His Will Too Weak - Chapter 4 [END]
Title: His Will Too Weak
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU/Romance/Supernatural
Pairing: Haehyuk
Summary: He's broken, more broken than Donghae has ever seen Eunhyuk to be, and all Donghae can do is wish that he was still Bada, and this boy in his arms was just Hyukjae. He wishes he didn't have to make a decision.
Eunhyuk entered the room just as Donghae and Yesung summed up their conversation; a conversation they didn't seem to want him overhear. He advanced towards his usual position in the office, just a bit farther into the room from the door beside the couches, and stood with his eyes glued to the ground before him with his head bowed low.
“Well,” Yesung exclaimed, clapping his hands together, “I'll leave you to your... work then.”
Donghae rolled his eyes as he watched the older man leave, sudden discomfort overcoming him. Gazing over at Eunhyuk, who was standing as still as night in his place, Donghae furrowed his brows and stumbled over a few words he wanted to say in his mind.
“I-”
Eunhyuk intercepted Donghae's words, silencing them with his own question. “Can I ask you one thing?”
“Y-yeah,” Donghae stuttered, surprised that Eunhyuk even wanted to speak to him. “Of course you can.”
“If you wanted to die so much back then, what made you want to come back?”
It was uncomfortable, the way Eunhyuk refused to look him in the eye. The boy stood there, his posture erect with his hands behind his back and his eyes solidly avoiding Donghae's, and it just made Donghae feel like everything had turned gray in his world. Well, gray-er, anyways.
“I mean,” Eunhyuk coughed, “if everything you said is true, that is.”
Donghae tore his eyes away from Eunhyuk, leaning back in his seat. “You don't believe what I said? Even after that night - when I almost took your life? You still don't believe me?”
And it wasn't as if Eunhyuk didn't believe what happened; it happened to him! But there was still a little bit of hope, a little bit of doubt, that maybe this was all just a poor joke his boss was trying to play on him. There was a little bit of hope that, in the midst of his anger and fury, Bada would never have abandoned him to live the life of a monster's.
“Or are you afraid? Afraid of what I've become in exchange for what I could have had?”
Eunhyuk's expression dropped. Maybe this was real after all; maybe this man could read his mind - a supernatural capability of some sort you gain in life after death - and this nightmare would only continue, this beast would only keep haunting his mind and heart. But, what could Donghae have been if he never chose to die?
“I wouldn't be too surprised if you didn't believe me,” Donghae muttered, “it's not common to have someone come back to life after they leave for death.”
If there was any strength left in Eunhyuk's fragile frame, he would have used it to lash out at Donghae; forcing him to realize that this isn't an issue about trust, it was about hope and how any bit of it that Eunhyuk had left was destroyed years ago.
Moments later, after heavy silence, Donghae knew he wouldn't be receiving a direct reply from the man. “You know how they say you don't know what you have until you lose it? That, unless you lose something, you'll never learn to truly appreciate it?”
There was no reply, verbally or physically, from Eunhyuk.
“I learned that the hard way, Hyuk,” Donghae scoffed. “Sure, life was terrible when I was living; daily therapy, timed medications, being stuck to a bed with wires and needles poked all over me, unable to be with friends and family to celebrate or just enjoy a nice warm summer day. I felt like I was deteriorating, decaying, as time ate at me. There was a voice screaming in my head, telling me to just let everything go. After I gave in, I realized maybe those events weren't as bad as having nothing at all.”
There was slight movement from Eunhyuk's direction but Donghae figured he was probably just shifting the weight of his body around for comfort.
“Your smiles; the forced ones and the real ones, started to blur over the days. It wasn't as if I was losing my sight but I was just so tired, so hungry, so beat up that I couldn't even find the strength to keep my eyes open for you.”
Donghae briefly wondered if it was normal for him not to shed tears at his own words, at the memories, but soon realized it was merely because he didn't have any more tears to shed.
“And when I realized, despite my immaturity at the time, that you would suffer whether or not I was dead, I just couldn't find the courage to keep living anymore.”
Eunhyuk inhaled deeply, trying hard to pull himself together. “Then why come back? Why didn't you just stay in your grave - as a dead person who would no longer have to suffer or watch others suffer - instead of returning to this living terror?”
“On the brink of death, I suddenly remembered something,” Donghae hesitantly replied. “It will make me sound selfish, which I am, but I guess I should tell you anyway. You deserve to know, right?” Nervously, he glanced over at Eunhyuk who still had no true reaction to his words. “I remembered that you told me I needed to live, not for you and not for anyone else, but for myself.”
“You had forgotten? To live for yourself, I mean,” Eunhyuk lifted his eyes from the floor to the open space in front of him. His eyes shifted about uncomfortably.
“Yes, I had forgotten that,” Donghae laughed bitterly. “At that moment I didn't think of coming back, I didn't know it was possible. I only remembered, I only heard your voice so clearly in my mind and it stayed with me until the last beat of my heart.”
Eunhyuk leaned against the couch beside him for support. “Do you know the reason I told you that, Bada?”
“R-reason?” Donghae froze for a five count, his past name sounding fluidic to his ears; like honey melting on him, sweetly and thickly.
“If living for the ones you loved became so hard, if giving up on us became so easy to you, then surely you must not remember why I asked you to live for yourself.”
Donghae shook his head. “No, I remember.”
“Do you?” Eunhyuk scoffed.
“You cried that day,” Donghae smiled, lifting his fingers to his lips, “it was a hard day, an exasperating day. I just got out of the ICU, barely alive; I was going to give up that morning, to sleep, but you were there. You were always there.”
Eunhyuk lowered himself onto the arm of the couch, no longer possessing the strength to stand.
“And I looked at you, so weakly that I'm sure you were broken inside at the mere sight of my lifeless body, and I told you I would never give up if it meant you would never cry again,” Donghae continued. “You just wanted me to live.”
“No, that wasn't what I intended for,” Eunhyuk shook his head. “When I told you to live for yourself, I said it because I knew no one in this world should live for others. Take me, for example; you passed on but I continued to live, for myself, despite the torment of knowing you gave up on us. I wanted you to be selfish, Bada; I wanted you to think only of yourself and stop suffering because I wanted that of you-”
Donghae stood from his seat. “You didn't want me to suffer, you wanted me to live.”
“What's the difference?” Eunhyuk tilted his head, trying to force his watery eyes to retain the tears. “I didn't want you to suffer, I merely wanted you to hold on to your life, but what was the difference?” He looked up, locking gazes with a man who is no longer truly the boy he once knew and loved. “It was a living hell for you, wasn't it? So, what's the difference?”
Stepping away from his desk, just a few steps closer to Eunhyuk, Donghae made an attempt to dispel any of Eunhyuk's self-blame.
“Don't come any closer,” Eunhyuk threatened.
Donghae stopped in his track, forcing himself to stay composed. “There is a difference, Hyuk. No matter what you think, I didn't mean for it to sound as if I blamed my pain on you. You loved me, and I-” he paused, searching for the right words, “I loved you more than you might believe.”
“I never doubted your love for me,” Eunhyuk bluntly slated, directing his view out the window. “It just hurts, it hurts to know that you would give up on life knowing it meant giving up on us. Maybe I was conceited; I thought I knew you, I thought I understood you well enough to leave your life in your own hands.”
When had the hot tears began pouring from his eyes? Eunhyuk wasn't really sure, but by the time he had realized them his shirt had been moistened at the chest and his cheeks were stained by trails of saline tears.
This sight was really hard to bear, it actually might have been much more cruel to Donghae than the treatments he had to endure so many years ago. Before either of them could stop it, Eunhyuk was already in Donghae's arms; sobbing into his chest.
“D-don't-” Eunhyuk gasped in between cries, trying to shove Donghae away.
Donghae strengthened his grip on the man. “Can we pretend? Just for this evening - that I'm still Bada and you're just Hyukjae?” He whispered against Eunhyuk's ear. “Can I love you this one last time, before we really lose everything again?”
Eunhyuk forced his eyes shut, his hands balling into fists. “That's very inhuman of you, Donghae-sshi.”
“Can you blame me?” Donghae laughed, nuzzling his chin into the crown of Eunhyuk's silky hair. “It's in my nature now.”
They sat there like that, Eunhyuk limply resting in Donghae's hold, as silence ensued them. Passing seconds felt like hours, each moment ringing louder in Eunhyuk's ears. “Why are you doing this to me?” Eunhyuk asked. “Once wasn't enough? You're going to deprive me of my love, you're going to take this non-existent hope from me, a second time?”
Donghae didn't reply. He simply continued cradling the broken boy in his arms and pretended, tried to believe, that nothing had changed since the last of their love. There was a decision Donghae needed to make and this, this moment with Eunhyuk, should help him make the better choice of the many.
-
“You look drained.”
Eunhyuk glanced up at Shindong while removing his shoes, stepping onto the cold platform of the wooden floor. “I feel drained,” he half-joked as he headed for his room.
Sungmin was just coming down the hall when Eunhyuk passed him by without so much as a greeting. He turned to Shindong, who blinked at him with just as much confusion in the light of his eyes. “I take it you don't know either,” Sungmin shook his head with a laugh.
“I don't,” Shindong admitted, straightening out his suit. “I'm not so sure you don't, though.”
Sungmin lifted a brow. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean,” Shindong challenged. “Does Eunhyuk know we're heading out?”
“I told him this morning,” Sungmin shrugged, “but who knows. He'll notice when he comes out to an empty house.”
Shindong laughed. “Yeah, that's true.”
-
Yesung stretched his arms over his head, pacing around Donghae's office idly. He peered over at the boy, shaking his head disapprovingly at Donghae's conflicting emotions written all over his face. “You already crossed the lines, I don't see the point in holding back anymore.”
“But-”
“Wasn't holding him just a gesture of assuring yourself the decision you made in the beginning was right?” Yesung asked. “Then what's making you doubt?”
Donghae bit down on his bottom lip. “I don't want to hurt him again.”
“You already have,” Yesung shrugged. “The moment you revealed to him that you are - or were - Bada, the damage was dealt.”
“But I'm dangerous, hyung,” Donghae groaned, “I might accidentally kill him if I'm not careful.”
Yesung scoffed. “As if you could ever live with yourself if you did that.”
“Hyung, I-”
“Just go to him.”
Those words were all it took for Donghae to immediately rush out of his office, sprinting towards the one he loved and held so dear in his beat-less vital organ.
Yesung closed the door after watching Donghae run out of sight. He walked to the window, his eyes following Donghae's figure as he buzzed by so quickly a human eye wouldn't be able to catch him. Gradually, Yesung's solemn expression stretched into a subtle smile.
“This world is a brutal place, Donghae, but not harsh enough that they'd forbid monsters like us to love and care. In the end, we were all once humans. From the beginning, we were meant to love. Together, in our entire existence, we all hide a beast within ourselves.”
-
There was a thundering noise repeatedly sounding. Eunhyuk blinked, waking from his nap, and pulled his blinds open. It wasn't storming outside, so, where was this noise coming from? It took a few seconds for Eunhyuk to realize someone was banging on his front door and he cursed under his breath, wondering why his brothers hadn't answered it.
He stepped into the hall, peeking around the emptiness of the household, and finally remembered Sungmin mentioning something about a friends party he would be attending with Shindong.
Pulling the door open, he didn't even bother to look the visitor in the face as he carelessly asked, “can I help you?”
“Maybe.”
The voice was like an alarm sounding in Eunhyuk's mind and he jostled, just slightly, as his eyes locked with Donghae's. “What are you doing here?!”
“Visiting,” Donghae replied simply. He slipped through, faster than Eunhyuk could respond, and entered the house. “Wow, nothing's changed.”
Eunhyuk rubbed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. “You remember?”
“Hardly,” Donghae shrugged, “but bits and pieces...” he trailed off, turning to the hall. “I remember your room's that way.”
“Hey!”
Before Eunhyuk could stop Donghae, the man was already down the hall and half way past the door to his room. Eunhyuk followed behind him as fast as he could, which still wasn't quite fast enough.
Donghae frowned visibly. “Your room has changed a lot.”
“Yeah,” Eunhyuk said while glaring at him, “changes are necessary when you try to forget things.”
“Oh,” Donghae replied, his expression dropping even more. Eunhyuk sighed and held his hands at his waist. Donghae reached towards Eunhyuk's drawer, just about to pull it open, when Eunhyuk slapped his hand away.
“That's off limits,” Eunhyuk warned, remembering the letter he hid in the furniture. Their faces were close, too close for comfort, so Eunhyuk stepped away.
Donghae was sure the drawer wasn't the only thing off limits in this room.
“Why are you here?” Eunhyuk asked.
“I was told I already exceeded the limit, that there was no point in holding back from you anymore because I've crossed the lines. I've broken rules, Hyuk, for you. So, Yesung hyung told me to just come to you.”
Eunhyuk scoffed. “You had to be told that?”
“I did,” Donghae bit his cheek, “because I'm unsure of myself.”
“Unsure of what?” Eunhyuk asked.
“Unsure of whether or not I'll hurt you again; physically and emotionally.”
In one swift movement, Donghae wrung Eunhyuk's wrists against the pillows of the bed and held them solidly as he slammed the boys fragile body against the mattress. His movements were quick; too fast for Eunhyuk to even find the time to comprehend the actions before he realized he was already held captive, with Donghae sprawled between his slender legs and staring down at him in the face a bit too enthusiastically.
Eunhyuk dug himself into the bed as deep as he could, trying to distance himself from the other man.
Donghae grinned smugly. “That's not very cute of you.”
“You know what's not very cute?” Eunhyuk retorted, trying to shove Donghae away to no avail. “Having an undead trying to rape you.”
Laughing low in his throat, Donghae's growing thirst for Eunhyuk grew stronger the longer they rested in this position; achingly close. His eyes wandered from Eunhyuk's narrowed eyes to his tall nose, then he traveled down to the man's plump and slightly shivering lips.
His lips looked so inviting.
But a voice in Donghae's head kept him back, held him in place. You can't kiss him, his own voice echoed in the back of his mind, you can't hurt him.
Eunhyuk knew well what was happening. Despite the years of Donghae's absence, despite this man's new existence and identity, Eunhyuk could read him like a book.
“If you don't have the guts, then why bother coming here in the first place?”
Donghae returned his attention to Eunhyuk's piercing eyes. “It's not about bravery, Hyuk. This is about protecting you; saving you from the monster in me that could very well crush you, when everything has only just started again.”
Judging by Eunhyuk's words and his attitude, Donghae knew the man wanted this just as much as he did. They were both pinning for each others touch, for each others full attention, for each others affection and caresses.
“I told you,” Eunhyuk replied, his voice firm and reassuring, “you can't hurt me anymore than you already have.”
This sight, the sight of Eunhyuk so certain of himself as he laid under him, was by far the most beautiful scene Donghae had seen in his life - before and after death.
Donghae remembered the days when Hyukjae smiled so brilliantly, so carelessly, at him when they practiced dance routines together. He remembered the days when Hyukjae drifted off in class, thinking of something Donghae couldn't quite grasp, and how the man would absentmindedly grind his teeth together or unconsciously bite down on his bottom lip. He remembered the days when Hyukjae had gotten jealous, over every little interaction Donghae had with anyone but himself, and how incredibly cute that made him out to be. He remembered everything about this little Hyuk of his - of Hyukjae.
Of course, he didn't fail to remember how he had tormented his Hyukjae; and now, now he remembers that he swore he would never allow himself to do that again.
But at this moment, this very second, no was not an answer to Eunhyuk - rejection and refusal was not an option.
Eunhyuk reached up, tentatively, as he cradled Donghae's masculine jawline in his palm. Just because Donghae's lips - those lips that would suck the life out of him, literally - were off limits didn't mean his hands, his eyes, his heart, and everything else of his were, too.
So, Eunhyuk found it appropriate to pull himself up and trail small kisses from Donghae's double lidded eyes to his jaw, slowly traveling down his neck and heatedly to his collar.
Their clothes were in the way.
“I don't remember you being so needy,” Donghae teased as he lifted his shirt over his head, revealing his distinctly toned abdomen and broad shoulders. He willed for Eunhyuk to do the same, anticipating the sight of a - more or less - vulnerable Eunhyuk.
“I-I can't see..” Eunhyuk mumbled breathlessly, fumbling with his hands to undress himself in the darkening room. Only now did he realize it was getting late; the sky was dimming drastically, the whole world seemed to be at a standstill, and his brothers would probably be coming home soon. How did time fly by so quickly?
Donghae smiled, shaking his head lightly as he reached out towards Eunhyuk. “Let me-”
“N-no, I can do it myself,” Eunhyuk stuttered shyly, poorly attempting to slap Donghae's hand away.
The constant changes in Eunhyuk's behavior didn't faze Donghae any longer; he was slowly growing accustomed to the different multitudes in which Eunhyuk expressed himself around him. It makes him unique - at least, that's what Donghae tried to believe for the time being.
Impatience.
That was probably the one thing about Donghae that had never changed, even back when he was known as Bada; this impatient nature of his that was eating away at him.
As always, he worked before Eunhyuk had the chance to protest or fight back. Hastily, he tugged Eunhyuk's shirt off and slithered comfortably against the boy, feeling the rise and fall of Eunhyuk's thin frame under him. He really could crush this man if he wanted to.
A thought flashed through him mind; the thought that crushing Eunhyuk was slightly tempting.
“I'm monstrous,” Donghae growled into the nape of Eunhyuk's neck, just above his collar bone, as he lowered himself onto the smaller body he was mounted on. “What am I doing?”
Eunhyuk shivered, the sensation of Donghae's lips against his skin running his pulses wild. “What are you talking about?” He moaned, weaving his fingers into Donghae's silky hair. Each strand that slid against his smooth skin tickled him, making him more sensitive.
Their bodies were now moving on instinct; their desire driving their actions.
The mutual tightening of their pants grew uncomfortable; they could feel the others reaction rubbing against their own, earning them quickened breaths and husky whimpers. Donghae stroked Eunhyuk's erection with his own through the cloth separating them, adding just a little more pressure each time he slid against him, as he felt the man grasp him by the shoulder.
“Ba- no, D-donghae...” Eunhyuk gasped, his fingers digging into Donghae's skin. “This... can we-”
Donghae smirked. Eunhyuk's voice sounded like a tune to his ears, more beautiful than the sounds any music could produce. He was always a work of art to Donghae; a precious treasure. “What, Eunhyuk? What do you want?”
The lack of oxygen caught up to Eunhyuk; he could feel himself pinking in the cheeks as he clamped his eyes shut, biting down on his bottom lip, and moving his lower body in accordance to Donghae for more friction, for more pressure, for more of Donghae.
Not replying probably wasn't the best judgment Eunhyuk had made by far. Suddenly, Eunhyuk felt a wet sensation running down his chest and over his abdomen, leaving a wet trail that cooled when the air in his room blew by. Eunhyuk flinched at the contact, his pants only tightening more treacherously as the pulse in his erection ached.
“Donghae..” Eunhyuk mewled, trying to take hold of Donghae again. “Stop it.”
Donghae captured both of Eunhyuk's wrists and held them over his head, leaning over to look Eunhyuk in the eyes despite the darkness. “What do you want from me, Hyuk?” He asked, his hot breath moistening Eunhyuk's reddened cheek. “More?”
“En,” Eunhyuk moaned, sheepishly, as he turned his face to the side.
Donghae reached down with one hand and slid a finger over the zipper of Eunhyuk's pants. “Of this?”
Eunhyuk refused to reply.
Grinning, Donghae unbuttoned the pants and slid the zipper down painfully slow. Eunhyuk's breath caught in his throat, a groan escaping his lips. Donghae just couldn't help it; watching Eunhyuk squirm around shyly in his hold was a bit too much fun. Roughly, Donghae slid the rest of the other man's clothing off. Eunhyuk shivered again, due to the cold, as he unconsciously pulled Donghae closer to him for warmth.
It felt nice to be accepted so openly by his Hyukjae.
Taking hold of Eunhyuk's erection, Donghae pumped it with a steady rhythm; slowly at first but allowing the speed to accumulate in perfect timing. Eunhyuk was panting, wildly, as he threw his head back and moved in unison to Donghae's ministrations on him.
Donghae planted kisses on Eunhyuk's collar bone, working his way up Eunhyuk's neck, as his free hand took hold of Eunhyuk's waist powerfully. Dry kisses on Eunhyuk's creamy skin became wet kisses, which eventually drove Eunhyuk mad. The feeling of Donghae's tongue massaging his neck sent shivers running all over his body, the feeling of Donghae's fingers around his erection parched his mouth dry.
Eunhyuk couldn't think anymore. All he could do was call out, repeating Donghae's name as loudly as he could, before he felt himself stiffen, shudder, and finally release.
He collapsed onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Donghae's shoulder and pulling the man down with him. Donghae was about to shift himself off of Eunhyuk to lay beside him, but Eunhyuk held him still.
“We're not done yet,” Eunhyuk shakily whispered against Donghae's ear.
Donghae's eyes widened as he tried to pull himself away. “Hyuk, I don't-”
“Shut up,” Eunhyuk demanded in all seriousness. “I don't care. We're going to finish this the right way. I don't like doing this half assedly,” he paused for a moment, silently laughing to himself, “literally.”
Donghae chuckled. “If you insist.”
And, although this was the first time for the both of them, they enjoyed the moments they spent in each others arms. It was messy, it didn't go as smoothly as they expected, and they met with several obstacles along the way (more than Eunhyuk could enjoy at times because he had the more painful end of the experience), but they were happy; they felt as if they owned the world, as if they owned each other.
Donghae slept right beside Eunhyuk, said man resting with his head against Donghae's chest and his arms around Donghae's waist. In spite of the love they made, the passion he felt for and from Donghae in their intimacy, he had his insecurities.
When he realized an hour or so later that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep; in fear of Donghae slipping away, or for fear that everything he possessed at the moment would slip from the creases in his fingers, he nudged Donghae awake.
“Donghae,” he whispered, pulling back to look into Donghae's face.
Donghae stirred, his brows furrowing as he woke slowly. “Yeah?”
The question Donghae received next was simple, but it confused him momentarily. “What does this mean?”
“Hm?” Donghae hummed, shaking his head to clear his fatigue. He looked at Eunhyuk, who stared at him blankly, before glancing around the room at nothing but darkness. “What?”
Eunhyuk sighed. “Does this mean you're coming back to me?”
It was a question that Donghae didn't really have an answer to.
Sure, Yesung told him that there was no point in running away anymore. It's true that Yesung also encouraged him to run after Eunhyuk, to hold onto this man with all his might. Could Donghae really do it - despite their differences?
“Is this your way of indirectly accepting me if I am?” Donghae asked.
Eunhyuk remained silent; his gaze at Donghae ever still.
“I don't know if I can do it, Hyuk,” Donghae replied honestly. The last thing he wanted to do now was lie to Eunhyuk, to give him false hopes just to disappoint him again. “I'm.. I'm not human, I don't have power over myself-”
Eunhyuk looked away, his eyes reddening with each thought running through his mind. “Then how are you any different from when you were Bada?”
“I-” Donghae paused, discovering that there were no words left on his tongue to spare. He wrapped his arms around Eunhyuk and pulled the man close, into his embrace, and held him tightly. “You're right, I can't give up anymore. I won't.”
And if there was anything Donghae regretted most right now, it would be that Eunhyuk's lips were a forbidden territory to him. How much he wanted to kiss those lips, to feel the warmth of their tongues gliding across one another's, to do what they have never done with each other before without words.
“My will was too weak back then,” Donghae confessed, “I can't allow myself to make the same mistake twice. I lost you once, I can't lose you again. This time, I'm not fighting for anyone else; I'm fighting for myself. As long as I can have you, Hyuk, I don't care what happens to me.”
His words were reassuring; a ballad to Eunhyuk's ears, a promise he could relent to and believe in. Perhaps, over all these years, this was the one moment Eunhyuk never saw coming but appreciated most. Bada was a changed man - a man now known as Donghae.
“Lee Eunhyuk! What is this?!”
Eunhyuk jumped, pulling the blankets up to cover Donghae as he turned in the bed to face the door. There stood Sungmin and Shindong, with expressions that were less than pleased.
“You could have at least locked the door!” Shindong scowled, turning to face the hallway.
Sungmin narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “You best have an explanation,” Sungmin lifted a brow, glaring at Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk blushed, throwing his brother an awkward glance. “Hyung,” he coughed, trying to hide Donghae as best as he could, “can you at least let us change first?”
Sungmin sighed audibly as he nodded and closed the door.
“Did you hear them coming?” Eunhyuk scolded as he jumped out of bed to grab their clothes. He could feel a stinging pain in his backside and hissed, stumbling a few steps before bending over to retrieve the clothes.
Donghae sat up and chuckled. “I'm don't have super hearing, Hyuk. Just because I'm undead doesn't mean I have all the super powers you see on television.”
“Don't be so loud!” Eunhyuk shook his head. “They might hear you!”
After changing and cleaning up properly, the duo headed towards the kitchen where Sungmin and Shindong were both seated rather intimidatingly. “You two are home quite late,” Eunhyuk laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head, “did you have fun?”
Sungmin looked Donghae from head to toe, his expression revealing that he had a good grasp on who he was. Well, it wasn't hard to guess - there's only one person, or monster, in this world Eunhyuk would give himself to.
Donghae bowed at the two older men, casting them a brilliant smile.
The fear that Sungmin felt towards Donghae at first somehow melted. In this foreign face, Sungmin was able to find the comfort he found in the young boy he used to know. What Eunhyuk said was true; his smile was indeed much different from before, but he was just as sincere as Sungmin remembered.
Shindong held up a hand, as if recognizing him as well. “You look familiar but I can't quite-”
“I'm Donghae,” Donghae offered, holding a hand out to Shindong. “Perhaps you've worked for my company before?”
Shindong shook the hand and glanced over at Eunhyuk. “He's your boss?”
Eunhyuk hesitated before nodding.
“Eunhyuk! You know that relationships between bosses and employees are strictly forbidden-”
Donghae politely interrupted the older man. “I can assign another position for him in the company. Better yet, Eunhyuk won't have to work as a bodyguard anymore, I'll take care of-”
“Shut up,” Eunhyuk scowled, punching Donghae on the chest softly. “We'll work things out, hyung. Don't worry about it.”
Sungmin chuckled, shaking his head. “So, care for some formal introductions?”
Donghae tensed for a second, wondering how Eunhyuk would introduce him to his older brothers. It wasn't as if they didn't really know him but things are different now - their identities are no longer the same and their relationship is a bit twisted, to say in the least.
Eunhyuk peeked over towards Donghae before taking a deep breath and sliding his hand into Donghae's. Shindong and Sungmin were both surprised by this action.
Shindong's gasp could be understood because he didn't know about Donghae and his occurrences, he didn't expect Eunhyuk to bring a man home anytime soon because of the past. But Sungmin's reaction startled Eunhyuk just slightly.
“Donghae-” Eunhyuk stopped and took another deep breath; he's never felt this nervous before in his life. Introducing Donghae to his brothers felt like a girl introducing her boyfriend to her parents; Eunhyuk didn't enjoy this feeling in the least. Donghae gave his hand a light squeeze, reassuring him that he was there. “Hyung, this is Donghae. You could say he's the one who brought me out of the shadows of the past, but I know that he's what will keep me running for the future.”
Donghae blinked a few times before the corners of his lips tugged into a smile.
“This is Donghae - the man who taught me how to love again, a man who promises not to be weak willed, the man I have chosen to give my trust. This is Donghae - my eternal love.”
Chapter 3
-----
A/N: Okay, this is way overdue (like, six months =/). So sorry! I hope the ending didn't come as too much of a surprise. I tried to patch things up as best as I could without being too unreasonable.. I know the last lines are mega-sappy, bear with me and my cheesiness? ^-^ Hope you enjoyed reading the end!! -rssj1314
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU/Romance/Supernatural
Pairing: Haehyuk
Summary: He's broken, more broken than Donghae has ever seen Eunhyuk to be, and all Donghae can do is wish that he was still Bada, and this boy in his arms was just Hyukjae. He wishes he didn't have to make a decision.
Eunhyuk entered the room just as Donghae and Yesung summed up their conversation; a conversation they didn't seem to want him overhear. He advanced towards his usual position in the office, just a bit farther into the room from the door beside the couches, and stood with his eyes glued to the ground before him with his head bowed low.
“Well,” Yesung exclaimed, clapping his hands together, “I'll leave you to your... work then.”
Donghae rolled his eyes as he watched the older man leave, sudden discomfort overcoming him. Gazing over at Eunhyuk, who was standing as still as night in his place, Donghae furrowed his brows and stumbled over a few words he wanted to say in his mind.
“I-”
Eunhyuk intercepted Donghae's words, silencing them with his own question. “Can I ask you one thing?”
“Y-yeah,” Donghae stuttered, surprised that Eunhyuk even wanted to speak to him. “Of course you can.”
“If you wanted to die so much back then, what made you want to come back?”
It was uncomfortable, the way Eunhyuk refused to look him in the eye. The boy stood there, his posture erect with his hands behind his back and his eyes solidly avoiding Donghae's, and it just made Donghae feel like everything had turned gray in his world. Well, gray-er, anyways.
“I mean,” Eunhyuk coughed, “if everything you said is true, that is.”
Donghae tore his eyes away from Eunhyuk, leaning back in his seat. “You don't believe what I said? Even after that night - when I almost took your life? You still don't believe me?”
And it wasn't as if Eunhyuk didn't believe what happened; it happened to him! But there was still a little bit of hope, a little bit of doubt, that maybe this was all just a poor joke his boss was trying to play on him. There was a little bit of hope that, in the midst of his anger and fury, Bada would never have abandoned him to live the life of a monster's.
“Or are you afraid? Afraid of what I've become in exchange for what I could have had?”
Eunhyuk's expression dropped. Maybe this was real after all; maybe this man could read his mind - a supernatural capability of some sort you gain in life after death - and this nightmare would only continue, this beast would only keep haunting his mind and heart. But, what could Donghae have been if he never chose to die?
“I wouldn't be too surprised if you didn't believe me,” Donghae muttered, “it's not common to have someone come back to life after they leave for death.”
If there was any strength left in Eunhyuk's fragile frame, he would have used it to lash out at Donghae; forcing him to realize that this isn't an issue about trust, it was about hope and how any bit of it that Eunhyuk had left was destroyed years ago.
Moments later, after heavy silence, Donghae knew he wouldn't be receiving a direct reply from the man. “You know how they say you don't know what you have until you lose it? That, unless you lose something, you'll never learn to truly appreciate it?”
There was no reply, verbally or physically, from Eunhyuk.
“I learned that the hard way, Hyuk,” Donghae scoffed. “Sure, life was terrible when I was living; daily therapy, timed medications, being stuck to a bed with wires and needles poked all over me, unable to be with friends and family to celebrate or just enjoy a nice warm summer day. I felt like I was deteriorating, decaying, as time ate at me. There was a voice screaming in my head, telling me to just let everything go. After I gave in, I realized maybe those events weren't as bad as having nothing at all.”
There was slight movement from Eunhyuk's direction but Donghae figured he was probably just shifting the weight of his body around for comfort.
“Your smiles; the forced ones and the real ones, started to blur over the days. It wasn't as if I was losing my sight but I was just so tired, so hungry, so beat up that I couldn't even find the strength to keep my eyes open for you.”
Donghae briefly wondered if it was normal for him not to shed tears at his own words, at the memories, but soon realized it was merely because he didn't have any more tears to shed.
“And when I realized, despite my immaturity at the time, that you would suffer whether or not I was dead, I just couldn't find the courage to keep living anymore.”
Eunhyuk inhaled deeply, trying hard to pull himself together. “Then why come back? Why didn't you just stay in your grave - as a dead person who would no longer have to suffer or watch others suffer - instead of returning to this living terror?”
“On the brink of death, I suddenly remembered something,” Donghae hesitantly replied. “It will make me sound selfish, which I am, but I guess I should tell you anyway. You deserve to know, right?” Nervously, he glanced over at Eunhyuk who still had no true reaction to his words. “I remembered that you told me I needed to live, not for you and not for anyone else, but for myself.”
“You had forgotten? To live for yourself, I mean,” Eunhyuk lifted his eyes from the floor to the open space in front of him. His eyes shifted about uncomfortably.
“Yes, I had forgotten that,” Donghae laughed bitterly. “At that moment I didn't think of coming back, I didn't know it was possible. I only remembered, I only heard your voice so clearly in my mind and it stayed with me until the last beat of my heart.”
Eunhyuk leaned against the couch beside him for support. “Do you know the reason I told you that, Bada?”
“R-reason?” Donghae froze for a five count, his past name sounding fluidic to his ears; like honey melting on him, sweetly and thickly.
“If living for the ones you loved became so hard, if giving up on us became so easy to you, then surely you must not remember why I asked you to live for yourself.”
Donghae shook his head. “No, I remember.”
“Do you?” Eunhyuk scoffed.
“You cried that day,” Donghae smiled, lifting his fingers to his lips, “it was a hard day, an exasperating day. I just got out of the ICU, barely alive; I was going to give up that morning, to sleep, but you were there. You were always there.”
Eunhyuk lowered himself onto the arm of the couch, no longer possessing the strength to stand.
“And I looked at you, so weakly that I'm sure you were broken inside at the mere sight of my lifeless body, and I told you I would never give up if it meant you would never cry again,” Donghae continued. “You just wanted me to live.”
“No, that wasn't what I intended for,” Eunhyuk shook his head. “When I told you to live for yourself, I said it because I knew no one in this world should live for others. Take me, for example; you passed on but I continued to live, for myself, despite the torment of knowing you gave up on us. I wanted you to be selfish, Bada; I wanted you to think only of yourself and stop suffering because I wanted that of you-”
Donghae stood from his seat. “You didn't want me to suffer, you wanted me to live.”
“What's the difference?” Eunhyuk tilted his head, trying to force his watery eyes to retain the tears. “I didn't want you to suffer, I merely wanted you to hold on to your life, but what was the difference?” He looked up, locking gazes with a man who is no longer truly the boy he once knew and loved. “It was a living hell for you, wasn't it? So, what's the difference?”
Stepping away from his desk, just a few steps closer to Eunhyuk, Donghae made an attempt to dispel any of Eunhyuk's self-blame.
“Don't come any closer,” Eunhyuk threatened.
Donghae stopped in his track, forcing himself to stay composed. “There is a difference, Hyuk. No matter what you think, I didn't mean for it to sound as if I blamed my pain on you. You loved me, and I-” he paused, searching for the right words, “I loved you more than you might believe.”
“I never doubted your love for me,” Eunhyuk bluntly slated, directing his view out the window. “It just hurts, it hurts to know that you would give up on life knowing it meant giving up on us. Maybe I was conceited; I thought I knew you, I thought I understood you well enough to leave your life in your own hands.”
When had the hot tears began pouring from his eyes? Eunhyuk wasn't really sure, but by the time he had realized them his shirt had been moistened at the chest and his cheeks were stained by trails of saline tears.
This sight was really hard to bear, it actually might have been much more cruel to Donghae than the treatments he had to endure so many years ago. Before either of them could stop it, Eunhyuk was already in Donghae's arms; sobbing into his chest.
“D-don't-” Eunhyuk gasped in between cries, trying to shove Donghae away.
Donghae strengthened his grip on the man. “Can we pretend? Just for this evening - that I'm still Bada and you're just Hyukjae?” He whispered against Eunhyuk's ear. “Can I love you this one last time, before we really lose everything again?”
Eunhyuk forced his eyes shut, his hands balling into fists. “That's very inhuman of you, Donghae-sshi.”
“Can you blame me?” Donghae laughed, nuzzling his chin into the crown of Eunhyuk's silky hair. “It's in my nature now.”
They sat there like that, Eunhyuk limply resting in Donghae's hold, as silence ensued them. Passing seconds felt like hours, each moment ringing louder in Eunhyuk's ears. “Why are you doing this to me?” Eunhyuk asked. “Once wasn't enough? You're going to deprive me of my love, you're going to take this non-existent hope from me, a second time?”
Donghae didn't reply. He simply continued cradling the broken boy in his arms and pretended, tried to believe, that nothing had changed since the last of their love. There was a decision Donghae needed to make and this, this moment with Eunhyuk, should help him make the better choice of the many.
-
“You look drained.”
Eunhyuk glanced up at Shindong while removing his shoes, stepping onto the cold platform of the wooden floor. “I feel drained,” he half-joked as he headed for his room.
Sungmin was just coming down the hall when Eunhyuk passed him by without so much as a greeting. He turned to Shindong, who blinked at him with just as much confusion in the light of his eyes. “I take it you don't know either,” Sungmin shook his head with a laugh.
“I don't,” Shindong admitted, straightening out his suit. “I'm not so sure you don't, though.”
Sungmin lifted a brow. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean,” Shindong challenged. “Does Eunhyuk know we're heading out?”
“I told him this morning,” Sungmin shrugged, “but who knows. He'll notice when he comes out to an empty house.”
Shindong laughed. “Yeah, that's true.”
-
Yesung stretched his arms over his head, pacing around Donghae's office idly. He peered over at the boy, shaking his head disapprovingly at Donghae's conflicting emotions written all over his face. “You already crossed the lines, I don't see the point in holding back anymore.”
“But-”
“Wasn't holding him just a gesture of assuring yourself the decision you made in the beginning was right?” Yesung asked. “Then what's making you doubt?”
Donghae bit down on his bottom lip. “I don't want to hurt him again.”
“You already have,” Yesung shrugged. “The moment you revealed to him that you are - or were - Bada, the damage was dealt.”
“But I'm dangerous, hyung,” Donghae groaned, “I might accidentally kill him if I'm not careful.”
Yesung scoffed. “As if you could ever live with yourself if you did that.”
“Hyung, I-”
“Just go to him.”
Those words were all it took for Donghae to immediately rush out of his office, sprinting towards the one he loved and held so dear in his beat-less vital organ.
Yesung closed the door after watching Donghae run out of sight. He walked to the window, his eyes following Donghae's figure as he buzzed by so quickly a human eye wouldn't be able to catch him. Gradually, Yesung's solemn expression stretched into a subtle smile.
“This world is a brutal place, Donghae, but not harsh enough that they'd forbid monsters like us to love and care. In the end, we were all once humans. From the beginning, we were meant to love. Together, in our entire existence, we all hide a beast within ourselves.”
-
There was a thundering noise repeatedly sounding. Eunhyuk blinked, waking from his nap, and pulled his blinds open. It wasn't storming outside, so, where was this noise coming from? It took a few seconds for Eunhyuk to realize someone was banging on his front door and he cursed under his breath, wondering why his brothers hadn't answered it.
He stepped into the hall, peeking around the emptiness of the household, and finally remembered Sungmin mentioning something about a friends party he would be attending with Shindong.
Pulling the door open, he didn't even bother to look the visitor in the face as he carelessly asked, “can I help you?”
“Maybe.”
The voice was like an alarm sounding in Eunhyuk's mind and he jostled, just slightly, as his eyes locked with Donghae's. “What are you doing here?!”
“Visiting,” Donghae replied simply. He slipped through, faster than Eunhyuk could respond, and entered the house. “Wow, nothing's changed.”
Eunhyuk rubbed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. “You remember?”
“Hardly,” Donghae shrugged, “but bits and pieces...” he trailed off, turning to the hall. “I remember your room's that way.”
“Hey!”
Before Eunhyuk could stop Donghae, the man was already down the hall and half way past the door to his room. Eunhyuk followed behind him as fast as he could, which still wasn't quite fast enough.
Donghae frowned visibly. “Your room has changed a lot.”
“Yeah,” Eunhyuk said while glaring at him, “changes are necessary when you try to forget things.”
“Oh,” Donghae replied, his expression dropping even more. Eunhyuk sighed and held his hands at his waist. Donghae reached towards Eunhyuk's drawer, just about to pull it open, when Eunhyuk slapped his hand away.
“That's off limits,” Eunhyuk warned, remembering the letter he hid in the furniture. Their faces were close, too close for comfort, so Eunhyuk stepped away.
Donghae was sure the drawer wasn't the only thing off limits in this room.
“Why are you here?” Eunhyuk asked.
“I was told I already exceeded the limit, that there was no point in holding back from you anymore because I've crossed the lines. I've broken rules, Hyuk, for you. So, Yesung hyung told me to just come to you.”
Eunhyuk scoffed. “You had to be told that?”
“I did,” Donghae bit his cheek, “because I'm unsure of myself.”
“Unsure of what?” Eunhyuk asked.
“Unsure of whether or not I'll hurt you again; physically and emotionally.”
In one swift movement, Donghae wrung Eunhyuk's wrists against the pillows of the bed and held them solidly as he slammed the boys fragile body against the mattress. His movements were quick; too fast for Eunhyuk to even find the time to comprehend the actions before he realized he was already held captive, with Donghae sprawled between his slender legs and staring down at him in the face a bit too enthusiastically.
Eunhyuk dug himself into the bed as deep as he could, trying to distance himself from the other man.
Donghae grinned smugly. “That's not very cute of you.”
“You know what's not very cute?” Eunhyuk retorted, trying to shove Donghae away to no avail. “Having an undead trying to rape you.”
Laughing low in his throat, Donghae's growing thirst for Eunhyuk grew stronger the longer they rested in this position; achingly close. His eyes wandered from Eunhyuk's narrowed eyes to his tall nose, then he traveled down to the man's plump and slightly shivering lips.
His lips looked so inviting.
But a voice in Donghae's head kept him back, held him in place. You can't kiss him, his own voice echoed in the back of his mind, you can't hurt him.
Eunhyuk knew well what was happening. Despite the years of Donghae's absence, despite this man's new existence and identity, Eunhyuk could read him like a book.
“If you don't have the guts, then why bother coming here in the first place?”
Donghae returned his attention to Eunhyuk's piercing eyes. “It's not about bravery, Hyuk. This is about protecting you; saving you from the monster in me that could very well crush you, when everything has only just started again.”
Judging by Eunhyuk's words and his attitude, Donghae knew the man wanted this just as much as he did. They were both pinning for each others touch, for each others full attention, for each others affection and caresses.
“I told you,” Eunhyuk replied, his voice firm and reassuring, “you can't hurt me anymore than you already have.”
This sight, the sight of Eunhyuk so certain of himself as he laid under him, was by far the most beautiful scene Donghae had seen in his life - before and after death.
Donghae remembered the days when Hyukjae smiled so brilliantly, so carelessly, at him when they practiced dance routines together. He remembered the days when Hyukjae drifted off in class, thinking of something Donghae couldn't quite grasp, and how the man would absentmindedly grind his teeth together or unconsciously bite down on his bottom lip. He remembered the days when Hyukjae had gotten jealous, over every little interaction Donghae had with anyone but himself, and how incredibly cute that made him out to be. He remembered everything about this little Hyuk of his - of Hyukjae.
Of course, he didn't fail to remember how he had tormented his Hyukjae; and now, now he remembers that he swore he would never allow himself to do that again.
But at this moment, this very second, no was not an answer to Eunhyuk - rejection and refusal was not an option.
Eunhyuk reached up, tentatively, as he cradled Donghae's masculine jawline in his palm. Just because Donghae's lips - those lips that would suck the life out of him, literally - were off limits didn't mean his hands, his eyes, his heart, and everything else of his were, too.
So, Eunhyuk found it appropriate to pull himself up and trail small kisses from Donghae's double lidded eyes to his jaw, slowly traveling down his neck and heatedly to his collar.
Their clothes were in the way.
“I don't remember you being so needy,” Donghae teased as he lifted his shirt over his head, revealing his distinctly toned abdomen and broad shoulders. He willed for Eunhyuk to do the same, anticipating the sight of a - more or less - vulnerable Eunhyuk.
“I-I can't see..” Eunhyuk mumbled breathlessly, fumbling with his hands to undress himself in the darkening room. Only now did he realize it was getting late; the sky was dimming drastically, the whole world seemed to be at a standstill, and his brothers would probably be coming home soon. How did time fly by so quickly?
Donghae smiled, shaking his head lightly as he reached out towards Eunhyuk. “Let me-”
“N-no, I can do it myself,” Eunhyuk stuttered shyly, poorly attempting to slap Donghae's hand away.
The constant changes in Eunhyuk's behavior didn't faze Donghae any longer; he was slowly growing accustomed to the different multitudes in which Eunhyuk expressed himself around him. It makes him unique - at least, that's what Donghae tried to believe for the time being.
Impatience.
That was probably the one thing about Donghae that had never changed, even back when he was known as Bada; this impatient nature of his that was eating away at him.
As always, he worked before Eunhyuk had the chance to protest or fight back. Hastily, he tugged Eunhyuk's shirt off and slithered comfortably against the boy, feeling the rise and fall of Eunhyuk's thin frame under him. He really could crush this man if he wanted to.
A thought flashed through him mind; the thought that crushing Eunhyuk was slightly tempting.
“I'm monstrous,” Donghae growled into the nape of Eunhyuk's neck, just above his collar bone, as he lowered himself onto the smaller body he was mounted on. “What am I doing?”
Eunhyuk shivered, the sensation of Donghae's lips against his skin running his pulses wild. “What are you talking about?” He moaned, weaving his fingers into Donghae's silky hair. Each strand that slid against his smooth skin tickled him, making him more sensitive.
Their bodies were now moving on instinct; their desire driving their actions.
The mutual tightening of their pants grew uncomfortable; they could feel the others reaction rubbing against their own, earning them quickened breaths and husky whimpers. Donghae stroked Eunhyuk's erection with his own through the cloth separating them, adding just a little more pressure each time he slid against him, as he felt the man grasp him by the shoulder.
“Ba- no, D-donghae...” Eunhyuk gasped, his fingers digging into Donghae's skin. “This... can we-”
Donghae smirked. Eunhyuk's voice sounded like a tune to his ears, more beautiful than the sounds any music could produce. He was always a work of art to Donghae; a precious treasure. “What, Eunhyuk? What do you want?”
The lack of oxygen caught up to Eunhyuk; he could feel himself pinking in the cheeks as he clamped his eyes shut, biting down on his bottom lip, and moving his lower body in accordance to Donghae for more friction, for more pressure, for more of Donghae.
Not replying probably wasn't the best judgment Eunhyuk had made by far. Suddenly, Eunhyuk felt a wet sensation running down his chest and over his abdomen, leaving a wet trail that cooled when the air in his room blew by. Eunhyuk flinched at the contact, his pants only tightening more treacherously as the pulse in his erection ached.
“Donghae..” Eunhyuk mewled, trying to take hold of Donghae again. “Stop it.”
Donghae captured both of Eunhyuk's wrists and held them over his head, leaning over to look Eunhyuk in the eyes despite the darkness. “What do you want from me, Hyuk?” He asked, his hot breath moistening Eunhyuk's reddened cheek. “More?”
“En,” Eunhyuk moaned, sheepishly, as he turned his face to the side.
Donghae reached down with one hand and slid a finger over the zipper of Eunhyuk's pants. “Of this?”
Eunhyuk refused to reply.
Grinning, Donghae unbuttoned the pants and slid the zipper down painfully slow. Eunhyuk's breath caught in his throat, a groan escaping his lips. Donghae just couldn't help it; watching Eunhyuk squirm around shyly in his hold was a bit too much fun. Roughly, Donghae slid the rest of the other man's clothing off. Eunhyuk shivered again, due to the cold, as he unconsciously pulled Donghae closer to him for warmth.
It felt nice to be accepted so openly by his Hyukjae.
Taking hold of Eunhyuk's erection, Donghae pumped it with a steady rhythm; slowly at first but allowing the speed to accumulate in perfect timing. Eunhyuk was panting, wildly, as he threw his head back and moved in unison to Donghae's ministrations on him.
Donghae planted kisses on Eunhyuk's collar bone, working his way up Eunhyuk's neck, as his free hand took hold of Eunhyuk's waist powerfully. Dry kisses on Eunhyuk's creamy skin became wet kisses, which eventually drove Eunhyuk mad. The feeling of Donghae's tongue massaging his neck sent shivers running all over his body, the feeling of Donghae's fingers around his erection parched his mouth dry.
Eunhyuk couldn't think anymore. All he could do was call out, repeating Donghae's name as loudly as he could, before he felt himself stiffen, shudder, and finally release.
He collapsed onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Donghae's shoulder and pulling the man down with him. Donghae was about to shift himself off of Eunhyuk to lay beside him, but Eunhyuk held him still.
“We're not done yet,” Eunhyuk shakily whispered against Donghae's ear.
Donghae's eyes widened as he tried to pull himself away. “Hyuk, I don't-”
“Shut up,” Eunhyuk demanded in all seriousness. “I don't care. We're going to finish this the right way. I don't like doing this half assedly,” he paused for a moment, silently laughing to himself, “literally.”
Donghae chuckled. “If you insist.”
And, although this was the first time for the both of them, they enjoyed the moments they spent in each others arms. It was messy, it didn't go as smoothly as they expected, and they met with several obstacles along the way (more than Eunhyuk could enjoy at times because he had the more painful end of the experience), but they were happy; they felt as if they owned the world, as if they owned each other.
Donghae slept right beside Eunhyuk, said man resting with his head against Donghae's chest and his arms around Donghae's waist. In spite of the love they made, the passion he felt for and from Donghae in their intimacy, he had his insecurities.
When he realized an hour or so later that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep; in fear of Donghae slipping away, or for fear that everything he possessed at the moment would slip from the creases in his fingers, he nudged Donghae awake.
“Donghae,” he whispered, pulling back to look into Donghae's face.
Donghae stirred, his brows furrowing as he woke slowly. “Yeah?”
The question Donghae received next was simple, but it confused him momentarily. “What does this mean?”
“Hm?” Donghae hummed, shaking his head to clear his fatigue. He looked at Eunhyuk, who stared at him blankly, before glancing around the room at nothing but darkness. “What?”
Eunhyuk sighed. “Does this mean you're coming back to me?”
It was a question that Donghae didn't really have an answer to.
Sure, Yesung told him that there was no point in running away anymore. It's true that Yesung also encouraged him to run after Eunhyuk, to hold onto this man with all his might. Could Donghae really do it - despite their differences?
“Is this your way of indirectly accepting me if I am?” Donghae asked.
Eunhyuk remained silent; his gaze at Donghae ever still.
“I don't know if I can do it, Hyuk,” Donghae replied honestly. The last thing he wanted to do now was lie to Eunhyuk, to give him false hopes just to disappoint him again. “I'm.. I'm not human, I don't have power over myself-”
Eunhyuk looked away, his eyes reddening with each thought running through his mind. “Then how are you any different from when you were Bada?”
“I-” Donghae paused, discovering that there were no words left on his tongue to spare. He wrapped his arms around Eunhyuk and pulled the man close, into his embrace, and held him tightly. “You're right, I can't give up anymore. I won't.”
And if there was anything Donghae regretted most right now, it would be that Eunhyuk's lips were a forbidden territory to him. How much he wanted to kiss those lips, to feel the warmth of their tongues gliding across one another's, to do what they have never done with each other before without words.
“My will was too weak back then,” Donghae confessed, “I can't allow myself to make the same mistake twice. I lost you once, I can't lose you again. This time, I'm not fighting for anyone else; I'm fighting for myself. As long as I can have you, Hyuk, I don't care what happens to me.”
His words were reassuring; a ballad to Eunhyuk's ears, a promise he could relent to and believe in. Perhaps, over all these years, this was the one moment Eunhyuk never saw coming but appreciated most. Bada was a changed man - a man now known as Donghae.
“Lee Eunhyuk! What is this?!”
Eunhyuk jumped, pulling the blankets up to cover Donghae as he turned in the bed to face the door. There stood Sungmin and Shindong, with expressions that were less than pleased.
“You could have at least locked the door!” Shindong scowled, turning to face the hallway.
Sungmin narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “You best have an explanation,” Sungmin lifted a brow, glaring at Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk blushed, throwing his brother an awkward glance. “Hyung,” he coughed, trying to hide Donghae as best as he could, “can you at least let us change first?”
Sungmin sighed audibly as he nodded and closed the door.
“Did you hear them coming?” Eunhyuk scolded as he jumped out of bed to grab their clothes. He could feel a stinging pain in his backside and hissed, stumbling a few steps before bending over to retrieve the clothes.
Donghae sat up and chuckled. “I'm don't have super hearing, Hyuk. Just because I'm undead doesn't mean I have all the super powers you see on television.”
“Don't be so loud!” Eunhyuk shook his head. “They might hear you!”
After changing and cleaning up properly, the duo headed towards the kitchen where Sungmin and Shindong were both seated rather intimidatingly. “You two are home quite late,” Eunhyuk laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head, “did you have fun?”
Sungmin looked Donghae from head to toe, his expression revealing that he had a good grasp on who he was. Well, it wasn't hard to guess - there's only one person, or monster, in this world Eunhyuk would give himself to.
Donghae bowed at the two older men, casting them a brilliant smile.
The fear that Sungmin felt towards Donghae at first somehow melted. In this foreign face, Sungmin was able to find the comfort he found in the young boy he used to know. What Eunhyuk said was true; his smile was indeed much different from before, but he was just as sincere as Sungmin remembered.
Shindong held up a hand, as if recognizing him as well. “You look familiar but I can't quite-”
“I'm Donghae,” Donghae offered, holding a hand out to Shindong. “Perhaps you've worked for my company before?”
Shindong shook the hand and glanced over at Eunhyuk. “He's your boss?”
Eunhyuk hesitated before nodding.
“Eunhyuk! You know that relationships between bosses and employees are strictly forbidden-”
Donghae politely interrupted the older man. “I can assign another position for him in the company. Better yet, Eunhyuk won't have to work as a bodyguard anymore, I'll take care of-”
“Shut up,” Eunhyuk scowled, punching Donghae on the chest softly. “We'll work things out, hyung. Don't worry about it.”
Sungmin chuckled, shaking his head. “So, care for some formal introductions?”
Donghae tensed for a second, wondering how Eunhyuk would introduce him to his older brothers. It wasn't as if they didn't really know him but things are different now - their identities are no longer the same and their relationship is a bit twisted, to say in the least.
Eunhyuk peeked over towards Donghae before taking a deep breath and sliding his hand into Donghae's. Shindong and Sungmin were both surprised by this action.
Shindong's gasp could be understood because he didn't know about Donghae and his occurrences, he didn't expect Eunhyuk to bring a man home anytime soon because of the past. But Sungmin's reaction startled Eunhyuk just slightly.
“Donghae-” Eunhyuk stopped and took another deep breath; he's never felt this nervous before in his life. Introducing Donghae to his brothers felt like a girl introducing her boyfriend to her parents; Eunhyuk didn't enjoy this feeling in the least. Donghae gave his hand a light squeeze, reassuring him that he was there. “Hyung, this is Donghae. You could say he's the one who brought me out of the shadows of the past, but I know that he's what will keep me running for the future.”
Donghae blinked a few times before the corners of his lips tugged into a smile.
“This is Donghae - the man who taught me how to love again, a man who promises not to be weak willed, the man I have chosen to give my trust. This is Donghae - my eternal love.”
Chapter 3
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A/N: Okay, this is way overdue (like, six months =/). So sorry! I hope the ending didn't come as too much of a surprise. I tried to patch things up as best as I could without being too unreasonable.. I know the last lines are mega-sappy, bear with me and my cheesiness? ^-^ Hope you enjoyed reading the end!! -rssj1314