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I am pretty sure I m not dead. Imagine not being dead, logging into an old account and saying "hi world, I am not dead and you have to understand that I am mostly just here to check on my login passwords. So here i am ( Read more... ) -
Mental Drunkenness
I am supposed to be asleep. My life is set up on the idea that a good night's rest, waking at 6am, is sobering and right. Morally right, not so much, but mentally less taxing than keeping odd hours ( Read more... ) -
ground up
there comes a point when you have to just let the blue bloods eat in privacy. i am sick of lesbian culture and the women's movement and the victimization of class and status and gender and sexual preference and skin color. but most especially the whining of the bored upper class ( Read more... ) -
A letter to my assailant.
A Letter to my assailant ( Read more... ) -
feeling better
In therapy last week, I told my story of being raped in 2011. How it was, how it is in my head, the aftermath, the suicide attempt and lastly, how I regret not ever telling that story in detail before now. How hard it was, but I didn't die. I thought I would die if I even spoke about it- the shame and guilt, how I suffered such nightmares and ( Read more... ) -
tonight
i wish someone was there to hold me.
that my depression wasn't so awful & destructive.
i wish my mind was as beautiful a place as my heart.
i wish i could remember how it felt to be sexual before the rape.
i wish Stripe would have loved me mire than Paul & she was here and we were safe, like only two lesbians can be.
i wish i spoke. i go many days ( Read more... ) -
...
I am licking my artistic wounds.
children make me sad. -
two selves meet
"To be alive, yes, alive, but not be able to live it. Ay that's the rub. I am like a stone that lives . . . locked outside of all that's real. . . . Anne, do you know of such things, can you hear???? I wish, or think I wish, that I were dying of something for then I could be brave, but to be not dying, and yet . . . and yet to [be] behind a wall, ( Read more... ) -
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“Although anxiety is part of life, never let it control you ( Read more... ) -
when i was free.
I wonder who i was before i started tip-toeing around my life, trying not to break things ( Read more... )