Happy 2007!

As what happens when I usually drive, I got lost. A policeman pulled me over and said he was going to charge me £30 for not wearing a seat belt, I told him I was really really sorry and that it wouldn't happen again.

He let me off and gave me directions. Cops dicks taste funny.

The building site has taught me the answer to the question, "What's more disgusting than an unflushed shit in a toilet?"

It's 2 unflushed shits in a toilet.

I like talking about DPI of mouses and negative acceleration just to annoy and baffle people ( Read more... )

Me: "Do you know where the Assistant Site Manager is...uh..what's his name.."
Some guy: "The paki?"
Me: "Yeah."

tom Purnell: i blagged access to one of the expensive multimedia labs at my uni ( Read more... )

Oi vey. I enrolled for college today. On my way to college, I went to Subway. I hate asking for a footlong from the fag that works there. As I walked to college, I couldn't find a bin anywhere for my coke bottle, so I just left it on the concrete stairs. As I was walking away, I had a great chuckle to myself thinking about a pregnant woman slipping ( Read more... )

I let go of a compressor airline too early and it unravelled like a snake and almost hit me in the face. Crikey!

I feel a prick. Beads of sweat form over my forehead as the long rod is inserted deep inside me. After a while of painful wriggling around it pumps out its load ( Read more... )

Wake up to what sounds like a car crash in slow motion, I should really tune in my alarm clock ( Read more... )