A monologue about infidelity

[resk]

At the end of this month, I'll be going to another "cattle call" audition, much like this one but for 10 theaters instead of 5 and in Detroit instead of Ann Arbor. I need another monologue that contrasts with my wacky comedic piece about the redundancy inherent within consumerism -- which I've been meaning to post because it's so brilliantly

Comments

[nettie75]

I do think that ignorance is bliss. I have never been cheated on-to my knowledge-but if any of my exes came up to me today and said "I cheated on you back in 2004." it would do me no good today.

[resk]

Exactly. I've been in a few cheater/cheatee situations, and whenever there is a confession, it has only caused heartache and pain. It has never had any kind of positive impact whatsoever. I've also been witness to cheating situations where confessions are never made -- the cheating just stops and the relationship carries on without a problem.

I wrestled with the morality of this for a long time. Prolly cuz I was raised Catholic and was brainwashed into believing that I must confess the truth at all costs. Life outside the church is more complex than that.

[anonymous]

Great monologue - I'd so love to be able to watch you do this one.

- The Little Indian Girl.

[mirlandano]

I dunno. I gotta say - I really really really wish my ex-husband would have the balls to just fucking admit to it. If it wasn't obvious, yeah, maybe living in ignorance would be nice. But the lies upon lies at the end of our marriage made any reconciliation impossible. And his continued denial of it made it very difficult for me to move on and had a huge impact on my early post-divorce relationships. Hell, it still affects my relationships, not as obviously or as severely, but it does.

Just fucking admit it. Because when your partner knows, even if the relationship is over, to not admit it is just being selfish. Not that I'd expect a cheater to be anything but.

And, not that you asked, but, if I was with someone who was cheating, I would want to know. I don't know if I could continue in the relationship, perhaps and maybe probably, but if I found out months or even years later, I definitely wouldn't be able to.

[resk]

It would be a weird conversation, but part of me thinks that being up front about whether or not you should tell the other person if you've been sleeping around -- from the beginning of the relationship -- would be a wise idea. Because different people have different philosophies about it.

[mirlandano]

It is a very awkward conversation to start, but I agree that it's a good one to have. It's relatively easy for me to have with people - when the story of the divorce comes up I can easily tack on something along the lines of "so, please, if you ever cheat... just tell me. I might be mad. I'll probably be hurt. But I will be much more forgiving if you tell me sooner rather than later and, trust me, it's going to come out sometime. It almost always does. And you'd probably rather it be on your terms than mine."

I don't actually have a huge issue with cheating. I understand that things happen. What I have an issue with is a lack of honesty. Cheating is usually rooted in something else; it's a symptom not a disease. If I'm not told about it, then I can't help figure out what's really the problem and in a relationship, a partnership, I'm there to help & support. So let me.

At least that's my take on the whole thing.

[resk]

I like your disclaimer very much. And this is a very tricky topic. People cheat for different reasons, but I agree that it's a symptom, not a disease.

[gammell]

[resk]

The Cheating Clause certainly does not necessitate a relationship completely devoid of honesty and forgiveness. I'm all for honesty and forgiveness. Not telling your partner about an indiscretion is not a lie in the strictest sense of the word, unless you're also lying about where you've been, etc. (or they flat out ask you and you deny it). Not to say that this excuses the infidelity either.

I can't think of anything more I can say in support of my argument other than what I've already said in response to others on this same post.

[k_sui]

Confessing infidelity is more about the confessor than the confessee. That is, the confessor is the one who benefits by not having to be the sole person enduring the shame of knowing that they did something wrong.

[resk]

Exactly. So find a confidant, confessor. Don't humiliate your partner.