All the Glee members will be invited. I think Kris and his girlfriend will be there too.”
Girlfriend? It appeared I had misinterpreted a whole lot about Kris. I had been sure he was gay. Obviously my gaydar was seriously out of whack.
“Cool.” Dave was acting like a puppy desperate for attention and I was bewildered. Obviously this boy was affecting him in some way and I was intrigued. As far as I knew, my step-brother was as straight as a ruler. School might be fun after all.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Five:
I have no idea how shit happens to me all the fucking time. I got a letter from Archie in class today telling me he likes me. Oh God. I am a pedophile. Dave saw the letter and now he’s not talking to me. He thinks I’m a pedophile too. I didn’t do anything! Besides, he’s a kid, hormonal and emotional and this is going to go away. Right?
On a more research-y note, I was talking to Alli, who told me that the club the kids all go to every weekend is called, “The Cage”. We’ve made a date for tonight. Apparently Friday night is the time to be seen. I hope I can get enough ammo to give to Simon so that I can escape the hell that is High School Redux.
“So, I hear you’re going to “The Cage” tonight with Alli?” Archie appeared at my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I had no idea what had prompted this crush but I was really uncomfortable. And he was totally my type, except for the illegal-you-could-get-put-in-jail part.
“Yeah.” I replied. “I want to see what all the hype is about.”
Archie looked up at me. “Can I come too?” Hopeful brown puppy-dog eyes gazed at me and stronger men than I would have been able to refuse him.
“Sure. I’ll fetch you at nine?” He smiled brightly and headed off to his next class.
“You are such an asshole.” Dave’s voice was vicious and I turned to him in surprise.
“Oh, excuse me, you’re talking to me again?” I was irritated with the holier-than-thou attitude I’d been treated to last night. I wasn’t responsible for how Archie felt about me.
“You’re leading him on.” Dave accused and I rolled my eyes. “You’re letting him think you’re interested.”
I glared at him. “Maybe I am. And in a few months I can do something about it.” I was feeling mean. “What’s it got to do with you?”
“You’re too old for him.” Dave fired back.
I laughed. “Again, what’s it got to do with you?”
Dave dropped his gaze and shrugged. “I like him. He seems like a cool kid.”
“He’s safe from my evil clutches, dickhead. I like him too, he’s a sweetheart.” I was annoyed with Dave, because what did he fucking think I was going to do to the kid? Debauch him and desert him? “What’s with you anyway?” My curiosity was aroused. My brother was awfully protective of a boy he’d only met yesterday.
Dave sighed. “I like him,” he repeated and looked me dead in the eye.
“What do you…oh. Oh.” I stared back. “I didn’t know that you were…um…” I was drowning here. In the middle of a high school hallway I was learning something about my brother that I never would have believed. Certainly never suspected.
“Neither did I,” he told me, face miserable and mouth drooping.
I reached out and pulled him close, fuck whoever saw us, held him tight and his arms went around my waist as he buried his face in my shoulder. “Sorry. I have been an asshole.” I whispered into scruffy hair.
“Yeah, that’s okay. I just saw him yesterday and…” Dave stepped back, eyes a little red. “It hit me like a brick in between the eyes. It was like, oh, there you are, I’ve been waiting for you.”
I smiled at him. “So that’s why all the girlfriends have never worked out.”
Dave shrugged. “Looks like it.” We started walking to class and he said, “Now what do I do?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Wait until December for one, work on making him your friend for another.”
“He hates me.” Dave grumbled and I started laughing.
“Could you sound more like a teenaged girl?” He tackled me and knuckled me in my arm. I yelped and ran and he chased me down the hallway, threatening me with murder and the calls of various students followed us.
The Cage was a scary place. It didn’t strike me as somewhere school kids should hang around but they were there in their masses. We pulled up in my junker and looked at the warehouse where strobe lighting pierced through the ceiling and sank neon knives into the night sky.
Alli had called shotgun and that left my two Davids in the back seat. They had been silent for the first few minutes and then I had smiled to myself when I heard them whispering to each other and then start talking animatedly. I didn’t eavesdrop. Dave had to do his own spade work.
“This is not what I was expecting.” I declared as we stood at the door and looked up.
The door opened and a large guy stepped out. “We’re full,” he told us.
I opened my mouth to protest but Dave shouldered me out of the way. “We’re friends of Danny and Mike. They’re expecting us. Tell them Cook is here.”
The bouncer looked down at us. Perhaps I should have worn something a little less conservative. “Wait here.” He disappeared inside and we all looked at each other. A few minutes later he came back out again and motioned for us to enter.
The bass hit me first like a gut shot. I almost lost my breath. Then the writhing bodies and strobe lights took my attention. I stood there. When I had been growing up, there had been nothing like this. Of course, I had been the least popular person at school so there could have been, but this…this was a revelation.
I looked at the band on the stage, Goth rock and punk leather and I felt a sonic boom reverberate in my chest. This. This. This was what I was meant for. Twenty-seven years old and I had found my calling. I turned to look at Dave who was looking down at Archie. His mouth was open and astonished and I could see my brother fighting the temptation to haul him close and keep him there.
Alli was bouncing on her feet and grinning. “Oh. My. God. This is like the most seriously un-fucking-believable thing ever!” And she was gone. Spear piercing the mass of flesh and vanishing into the dark.
Dave tapped my shoulder. “This is intense.”
I nodded absently, eyes riveted on the lead singer who was decked out in PVC and leather and feathers, with black nail polish, eyes rimmed with kohl and bright red lips. “Yeah.”
“Adam?” Archie stood next to me, sort of sandwiched between Dave and I.
I looked down at him. His eyes were wide and nervous. “What’s up, Archie?”
“I don’t really like this kind of thing. I mean, my gosh…these people are sort of scary.” Archie’s voice trembled a bit and I looked at Dave who shrugged. Somehow, this place didn’t scare me. For the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. “Adam.” Archie persisted and I felt impatient and uncharacteristically wanted to shake him off and move on.
“I’ll look after him, bro. You go do your thing.” Dave spoke into my ear and I could see that he understood my impatience, my need to move. “Go.” He could see that I was feeling this strange and wonderful place right down into the depths of my soul. I nodded my thanks and moved towards the band.
When I got there, in front of the stage and looked up, I realized that the lead singer was actually Kris, our teacher. Something stirred in me, hot and wicked and full as I stared at him. He caught my gaze and his eyes widened briefly and then stayed on me, watchful, hungry. I stood there. Still and caught by the blaze in his eyes.
They finished their set and called a break. Kris hopped off the stage and came towards me, bottle of water in hand. Up close, he was even more gorgeous and I felt my breath stutter.
He smiled, slow and dangerous and commented, “I’m surprised to see someone like you at a place like this, Adam.”
I felt insulted, although it wasn’t really surprising that he thought of me like that. I was a bit of a standout here among the sea of black and gray in my chinos and cardigan. I suddenly wanted to be dressed in leather and PVC and wearing eyeliner and being fierce. The thought made me a little terrified, but in a good way.
“I came with some friends.” I waved towards the back of the club where Dave and Archie were huddled in one corner, talking earnestly. “We heard about this place and wanted to see what it was all about.”
His red mouth curved again and I found myself mesmerized by the full lower lip that just begged to be kissed and nipped and …
“…should go.” I had missed a conversation.
“Pardon me. I couldn’t hear you.” Acceptable excuse in this place right? His smirk told me otherwise.
He leaned close, spoke into my ear, “I said, Archie doesn’t look happy, you should go.” His face was so close to mine, breath warm against my cheek. If I turned just a little… Then he stepped back and smiled at a petite blond woman who came up to us. “Hi, honey.” She was adorable with perfect skin and perfect hair and I hated her on sight.
“It is a mad house in the ladies rest room,” she informed us, laughing.
Kris motioned to me. “Katy, this is one of my students, Adam. He’s transferred in from California and has also joined Glee Club.”
She held out her hand and I shook it sullenly, into the whole teenager act. “You look normal at least, unlike this freak of mine here!”
She hugged Kris and he grinned. “I don’t think she knew what she was getting when she started going out with me.” I controlled the gag reflex. He might look like hard rock but he was really soft marshmallow. Talk about false advertising. Oh dear lord, the inner bitch was out in full force. I needed to get away from him.
“I’m going to go join Dave and Archie.” I smiled briefly and insincerely at Katy. “Nice to meet you.” I glanced over at Kris who was frowning a little at me. “See you in class on Monday, Mr. Allen.” Yeah, he got that I wasn’t being nice. I fled back to my posse.
Archie was cuddled up to Dave but as soon as he saw me, he rushed to my side and fastened himself there like a limpet. Dave glared at me and I raised my eyebrows at him. This wasn’t my fault. Just then, Danny and Mike came over with a giggling Allison and I saw that she had been drinking. I wanted to say something cutting to the two jocks but couldn’t breathe I was so angry.
Dave did the talking for us. “Assholes, she’s sixteen. She shouldn’t be drinking. None of you should!”
Danny smirked a bit and replied, “It’s just a little beer, dude, won’t do her any harm.” The lack of concern in his expression sent my blood boiling and I stepped forward. Dave put an arm on my shoulder, held me back. Alli chose that moment to turn green and flee for the rest room. Danny started laughing and I lost it. I had never hit anyone in anger in my whole life, but I made a fist and let fly and Danny hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Mike stopped laughing and turned to me aggressively, fists up and was met by both Dave and I ready to fight.
He stopped, looked at us. Maybe he was a better person than Danny because he just bent down and helped his friend up. Danny glared at me, nose gushing blood. “You bwoke by dose!” He accused.
I shrugged. “Take it as payback for giving me a concussion and a split lip.” I waited, hand throbbing, but ready, and Mike just murmured something to Danny and half dragged, half carried him out of the club.
Megan came out of the ladies room with a pale and shaky Allison. “I think our little friend has had enough fun for the night,” she told us and I nodded. I picked Allison up; she weighed hardly more than a feather and headed for the door.
“Everything alright here?” Kris was at my elbow and I looked down at him.
“All under control.” I assured him and continued on my way, Dave and Archie at my heels.
The night air was cool and the noise from the club was muted. I carefully deposited Alli in the back seat and strapped her in. Dave jumped in next to her and Archie got into the front seat, next to me. I only realized then that Kris was still with us.
“You’d better not take her home in that condition. Follow me to my place and she can sober up a bit before you head home.” Without waiting for our agreement he went to his car, a Mustang, and flashed his lights.
I looked back at Dave, who shrugged. “Don’t ask me. Follow the teach,” he instructed. So I gritted my teeth and obeyed. I wanted to moan about being a grown-up but of course, to Kris, I wasn’t. I was a stupid kid who had allowed his friend to do a stupid kid thing.
Kris pulled up in the driveway of a small house, white picket fence included, of fucking course, and ushered us inside. Allison was awake and mumbling and Kris poured her some water and gave her a couple of aspirin and she obediently swallowed them. Archie sat with me on the sofa, pressed up against me and I could feel Dave glaring holes in my head. Honestly, I was not responsible for anyone’s actions but my own and this was getting a little annoying.
I jumped up and went to crouch by Alli, brushing her hair back. “Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?”
She looked at me through her bangs, eyes bleary. “Don’t feel so good, but the room isn’t spinning anymore so that’s a plus.”
I grinned, relieved. “Glad to hear it.” I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Kris.
“She should be okay. It looks like she didn’t have too much.” He told Alli, “Now you know why you should wait until you’re twenty one to drink, Miss Alli.” Her weak smile was his reward.
“Don’t worry, Kris, I won’t be drinking ever again.” Her fervent statement made me laugh. That promise would not last long.
“Okay, hon, let’s get you home.” I held out a hand and helped her to her feet. She swayed a bit and subsided against me as I glanced at Kris. “Thanks, Mr. Allen, I appreciate the assist.”
His face went a bit dark and he replied, “It’s Kris.” I felt a little shiver of pleasure. He wasn’t completely immune to me. That was good to know. I filed it away to think about later.
“Sorry. Kris.” I was being a bit mean, but he had a girlfriend so all arguments were invalid. He was not batting for my team. I felt entitled to sulk for a while.
I think he bared his teeth at me. Dave and Archie followed us back out of the house and we said our goodbyes and headed out. Alli was almost sober by the time they reached her house. She waved us goodbye from her door and we drove off.
Dave asked, “Do you want to go and get a burger or something? It’s still pretty early.” I looked over at Archie, who nodded enthusiastically.
“I-hop or Burger King?” I asked.
“There’s a really nice diner just down the road. They make the best burgers in town.” Archie offered and I grinned.
“The diner it is then,” and followed Archie’s instructions. The diner was an old-fashioned chrome and paint place with plastic booths and bright red bar stools hunkered up by the counter. The disinterested waitress looked about a hundred years old and placed menus in front of us. We all ordered burgers with the works and sodas. I was delighted to see the old-fashioned soda fountain perched on the corner of the service counter and in the furthest part of the diner was a real juke box. I held out a hand to Dave who handed me some coins and I went over to make my selection. Soon “We Will Rock You” by Queen was blaring and the three of us were sitting in our booth, grinning at each other and singing along.
“I think I need a make-over.” I declared and Dave looked at me, headed tilted slightly in question. “Tonight, when I saw that band, heard that music, tonight, it all made sense to me.”
Dave asked, “What do you need from me?”
I smiled, no questions from my brother, just immediate help offered. “You need to take me to shops where I can find the clothes and shoes and the rest of the stuff.”
Archie piped up, “But that’s so different from how you look, Adam. Are you sure you should make such a drastic change?”
I looked at his earnest face. “Yeah. I’ve been hiding for too long, Archie. It’s time for me to become who I was meant to be. I have found my place.” Dave and I exchanged a look and my brother just blinked and smiled. He was on board.
“So, we go shopping tomorrow?” Dave asked. He hated it but was prepared to sacrifice for me. I nodded.
“Can I come too?” Archie asked and I froze. How was I going to explain to this kid why I had credit cards and money and…oh, right, I was rich thanks to Dave’s stories about me.
“Sure, Archie. I hope you don’t get bored though.” He shook his head vigorously.
“No! I mean, I think it would be fun.”
“Yeah, fun, like pulling teeth.” Dave muttered but he grinned at me to let me know he was joking. We finished eating and took Archie home.
“He’s a cool kid.” I told Dave who nodded and sighed.
“Kid being the operative word, bro. No matter how awesome I think he is, he’s eight years younger than me and still legally unavailable.” Dave sounded despondent. It wasn’t the brother I knew.
“It’s only a few months and then he’s legal and you can make your move. He’s not exactly straight, not with the way he hangs on me.” Archie frustrated me. I wasn’t interested, but wasn’t sure how to get that across without hurting those terribly fragile feelings. “He’s going to have a tough time dealing with his sexuality. In this part of the world being gay is hard. Ask me, I know. And as for you, your whole life is going to change.” I glanced over at him, slumped against the car seat. “You’ve been straight all your life and now you’ve fallen for a boy. It’s gonna be an uphill battle for you, bro.”
Dave groaned, “I hate that we have to be in these boxes.” He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and sighed. “I just wanted to help you get your job done because you were so fucking useless at school and what happens? I turn gay.”
I started laughing. “You’re such an asshole. You don’t turn gay, dickhead. You just found out that sexuality is fluid and that you find people of both sexes attractive. It makes you bi-sexual. Not gay.”
Dave mumbled, “Still, going back to school to find out something like that after twenty six years on this earth is a little terrifying. Also, it’s sort of embarrassing, not knowing stuff about myself, you know?”
“Yeah, but you’ve got me. I’ve been through it all already.” I patted his knee.
“And you’ve got me to help you turn into the coolest rocker type dude so that you can convince your hot as fuck teacher that he’s actually in lust with you.” Dave grinned slyly at me.
I stopped the car outside our apartment and turned to him. “I am not changing my look just to get into his pants.”
Dave shrugged and opened the door. “Whatever. You carry on telling yourself that you don’t have a hard-on for the guy and I’ll carry on believing that the moon landing was a hoax.” I shoved at him and the two of us wrestled our way inside. Matt shouted at us to shut up.
Saturday dawned bright and shiny and Archie called, begging off due to a family ‘thing’. I was both guilty and relieved as Dave and I set out for Los Angeles. The clothes I was looking for would not be found in Compton, we needed the big city. I drove and Dave put his seat back and slept the whole way. I spent far too much time in my own head, thinking about Kris and my new image and what the reaction would be to it all.
We stopped at Tomatino for the first leg of my transformation. The head stylist, a cute, thin guy with a shock of platinum hair and a black fringe called, unsurprisingly, Tommy, guided me to my seat and promised that I was in good hands. I told him that I wanted to look different.
Dave said, “Make him look like a cross between Pete Wentz and Gerard Way meets Edward Cullen from Twilight.” I stared at him in horror. “Trust me, bro, I know what I’m talking about.”
Tommy grinned, a baring of teeth that made me think of a wolf, and me being a rabbit. “Gotcha,” he replied and sent me to the basin to have my hair washed.
Three hours later, we staggered out, manicured, pedicured, made up and done up to the nines. Tommy had instructed his pretty little assistant to deal with Dave and I had received his undivided attention. My nails were painted black; I had eyeliner and mascara to match and my hair… I resembled an anime character; my hair was gelled into a shock of spikes, dyed black and dusted with electric blue streaks. I looked…fuck…I looked amazing.
Now I needed to get the clothes to match my hair and face and grow the attitude and cajones to pull it off. Dave promised that he would spend the weekend teaching me how to act how I looked.
Cue the montage…We hit every men’s clothing store in town, and some of the ladies stores as well. Dave sat and watched me trying on outfits like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, only I wasn’t a hooker, I was gay. I bought leather and metal and silk and cotton and denim in every shade of black and blue and purple and even a little plaid. Trust me, it worked, especially with the skin-tight girl jeans that Dave made me buy. And the tight black vest to wear under it. I was in heaven and until this day, I hadn’t known what I was missing.
It was at the shoe store that Dave said, “I think we have found your calling, dude. You were born to shop.”
I stood there in my brand new black boots, hands full of shoes and said, “You know something, you’re totally right.” We grinned at each other, completely in sync.
So, by the end of the day, I was kitted out like a rock star, clothes, accessories, shoes, product, everything Dave could think of and a few things that occurred to him while we were shopping. I was also completely broke and my credit card was maxed out like a motherfucker but I looked unbelievable. I kept looking at myself in passing windows in shock.
We headed back to Compton, talking all the way, Dave about what to do now that he had discovered that Archie had accidentally triggered his gay and me about how to activate the gorgeous Kris Allen’s latent love for me. I had a feeling that there was already an attraction. I was hoping. Desperately.
“But he has a girlfriend,” I whined and Dave shot me a glare.
“So what? I’ve had a bunch of girlfriends and didn’t stop me from falling fast and hard for Archie.”
I mumbled, “You’re a man-whore, though.”
“I heard that.” Dave reached over and dug a finger into my side. I was extremely ticklish and arched my body away from the tormenting digit and nearly drove into the ditch at the side of the road.
“Fuck off, Cook!” I yelped, “You’re going to get us killed!”
Dave pointed at me. “I am your mentor, your guru, your guide to being cool. Best you be nice, big brother.”
I grinned at him and he grinned back. “You’re still a man-whore.”
“Better than being a virgin,” he retorted and then I nearly drove off the road again trying to get at him.
Sunday was a day from hell for me. Dave was a slave driver. He made me listen to Bowie, Queen, Iggy Pop and every glam rocker who ever lived and then made me sing their songs. Matt added his two cents in, playing some of the songs on his portable keyboard, teaching me the rhythms and flows of the tunes and I found out that I actually liked that style of music. I could totally hit some of those crazy notes. Just call me Glambert.
Then they showed me some of the performance videos on the net and I was blown away. If I could pull this off then the career I had been hankering after my whole life would be a reality. I could feel it. My niche, twenty seven years down the road, was in a decade before I was born. Who would have thought?
Dave made me strut and slink and perform in my new clothes until he was satisfied with how I looked, how I spoke, how I moved. Then, at around ten pm that night he declared, “You are going to be the fiercest bitch who ever walked those school halls. And your pretty teacher is going to fucking freak out when he sees you.”
I looked over at them, we were all sprawled out on the sofa in the living room, beers in hand, and exhausted. “I’m not doing this to get that guy, you know.”
Matt’s mouth tipped up in a smirk. “You keep telling yourself that, Barbra. I know the truth.” Dave snorted into his bottle and I kicked out at him with a pointy-toed boot.
He yelped as it connected with his ankle. “First and foremost, I am doing this for myself. With this make-over, I’ll be able to portray the image of a musician and then maybe I can move out of producing music and actually performing it.” I raised a second finger. “Secondly, I want to be more assertive, more confident and this look, fuck, it makes me a rock star and no one is going to mess with that.” He opened his mouth and I wagged a third finger at him. “Third, I look fucking amazing and maybe that will get me the man of my dreams.”
Dave tipped his beer at me in salute. “I like those reasons. I always thought you had potential, but you’ve spent all your life hiding behind your weight and your hair and your freckles. You never allowed yourself to see all your possibilities.” He smiled, genuine and warm. “I’m very proud to call you my brother, always have been, but now, at least you match the hotness that is me.”
I laughed, drinking the last of the now flat ale. “If I can pull this off tomorrow, then, yeah, I’ll be as cool as you.”
Dave shook his head. “Big bro, you may be hot now, but face it, you’ll never be as cool as me.”
“Yeah, you’re right. No one could ever be as cool as you, Dave, even if you do have a really big head. In real life, I mean, your head is rather large. For a human head.” I put my bottle down and ran, laughing my ass off as he chased me through the apartment. Matt finished both our beers.
Part 2 here! http://community.livejournal.com/reel_idol/6249.html