High School Redux - II
from part 1 here: http://community.livejournal.com/reel_idol/6007.html
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Six:
I think that this was the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s like all the bad memories of school are being washed away by the awesome new ones. I am a god now. Too cool for school. Micah, eat your heart out. This could all have been yours. Glambert for the win!
Monday was a revelation. I walked into school, in my new duds, with my new ‘tude and they all fell in love with me. Seriously. Men, women, boys, girls, babies and animals, all wanted the amazingness that was the all-new, improved, Adam Lambert.
Allison and Archie circled me like butterflies, touching and stroking and oohing. I just smiled. Danny and Mike invited me to sit with the football team at lunch. As if. I had seen ‘Clueless’ and ‘Never Been Kissed’ and I was not going to be the ugly duckling turned swan who turned my back on the people who liked me for me.
Except for Kris. When I walked into Music class that morning, he looked at me, glanced up and down and a little sneer crossed that pretty mouth and then he ignored me. Megan practically sat on my lap and Allison actually did as we tried to focus on the lesson. The giggling obviously became too much for our teacher because he ordered the girls to stay in their chairs and stop playing with their new toy. This made them laugh even harder and Dave spun around to look at me, eyebrows raised in question. I shook my head; I didn’t have a clue either. But I was going to find out.
We didn’t have Glee Club on Mondays but I waited until after school, when the classrooms were empty and the halls were ghost bare and went to find the object of my desire. He was putting some of the instruments away in the music closet and I leaned against the doorway, admiring the stretch and pull of his shirt across his back and his pants against his ass. A mighty fine ass it was and I made a little hum of appreciation which he heard.
His eyes weren’t friendly when they met mine. They were empty and I fiercely wanted something to show there, even if it was disdain or disapproval. So I stepped into the classroom and closed the door behind me, snicking the lock closed with a loud click. His eyes widened briefly and he said, “Unlock the door, Adam.”
I shook my head slowly and walked towards him. It might have actually been a stalk but he stood his ground. He was the adult here, of course. “No. I wanted to talk to you. In private.”
He stepped back and tried to step around me, but I was bigger than him and stopped him with the heat of my body and he glared at me. “This is inappropriate. I am your teacher. Now, either you open the door, or I will.”
I stepped closer, crowding him up against his desk until the backs of his thighs bumped the edge and he stopped. “I don’t think so. I just want to know one thing and then I’ll unlock the door and let you escape.”
He was trying so hard to be the figure of authority but I could see the little pulse fluttering in his neck and wanted to set my teeth there and mark him as my property, but I didn’t. “What…um…what do you want to know?” He asked, his voice a little ragged and I felt my own pulse racing.
I lowered my head until my mouth was at his ear. Where I had the courage from I don’t know, perhaps I was channeling Dave, and whispered, “Why don’t you like the way I look today?” My voice was rough and breathy and I felt the shiver he tried to control as my question flitted across his cheek.
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I smiled, a nasty smile that should have warned him his answer wasn’t enough. “That didn’t answer my question, teach.” I moved nearer, my body full length against his, and his eyes widened when he felt just how happy I was to see him. “Tell me the truth. What don’t you like about how I look?”
His hands came up then, curled around my arms and he tried to push me away. I wasn’t budging. “Adam. Let me go. Please.” The words were a plea, an order; an invitation and I bent down and took.
Kissing Kris was like stepping into the middle of a tornado and being swept up and whirled around and spat out the other side, broken and gasping and so fucking happy to be alive. His mouth was soft and sweet, lips full and I feasted. I hadn’t done a lot of kissing, I hadn’t done much more than kissing, but this man, made me wish for experience and ability and … he wasn’t moving.
“I’m sorry.” My voice was hoarse as I moved away. He hadn’t done anything, hadn’t kissed me back and I felt the scarlet rush of blood coating my neck and cheeks. I turned and raced to the door, fumbled with the lock and fled; ignoring him calling my name as I ran down the corridor, out into the sun-gold brightness of the afternoon. My own world had just come apart but everything else around me had stayed the same.
I struggled to get the key in the ignition and felt the sharp bite of panic when I saw Kris coming out of the school building at a run. God. Fuck. Start. Fuck. God. And my old faithful cranked into life and I threw the wheel in a dangerous circle and skidded out of the parking lot, looking back once to see Kris watching me run away.
That went well. Glambert obviously was a danger to himself and society at large and should only be let out for special occasions.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Seven:
Why do I have a brother that won’t let me hide when I am humiliated? Why do I have a best friend who buys me ice-cream to cheer me up and then eats it all himself? Why am I asking myself these stupid questions? Because it’s easier than facing the truth.
I have a sick note from my ‘dad’. I am not going to school today. Dave spent half the night laughing at me and the other half whining about his own lack of success. What a pair we are. I have visions of us with pipes and slippers and smelly dogs about thirty years down the line. Matt told us that we were both losers. I think he might be right.
Oh God. Why did I ever want to change my image? I was fine as me. I have a great career… okay, maybe not great, but at least I have a foot in the door and one day I will have that great career. Doorbell ringing. Will return to wallowing shortly…
“Why didn’t you come to school today?” Kris stood at my door, hands shoved into his front pockets, shoulders slightly hunched, face unreadable.
“I don’t …” I was stunned and stuttered, “I don’t feel too good.” He raised one eyebrow and looked at me. I shrugged. “My stomach.” I had nothing else to say.
He pushed past me and walked into my apartment. His gaze took in the half eaten pizza on the table as well as the open laptop with my …fuck! I rushed to slam it shut before he could take a look. That would have been the icing on my already fucked-up cake.
His eyes were narrowed on me. “We need to talk about what happened yesterday.” He looked around. “Are your parents home?”
I shook my head. “No. I live here with a couple of friends. My parents are in California.” Not a lie. “They think that I’m old enough to take care of myself.”
Kris frowned. “That’s not a usual set of circumstances.”
I smiled. Tried to anyway. “Matt is out of school and working, besides, my parents trust me.” Again with the honesty. About my parents trusting me anyway, although after this stunt, I don’t think they ever would again.
Kris went to the sofa and sat down. “We need to talk,” he repeated and I dragged my way to the chair opposite him. I was itching to invent some kind of contagious disease just so that I could get him out of my apartment and be able to compose myself.
I scowled at him. “There’s nothing to talk about. I was a dumb kid yesterday. I was playing dress-up and the character took over.”
Kris cocked his head to one side, watching me intently. “So, none of that was you? You didn’t want to kiss me?”
I stared at him incredulously. “Seriously, Kris? You want to have this conversation? You're my teacher. I can’t remember being more embarrassed in my entire life.” I could feel the skin on my neck and cheekbones heating up.
Kris grinned slightly. “I promise that before you’re my age, there will be plenty more humiliating moments.” He leaned forward, hands clasped between his legs. “It’s natural to have a crush on a teacher. It’s all part of the growing up process.”
I tried to restrain the eye-rolling but obviously wasn’t too successful because he huffed a bit and sat back. “I don’t have a crush on you, teach. I was experimenting.” I suddenly had a brilliant idea. “I was testing out reactions to my new look. When you saw me, you looked at me like I was shit under your shoe and I just wanted to prove a point. Maybe I went a bit overboard.”
Kris stayed skeptical. “Yeah, kissing your teacher, just a bit.”
I shook my head. “I am really sorry. That will never happen again.” I had my fingers crossed under my thigh. Totally acceptable lie this time. I was so going to kiss him again. If he ever forgave me once this stupid charade was over.
“It was really inappropriate.” Kris tried again. Good teacher. “If anyone had seen…” he trailed off and I sighed.
“Kris. Please, just stop. It was a moment of madness that won’t happen again. I swear to God. Stupid mistake, over excited about my make over. Take your pick.” Then I grinned. “Besides, you’re totally my type.”
Kris flushed and jumped to his feet. “Er…thanks?” He headed for the door and I stalked, I mean followed after him. “Just so we’re clear about it then.” He stopped, hand on the doorknob.
I crowded up behind him, deliberately getting into his space and felt a sort of mean satisfaction when I saw him take a deep breath. “Totally. Crystal. Like glass.” I assured him and smiled, all my teeth showing.
He opened the door and turned to me one more time. “No more pretending you’re sick. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”
I nodded. “Sure. My stomach feels better already.” We smiled at each other briefly and I admired the view as he headed down the passage to the elevator.
“And don’t stare at my ass.” He called. I grinned. Busted. It was an ass worth staring at.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Eight:
Simon was delighted with my report on the scene at The Cage but when I asked if I could go back to real life. He said no. I need a new job. Fuck my life.
Dave is moping around like a love-sick puppy. It's nauseating. The only good thing is that Archie jumps like a scalded bunny every time Dave comes anywhere near him. I’ll wear my old clothes tomorrow, maybe that will stop me from jumping my teacher. I think I’m going to distract myself with a little match-making. Just call me Cinderfella. Wait, she was the heroine. I guess that makes me the Fairy Godfather…
Archie played possum most of the day, ducking behind me or Allison every time Dave was around. My new best girl friend and I got tired of the sad little drama pretty quickly.
I grabbed hold of Archie and held his shoulders firmly. “Listen to me, Archuleta. This has to stop. If you don’t like Dave, then tell him and he’ll go away. This act of yours is pathetic. Man up, my boy.”
Archie looked up at me, all big eyes and terror. “But, he scares me.”
I grinned. “That’s because you like him.” I slung a friendly arm around his shoulder. “Does your stomach feel like a swarm of butterflies are flying around in it?” He nodded as we walked towards our Bio class. “If he’s not around, do you find yourself looking around for him?” Those brown eyes were wide and earnest as he nodded again. “That's a sign that you like him.” I smiled down at him.
“But...but he's a guy!” Archie sounded scandalized and I sighed. Why me? I was barely coping with my own case of unrequited love and now I had to help a seventeen year old negotiate the realization that he was not a girl's guy after all.
“So? Who says that you only have to like girls?” I asked as we headed slowly for the classroom. “Sexuality is a fluid thing, my young friend. Just because he's a guy, doesn't mean you can't like him in that way.”
Archie stared at me, torn between confusion and understanding. “I like you,” he told me.
I shook my head. “The question is, do you want to kiss me?” The look on his face was answer enough and I laughed and asked, “Would you like Dave to kiss you?” His expression was thoughtful and I decided that I had done enough of my brother's work for him today and left Archie contemplating all the possibilities.
Ms. Abdul, Paula as she told us to call her, was waxing lyrical about the reproductive abilities of fruit bats and I tuned out. I had to think of something more to give Simon to work with or else my job was history. I glumly contemplated being stuck in a repeat of my entire last year of high school. I glanced over at Dave who was sitting next to Archie, trying hard not to stare at him. Archie was not even trying to concentrate on the lesson. His gaze was fixed on Dave's mouth. Dave had a panicked look on his face and was studiously ignoring the fascinated stare. I just started laughing and couldn't stop. Paula made me stay after class and clean the blackboard. It was worth it.
I wandered into the boys’ locker room after gym class. I hadn't totally humiliated myself on the track but I was not a fan of anything that involved sweating on a field. Or perhaps I just hadn't discovered an activity that involved sweating on a field that interested me. I was the last one in because I was the last one to finish my laps. I was greeted by the sight of Archie leaning against Dave, offering him his mouth. I ducked back behind the lockers and peered through the slats in the door.
“What are you doing, David?” My brother's voice was an octave higher than normal and I had to shove my fist in my mouth to prevent the laughter escaping.
Sweet, innocent little Archie pressed against him, hands trailing up his arms and squeezing around his biceps, replied softly, “Trying to get you to kiss me?” The statement ended like a question and Dave frowned down at him.
“Why?” He sounded rough and a bit desperate.
“What do you mean, why?” Archie looked confused. I didn't blame him. If I wasn't so fixated on Kris, this adorable, soft-voiced, angelic boy with the ‘fuck-me’ mouth would have been irresistible. “Because I want you to.” As if that all made sense, which of course it did.
Dave's hands were still at his side and he lifted them, probably intending on pushing Archie away, but somehow, his fingers found the soft skin of Archie's cheek and stayed there, trailing across his nose and down to the full curve of his mouth. “Why me? I thought you liked Adam.” My usually self-assured brother sounded nervous, insecure and I prayed that Archie would say the right things.
“I did, I mean, I do.” Archie rested his forehead against Dave's chest, breathing deeply. “But I don't want to kiss him.” He lifted his head again, focused on Dave. “I want to kiss you.”
That seemed to do it for Dave, who wrapped his arms around Archie and hauled him close. I had to step back and away when they started kissing. It was sweet and hot and private. And Archie was only seventeen so I made a banging noise against one of the lockers and when I came around the corner, they were standing apart, breathing deeply and staring in shock at each other.
I asked, “So, does this mean you're going steady?”
It was immediately apparent to everyone in Glee club that David and David were a couple. I had spent about half an hour lecturing Dave about the fact that the boy didn't know he was twenty five and that it was illegal in every state for him to do anything other than kiss him. The dazed, starry-eyed expression on his face told me that he had heard about four words of mine and that I was going to have to watch them like a hawk. I didn't want to be a chaperone!
Kris looked between the two of them with a small grin on his face. Then he looked at me and I found myself blushing. The expression on his face was a little feral. I cursed my pale freckled skin and tried to concentrate on working out the kinks in the Queen duet with Archie.
“Guys, gather round.” Kris called us all to the piano and we made our way to him. He smiled and said, “I’ve entered us for next week’s sectionals. It’s a tough ask, but with Adam and Dave, I think we have the strongest crew we’ve had in years and have a real chance at making regionals, maybe even nationals.” He looked around at us and I could feel my heart sinking. I could not be a part of this. The Compton High Glee Club would be disqualified if Dave and I participated in a school contest and it was found out that we were adults with high school diplomas. We couldn’t do this. I caught Dave’s eye and read the same panic there. This was bad.
We waited until the rest of the club cleared out, Archie leaving reluctantly and promising to wait for Dave at his car.
“Um, Dave and I won’t be able to take part in the sectionals next week.” I decided that the direct approach would be the best.
Kris blinked and asked, “Why not?”
Think, Lambert! “We won’t be here.” Perfect.
Kris raised an eyebrow. “And where will you be?” The question was drawled and I nearly grinned at the skepticism.
“In California.” Dave supplied and I glanced over at him. “We have a Scientology thing we need to get done with.” I did the mental eye roll and turned to Kris again.
“A Scientology thing?” I really didn’t blame his doubt. Dave lied better than me, but it was still a pretty spectacularly bad lie.
“Yeah, um…Adam has to perform at a concert at the Center in Los Angeles. For Tom…” Oh dear lord in heaven he had to be the dumbest ass that ever lived.
“Tom?” Kris asked.
“Cruise.” Dave supplied helpfully and I wanted to drop my head into my hands and weep. Lamest, dumbest, most ridiculous lie ever in the history of the world. “He loves Adam’s voice so asked him to come and do the show. I’m just going along to see my family.” He shrugged. “Sorry.”
Kris nodded slowly, eyes speculative. I could see that he was still not convinced but I grabbed Dave’s arm and dragged him out with me before the lie got any bigger or stupider.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I hissed as we headed out of the school.
“He caught me off guard. I was thinking on the fly,” Dave replied defensively and I shook my head.
“You realize that we’re going to have to leave town for a few days?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Dave said glumly and then his eyes lit up when he spotted Archie slouching against his car. “Road trip?” he asked and I laughed.
“We can do that. Only, your bright and shiny new boyfriend is going to be busy with the sectionals so he won’t be able to come.” I said this with relish and Dave’s face fell.
“Right.” And then Archie was in his arms and kissing him and I just sighed and headed for my car.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Nine:
I would just like to state for the record that my boss is an asshole. He’s ordered me to do the Glee Club thing. I’ve tried explaining that it’s ILLEGAL but he’s not listening to me. The thing is, I can’t do it to Kris and the kids in the club. It’s their sanctuary from the rest of the hell of school and if Dave and I screw this up and they get penalized then I will be the biggest douche bag that ever lived.
I will just have to find another story to keep Simon happy. Hey, maybe I can ask Kris if I can sing with his band on Friday at The Cage. I look the part now…
Thursday I decided to try another of my new outfits. It was obvious that the attitude had changed along with the clothes so I might as well dress the part.
Skin tight black denims, a tight black shirt (did wonders for that damn spare tire around my belly) and the blue and plaid shirt, finished with a black studded belt and chunky black boots. I decided to put on the eyeliner and mascara as well and my hair decided to play nice, spiky and cool.
I looked for Kris before my first class started. He was busy in the music room, tinkering on the piano, a sweet, slow melody that I recognized but couldn’t place. I knocked softly on the door and he looked up and just for a moment, his eyes were unguarded and he looked delighted to see me.
I smiled at him and he waved me in. “Hey, Adam. I don’t think it’s your class now.”
I shook my head, still smiling. “It’s not. I’m due in Chem. in about five minutes. I just came to ask you a favor.”
“Okay. Ask away.”
“I wanted to know if you would be willing to let me sing with you tomorrow night at The Cage.” I saw the frown starting and hurried on. “I just want to sing a song or two. It’s sort of a wish fulfillment thing. To sing with a band.”
Kris asked, “But I thought you did concerts with the Scientologists?”
I recovered quickly. “Not like this though. I want the whole band experience in a club. I haven’t done that before and I really think that it’s something I will enjoy. You know, to go with the whole new me?”
Kris tipped his head to one side. “I don’t know that this is your scene though.”
I nodded. “That’s okay. I realize that I may come across as vanilla and not rocky road but I really want a chance to try to get myself out of this …” I was struggling because this was more than just me trying to get a story for Simon, more than trying to impress my guy-crush. It was me trying to find out where I fit in and I had a strange feeling that I fit on a stage, with a Goth-rock band behind me, belting out songs to make the skies scream. And Kris was the only one who could give me a chance to find it out.
Kris was just watching me. I wanted desperately to tell him who I was and what I was and that I was utterly fascinated by him but I didn’t because it would alienate him and the last thing I wanted was him looking at me in disgust.
“Please. Just one song.” I begged him and I saw the slope of his shoulders answer me before the rough response.
“One song. And if they hate you…” his warning was valid but suddenly, the only thing on my mind was getting on that stage and fucking the audience until they were all in the palm of my hand. Maybe it was the clothes, perhaps a new confidence thanks to my brother, could even have been the validation from the members of the Glee Club. Regardless of the cause, I was sure that performing at The Cage was going to be the beginning of the rest of my life.
“If they hate me, then I’ll have my answer and won’t try it again.” I stared at him, trying to will him to see inside me, to see that there was more to me than this student he was so intent on avoiding. “But if they love me…” I smiled and could feel the heat curl in my belly. “If they love me, then I’ll know that this is what I was meant to be.” I could feel that it was my own personal truth, that maybe I had been sent back to school to find out who I was and what I could be. The thought that I had wasted nine years of my life fumbling around in the dark and in a dead end career made me feel a little ill, but hey, it was never too late to start the rest of your life.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Ten:
I am done with this school thing. I called Simon today and told him to fire me but that I wasn’t going back to school on Monday. There is only so much an adult can take of teenaged angst and drama. I have reached my own personal limit. I mentioned to Simon that I was going to be singing at The Cage tonight and he told me that if I reported back to him on the reaction to my voice and music, then I could come back. The question is, do I want to?
I wanted to dress to impress so called in Dave to help make sure I looked the part. He looked at what I had chosen and smiled. “You're a natural at this, bro. You don't need any help from me.”
I felt a small measure of pleasure. I would never have believed that I could put outfits like this together. I pulled on the black leather pants and the tight white tee shirt. I slung a studded belt around my waist and put on the spiked boots that looked as though they were a deadly weapon. The last part of the outfit was the most expensive thing I had bought on my shopping spree the past weekend. It was a thigh length black leather coat, shot with strips of metal along the sleeves and the hemline. The shoulders were almost like armor and I looked like a warrior.
Dave helped me to put on the war paint that completed the outfit. Eyeliner and glitter and lip gloss and I was ready to take the stage. I looked good. For the first time in my life, I was secure enough to look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge that I looked good. It was almost too much to believe. The person I had become was so very far from the person I had been.
And fuck, it was all thanks to Simon's hare-brained idea, which meant that I actually had to make a success of it.
The Cage was a rocking, roiling mass when Dave and I arrived with Archie and Matt in tow. We had managed to persuade Allison to stay at home this time. It hadn't taken much, just the blunt reminder of her less than glorious exit from the club the week before.
This time, the bouncer took one look at me and stepped aside, opened the door and honest-to-god winked at me, Maybe I would get lucky tonight? That might be nice. But I was a romantic and the only one I wanted happened to be the most unavailable man on the planet for me right now.
There he was. My heart gave a little skip of glee and I moved to the stage, looking up at the glam rock god singing his face off up there. He made me ache and burn and need. God, I needed him and I couldn't have him and it was making me crazy. One thing I was learning about myself, I didn't do the waiting game very well. Now that I was the new me, I wanted and I reached out and I took. Except, I couldn't take here. I had to keep my distance and pretend that I was a good little boy and wasn't dying to fuck the cute little rocker throwing himself around on the stage.
Being me sucked lemons right now.
Then he saw me and that slow southern smile rolled across his face until I literally saw him remembering who I was and what I was and what age I was supposed to be and the 'fuck me' expression disappeared until he was just smiling at me and singing to me and I was melting into the floor like a regency novel heroine. I was pathetic.
“Hey everybody, we have a bit of a treat for y'all tonight.” That lazy drawl took me by surprise and suddenly I realized that I was up and I had better get ready or else I was going to crash and burn even before I took off. “One of my students asked me for a favor He asked to sing a song or two for you guys here tonight. So I said yes. Come on up here, Adam.” He motioned to me and I walked up the stairs on the side after a bit of rude prodding from my crew.
Kris shook my hand and gestured towards his band. “I'm gonna lend these guys to you for a bit, okay? Just tell them what you want to sing, I guarantee they'll know it.” With one last encouraging smile, he headed down the stairs and joined Dave, Matt and Archie.
I looked over at the band and asked the guitarist, “Do you know “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley?” The quick grin was enough of a reply and he struck the first few chords.
“I remember, I remember, when I lost my mind...” And I took them and rolled them and made them all my bitches until they were screaming my name and chanting for more.
“You want another?” I asked, drenched with sweat and incandescent with exhilaration. The loud cheer from the crowd was my answer and I sang the opening words to “Mad World” and took them all apart and put them all back together again.
I ruled The Cage that night. I could have taken any one of them home with me, gay straight, man, woman but the only one I wanted was Kris and he just stood there, smiling proudly at me like he was my dad or something and I wanted to yell at him and tell him that I was actually older than him and totally crazy for him and beg him to kiss me again.
But I didn't. I jumped off the stage and motioned for my friends to head for the door. The hands stroked and grabbed, the voices begged and praised. I just wanted to get out of there and leave the insanity of the last two weeks behind me.
My last glimpse of Kris was him getting back on stage and shouting, “How 'bout that Adam Lambert, everyone?” And them all shouting back at him about how awesome I was. He was the awesome one. Only he didn't know it. But maybe some time in the future he would give me the chance to show him.
Then all hell broke loose. Matt and Dave were confronted by a big guy, tattooed and nasty and belligerent.
“So who's the bottom and who's the top with you two girlies?” He was drunk and mean and I could see that he would take them both out if they responded.
Neither of them was particularly good about not responding in the face of taunting.
“Well, big boy, maybe you'd like to try being a bottom with one of us?” Matt's question had me dropping my head in exasperation. This is why I didn't go out with them. They always ended up dragging me into trouble of some sort.
The bully took a second or ten to process the insult and then his face turned red and he roared and swung at Matt, who ducked. The meaty fist collided with the face of someone standing next to Matt and only when I saw him go down did I realize it was Archie. Dave yelled in rage and dropped down next to Archie who was pretty much out of it. Matt dived at the big guy, using his shoulder as a spear and they went hurtling back. I raced over to Dave and Archie and when my brother saw that I had Archie in my care, he took off after them.
Archie mumbled and I hooked my arm underneath his shoulders and pulled him up against me. “What?” he asked and I looked down at his split lip and swollen jaw. Suddenly I wanted to be in the melee with my brother and friend. No one should ever hurt Archie like that. He was sweet and innocent and I found a growl emerging.
“That big asshole hit you instead of Matt.” I motioned to the now full-on club fight and Archie's face was horrified.
“But...but Cook, he might get hurt!”
I rolled my eyes and held him back. “You stay right here, little man, Dave can handle himself.”
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Kris. “Maybe you should get Archie out of here?” he suggested and I nodded. That would be smart. I helped Archie to his feet and started hustling him out of the club. Close to the door I was knocked over by a flying body and I hit the floor with a thud. I could feel the bruises forming and grunted with the impact. A hand in my hair yanked my head back and I gasped as tears sprang to my eyes from the pain. I reared up and back and into a solid mass of muscle. The behemoth who was pulling out my hair squealed as I jabbed him in the gut with my elbow and I was reluctantly dragged into the fight. I caught Archie's frightened face out of the corner of my eye and worried about him for a second until a fist appeared in my vision and I ducked to avoid permanent disfigurement.
The fight lasted about ten minutes, although it felt like hours, until the police arrived and broke it up. They hauled Dave, Matt, me and a bunch of others into the station, including the thug who had started everything. I was sitting in the booking office when I saw Kris come in with Archie in tow and felt my heart sink. Kris spoke urgently with the desk officer who motioned towards us.
They headed our way and Kris asked, “Can I call your parents to arrange bail or something?” Dave and I exchanged glances. This was bad. We didn't need to have parents to come and bail us out. We'd already given our statements, along with our real identity documents and the police had been pretty accommodating. When Dave had explained how the fight started and that they had only responded to Archie being hit, the sergeant had nodded and told us that the owner of the club wasn't pressing charges and we could leave if we decided not to press charges on thug-boy ourselves. Dave, Matt and I had shared a look and all replied in the negative. This was an incident best forgotten.
“Um, thanks teach, but no-one here is pressing charges so we're good to go.” I stood up and had to jump out of the way as Archie barreled into Dave. They held each other tightly and Dave dropped his head and whispered something urgently to Archie who nodded, smiled and then tucked his head into the hollow of Dave's neck. It looked like he was planning on staying there a while.
“Oh.” Kris appeared nonplussed. “Well, that's good. So, can I give you a ride back to your car?”
Matt shook his head. “Thanks, man, but I am going to talk to that pretty little police lady over there. She's been giving me the eye all night.” I grinned as my optimistic friend headed for the unsuspecting woman. Dave also declined, telling us that he was going to walk Archie home. My warning glare was completely ignored and I prayed that I wasn't going to be visiting the police station again in the near future, this time for the corruption of a minor. That left me.
I looked at Kris who smiled, tight and brief and said, “Thanks, I'd appreciate that.” As we were leaving, the charge officer returned our documents to us and I stuffed my driver’s license in my pocket swiftly. No sense in tempting fate.
Kris was silent most of the way back to the club. I babbled nervously as I tended to do when I was unsure in a situation. Actually, until this past weekend and my transformation from ugly duckling to glam rock swan, most situations made me nervous.
“I'm really grateful to you for doing this for me.” I told his profile. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes.
He sighed. “I'm your teacher, Adam. I was obligated as the adult there tonight to make sure you all got home safely.” He stopped suddenly and a small grin crossed his mouth. “Is Archie safe with Dave?” he asked.
I shrugged, uncomfortably aware that I wasn't sure of the answer myself. “Dave knows that Archie is a minor. He won't do anything that will land him in jail.” I hope, I thought to myself. With hormones and lust, sometimes common sense just flew out of the window.
“I'm glad we got this chance to talk.” Kris said and I looked sharply at him. “I wanted to talk to you about that kiss and ...”
I groaned. “Please. Can we just not? I told you it was a heat of the moment thing and I am so very sorry that I did that.” I dropped my head back on the car seat and closed my eyes.
The car stopped and Kris asked, “You know that a teacher and a pupil having a relationship, or even an encounter like we did, is grounds for my immediate dismissal?”
My eyes flew open and I stared at him. “For fuck's sake! Will you let it go? I kissed you, and no one but the two of us knows about it. Why are you harping on about it?”
Kris turned to me. “What if I told you that the feelings that I have for you are inappropriate? What if I said that since you kissed me, that's pretty much all I can think about? What if I wanted to do more than kiss you?”
My mouth was open but no sound was emerging. I was shocked into silence. “Um.”
His mouth twisted a little as he looked at me. He turned his body to face me and stared. “Anything you want to say here?”
“I...I...” Nothing intelligent was presenting itself.
“I know this isn't a good idea. In fact, it's pretty much a spectacularly bad idea and I shouldn't even be talking to you about this. But, you're done with school in a couple of months and there are only a few years between us and I sort of hoped that maybe, in a few months, once you've graduated and I'm not your teacher anymore...”
I shut him up with my mouth. I pushed in and took. My tongue was a weapon that insisted on total control and he responded by opening up and giving me everything. I leaned forward and over him, my body overwhelmingly larger than his. He let me. My hands moved to his waist and pressed, the normally ticklish spots becoming pressure points that made him groan and move.
“Adam. Stop. We can't. Not until you're finished school.” He had much more control than I did and he eased me back with firm hands. I sat back and was rewarded with a slow smile from kiss-swollen lips. I made a movement toward him again, but he held his hand up. “No.”
I pouted a little. I had been enjoying myself. “Fine. Be noble and holy and whatever.”
He grinned and then leaned down and picked something up from the floor. It was my driver's license. Shit, fuck, crap. He looked at it and then started to hand it to me. I was almost safe when he pulled back and looked down at it again. “Date of birth, January 29, 1982.” He read it out and it sounded like an ax falling. He looked up at me, eyes confused. “Is this a fake ID, Adam?”
I had a moment there. Would I tell him a lie and carry on the masquerade, enjoying a few months, days, whatever with him and ultimately lose him when he finally discovered the truth, or tell him the truth and lose him now, before anything had even started?
“It's not a fake.” I told him quietly and watched his face change, expression harden as he realized what I was telling him.
“What does that mean?” His voice was dark, puzzled and I felt a pang of remorse. This wasn't supposed to have happened.
“I'm twenty-seven years old and I am an executive at Cowell Records.” I told him and watched him moving away from me in leaps and bounds.
“Why are you posing as a high school student?” He looked devastated and I was sick to my stomach knowing that I was the one responsible.
“It was a job that my boss forced me into on threat of firing. He had some lame-ass idea that the only way to learn about what kids are listening to these days was to send someone into the high schools. That ended up being yours truly.” I was desperate to make things right with him.
“So you're an adult, with a job, and you've been fooling everyone at school for the past two weeks so that you can keep your job?” His summary was bitter and I could understand it completely.
“Yes. I'm sorry. I never meant things to get so complicated. It was supposed to be an easy thing, where I was supposed to stay under the radar and just find out stuff about what music the kids liked today. It got messy.” I willed him to understand and forgive.
“I see.” He was non committal and then leaned over me and popped the door. “I guess this is goodbye then.” So forgiveness wasn't going to be granted.
I climbed out and then bent down, ducking my head back inside. “For what it's worth, what happened between us, it was real. I didn't pretend being into you.” His face was blank, expressionless. “I swear to you, Kris. When I kissed you that was me. The real Adam. The adult Adam. Kissing you was as close to making love as anything has come in my life. If nothing else, you need to believe that.” It was pathetic, admitting that to him, but I wanted him to know that what I felt about him was not fake.
“Goodbye Adam.” He replied and pulled the door closed, almost cutting off my nose in the process. He put his car in gear and drove away. Well, that sounded pretty final. I guess losing my virginity would have to wait until someone else came along. Someone better. Although, I had the sneaking suspicion that Kris was about as perfect for me as God could have created.
I have to admit that I moped the weekend away. I got home to find that Dave had confessed everything to a surprised Archie and that they had agreed to keep seeing each other but to keep it PG until Archie turned eighteen in December. I smiled and congratulated him and silently whimpered that my boy of choice did not feel the same.
I think my brother and best friend finally had enough of me by Sunday afternoon. Matt kicked me in the ankle and muttered, “Grow a pair, dickhead. If you really like the guy then get him to talk to you and listen to you.”
I glared at him. “Do you think I didn't try that? The thing is, I can't blame him. I lied to him. For two weeks solid, I made him think that I was an off-limits kid that he was having feelings for. As a teacher, that must have sucked big time and it must have given him sleepless nights. I hate that. I feel like shit.”
Dave offered, “Why don't you make some kind of grand gesture, you know, to prove that you really care about him?”
I dropped my head into the cushion on my lap. I was sort of enjoying my own little pity party. A solution wasn't really forthcoming.
“What sort of 'gesture'?” I asked.
Dave shrugged. “Dude, I don't know. You're the one who fucked up, you know him best. What would make him give you another chance?”
That question stayed with me for the rest of the weekend. I wallowed in my misery which wasn't helped by the very cute sight of Archie snuggling up to my brother. Dave was trying to behave himself, but his boyfriend was not helping the situation. If I hadn't been so miserable I would have laughed my ass off. Poetic justice for my hound dog brother indeed.
Sunday night, I got into bed, no closer to a resolution than when I started. I lay in the dark, remembering those two amazing kisses from a man I thought I could fall in love with so very easily. That empty space in my heart suggested that I was a little closer to that than I cared to admit.
I woke up on Monday morning with the solution fully formed in my head. I knew exactly what I needed to do.
I strode into the Cowell Records offices that morning and walked straight past Kara, Simon's secretary, who shouted at me to stop. He looked up at me, surprised as I walked in.
“Lambert. Do you have an appointment?” His tone was sarcastic and biting but I wasn't going to let him intimidate me today.
“Simon, I am here to tender my resignation.” His eyebrows shot up and I continued. “I want you to let me cut a demo in the studio. If you hate it then I will work my month's notice and get out of your hair.” He opened his mouth but I carried on, “But, if you like what you hear, then I want a contract, a deal with Cowell Records and it will be a twenty-four hour notice period then.” I waited.
“You must think a lot of your voice then, Adam,” was all that he said and I nodded mutely. He pushed his intercom and spoke, “Kara, please ask Anoop to set up a session in the studio for Adam this afternoon. I think we're about to discover a star.”
I stared at him. “What?”
Simon smiled and said, “I've always known that you have the voice to make it big. You just needed to believe it too.”
I grinned, light-headed and dizzy with delight. “You are a very devious man, Mr. Cowell.” I told him.
He nodded. “Yes, I am, it's what has made me who I am today.”
Kara buzzed and her disembodied voice told us that I was scheduled for recording at three pm that afternoon. I felt my stomach drop as I realized that this could be the beginning of every dream I'd ever had.
Matt went with me to the studio. He called Dave who came over as well. I knew that my brother was going to be the next in line for a contract. His sound was different to mine but once I established myself, then I could focus on helping him.
The producer asked me what I wanted to sing and I handed him a CD of a song that Dave and I had written together. “Broken Open” was about letting someone be so open with you that they trusted you to hold them up when they were falling down. The song was simple and vulnerable and it asked me to strip my voice down to its most basic self. He put it in, listened to it, raised a brow and smiled. He spent a couple of minutes copying it and adding a soft beat and back track and then motioned me into the booth.
I nailed it. First time. I could see it by the expression on his face and the smiles on Matt and Dave's faces. He told me to do it again though, and I did. And it was even better. I looked up and saw Simon and Anoop standing there too, both of them nodding and smiling and I knew that I had my contract and my career. Now I just had to get my guy.
The next few months were filled with recording sessions and late nights arguing about how the album should look and sound and what the cover should look like. Simon was in a big hurry to get it out before Christmas. I even managed to get him to let Dave duet with me on a song. It was a crazy-ass rock ballad that let the two of us mix our voices into a weird blend that somehow worked. His rough rocker voice and my smooth falsetto combined in a song about friendship and going to the end of the line for one another. It was going to be huge.
Archie graduated and we were all there, cheering and clapping and he waved his diploma at us as he walked off the stage. I saw Kris on the platform with the other teachers and he made a point of ignoring me. Archie had told us that he was planning on leaving Compton at the end of the school year and was heading for Hollywood to try his luck in the music business. He had also told us that Katy and Kris had split up and that Kris had handed Glee over to Paula, which made me shudder.
But I had plans for Kris Allen and they were just about to come to life. The principal then gave his address and at the end announced, “We have a musical guest here today everyone. He's someone you all got to know for a couple of weeks a few months ago. He was researching the sort of music that students listen to these days and he managed to make us all believe that he was an eighteen year old student. I am sure no one looking at him now will say that. I give you, Adam Lambert!”
I stood up to loud applause, mostly from my friends in the Glee Club and grinned at them, waved and headed for the stage. Kris looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there. The music for “If I Had You” played through the school sound system and I started singing. The kids were shouting and cheering and stomping and I strutted across that stage like I owned it.
I was just hoping that Kris was listening to the words. They were written for him, about him and were being sung to him. ”But if I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need. Yeah, if I had you, then money, fame and fortune never could compete. If I had you, life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy, yeah if I had you.”
I finished with a flourish and bowed to the whistling and yelling students. “Congratulations, Class of 2009!” I yelled and they all whooped. “If I could ask you all just to listen to me for a moment I'd really appreciate it.” They quieted down and all looked me. “As you all know, I was here for two weeks a couple of months ago. It was terrible at first, like reliving my worst childhood nightmares, because I was a real loser at school the first time around.” They laughed. “This time, I changed those memories, with the help of some friends,” I smiled at Allison and Archie, “some family,” I nodded at Dave who nodded and grinned back, “and some of the most amazing kids it's been my privilege to know.” The students clapped and whooped and then went quiet again. “I was able to get rid of all the negative memories from my days in school thanks to all of you and have no regrets, except one.”
I took a deep breath, here went nothing. “I deceived someone, hurt someone in my voyage to self-discovery. I made a mockery of his feelings and I never meant to humiliate him. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way about me, especially after everything that I've done, but I just wanted the chance to stand up here and say, I'm sorry. It's not nearly enough, I don't think anything could be enough, but he's everything I've ever dreamed of and I want him to know that I think I might be in love with him.”
The kids were all on their feet now, shouting, encouraging, supporting me and I felt a swell of emotion rise in me. If this didn't work, I'd be okay. I'd be heartbroken but I'd be okay. Eventually. I didn't turn around to look at Kris. I didn't want to make it apparent who it was I was talking about. It was up to him to make that decision, that move. When nothing happened, the crowd went quiet, my shoulders slumped and I stepped back from the microphone and started to walk off the stage.
Then a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I heard the murmuring from the kids and turned slowly to look down into Kris' brown eyes. There was a light there, laughter and something else that made me hope.
“What took you so long?” he asked.
I gaped at him. “Me? You told me to go away. You said goodbye. I thought I was respecting your wishes.”
He smiled. “You always listen to what people tell you to do?”
I grinned. “Not so much anymore. I'm going to be a rock star.” I lifted a hand and stroked it down his cheek. “I missed you. I came back to get you, because…all this, it's nothing without you.”
Kris moved his hand from my shoulder to behind my neck and tugged me down. “I think this is the part where you kiss me.”
And I did. In front of hundreds of kids and parents and teachers and friends and they were all cheering and clapping.
It was the best kiss in the history of the world. But wait, that's a line from a whole other story.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Six:
I think that this was the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s like all the bad memories of school are being washed away by the awesome new ones. I am a god now. Too cool for school. Micah, eat your heart out. This could all have been yours. Glambert for the win!
Monday was a revelation. I walked into school, in my new duds, with my new ‘tude and they all fell in love with me. Seriously. Men, women, boys, girls, babies and animals, all wanted the amazingness that was the all-new, improved, Adam Lambert.
Allison and Archie circled me like butterflies, touching and stroking and oohing. I just smiled. Danny and Mike invited me to sit with the football team at lunch. As if. I had seen ‘Clueless’ and ‘Never Been Kissed’ and I was not going to be the ugly duckling turned swan who turned my back on the people who liked me for me.
Except for Kris. When I walked into Music class that morning, he looked at me, glanced up and down and a little sneer crossed that pretty mouth and then he ignored me. Megan practically sat on my lap and Allison actually did as we tried to focus on the lesson. The giggling obviously became too much for our teacher because he ordered the girls to stay in their chairs and stop playing with their new toy. This made them laugh even harder and Dave spun around to look at me, eyebrows raised in question. I shook my head; I didn’t have a clue either. But I was going to find out.
We didn’t have Glee Club on Mondays but I waited until after school, when the classrooms were empty and the halls were ghost bare and went to find the object of my desire. He was putting some of the instruments away in the music closet and I leaned against the doorway, admiring the stretch and pull of his shirt across his back and his pants against his ass. A mighty fine ass it was and I made a little hum of appreciation which he heard.
His eyes weren’t friendly when they met mine. They were empty and I fiercely wanted something to show there, even if it was disdain or disapproval. So I stepped into the classroom and closed the door behind me, snicking the lock closed with a loud click. His eyes widened briefly and he said, “Unlock the door, Adam.”
I shook my head slowly and walked towards him. It might have actually been a stalk but he stood his ground. He was the adult here, of course. “No. I wanted to talk to you. In private.”
He stepped back and tried to step around me, but I was bigger than him and stopped him with the heat of my body and he glared at me. “This is inappropriate. I am your teacher. Now, either you open the door, or I will.”
I stepped closer, crowding him up against his desk until the backs of his thighs bumped the edge and he stopped. “I don’t think so. I just want to know one thing and then I’ll unlock the door and let you escape.”
He was trying so hard to be the figure of authority but I could see the little pulse fluttering in his neck and wanted to set my teeth there and mark him as my property, but I didn’t. “What…um…what do you want to know?” He asked, his voice a little ragged and I felt my own pulse racing.
I lowered my head until my mouth was at his ear. Where I had the courage from I don’t know, perhaps I was channeling Dave, and whispered, “Why don’t you like the way I look today?” My voice was rough and breathy and I felt the shiver he tried to control as my question flitted across his cheek.
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I smiled, a nasty smile that should have warned him his answer wasn’t enough. “That didn’t answer my question, teach.” I moved nearer, my body full length against his, and his eyes widened when he felt just how happy I was to see him. “Tell me the truth. What don’t you like about how I look?”
His hands came up then, curled around my arms and he tried to push me away. I wasn’t budging. “Adam. Let me go. Please.” The words were a plea, an order; an invitation and I bent down and took.
Kissing Kris was like stepping into the middle of a tornado and being swept up and whirled around and spat out the other side, broken and gasping and so fucking happy to be alive. His mouth was soft and sweet, lips full and I feasted. I hadn’t done a lot of kissing, I hadn’t done much more than kissing, but this man, made me wish for experience and ability and … he wasn’t moving.
“I’m sorry.” My voice was hoarse as I moved away. He hadn’t done anything, hadn’t kissed me back and I felt the scarlet rush of blood coating my neck and cheeks. I turned and raced to the door, fumbled with the lock and fled; ignoring him calling my name as I ran down the corridor, out into the sun-gold brightness of the afternoon. My own world had just come apart but everything else around me had stayed the same.
I struggled to get the key in the ignition and felt the sharp bite of panic when I saw Kris coming out of the school building at a run. God. Fuck. Start. Fuck. God. And my old faithful cranked into life and I threw the wheel in a dangerous circle and skidded out of the parking lot, looking back once to see Kris watching me run away.
That went well. Glambert obviously was a danger to himself and society at large and should only be let out for special occasions.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Seven:
Why do I have a brother that won’t let me hide when I am humiliated? Why do I have a best friend who buys me ice-cream to cheer me up and then eats it all himself? Why am I asking myself these stupid questions? Because it’s easier than facing the truth.
I have a sick note from my ‘dad’. I am not going to school today. Dave spent half the night laughing at me and the other half whining about his own lack of success. What a pair we are. I have visions of us with pipes and slippers and smelly dogs about thirty years down the line. Matt told us that we were both losers. I think he might be right.
Oh God. Why did I ever want to change my image? I was fine as me. I have a great career… okay, maybe not great, but at least I have a foot in the door and one day I will have that great career. Doorbell ringing. Will return to wallowing shortly…
“Why didn’t you come to school today?” Kris stood at my door, hands shoved into his front pockets, shoulders slightly hunched, face unreadable.
“I don’t …” I was stunned and stuttered, “I don’t feel too good.” He raised one eyebrow and looked at me. I shrugged. “My stomach.” I had nothing else to say.
He pushed past me and walked into my apartment. His gaze took in the half eaten pizza on the table as well as the open laptop with my …fuck! I rushed to slam it shut before he could take a look. That would have been the icing on my already fucked-up cake.
His eyes were narrowed on me. “We need to talk about what happened yesterday.” He looked around. “Are your parents home?”
I shook my head. “No. I live here with a couple of friends. My parents are in California.” Not a lie. “They think that I’m old enough to take care of myself.”
Kris frowned. “That’s not a usual set of circumstances.”
I smiled. Tried to anyway. “Matt is out of school and working, besides, my parents trust me.” Again with the honesty. About my parents trusting me anyway, although after this stunt, I don’t think they ever would again.
Kris went to the sofa and sat down. “We need to talk,” he repeated and I dragged my way to the chair opposite him. I was itching to invent some kind of contagious disease just so that I could get him out of my apartment and be able to compose myself.
I scowled at him. “There’s nothing to talk about. I was a dumb kid yesterday. I was playing dress-up and the character took over.”
Kris cocked his head to one side, watching me intently. “So, none of that was you? You didn’t want to kiss me?”
I stared at him incredulously. “Seriously, Kris? You want to have this conversation? You're my teacher. I can’t remember being more embarrassed in my entire life.” I could feel the skin on my neck and cheekbones heating up.
Kris grinned slightly. “I promise that before you’re my age, there will be plenty more humiliating moments.” He leaned forward, hands clasped between his legs. “It’s natural to have a crush on a teacher. It’s all part of the growing up process.”
I tried to restrain the eye-rolling but obviously wasn’t too successful because he huffed a bit and sat back. “I don’t have a crush on you, teach. I was experimenting.” I suddenly had a brilliant idea. “I was testing out reactions to my new look. When you saw me, you looked at me like I was shit under your shoe and I just wanted to prove a point. Maybe I went a bit overboard.”
Kris stayed skeptical. “Yeah, kissing your teacher, just a bit.”
I shook my head. “I am really sorry. That will never happen again.” I had my fingers crossed under my thigh. Totally acceptable lie this time. I was so going to kiss him again. If he ever forgave me once this stupid charade was over.
“It was really inappropriate.” Kris tried again. Good teacher. “If anyone had seen…” he trailed off and I sighed.
“Kris. Please, just stop. It was a moment of madness that won’t happen again. I swear to God. Stupid mistake, over excited about my make over. Take your pick.” Then I grinned. “Besides, you’re totally my type.”
Kris flushed and jumped to his feet. “Er…thanks?” He headed for the door and I stalked, I mean followed after him. “Just so we’re clear about it then.” He stopped, hand on the doorknob.
I crowded up behind him, deliberately getting into his space and felt a sort of mean satisfaction when I saw him take a deep breath. “Totally. Crystal. Like glass.” I assured him and smiled, all my teeth showing.
He opened the door and turned to me one more time. “No more pretending you’re sick. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”
I nodded. “Sure. My stomach feels better already.” We smiled at each other briefly and I admired the view as he headed down the passage to the elevator.
“And don’t stare at my ass.” He called. I grinned. Busted. It was an ass worth staring at.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Eight:
Simon was delighted with my report on the scene at The Cage but when I asked if I could go back to real life. He said no. I need a new job. Fuck my life.
Dave is moping around like a love-sick puppy. It's nauseating. The only good thing is that Archie jumps like a scalded bunny every time Dave comes anywhere near him. I’ll wear my old clothes tomorrow, maybe that will stop me from jumping my teacher. I think I’m going to distract myself with a little match-making. Just call me Cinderfella. Wait, she was the heroine. I guess that makes me the Fairy Godfather…
Archie played possum most of the day, ducking behind me or Allison every time Dave was around. My new best girl friend and I got tired of the sad little drama pretty quickly.
I grabbed hold of Archie and held his shoulders firmly. “Listen to me, Archuleta. This has to stop. If you don’t like Dave, then tell him and he’ll go away. This act of yours is pathetic. Man up, my boy.”
Archie looked up at me, all big eyes and terror. “But, he scares me.”
I grinned. “That’s because you like him.” I slung a friendly arm around his shoulder. “Does your stomach feel like a swarm of butterflies are flying around in it?” He nodded as we walked towards our Bio class. “If he’s not around, do you find yourself looking around for him?” Those brown eyes were wide and earnest as he nodded again. “That's a sign that you like him.” I smiled down at him.
“But...but he's a guy!” Archie sounded scandalized and I sighed. Why me? I was barely coping with my own case of unrequited love and now I had to help a seventeen year old negotiate the realization that he was not a girl's guy after all.
“So? Who says that you only have to like girls?” I asked as we headed slowly for the classroom. “Sexuality is a fluid thing, my young friend. Just because he's a guy, doesn't mean you can't like him in that way.”
Archie stared at me, torn between confusion and understanding. “I like you,” he told me.
I shook my head. “The question is, do you want to kiss me?” The look on his face was answer enough and I laughed and asked, “Would you like Dave to kiss you?” His expression was thoughtful and I decided that I had done enough of my brother's work for him today and left Archie contemplating all the possibilities.
Ms. Abdul, Paula as she told us to call her, was waxing lyrical about the reproductive abilities of fruit bats and I tuned out. I had to think of something more to give Simon to work with or else my job was history. I glumly contemplated being stuck in a repeat of my entire last year of high school. I glanced over at Dave who was sitting next to Archie, trying hard not to stare at him. Archie was not even trying to concentrate on the lesson. His gaze was fixed on Dave's mouth. Dave had a panicked look on his face and was studiously ignoring the fascinated stare. I just started laughing and couldn't stop. Paula made me stay after class and clean the blackboard. It was worth it.
I wandered into the boys’ locker room after gym class. I hadn't totally humiliated myself on the track but I was not a fan of anything that involved sweating on a field. Or perhaps I just hadn't discovered an activity that involved sweating on a field that interested me. I was the last one in because I was the last one to finish my laps. I was greeted by the sight of Archie leaning against Dave, offering him his mouth. I ducked back behind the lockers and peered through the slats in the door.
“What are you doing, David?” My brother's voice was an octave higher than normal and I had to shove my fist in my mouth to prevent the laughter escaping.
Sweet, innocent little Archie pressed against him, hands trailing up his arms and squeezing around his biceps, replied softly, “Trying to get you to kiss me?” The statement ended like a question and Dave frowned down at him.
“Why?” He sounded rough and a bit desperate.
“What do you mean, why?” Archie looked confused. I didn't blame him. If I wasn't so fixated on Kris, this adorable, soft-voiced, angelic boy with the ‘fuck-me’ mouth would have been irresistible. “Because I want you to.” As if that all made sense, which of course it did.
Dave's hands were still at his side and he lifted them, probably intending on pushing Archie away, but somehow, his fingers found the soft skin of Archie's cheek and stayed there, trailing across his nose and down to the full curve of his mouth. “Why me? I thought you liked Adam.” My usually self-assured brother sounded nervous, insecure and I prayed that Archie would say the right things.
“I did, I mean, I do.” Archie rested his forehead against Dave's chest, breathing deeply. “But I don't want to kiss him.” He lifted his head again, focused on Dave. “I want to kiss you.”
That seemed to do it for Dave, who wrapped his arms around Archie and hauled him close. I had to step back and away when they started kissing. It was sweet and hot and private. And Archie was only seventeen so I made a banging noise against one of the lockers and when I came around the corner, they were standing apart, breathing deeply and staring in shock at each other.
I asked, “So, does this mean you're going steady?”
It was immediately apparent to everyone in Glee club that David and David were a couple. I had spent about half an hour lecturing Dave about the fact that the boy didn't know he was twenty five and that it was illegal in every state for him to do anything other than kiss him. The dazed, starry-eyed expression on his face told me that he had heard about four words of mine and that I was going to have to watch them like a hawk. I didn't want to be a chaperone!
Kris looked between the two of them with a small grin on his face. Then he looked at me and I found myself blushing. The expression on his face was a little feral. I cursed my pale freckled skin and tried to concentrate on working out the kinks in the Queen duet with Archie.
“Guys, gather round.” Kris called us all to the piano and we made our way to him. He smiled and said, “I’ve entered us for next week’s sectionals. It’s a tough ask, but with Adam and Dave, I think we have the strongest crew we’ve had in years and have a real chance at making regionals, maybe even nationals.” He looked around at us and I could feel my heart sinking. I could not be a part of this. The Compton High Glee Club would be disqualified if Dave and I participated in a school contest and it was found out that we were adults with high school diplomas. We couldn’t do this. I caught Dave’s eye and read the same panic there. This was bad.
We waited until the rest of the club cleared out, Archie leaving reluctantly and promising to wait for Dave at his car.
“Um, Dave and I won’t be able to take part in the sectionals next week.” I decided that the direct approach would be the best.
Kris blinked and asked, “Why not?”
Think, Lambert! “We won’t be here.” Perfect.
Kris raised an eyebrow. “And where will you be?” The question was drawled and I nearly grinned at the skepticism.
“In California.” Dave supplied and I glanced over at him. “We have a Scientology thing we need to get done with.” I did the mental eye roll and turned to Kris again.
“A Scientology thing?” I really didn’t blame his doubt. Dave lied better than me, but it was still a pretty spectacularly bad lie.
“Yeah, um…Adam has to perform at a concert at the Center in Los Angeles. For Tom…” Oh dear lord in heaven he had to be the dumbest ass that ever lived.
“Tom?” Kris asked.
“Cruise.” Dave supplied helpfully and I wanted to drop my head into my hands and weep. Lamest, dumbest, most ridiculous lie ever in the history of the world. “He loves Adam’s voice so asked him to come and do the show. I’m just going along to see my family.” He shrugged. “Sorry.”
Kris nodded slowly, eyes speculative. I could see that he was still not convinced but I grabbed Dave’s arm and dragged him out with me before the lie got any bigger or stupider.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I hissed as we headed out of the school.
“He caught me off guard. I was thinking on the fly,” Dave replied defensively and I shook my head.
“You realize that we’re going to have to leave town for a few days?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Dave said glumly and then his eyes lit up when he spotted Archie slouching against his car. “Road trip?” he asked and I laughed.
“We can do that. Only, your bright and shiny new boyfriend is going to be busy with the sectionals so he won’t be able to come.” I said this with relish and Dave’s face fell.
“Right.” And then Archie was in his arms and kissing him and I just sighed and headed for my car.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Nine:
I would just like to state for the record that my boss is an asshole. He’s ordered me to do the Glee Club thing. I’ve tried explaining that it’s ILLEGAL but he’s not listening to me. The thing is, I can’t do it to Kris and the kids in the club. It’s their sanctuary from the rest of the hell of school and if Dave and I screw this up and they get penalized then I will be the biggest douche bag that ever lived.
I will just have to find another story to keep Simon happy. Hey, maybe I can ask Kris if I can sing with his band on Friday at The Cage. I look the part now…
Thursday I decided to try another of my new outfits. It was obvious that the attitude had changed along with the clothes so I might as well dress the part.
Skin tight black denims, a tight black shirt (did wonders for that damn spare tire around my belly) and the blue and plaid shirt, finished with a black studded belt and chunky black boots. I decided to put on the eyeliner and mascara as well and my hair decided to play nice, spiky and cool.
I looked for Kris before my first class started. He was busy in the music room, tinkering on the piano, a sweet, slow melody that I recognized but couldn’t place. I knocked softly on the door and he looked up and just for a moment, his eyes were unguarded and he looked delighted to see me.
I smiled at him and he waved me in. “Hey, Adam. I don’t think it’s your class now.”
I shook my head, still smiling. “It’s not. I’m due in Chem. in about five minutes. I just came to ask you a favor.”
“Okay. Ask away.”
“I wanted to know if you would be willing to let me sing with you tomorrow night at The Cage.” I saw the frown starting and hurried on. “I just want to sing a song or two. It’s sort of a wish fulfillment thing. To sing with a band.”
Kris asked, “But I thought you did concerts with the Scientologists?”
I recovered quickly. “Not like this though. I want the whole band experience in a club. I haven’t done that before and I really think that it’s something I will enjoy. You know, to go with the whole new me?”
Kris tipped his head to one side. “I don’t know that this is your scene though.”
I nodded. “That’s okay. I realize that I may come across as vanilla and not rocky road but I really want a chance to try to get myself out of this …” I was struggling because this was more than just me trying to get a story for Simon, more than trying to impress my guy-crush. It was me trying to find out where I fit in and I had a strange feeling that I fit on a stage, with a Goth-rock band behind me, belting out songs to make the skies scream. And Kris was the only one who could give me a chance to find it out.
Kris was just watching me. I wanted desperately to tell him who I was and what I was and that I was utterly fascinated by him but I didn’t because it would alienate him and the last thing I wanted was him looking at me in disgust.
“Please. Just one song.” I begged him and I saw the slope of his shoulders answer me before the rough response.
“One song. And if they hate you…” his warning was valid but suddenly, the only thing on my mind was getting on that stage and fucking the audience until they were all in the palm of my hand. Maybe it was the clothes, perhaps a new confidence thanks to my brother, could even have been the validation from the members of the Glee Club. Regardless of the cause, I was sure that performing at The Cage was going to be the beginning of the rest of my life.
“If they hate me, then I’ll have my answer and won’t try it again.” I stared at him, trying to will him to see inside me, to see that there was more to me than this student he was so intent on avoiding. “But if they love me…” I smiled and could feel the heat curl in my belly. “If they love me, then I’ll know that this is what I was meant to be.” I could feel that it was my own personal truth, that maybe I had been sent back to school to find out who I was and what I could be. The thought that I had wasted nine years of my life fumbling around in the dark and in a dead end career made me feel a little ill, but hey, it was never too late to start the rest of your life.
The Journal of an Adult (reluctantly) in High School by Adam Lambert
Day Ten:
I am done with this school thing. I called Simon today and told him to fire me but that I wasn’t going back to school on Monday. There is only so much an adult can take of teenaged angst and drama. I have reached my own personal limit. I mentioned to Simon that I was going to be singing at The Cage tonight and he told me that if I reported back to him on the reaction to my voice and music, then I could come back. The question is, do I want to?
I wanted to dress to impress so called in Dave to help make sure I looked the part. He looked at what I had chosen and smiled. “You're a natural at this, bro. You don't need any help from me.”
I felt a small measure of pleasure. I would never have believed that I could put outfits like this together. I pulled on the black leather pants and the tight white tee shirt. I slung a studded belt around my waist and put on the spiked boots that looked as though they were a deadly weapon. The last part of the outfit was the most expensive thing I had bought on my shopping spree the past weekend. It was a thigh length black leather coat, shot with strips of metal along the sleeves and the hemline. The shoulders were almost like armor and I looked like a warrior.
Dave helped me to put on the war paint that completed the outfit. Eyeliner and glitter and lip gloss and I was ready to take the stage. I looked good. For the first time in my life, I was secure enough to look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge that I looked good. It was almost too much to believe. The person I had become was so very far from the person I had been.
And fuck, it was all thanks to Simon's hare-brained idea, which meant that I actually had to make a success of it.
The Cage was a rocking, roiling mass when Dave and I arrived with Archie and Matt in tow. We had managed to persuade Allison to stay at home this time. It hadn't taken much, just the blunt reminder of her less than glorious exit from the club the week before.
This time, the bouncer took one look at me and stepped aside, opened the door and honest-to-god winked at me, Maybe I would get lucky tonight? That might be nice. But I was a romantic and the only one I wanted happened to be the most unavailable man on the planet for me right now.
There he was. My heart gave a little skip of glee and I moved to the stage, looking up at the glam rock god singing his face off up there. He made me ache and burn and need. God, I needed him and I couldn't have him and it was making me crazy. One thing I was learning about myself, I didn't do the waiting game very well. Now that I was the new me, I wanted and I reached out and I took. Except, I couldn't take here. I had to keep my distance and pretend that I was a good little boy and wasn't dying to fuck the cute little rocker throwing himself around on the stage.
Being me sucked lemons right now.
Then he saw me and that slow southern smile rolled across his face until I literally saw him remembering who I was and what I was and what age I was supposed to be and the 'fuck me' expression disappeared until he was just smiling at me and singing to me and I was melting into the floor like a regency novel heroine. I was pathetic.
“Hey everybody, we have a bit of a treat for y'all tonight.” That lazy drawl took me by surprise and suddenly I realized that I was up and I had better get ready or else I was going to crash and burn even before I took off. “One of my students asked me for a favor He asked to sing a song or two for you guys here tonight. So I said yes. Come on up here, Adam.” He motioned to me and I walked up the stairs on the side after a bit of rude prodding from my crew.
Kris shook my hand and gestured towards his band. “I'm gonna lend these guys to you for a bit, okay? Just tell them what you want to sing, I guarantee they'll know it.” With one last encouraging smile, he headed down the stairs and joined Dave, Matt and Archie.
I looked over at the band and asked the guitarist, “Do you know “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley?” The quick grin was enough of a reply and he struck the first few chords.
“I remember, I remember, when I lost my mind...” And I took them and rolled them and made them all my bitches until they were screaming my name and chanting for more.
“You want another?” I asked, drenched with sweat and incandescent with exhilaration. The loud cheer from the crowd was my answer and I sang the opening words to “Mad World” and took them all apart and put them all back together again.
I ruled The Cage that night. I could have taken any one of them home with me, gay straight, man, woman but the only one I wanted was Kris and he just stood there, smiling proudly at me like he was my dad or something and I wanted to yell at him and tell him that I was actually older than him and totally crazy for him and beg him to kiss me again.
But I didn't. I jumped off the stage and motioned for my friends to head for the door. The hands stroked and grabbed, the voices begged and praised. I just wanted to get out of there and leave the insanity of the last two weeks behind me.
My last glimpse of Kris was him getting back on stage and shouting, “How 'bout that Adam Lambert, everyone?” And them all shouting back at him about how awesome I was. He was the awesome one. Only he didn't know it. But maybe some time in the future he would give me the chance to show him.
Then all hell broke loose. Matt and Dave were confronted by a big guy, tattooed and nasty and belligerent.
“So who's the bottom and who's the top with you two girlies?” He was drunk and mean and I could see that he would take them both out if they responded.
Neither of them was particularly good about not responding in the face of taunting.
“Well, big boy, maybe you'd like to try being a bottom with one of us?” Matt's question had me dropping my head in exasperation. This is why I didn't go out with them. They always ended up dragging me into trouble of some sort.
The bully took a second or ten to process the insult and then his face turned red and he roared and swung at Matt, who ducked. The meaty fist collided with the face of someone standing next to Matt and only when I saw him go down did I realize it was Archie. Dave yelled in rage and dropped down next to Archie who was pretty much out of it. Matt dived at the big guy, using his shoulder as a spear and they went hurtling back. I raced over to Dave and Archie and when my brother saw that I had Archie in my care, he took off after them.
Archie mumbled and I hooked my arm underneath his shoulders and pulled him up against me. “What?” he asked and I looked down at his split lip and swollen jaw. Suddenly I wanted to be in the melee with my brother and friend. No one should ever hurt Archie like that. He was sweet and innocent and I found a growl emerging.
“That big asshole hit you instead of Matt.” I motioned to the now full-on club fight and Archie's face was horrified.
“But...but Cook, he might get hurt!”
I rolled my eyes and held him back. “You stay right here, little man, Dave can handle himself.”
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Kris. “Maybe you should get Archie out of here?” he suggested and I nodded. That would be smart. I helped Archie to his feet and started hustling him out of the club. Close to the door I was knocked over by a flying body and I hit the floor with a thud. I could feel the bruises forming and grunted with the impact. A hand in my hair yanked my head back and I gasped as tears sprang to my eyes from the pain. I reared up and back and into a solid mass of muscle. The behemoth who was pulling out my hair squealed as I jabbed him in the gut with my elbow and I was reluctantly dragged into the fight. I caught Archie's frightened face out of the corner of my eye and worried about him for a second until a fist appeared in my vision and I ducked to avoid permanent disfigurement.
The fight lasted about ten minutes, although it felt like hours, until the police arrived and broke it up. They hauled Dave, Matt, me and a bunch of others into the station, including the thug who had started everything. I was sitting in the booking office when I saw Kris come in with Archie in tow and felt my heart sink. Kris spoke urgently with the desk officer who motioned towards us.
They headed our way and Kris asked, “Can I call your parents to arrange bail or something?” Dave and I exchanged glances. This was bad. We didn't need to have parents to come and bail us out. We'd already given our statements, along with our real identity documents and the police had been pretty accommodating. When Dave had explained how the fight started and that they had only responded to Archie being hit, the sergeant had nodded and told us that the owner of the club wasn't pressing charges and we could leave if we decided not to press charges on thug-boy ourselves. Dave, Matt and I had shared a look and all replied in the negative. This was an incident best forgotten.
“Um, thanks teach, but no-one here is pressing charges so we're good to go.” I stood up and had to jump out of the way as Archie barreled into Dave. They held each other tightly and Dave dropped his head and whispered something urgently to Archie who nodded, smiled and then tucked his head into the hollow of Dave's neck. It looked like he was planning on staying there a while.
“Oh.” Kris appeared nonplussed. “Well, that's good. So, can I give you a ride back to your car?”
Matt shook his head. “Thanks, man, but I am going to talk to that pretty little police lady over there. She's been giving me the eye all night.” I grinned as my optimistic friend headed for the unsuspecting woman. Dave also declined, telling us that he was going to walk Archie home. My warning glare was completely ignored and I prayed that I wasn't going to be visiting the police station again in the near future, this time for the corruption of a minor. That left me.
I looked at Kris who smiled, tight and brief and said, “Thanks, I'd appreciate that.” As we were leaving, the charge officer returned our documents to us and I stuffed my driver’s license in my pocket swiftly. No sense in tempting fate.
Kris was silent most of the way back to the club. I babbled nervously as I tended to do when I was unsure in a situation. Actually, until this past weekend and my transformation from ugly duckling to glam rock swan, most situations made me nervous.
“I'm really grateful to you for doing this for me.” I told his profile. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes.
He sighed. “I'm your teacher, Adam. I was obligated as the adult there tonight to make sure you all got home safely.” He stopped suddenly and a small grin crossed his mouth. “Is Archie safe with Dave?” he asked.
I shrugged, uncomfortably aware that I wasn't sure of the answer myself. “Dave knows that Archie is a minor. He won't do anything that will land him in jail.” I hope, I thought to myself. With hormones and lust, sometimes common sense just flew out of the window.
“I'm glad we got this chance to talk.” Kris said and I looked sharply at him. “I wanted to talk to you about that kiss and ...”
I groaned. “Please. Can we just not? I told you it was a heat of the moment thing and I am so very sorry that I did that.” I dropped my head back on the car seat and closed my eyes.
The car stopped and Kris asked, “You know that a teacher and a pupil having a relationship, or even an encounter like we did, is grounds for my immediate dismissal?”
My eyes flew open and I stared at him. “For fuck's sake! Will you let it go? I kissed you, and no one but the two of us knows about it. Why are you harping on about it?”
Kris turned to me. “What if I told you that the feelings that I have for you are inappropriate? What if I said that since you kissed me, that's pretty much all I can think about? What if I wanted to do more than kiss you?”
My mouth was open but no sound was emerging. I was shocked into silence. “Um.”
His mouth twisted a little as he looked at me. He turned his body to face me and stared. “Anything you want to say here?”
“I...I...” Nothing intelligent was presenting itself.
“I know this isn't a good idea. In fact, it's pretty much a spectacularly bad idea and I shouldn't even be talking to you about this. But, you're done with school in a couple of months and there are only a few years between us and I sort of hoped that maybe, in a few months, once you've graduated and I'm not your teacher anymore...”
I shut him up with my mouth. I pushed in and took. My tongue was a weapon that insisted on total control and he responded by opening up and giving me everything. I leaned forward and over him, my body overwhelmingly larger than his. He let me. My hands moved to his waist and pressed, the normally ticklish spots becoming pressure points that made him groan and move.
“Adam. Stop. We can't. Not until you're finished school.” He had much more control than I did and he eased me back with firm hands. I sat back and was rewarded with a slow smile from kiss-swollen lips. I made a movement toward him again, but he held his hand up. “No.”
I pouted a little. I had been enjoying myself. “Fine. Be noble and holy and whatever.”
He grinned and then leaned down and picked something up from the floor. It was my driver's license. Shit, fuck, crap. He looked at it and then started to hand it to me. I was almost safe when he pulled back and looked down at it again. “Date of birth, January 29, 1982.” He read it out and it sounded like an ax falling. He looked up at me, eyes confused. “Is this a fake ID, Adam?”
I had a moment there. Would I tell him a lie and carry on the masquerade, enjoying a few months, days, whatever with him and ultimately lose him when he finally discovered the truth, or tell him the truth and lose him now, before anything had even started?
“It's not a fake.” I told him quietly and watched his face change, expression harden as he realized what I was telling him.
“What does that mean?” His voice was dark, puzzled and I felt a pang of remorse. This wasn't supposed to have happened.
“I'm twenty-seven years old and I am an executive at Cowell Records.” I told him and watched him moving away from me in leaps and bounds.
“Why are you posing as a high school student?” He looked devastated and I was sick to my stomach knowing that I was the one responsible.
“It was a job that my boss forced me into on threat of firing. He had some lame-ass idea that the only way to learn about what kids are listening to these days was to send someone into the high schools. That ended up being yours truly.” I was desperate to make things right with him.
“So you're an adult, with a job, and you've been fooling everyone at school for the past two weeks so that you can keep your job?” His summary was bitter and I could understand it completely.
“Yes. I'm sorry. I never meant things to get so complicated. It was supposed to be an easy thing, where I was supposed to stay under the radar and just find out stuff about what music the kids liked today. It got messy.” I willed him to understand and forgive.
“I see.” He was non committal and then leaned over me and popped the door. “I guess this is goodbye then.” So forgiveness wasn't going to be granted.
I climbed out and then bent down, ducking my head back inside. “For what it's worth, what happened between us, it was real. I didn't pretend being into you.” His face was blank, expressionless. “I swear to you, Kris. When I kissed you that was me. The real Adam. The adult Adam. Kissing you was as close to making love as anything has come in my life. If nothing else, you need to believe that.” It was pathetic, admitting that to him, but I wanted him to know that what I felt about him was not fake.
“Goodbye Adam.” He replied and pulled the door closed, almost cutting off my nose in the process. He put his car in gear and drove away. Well, that sounded pretty final. I guess losing my virginity would have to wait until someone else came along. Someone better. Although, I had the sneaking suspicion that Kris was about as perfect for me as God could have created.
I have to admit that I moped the weekend away. I got home to find that Dave had confessed everything to a surprised Archie and that they had agreed to keep seeing each other but to keep it PG until Archie turned eighteen in December. I smiled and congratulated him and silently whimpered that my boy of choice did not feel the same.
I think my brother and best friend finally had enough of me by Sunday afternoon. Matt kicked me in the ankle and muttered, “Grow a pair, dickhead. If you really like the guy then get him to talk to you and listen to you.”
I glared at him. “Do you think I didn't try that? The thing is, I can't blame him. I lied to him. For two weeks solid, I made him think that I was an off-limits kid that he was having feelings for. As a teacher, that must have sucked big time and it must have given him sleepless nights. I hate that. I feel like shit.”
Dave offered, “Why don't you make some kind of grand gesture, you know, to prove that you really care about him?”
I dropped my head into the cushion on my lap. I was sort of enjoying my own little pity party. A solution wasn't really forthcoming.
“What sort of 'gesture'?” I asked.
Dave shrugged. “Dude, I don't know. You're the one who fucked up, you know him best. What would make him give you another chance?”
That question stayed with me for the rest of the weekend. I wallowed in my misery which wasn't helped by the very cute sight of Archie snuggling up to my brother. Dave was trying to behave himself, but his boyfriend was not helping the situation. If I hadn't been so miserable I would have laughed my ass off. Poetic justice for my hound dog brother indeed.
Sunday night, I got into bed, no closer to a resolution than when I started. I lay in the dark, remembering those two amazing kisses from a man I thought I could fall in love with so very easily. That empty space in my heart suggested that I was a little closer to that than I cared to admit.
I woke up on Monday morning with the solution fully formed in my head. I knew exactly what I needed to do.
I strode into the Cowell Records offices that morning and walked straight past Kara, Simon's secretary, who shouted at me to stop. He looked up at me, surprised as I walked in.
“Lambert. Do you have an appointment?” His tone was sarcastic and biting but I wasn't going to let him intimidate me today.
“Simon, I am here to tender my resignation.” His eyebrows shot up and I continued. “I want you to let me cut a demo in the studio. If you hate it then I will work my month's notice and get out of your hair.” He opened his mouth but I carried on, “But, if you like what you hear, then I want a contract, a deal with Cowell Records and it will be a twenty-four hour notice period then.” I waited.
“You must think a lot of your voice then, Adam,” was all that he said and I nodded mutely. He pushed his intercom and spoke, “Kara, please ask Anoop to set up a session in the studio for Adam this afternoon. I think we're about to discover a star.”
I stared at him. “What?”
Simon smiled and said, “I've always known that you have the voice to make it big. You just needed to believe it too.”
I grinned, light-headed and dizzy with delight. “You are a very devious man, Mr. Cowell.” I told him.
He nodded. “Yes, I am, it's what has made me who I am today.”
Kara buzzed and her disembodied voice told us that I was scheduled for recording at three pm that afternoon. I felt my stomach drop as I realized that this could be the beginning of every dream I'd ever had.
Matt went with me to the studio. He called Dave who came over as well. I knew that my brother was going to be the next in line for a contract. His sound was different to mine but once I established myself, then I could focus on helping him.
The producer asked me what I wanted to sing and I handed him a CD of a song that Dave and I had written together. “Broken Open” was about letting someone be so open with you that they trusted you to hold them up when they were falling down. The song was simple and vulnerable and it asked me to strip my voice down to its most basic self. He put it in, listened to it, raised a brow and smiled. He spent a couple of minutes copying it and adding a soft beat and back track and then motioned me into the booth.
I nailed it. First time. I could see it by the expression on his face and the smiles on Matt and Dave's faces. He told me to do it again though, and I did. And it was even better. I looked up and saw Simon and Anoop standing there too, both of them nodding and smiling and I knew that I had my contract and my career. Now I just had to get my guy.
The next few months were filled with recording sessions and late nights arguing about how the album should look and sound and what the cover should look like. Simon was in a big hurry to get it out before Christmas. I even managed to get him to let Dave duet with me on a song. It was a crazy-ass rock ballad that let the two of us mix our voices into a weird blend that somehow worked. His rough rocker voice and my smooth falsetto combined in a song about friendship and going to the end of the line for one another. It was going to be huge.
Archie graduated and we were all there, cheering and clapping and he waved his diploma at us as he walked off the stage. I saw Kris on the platform with the other teachers and he made a point of ignoring me. Archie had told us that he was planning on leaving Compton at the end of the school year and was heading for Hollywood to try his luck in the music business. He had also told us that Katy and Kris had split up and that Kris had handed Glee over to Paula, which made me shudder.
But I had plans for Kris Allen and they were just about to come to life. The principal then gave his address and at the end announced, “We have a musical guest here today everyone. He's someone you all got to know for a couple of weeks a few months ago. He was researching the sort of music that students listen to these days and he managed to make us all believe that he was an eighteen year old student. I am sure no one looking at him now will say that. I give you, Adam Lambert!”
I stood up to loud applause, mostly from my friends in the Glee Club and grinned at them, waved and headed for the stage. Kris looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there. The music for “If I Had You” played through the school sound system and I started singing. The kids were shouting and cheering and stomping and I strutted across that stage like I owned it.
I was just hoping that Kris was listening to the words. They were written for him, about him and were being sung to him. ”But if I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need. Yeah, if I had you, then money, fame and fortune never could compete. If I had you, life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy, yeah if I had you.”
I finished with a flourish and bowed to the whistling and yelling students. “Congratulations, Class of 2009!” I yelled and they all whooped. “If I could ask you all just to listen to me for a moment I'd really appreciate it.” They quieted down and all looked me. “As you all know, I was here for two weeks a couple of months ago. It was terrible at first, like reliving my worst childhood nightmares, because I was a real loser at school the first time around.” They laughed. “This time, I changed those memories, with the help of some friends,” I smiled at Allison and Archie, “some family,” I nodded at Dave who nodded and grinned back, “and some of the most amazing kids it's been my privilege to know.” The students clapped and whooped and then went quiet again. “I was able to get rid of all the negative memories from my days in school thanks to all of you and have no regrets, except one.”
I took a deep breath, here went nothing. “I deceived someone, hurt someone in my voyage to self-discovery. I made a mockery of his feelings and I never meant to humiliate him. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way about me, especially after everything that I've done, but I just wanted the chance to stand up here and say, I'm sorry. It's not nearly enough, I don't think anything could be enough, but he's everything I've ever dreamed of and I want him to know that I think I might be in love with him.”
The kids were all on their feet now, shouting, encouraging, supporting me and I felt a swell of emotion rise in me. If this didn't work, I'd be okay. I'd be heartbroken but I'd be okay. Eventually. I didn't turn around to look at Kris. I didn't want to make it apparent who it was I was talking about. It was up to him to make that decision, that move. When nothing happened, the crowd went quiet, my shoulders slumped and I stepped back from the microphone and started to walk off the stage.
Then a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I heard the murmuring from the kids and turned slowly to look down into Kris' brown eyes. There was a light there, laughter and something else that made me hope.
“What took you so long?” he asked.
I gaped at him. “Me? You told me to go away. You said goodbye. I thought I was respecting your wishes.”
He smiled. “You always listen to what people tell you to do?”
I grinned. “Not so much anymore. I'm going to be a rock star.” I lifted a hand and stroked it down his cheek. “I missed you. I came back to get you, because…all this, it's nothing without you.”
Kris moved his hand from my shoulder to behind my neck and tugged me down. “I think this is the part where you kiss me.”
And I did. In front of hundreds of kids and parents and teachers and friends and they were all cheering and clapping.
It was the best kiss in the history of the world. But wait, that's a line from a whole other story.