I want to know what I can do to make it better. I love you, and I don't want you to hurt over this. I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. What I'm doing is wrong. I need to get the fuck away from everything right now.

How am I going to last twenty five more days.

How could I ever think it's funny how all you swore would never change is different now? Just like you would always say, we'd make it through. Didn't quite -- it fell apart, and where were you?I feel that I have come to my conclusion that will end all of my confusion ( Read more... )

Holy shit, it stabbed me again. The thought of living without her or not satisfying her needs is killing me. But if I could just sleep for a night without having to think about it, though everything I know is engrained with being happy beside her. Sleeping, I think of her next to me, talking in her dreams and me guiding them so beautifully. Working ( Read more... )

I just had the most terrible nightmare, and I can't get back to sleep until I hold her and we both feel okay. :( Everything just felt so sterile and non-understanding, like some virus made it seem like it'd be better to slice us to pieces instead of working things out. It felt like my hands were just sawed off, and the doctors kept calling me a ( Read more... )

Hey pig ( Read more... )

Who was I three years ago, and how does that compre to who I am now ( Read more... )

Dear Goddess,

Thank you.

EOL.

It depresses me incredibly that JR doesn't like me. There's a slight amount of jealousy in that everything she said she felt good about me is now manifested instead in him, but tough shit, I asked for that. The part that warrants my use of depressing is that JR's such a big part of Katherine's life, and Katy is a big part of my life, so you'd think ( Read more... )

Katy and I are currently in action. We are going to be getting therapy (together, hopefully) and fixing things. If I'm ever tempted to smoke pot or trip out without her again, I'm going to look at a physical note I took on my arm, reminding me ( Read more... )

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. Focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The cigarette burns a hole, the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything ( Read more... )