why do i always find my underwear in my ex-girlfriend's laundry? (aside from the fact that she still does her laundry at my house, of course...)

i have severe procrastination issues. i like to think that i wait until the last minute to do things because i work well under pressure (which is, most of the time, true). but what if i'm just lazy? i'm learning that i can't fabricate a sense of urgency. it actually has to be urgent. like today, for example. i have to give joe his paper by ( Read more... )

it's abnormally cold for ventura county. i mean, i realize i live in ojai, but fuck. this is ricockulous. if i wanted to enjoy my normal routine (which is to write, in boxers and no shirt), i would have to turn the heater up so high that the air would be too hot to breathe. it's even too cold to go outside and check the mail wearing my patented ( Read more... )

ok. my dream last night. so i was on noah's ark, only i was noah. but my name wasn't actually noah. everyone called me neo (clearly related to the messiah complex). but whatever. the weird thing (well, you know, the weird thing other than the fact that i was noah...) was that my purpose wasn't to, like, save the animals from the rainstorm or ( Read more... )

who wants to move to canada with me???

i’ve seen religious figurines on sale before, but for some reason, today it was extra disturbing. i was walking downtown and saw a sign in the window that read: buddha 20% off. this struck me in the same sort of way as when i found out (through a friend that was incarcerated for saying “fuck” in front of women and children) that if you get ( Read more... )

because i waited too long to start my laundry, i've been forced to amend my pre-voting ritual. i will now also be watching dazed and confused prior to my trip to the polling place. that is all.

i decided i should do a little last-minute voter preparation. because of the importance of this activity, i've designed a fool-proof two part system. first i will get really stoned. then i will watch dumb and dumber. after this, i will be ready.

"if voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."

- Emma

today was super bizarre. i initiated operation recuperate from halloween immediately upon waking up. i got home at like 10:45 this morning and promptly attached myself to the couch. the next order of business, clearly, was to insert a "best of the cosby show" tape and let the huxtable magic make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. i felt like i ( Read more... )