Its times like these that these demons eat me inside out. ya sure its christmas time...its the holidays i should be happy...but the holidays were our time...when we met and when we fell in love...and the new year was when we were torn apart...forced to survive long distance...then february came and he was gone. December 19th...the day i met him..he ( Read more... )

I cant seem to get it to go away, i dont like him i hate him...but his memory still haunts me. the pain still tears at me...and the nightmare still haunts me!! I havent been able to have a normal relationship since him and i cant shake off the hurt he caused! i always told myself i would NEVER let myself be in a relationship like that...but for 6 ( Read more... )

So like i know its been a million years since i updated and i know not many of my friends read this..but hey sometimes you just gotta write. Well ryan is gone now...has been for about 2 weeks....still hasnt hit me totally yet...and i am not looking forward to when it does. Alisha is going through so much right now too and i just wish i could be ( Read more... )

the past like week or more i cant seem to get anypart of my life to go right. i spent like so much time crying and i didnt eat for 2 days, its just like AHHH i dont know what to do or where to turn, i ended up spendin the night at my aunts friends ((who has known me since i was a baby, and has a son that i kissed when i was 2 apparently..lol)) for ( Read more... )

its just one of them days where everything is sad and nothing is right. it doesnt matter who is around or what is goin on the pain and sadness devour my soul. I cant keep the tears back very easy anymore. i cant cry right now bc my aunt and her friend/grandson are here! i just cant pretend anymore its impossible. i am tryin to seem happy all the ( Read more... )

i have like this incredibly hectic yet boring life. me and my aunt have decided to go on some sort of hike almost everyday and sometime in the next week we are goin to hike up mt.pilchuck. and the hike on it that we are doin is 4miles up steep hill and then 4miles down. we are literally goin to the top, there is a lookout tower and everything. how ( Read more... )

gawsh i am so tired. i think i am going to sleep like a baby tonight. man i had an effing crazii day. spent it with ryan and alisha at the mall and got like all this free stuff, cd's and all kindsa shit! and yea i like bought jordyn this thing that i cant tell you on here because if i do he will know...lol. alisha like all got me to burp "take me ( Read more... )

1didnt i just spend thirty effing minutes makin my journal for today? oh yea thats right my effing uncle made me get off before i hit submit and then the computer went all screwy! yea so ryan and jordyn on are on the rocks again and i am supposed to smack ryan if he even THINKS about goin back to jordyn and he better know i will too, i love to hurt ( Read more... )

there's like 5 people here that i dont know but like 3 of them know me so its all like umm ok.... there is this one boy who is my age that my aunt has pictures of me kissing when we were like two...so its like ummmmmmmmmmmm whatever. its really weird though, and jordyn left me because he all like doesnt love me anymore, psh he didnt even say bye ( Read more... )

*here i am once again just torn into pieces! cant deny it cant pretend just thought you were the one, but you wont get to see the tears i cry!* well i am off somwhere doin somthing, maybe hurting, maybe crying, maybe i'm ok...but i doubt i am....hmm is there a razor blade anywhre near by...i miss that rush it was so satisfying it was so great. i ( Read more... )