Comments | rindee: Weevil's World

rindee

Weevil's World - Dead Bodies

Dec 16, 2006 11:59

Title: Weevil's World - Dead Bodies
Author: Eli "Weevil" Navarro
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 725

( a conundrum, if you will. )

Comments 4

wonderlandchick December 17 2006, 01:47:17 UTC

This is too fun! Great job!

rindee December 17 2006, 02:40:55 UTC

Thank you, sweetie. It's a draft of Weevil's column for the online news blog. I adore Weevil and love writing as him.

moire2 December 17 2006, 15:47:32 UTC

Kinda reminds me of the dialogue from Brick and is a fun read.

ravish_me December 17 2006, 20:01:54 UTC

I really liked this character sketch! Very fun and energetic, very Weevily. :^D

The "blueberry" reference was perfect and damn-funny.

Small suggestions (I hope it's okay to offer beta suggestions here....):
"let’s just talk about it in the abstract" -- I'd phrase this differently, only because Weevil isn't likely to use elegant phrasing like "in the abstract" (even if he DOES know a good 50 cent word or two). Maybe "let's just stay on the example".

"quick trip to the Big House" -- "Big House" is probably too old-fashioned slang-wise for Weevil unless he's using it in a completely self-consciously mocking way. Maybe "quick trip to County" instead?

I love the last line, "Good luck, kiddies". Perfect Weevil voice. Bravo! This is a very strong piece.