I find it reassuring, that I have this place. It's uncluttered and organized. Sometimes I feel like the whole world is moving forward with different outlets of media and self expression. I don't have a problem with that... in the least. I guess this is just the place I can always wander back to, without care of having misplacement ( Read more... )

I enjoy the weight of the baby on my shoulder, and the feathery smell. The other satisfaction that I get, is the stupid fucking readers I've got that only read for a small shred of sadness, or desolation. The satisfaction being, of course, there isn't any of that here. And that someplace, far far away i'm giving someone the mental middle finger. ( Read more... )

I get so angry so quickly about these tiny little irrational things that bother me. Before, I use to get so angry that I would feel my skin burn and it would radiate like a sun from my chest. I've learned to control this, and now.. now I have these tiny bubbles. I close my eyes and put whatever it is in that color changing little orb, and when I ( Read more... )

It's amazing to me the simple things that can change an entire situation! A weight has been lifted! The air is clear! The sun is shining! No, but really. Everything has been going so great with little P. She's feeling better.. and now we have smiles and giggles and all the baby cuddles I could ever want. A few weeks ago, I told a family friend, "I ( Read more... )

Maybe it's a mental break through, or even a standard one for most people with new babies, but it's been three months and I'm feeling better. I have nothing to regret behavior or attitude wise for being so tired and stressed. Okay, that's not true. I told P that I hated her nose, and likened it a troll. I regret that. I don't hate her nose. I find ( Read more... )

Woo! I feel like I should throw a party, 150! It's been a long while to get here, and today is a good day, and that makes me feel better about this post ( Read more... )

I refer to days like today as after burn days. Where it's the next day after a particularly morose night that leave me alert and ready to change the things that have brought me down. And while normally the after burn days are brief, because I let the burn come back.. today is different.. It FEELS different. and I like that.

I'm breath has been taken away, and at first I thought it was actually my heart breaking.. but it's easy to confuse lack of oxygen to a broken heart. But let me back up a bit, as I do think that a bit of background is in order. Firstly, I would like to acknowledge that no one reads this journal, but I still cannot treat it accordingly. Because try ( Read more... )

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It's colder than shit in the house again, and is 22 degrees outside. I hate the fucking snow. I think I use being cold as an excuse to dress like a slob, merely to layer on more clothes and simply not give two shits ( Read more... )