This post has been brewing in my mind for some time now... Hopefully I can articulate everything I've been feeling and thinking lately
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*big, big hugs* I know this pain so well and I'm so sorry you are going through this. How do you reshape your identity, your sense of self, when the thing you love is the thing that causes you so much pain? I honestly don't know and still struggle with it myself. And the guilt. I said something very similar to my husband tonight. I feel guilty for whining about my issues when there is so much other pain in the world, but living with the limitations everyday is so draining. I don't mean to sound discouraging. I know that you will find a solution and discover a way to enjoy costuming one way or another. We both will. I just wanted you to know that I really understand the place you are coming from. *hugs*
thank you, aubry :) i'm both happy and sad that you understand these struggles! i wouldn't wish this on anyone. it really, really touched me when you asked me about it at the francaise dinner, and i didn't get a chance to tell you that. but it meant a lot to me.
I love reading your posts and historical costuming adventures. I am also hapa and while that shouldn't matter, I do enjoy knowing there are more of us out there. So sorry you are unable to do what you desire and the future is so uncertain. Uncertainty can be very uncomforting.
Although this may be challenging, you seem like a person who will work through it and figure things out.
I look forward to whatever path you may take for a short while or a longer journey. Best wishes.
First of all, I want to give you an enormous virtual hug.
Second of all, you shouldn't feel guilty for being upset. You're not whining or self centered. Everyone is allowed to be upset when something terrible happens, no matter how insignificant it may seem in the bigger picture. What you feel is real and just as valid as the sadness and pain that anyone else feels. And depression is not easy. It tears away at your life in ways you don't even realize. (sleep schedules get all fucked up, for example. It took me ages to put two and two together on that one.) I struggle with severe depression myself and it can hurt a lot. But you just have to remember that depression lies. Just say it over and over to yourself. Things may seem hopeless right now but they're not. I can't say what will happen with your wrist or if you can sew like you used to, but I KNOW that you will find happiness and a way out of this darkness. Try to focus on the positive things in your life and the rest will fall into place. I'm a firm believer that everything
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You're not whining! You're in pain, emotional more than physical, and you have every right to express that pain. As far as I'm concerned there is no hierarchy in suffering. The person who is sad because they lost their pet (who died quietly in it's sleep due to old age) has just as much right to suffer and be comforted as the person who lost their father due to tragic and unexpected circumstances. I know this from experience (as I think you know) and would never belittle someone else's pain because it couldn't possibly be as monumental as mine was. I do hope that you will try whatever drastic treatments your doctors suggest, even the scary, painful sounding ones. And that you get your joy back :) *hugs* you are a lovely wonderful person who has a lot more to look forward to in life, I'm sure of it *hugs again*
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Although this may be challenging, you seem like a person who will work through it and figure things out.
I look forward to whatever path you may take for a short while or a longer journey. Best wishes.
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Second of all, you shouldn't feel guilty for being upset. You're not whining or self centered. Everyone is allowed to be upset when something terrible happens, no matter how insignificant it may seem in the bigger picture. What you feel is real and just as valid as the sadness and pain that anyone else feels. And depression is not easy. It tears away at your life in ways you don't even realize. (sleep schedules get all fucked up, for example. It took me ages to put two and two together on that one.) I struggle with severe depression myself and it can hurt a lot. But you just have to remember that depression lies. Just say it over and over to yourself. Things may seem hopeless right now but they're not. I can't say what will happen with your wrist or if you can sew like you used to, but I KNOW that you will find happiness and a way out of this darkness. Try to focus on the positive things in your life and the rest will fall into place. I'm a firm believer that everything ( ... )
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As far as I'm concerned there is no hierarchy in suffering.
The person who is sad because they lost their pet (who died quietly in it's sleep due to old age) has just as much right to suffer and be comforted as the person who lost their father due to tragic and unexpected circumstances. I know this from experience (as I think you know) and would never belittle someone else's pain because it couldn't possibly be as monumental as mine was.
I do hope that you will try whatever drastic treatments your doctors suggest, even the scary, painful sounding ones. And that you get your joy back :) *hugs* you are a lovely wonderful person who has a lot more to look forward to in life, I'm sure of it *hugs again*
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mike told me he had the absolute loveliest time with you and calum. i'm so glad! and a bit jealous ;-)
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