I've been so eager to become closer to women since the ones that still seem to know me best are men. A couple of women at work are constantly trying to take advantage of me or screw me over, pocketing tips (I assume they think no one will notice since lately the tips have been plentiful so what's a ten dollar bill or two, but I notice), stealing my ( Read more... )

I keep waiting for the eruption, fearing it, but almost wishing it as well so that I can peak and settle. There is a lot repressed within me. I don't cry anymore. I'm feeling the urge again to split myself open, not because I have no other outlet for my emotional pain, but for that other reason - to feel something. I want to see that there is still ( Read more... )

I'm rebelling from love. I want everything but love. I cannot even imagine myself with one person anymore as if I'd be locking my wrists to an invisible ball and chain. I don't think I want to belong to anyone again. All of my old friends whom I have reconnected with have recently married or will be marrying soon and I feel like they are playing a ( Read more... )

I'm writing in a new journal...soon. So much has happened and changed my life since the beginning of this year I don't feel comfortable here anymore, even though I want to keep many of the same friends, funny how that works, purely psychologically this feeling of out with the old and in with the new. At least I'll know though if you take me it's ( Read more... )

Thanks to everyone who commented ( Read more... )

I'm being harassed at work, verbally, physically, and I can tell this person has pent up sexual agression towards me by the way that they pick on me. He followed me into the coat room last night and honestly for a moment I was afraid. I have become sarcastic and I am not entirely sure of how to deal with this, because I think that the situation ( Read more... )

I will not be going to Tennessee to see Muse this week. My plans fell through simply because the folks at my new job lost my tax forms, therefore I wasn't actually placed on the payroll in time, thus receiving my first check very late. As of now I do have a lot saved up from working but flights have skyrocketed at this time. I'm not sure if this is ( Read more... )

( LJ Interests Collage )

I had such intense nightmares last night they kept me sleeping until just now, right through my alarm which must have been going off for two hours. I awoke to catch myself taking quick rhythmic breaths and nearly threw up. I still feel like I am going to throw up. Fucking awful. I have to go to work as it is my second day, and the worst way to ( Read more... )

I'm still mourning the death of us. I'm still mourning the trauma over it ending the way that it did, though I guess it was the only way for me to let it go because I would've never been happy anyway. That pain had to evolve into something that I could see in the mirror. I would've never left any other way.