There was a reality show about bars that came here and filmed an episode. And people are being so dramatic about it. It's going to be on television soon. I am just bewildered by this; it's one of those disposable shows that I don't think anyone actually watches. It's just a bland, repetitious program that they carelessly play in public spaces so ( Read more... )

I feel neurotic. I don't feel well and I am worried I am having a stroke, even though I know I am not. Maybe I need to laugh or cry or something. It's necessary to do that sometimes, to experience your emotions as a bodily function. It sometimes feels like there is an emotion trying to make itself felt, but I can't feel it, the way you need to ( Read more... )

It is so good to have students that are talkative and do their assignments. They are starting to stay after class to continue to talk, which is great because I always want more time than I have ( Read more... )

Today I took some allergy medicine and it's kind of strong. It has made me feel very sleepy, and I think that makes me feel creative. Maybe just feeling alienated in some way is what makes creativity happen. I always wonder if I should put the word "creativity" in quotation marks. Doing that itself signals a sort of alienation: your lack of faith ( Read more... )

My theory class this semester is really talkative. It's rare for a larger class to become involved in "class discussion." It's pretty good. Today I just talked about minimalism and didn't open much for discussion and I got through enough material so that next time I can. I always have my doubts that many people even look at the reading assignments ( Read more... )

My dentist died sometime this week. Actually I haven't been to the dentist in a long time, so maybe I shouldn't say that. He was my fathers friend and my father found his body. My mom told me about it. She said there won't be a funeral or calling hours. One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because his life startled to unravel over the past few ( Read more... )

The anxiety wore off when I got home. Riding on the bus and flying was very calming. I really like the airport ( Read more... )

I almost cried in a Rite Aid because the radio was playing a Cyndi Lauper song. It was "True Colors." The song reminds me so vividly of wrestling in the 80s. Even thinking of the song can make my eyes feel like they could well up. I bought a little notepad there and used it to start a list of things I am worried about. Today it has mostly been ( Read more... )

It turns out that I have mild food poisoning. It has been a stressful vacation. I have been reading about anxiety and feeling sick all day. But still, I feel that I have started to take more steps to learning about how to be less anxious. I have pinpointed hypochondria as a major source of anxiety for me. And earlier in the summer I learned that I ( Read more... )

Can you imagine if you had been in a coma and woke up? I have been thinking about this because I am not sure if the world is changing faster and more drastically, or if it is staying the same but we are just paying attention to things differently ( Read more... )