you know when i said i cared. i lied ( Read more... )

wanted to crawl under a rock about a million times today. or try to fit under the bed but that didn't work to well. other than it being pretty shitty my day was absolutely amusing the whole time and two/three hours of it was great. first i had a 'lovely' feild trip to whatever its called. that was the best thing ever. ha ha ha. i found my new hero ( Read more... )

i dont know if i handled it well becaue im numb ( Read more... )

im bent. im broken. im spinning ( Read more... )

im happy this break is over. sadly ( Read more... )

i barely even cried. i mostly just sat there shaking. i threw up. ive never felt so numb and depressed. but the service was the most beautiful thing ive seen. ive never seen so many people care about one person. the entire church was packed. i dont know how they get up in the morning. i couldnt stand seeing them there. having to hear them cry and ( Read more... )

walking into that house today was weird.
walking by his room was erie.
everything was already cleaned out
except the pictures of my cousins
and his prized baseball signed by the diamondbacks
saturday will be hell but good hell i suppose.

last night was bad.
i couldnt sleep at all
i dont know if it was because of the coughing
or what but i didnt fall ( Read more... )

ive never paced halls for so long. longest three hours of my life ( Read more... )

i cant turn off my phone. i wont allow myself. i know its really bad that i dont turn it off. so ill just talk on it. talked to my sunshine for an hour and fifteen minutes!!! haha heck yes ( Read more... )

im losing it. i cant stand sitting in my house alone. they are all over there. but im too scared to see him. i have no one to talk to. nothing to drown out my thoughts. not even the tv. its dark and im afraid of the dark. im afraid of the quiet. im afraid of myself. im so afraid. everyones gone. ive picked up the phone twice now to call him. i know ( Read more... )