Comments | romanceguru: Drabble: Jayne/River-Oasis

romanceguru

Drabble: Jayne/River-Oasis

Mar 10, 2009 16:26

Title: Oasis
Author: Romanceguru
Disclaimer: Joss is the boss of me.
Rating: R. Nothing but bad, naughty things.
Characters: Jayne/River
Prompt: Against for firefly100
Word Count: 400
A/N: Unbetaed. I’ve always wanted to try second person narrative, so tada! Seriously though, I’ve been losing my urge to write more and more lately, and it’s rather depressing. ( Read more... )

drabble, rayne, firefly100, jayne/river

Comments 31

open_embrace March 10 2009, 23:47:43 UTC

you still got the magic!!! and massive kudos for such an awesome job at 2nd person!

the ending was a teeeeeny bit unclear, but very nicely worded.

i think it should be "couldnt give a good gorram", rather than could - i seem to see Americans saying could rather than couldnt (which makes no sense to me, but hey), but when you then use "neither" to refer to her feeling the same, the negative contradicts the positive... did that make sense? they need to either both be negs or both pos.

i really enjoyed reading this. you crafted a very strong feeling of the delirium and desperation up til the point River enters, and then the contrasting feel of cool is lovely :)

romanceguru March 19 2009, 03:43:04 UTC

I have powers! Thank you, 2nd person is actually kind of fun, I'm finding.

I went over your con-crit, but changing it feels unnatural too me. Maybe it is a cultural thing?

Perfect summation! Exactly what I was going for!

sunshineali March 10 2009, 23:50:23 UTC

Poor over-heated, frustrated, interrupted Jayne.

It's my fondest desire that you get your Rayne muse back soon. I miss your ficage.

romanceguru March 19 2009, 04:18:46 UTC

The best kind of delirium. ;-p

Thanks! I really do too! Rayne is my lifeblood!

cmk418 March 11 2009, 00:09:32 UTC

A girl-shaped women, hiding beneath baggy clothes and a whole lot of trouble.

That's the perfect description of River from Jayne's voice. The whole piece was beautifully done. I hope that your muse is sparked and that you write more soon!

romanceguru March 19 2009, 04:21:11 UTC

*cheers* I love the whole idea between what is perceived and what is true.

I just can't let go. Even if I have to gag-tie and force my muse back to that place. Thank you. : )

(The comment has been removed)

karanina March 11 2009, 02:01:29 UTC

Yeah, but I haven't been able to write in AGES!!! I don't even know if I can anymore. Everytime I pick up the pen (or keyboard, the words refuse to come!) *pouts*

(The comment has been removed)

karanina March 12 2009, 09:06:08 UTC

One can only hope!

Thread 6

gilove2dance March 11 2009, 01:25:03 UTC

A new fic! SQUEE! Magic is still there with you, trust me, this was hot and delicious.

romanceguru March 19 2009, 04:30:54 UTC

Like a tasty burger or a gourmet entree? ;-p

Thanks, girly!

gilove2dance March 19 2009, 10:59:54 UTC

It was the food one has been craving for a very long time!