i'm going to a picnic, and i'm bringing: alfalfa, broccoli, capers, drugs, earwigs, figs, grapes, hummus, ice cream, a jigolo (sic.), a kiwi, a lemon, marijuana, a nectarine, opium (cigarettes), a platypus, queers, rumsextequila, underhill, a victoria's secret catalog, a warlock, a xylophone, a yak (or yak butter, if you prefer), and zit cream ( Read more... )

when your hair is less than an inch long, please explain to me how it is possible to have a bad hair day...

i would like to amend the list to include the following ( Read more... )

not as though it was up for debate, but i have secured my title as best ex-girlfriend in the world. i have agreed to let the ex-girlfriend move back in for a month. among other things, this means that at my house, i will be seeing a lot more of her mother (just so you have an idea, we refer to her as hurricane nance. spending more than 10 ( Read more... )

you know i had to do it...

theo huxtable is lovebrought to you by the isLove Generator

because it's 4:30 and i'm still awake.


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ok. so i was picturing it all wrong. it's not just cold turkey, it's A cold turkey. like uncooked. apparently, the phrase describes the skin's reaction to heroin withdrawal. as an addict stops using the drug, blood is drawn toward the internal organs, thereby leaving the skin to resemble a cold, plucked turkey. go figure ( Read more... )

so i'm sitting here eating a piece of cold turkey (lightly salted and drizzled with pepper) waiting for my sandwich to make itself, and i think to myself: eating this piece of cold turkey in no way reminds me of quitting something abruptly. where in the fuck did that expresssion come from? i must find out. i must know ( Read more... )

i'm very finicky when it comes to controlling my environment when i'm trying to write. my focus can fly out the window with the bark of a dog. clearly, this is not ideal. especially when you live next door to the police station. all sorts of weird noises are produced there. like today, for instance. for the last five hours they've been ( Read more... )

dear period ( Read more... )