It really sucks.  I went most of this year without much trouble around feelings for her.  I admit that I've done well, and I've lost a lot of the feelings of wanting to get her back.  But it's tough ( Read more... )

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

But on some level it's true and to this day, we were amazing in all three categories together.


( Read more... )

I'm not aching to get back together with her, but there was a point in our relationship that was just so perfect and so magical and full of love that I often ache for that time and that feeling.  I kind of feel like that part of my heart is either dead or still in use, like I'll never feel that again, but that's neither here nor there.  I came ( Read more... )

11:06 AM kate: hi darling!
 me: hello my sweet sweet love!
11:07 AM kate: i slept for one sousand years
 me: yes, you did
 kate: i had the most adorable dream after you left
  i almost want to write a poem about it or something
  but instead i will just tell you
11:08 AM i dreamed that i met you when i was the same age but you were like 55
  and you were ( Read more... )

I made it. kind of ( Read more... )

For some reason, during dinner, it occurred to me exactly how I felt three years ago.  It was exactly three years ago that I was ecstatic with anticipation.  I could hardly sleep because it was the morning of the 30th that I boarded a bus headed to Boston to spend a weekend with her.  We spent the time together and it was so wonderful and magical ( Read more... )

I got a good nights sleep last night, snuggled up with a muppet of a dog who kept waking me up by licking my face and head.  I woke up this morning feeling a bit better.  My heart is still aching pretty intensely but I realized three things that are allowing me to approach my mindset more rationally ( Read more... )

I'm at home with my family in Vermont, but because of the way things were left, I can't think of anything but her ( Read more... )

This. She's probably going to read this too, and soon. I kind of feel like I never should have allowed that to happen, but I think a lot of what I was writing was intended for her to find if we ever lost touch. I started writing them when she wasn't talking to me and that was kind of the motivation, but why I continued, I'm not sure. They're all ( Read more... )