no god but god

[ricepaper]

the elements of midsummer: languid heat, a calm moon, the violent workings of the five visible planets. rainfall born of both mist and cataclysm that flows always toward reunion with the sea

Comments

[softanimal]

so haunting, so beautiful, as always.

i'm very sorry to know you're not well; please, if you wish, feel free to email me.

i send you love and prayers, heartfelt, windblown.

xo.

[ricepaper]

thankyou so much, dear. it helps just to know that you've been through much of the same. i'm not able to leave bed much these days, and typing is really painful, but if i ever have one of those nights when i'm crazy with loneliness and need to communicate right away with someone who understands, i'll drop you a line. :) thanks again.

*

[tree]

apart from all i have already said, i wanted to say this: you astound me.

love,
your girl

Re: *

[ricepaper]

i am hiding under my blankets. :)
thankyou for always and again being so good to me.
you don't know how it has helped.

[rambert]

this summons joy and gratitude in me as well. i'll pray for your fast recovery. your breath is part of a chorus.

[ricepaper]

honestly, i would be happy with just a plateau in the steady decline. :) but thankyou so much, really. i am touched. thankyou.

[saysdances]

i want to know you better.

a prayer for you in this breath, and this one.

[ricepaper]

and i, you! truly.
one day when i am feeling not so sick, eventually, perhaps i can write to you, if you wouldn't mind.
thankyou very much for your prayers.

[avatraxiom]

Wow. Is it getting that bad? Is it going to get better?

I'm very concerned about you, you know.

-Max

[ricepaper]

honestly, yes, it is getting bad, in a mostly-bedridden, lots-of-pain, multiple-body-system-involvement way. but i do not think it is so serious as to be life-threatening. also, i do believe that it will get better (based on instinct and not necessarily medical prognosis), and i am doing all i can to that end, while also trying to live with peace and acceptance about where i am now. i will thank you for your concern, but only if it is well-wishing concern and not worrying concern; please don't be worried. :) there are still lots of things to be glad about, and everything will be as it should be.

[avatraxiom]

Okay. :-) If you have some confidence, then I have some confidence, too. :-) I wish I were closer and could help more personally, but you have my well-wishes and good thoughts for your future. :-)

-Max

[ricepaper]

on bad days, ofcourse, sometimes i am not so confident, and i feel like i may be on the path toward worst-case scenarios. but even the worst is not as frightening as it once was, and i don't think it's to the point yet where i should be practicing my goodbyes. :) i believe that, eventually, somehow, the downward trend will reverse, or at least come to rest. & i am sure that if it does, good thoughts like yours will have played a central role. :) you shouldn't discount their importance. :)