I think I might've lost my job just now. I've been late too many times. In particular, this was the third open I was late for in the last 2 weeks. Bad news. I came in for a few minutes but then John Faust showed up and Rachael said "I have to send you home. I shouldn't have even called you in. I'm sorry." and I replied "Am I going to get fired?" ( Read more... )

Today is my 3-year anniversary of horn playing!

I almost forgot to update before the New Year! I think this shall be my last entry ever. I know I've said that before, but in the past the motivation was always fear or anger or distrust (of myself mostly) and now my motivation is love. What I mean is that I am going to love who I am and how I do things and how I think and what I like and I don't ( Read more... )

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out in what way(s) I am different from other people, then when I do something that everyone else does I beat myself up for it. For example, while I was at NYSOS I was explicitly trying to get laid. Really. I was hitting on a number of girls in the hopes one would pan out. I think this last semester, so filled ( Read more... )

It makes me jealous and frustrated to hang out with someone like Emily. She is principal bass. She is sexual by nature (aren't we all? Some just suppress it or show it in non-sexual ways, I think). We click. I am certain that if she didn't have a boyfriend, we would've hooked up tonight. It's like this overwhelming trend for me to be attracted to ( Read more... )

This thing is killer. So much playing. So many people. No time or energy for a full update. It feels weird to be in EST. My dad is coming to the first concert and my mom to the second. It will be the first time I've SEEN my dad in a year and a half. It was almost a full calendar year without seeing him! I almost wish it would wait, just for the ( Read more... )

OK so I drank a lot this weekend. I got very very drunk on Thursday, missed my last Music History class and was a few minutes late to the final that I scheduled to take early because I'm leaving for NYC tomorrow. Nonetheless I feel quite confident about getting an "A" in that class. I finished my 9-page paper on Hedda Gabler late Monday night and ( Read more... )

Nick Rizzo, Lindsay MacDowall and I met at OCC. Nick is best friends with Micah Rich, who I was "best" friends with in the 3rd and 4th grade when I went to Camillus. Lindsay dated Nick for a few years. They broke up this summer. Lindsay is now dating Nick Streeter, who I knew from my days at CNS. Lindsay also dated Drew Taurisano and Adam McGrady, ( Read more... )

I'm feeling that sort of uncertainty that is so unsettling. I'm feeling like I wish I were back in last year... like I liked that person better. At the same time, I don't like that person too much either; he was so obsessed with Meagan! I'm not saying I'm "over her" in the sense that I don't think about her (we still talk every couple weeks or so) ( Read more... )

I'm getting coffee with Caitlin Cisler in an hour. I know, right?