The more I try to drift away from him the more obsessed he becomes with me. When I was obsessed he'd left me cold. I have to remember this. Whatever I do, I can't feel guilty. But I don't think it will end. Ten calls an hour. Five emails a day. I try not to toy with him, even after all his games. I love him. I still accept him into my life and into ( Read more... )

I can't get those two nights out of my head. In the morning I wanted him more and this is reawakening the fierce sexuality I used to balance on the tip of my tongue and over the curve of my hips. A boy sat at the bar the other night, a beautiful model chisel-faced boy with messy hair and full lips. He was burning holes into me while sipping white ( Read more... )

I was never able to clear the story with my words here. Now I find myself in a strange triangle, perhaps square, with my heart in the middle. My heart is Alex. This will always be, the man I scorned, the man who betrayed me, emotionally and physically, but the man whom I desecrated before I understood what had really happened. I have raging ( Read more... )

I come back to this journal only to mention the scraps it seems. I haven't been able to write online comfortably again just yet but I'm kind of excited because of the money I've been able to save. I make an extra 600 dollars in tips in just one week added to my paycheck (which isn't bad in itself), well that's if the weather remains cold as it has ( Read more... )

I finally spoke to the girl today who is sometimes manager, sometimes not, about the way she makes me do all the gritty work and then splits our tips. Miss tough aries woman became so scared when I approached her she remained twenty minutes longer than the hour she usually leaves to apologize to me, and she stole an opportunity when I went off to ( Read more... )

I found out that my father googled me tonight, found a poem-story I'd written and told me I was brilliant. I guess I didn't ever realize he would think to do such a thing, and so I found it slightly weird yet flattering all the same. I won't let him read any of my work although I do admire him. He's recently finished making a movie out of one of ( Read more... )

I'm making an extra 100 a day in cash and find myself strolling down 5th avenue in my free time doing none other than spending. People find it taboo to talk about money and how much they make. I don't care. However, I will tell you something, I do not stand around and do nothing (the servers like to assume this), four lines are going off at once ( Read more... )

Why are writers one of the most likely types to be eaten up by their emotions from the inside out, or even artists in general, or should I say creators, expression-ists, those who must expel or transform. Why are they the most likely to commit suicide? They have so much to offer. I am not talking about myself, but those whom I admire. I wish they ( Read more... )

I'm slowly learning about what a bitch I can be. It's interesting as the passive aggressive 'peacekeeper' my mouth has become smart and I'm beginning to have trouble containing my thoughts. There's only so much fake-smile paint I have to spare though I'll have to preserve my masks if I want to continue raking it in. I want to buy people pretty ( Read more... )

I'm growing apart and away from everyone and everything. I want the truth even if it's painful. Even if it means ending up alone.