i can't face the chance or perhaps pending reality that things might be over. how do you say goodbye to such a huge part of your life to the extent that you say goodbye to a part of yourself that you long surrendered? i'm scared. i know things have to change - i just hope that i can be a part of the change and not end up alone. i'm tired from ( Read more... )

i haven't written in a while so here's the update: i broke my toe and i start physical therapy (and vicodin!) soon for my neck (both from that damn car accident in november). i got a huge speeding ticket for going 17mph over and i am glad i got it i spite of the fine and points- it's really about fucking time. school's a bore and i feel like i am ( Read more... )

4 exams, 2 papers and my car is totaled. this is not what i need right now. it was the other girl's fault and i am the one having to deal with tons of insurance crap, a rental car, and now having to go look & buy the used car. i don't want another car - i want my car dammit! but apparently when the damage costs more than the car is worth that ( Read more... )

the winds cuts up my face and the darkness seals the end of a long day. i went to the art gallery after class since i wasn't ready to face home just yet. images: flowers sprouting out of cement walls... guns pointed at you as you step into a neon buzzing space... a blood stained dress...tea bags sewn together as a reminder of the cruelty of death ( Read more... )

as i was leaving campus late tonight, the sky was positively eerie and unforgiving, as if it knew a dark secret you promised you'd never tell but did anyway ( Read more... )

map out your world and i'll find the space between. you'll own the life you dreamed of and i'll exist in the one i've always had. as i am sad and lonely and think of you, hoping you're thinking of me, let that be enough. let us always be enough my love.

when will i stop feeling this way? i hate being me sometimes. i don't even recognize reflections of myself. maybe disintegration has taken over and my parts equal more than my whole.

there's something tragically beautiful about being broken but it has perhaps become my own demise.

my life has been indescribable lately. i am so different now then i was before dave entered my life. i am so in love and it has changed the way i view and live life. even love songs, make me think of him or us. and the biggest one of all: i smile to myself all the time, basking in the love he showers me in and in how much i deeply feel it for him ( Read more... )

after an extended hiatus of busy life and a lengthy emergency trip to my dear d.c. i have returned! it was (believe it or not) needed in my life right now... to give me perspective and ground me from the free floating i tend to do. when someone is dying, it is essential to check your emotional bullshit at the door. otherwise you're not really there ( Read more... )

not even my polyester fears and saccharin tears soothe. my eyes ache while my heart beats elsewhere. like a house of cards, i collapse beneath the weight of one too many experiences.