My First Poll!

[rokitwoman]

Poll Parental Consent

Don't shoot me for restricting this to a heterosexual couple, this stems from an argument/debate that I had with a male friend of mine. I'll post his thoughts and mine after I get the results back.

Comments

[spud31]

In this day and age, I think blessing is probably better, at least if she's over 18 (and if she isn't, I hope they say no.) Women are as independent as men anymore. However, I think it's still a wonderful gesture for a man to go to his future in-laws and ask for a blessing on the marriage.

All that being said, I think Chris asked for my mom's permission. To which she replied, "Why not, she's already got the dress." Oh, well.

[electrichobbit]

I'd say that you'd damn well better clear it with your bride first, because the bottom line is that only one opinion really matters in this - hers. If she thinks that asking permission/blessing makes it sound like she's chattel, then I don't recommend it. If she feels that it makes you seem like an old-timey gentleman (and this is a good thing) go for it.

I personally wouldn't do it, but then, I'm not exactly in the woman-marrying business. I suppose my perspective is skewed.

[spud31]

I would imagine that by the time that you get around to getting married, you're going to have an idea of whether she's the type that is going to feel like chattel or likes the old-timey gentleman. Of course, you know that we women can be unpredictable, so it doesn't hurt to ask.

[electrichobbit]

I'd have to check with cowchris for details from the marital side of things, but it's been my experience that it can hurt to ask, at least with you.

[spud31]

He will verify that it can also hurt not to ask.

[kuoirad]

Semantically, I suppose permission and blessing are two different things. In my mind though, they're the same.

[fox_c]

Permission to me implies that if the parentals say no then that acts as a barrier to the match (ie they won't get married).

Blessing to me is a diplomatic way of saying "this is what we're going to do, would be nice if you were happy for us".

[taurean_man]

I agree with what fox_c wrote.

[rabbitwarren]

I feel that permission acts like the parents have more say in the marriage than the intended, which really isn't so much the case any more. Or at the very least could really piss someone off. But you are entering into another's family, so asking for their blessing (as a long as the family and the intended are on speaking terms) seems sort of legit.

Also, you'll notice my gender neutral terminology. I think asking for the parent's blessing can apply to either side, groom or bride, because both are entering into each other's family. The permission thing? Has weird patriarchal vibes to it.