My First Poll!

[rokitwoman]

Poll Parental Consent

Don't shoot me for restricting this to a heterosexual couple, this stems from an argument/debate that I had with a male friend of mine. I'll post his thoughts and mine after I get the results back.

Comments

[valda793]

It would greatly depend on how close the family is. If the parents and the daughter have good communication and some fella they don't like comes along to carry off the girl, then asking permission gives the parents a chance to confront the groom. If he asks permission and they don't think he is worthy, then he has to try harder/improve himself in order to then gain a blessing.

[tashar]

Asking permission in this day and age seems to be more a positive gesture on the groom's part, than actually asking for permission. (It's not like the possibility of marriage would be a surprise either to the young lady or her parents...) I think more than the mechanics of asking for/receiving permission to marry, it shows thoughtfulness on the part of the guy towards his intended wife, as well as her family. (It also shows foresight - paving the way for potentially decent relationship with a potentially recalcitrant father-in-law...)

In my case, I suggested that soonerfan645 not ask my dad for my hand, but as my parents for their blessing...

...mostly because I knew what my dad's immediate response would be ("No!"), and because of late, I had been asking for blessings for whatever I was going to do (generally something he didn't think I should do), or a decision that I made (one that he wouldn't have made) - and ultimately, even if we disagreed, he would say "...blessings you'll always have, whatever you do or decide."

(Loopholes...*grin*)

[art1m1s]

I think I do agree with what others have said, that asking for a blessing is more of what most couples may do. Its asking/seeking approval and can be done by just the guy or the couple together. Permission has other connotations on it. Particularly in that, if they say no. That terminates the relationship or at least further progress until a yes is obtained. Permission also dates more to the passing of dependency of a women from the father to a husband. The permission was once tied to the contracts as well as enabling the daughter was cared for. I think in the case when the "bride" is a minor: permission is what is appropriate.

[alteredhistory]

Asking for permission would be appropriate only if she is a minor, in which case it is legally required. But assuming we're talking adults, then asking for permission is frankly crass. She may choose to ask her parents for permission if that's the kind of relationship that she has with her parents, but the guy shouldn't. Asking for blessing is appropriate for two reasons. a) it makes the parents (particularly Dad) feel better. b) if they don't give approval, the couple can then decide how to proceed. If you announce you're getting married and then find out there's opposition from the parents, things can get awkward to the point of crashing the relationship. Personally, I'd suggest if you're going to ask for a blessing, you should ask *both* sets of parents, and the couple should approach both sets together, rather than just they guy approaching the girl's parents. The mother and father of the groom can be just as problematic as the mother/father of the bride, and the couple united can do a better job than the guy handling a pair of