Meanings: Side Stories // Phase 1. Occlude
Title: Occlude
Pairing: Haemin
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own them, SME does. Plot is mine.
Summary: Donghae's life was filled with Sungmin. (Haemin's story - a.k.a. what happened before Meanings.)
Related stories: Seclude (Kyumin's story) | Conclude (Henmin's story)
Warning: Unbeta'd. Written on a whim -was inspired while I was bored at work.
The sun shines over the horizon; it beams over the field of crops, of grass, of pigs and sheep and cows and horses. The air smells of grain, of dust, of animals that haven't bathed in weeks. Sungmin liked this - he loved life in the countryside.
Sungmin is sitting under a tree that sprouts at least twenty feet above the ground, rooted into the earth beneath him firmly. He feels a tug at his ear and realizes that the earpiece in his left ear has been removed - he isn't fazed.
“What are you listening to?”
The person who has decided to join him nudges him and Sungmin scoots over a little to allow him space. “Hae, if someone were to breakup with you-”
“Not this again, Min,” Donghae sputters, settling against Sungmin's side and slipping the fallen earpiece into his own ear.
“If someone were to breakup with you, would you rather they take everything with them when they leave?” Sungmin insists.
Donghae rolls his eyes, weaving his fingers into Sungmin's. He notes that their fingers mold together perfectly; they were made to be interlocked like this. “Why do you always listen to this kind of depressing city music?” Donghae sighs. “It makes you think too much.”
“Answer me, Hae,” Sungmin frowns.
The younger of the two shakes his head lightly, reaching over and cupping Sungmin's cheek in his palm while guiding the boys head to his shoulder. Sungmin complies and leans against Donghae, his hands tightening in Donghae's grasp. “What's 'everything'?”
“I don't know,” Sungmin shrugs.
They feel the sun on their shoes, the heat rising through their thighs, but their torso is cool from being covered by the shade of the tree.
“If you want to just leave like this, then take everything away with you; the once happy memories, this reminiscence that is gradually becoming treacherous to me, and this love that will be left in my heart.”
The lyrics invade their ears and Sungmin is inspired, enlightened. “Those,” he says, squeezing Donghae's hand, “all of those.”
Donghae bites his inner cheek. “No,” he replies, “I wouldn't want that person to take everything away with them. If they took even the last bit of my memories of them, our happy moments, the love that I had for them, then what's left to prove that they once existed in my life? That I once loved them for a purpose - that my love was meaningful?”
“But it would hurt you to remember,” Sungmin interjects.
The breeze caresses their hair and Donghae closes his eyes. “It's better to hurt but know that I once loved before, and that there was a point in time when that person loved me back, than to let all that time and care go to waste.”
Sungmin nods, but the words weight heavier on his heart than he'd like to admit. He feels Donghae shifting and the next thing he knows, warm lips are on his own, strong arms are pushing him to the ground.
“I don't like the questions you've been asking lately,” Donghae says, his teeth biting down lightly on Sungmin's pouty lips. “Is something wrong?”
The older boy shakes his head, hands pushing at Donghae's shoulder. “Stop it, Hae, we're out in the open. Someone might see us.”
Donghae ignores the elders plead and deepens the kiss, running his tongue along the inner cavern of Sungmin's mouth as his hand glides down Sungmin's chest. He knew there was a reason as to why he preferred Sungmin not to wear overalls - for situations like this, obviously. He sighed inwardly, working his way to unhook the button at Sungmin's chest with a single hand; the other being preoccupied pinning Sungmin's wrist down.
“Hae, stop it!” Sungmin hissed. “Donghae! I said stop!”
Donghae snickers against Sungmin's cheek.
“This is not funny, Lee Donghae,” Sungmin pouts. “It'll be chaotic if someone sees us!”
Pretending as if he couldn't hear Sungmin, Donghae trails his kisses down Sungmin's neck to his collar bone. Sungmin fidgets a bit, rolls around and fights a little, but eventually melts into the caresses, gives in to the gentle touches and soft kisses.
“I want you, Min,” Donghae whispers against his chest.
Sungmin moans silently, his breath heavy. “Hae, we can't do this. You know we can't-”
“Why do you care so much about what the others think? Can't you just focus on me, on what I want and what I think?” Donghae asks. “Let them catch us, Min. Let the world know that I belong to you, that you belong to me. What does it matter?”
Donghae's hold on Sungmin's wrists loosen and Sungmin takes the chance to sit up, throwing Donghae off balance. They collide against each other. “In a world where homosexuality is just as bad as homicide, it means the world, Hae. I know how much you care about your parents. What would they think about you? What would they do with you if they knew about us?”
“God damn it,” Donghae grits his teeth. “This argument has been going on for years, for all our life, Min, and your answer never changes.”
“It doesn't need to,” Sungmin offers a small smile, hand resting over the younger one's, “because it's true; we both know it's true.”
Donghae furrows his brow, lifting Sungmin's hand and pulling the other boy into his chest. “It's not-”
“Donghae!” A voice yells from afar. “I told you to come herd the sheep! What are you doing?!”
Sungmin immediately shoves Donghae away and, almost instantly, he sees the sadness in Donghae's eyes. He averts his gaze elsewhere, rubbing his hand as if it was burning. “It's not right,” Donghae completes his sentence as he stands, expression crestfallen, “no matter what you think, your way of thinking just isn't right.”
Silence ensues and Sungmin counts Donghae's footsteps - how many steps it takes for Donghae to disappear from his sight, how many steps it will take for Donghae to disappear from his life.
-
“Hey, Donghae, pass me the salad?”
Sungmin is chewing on his food awkwardly, sitting at the table with Donghae and both their families. It's a gathering of sorts; their families have been long time buddies and they often get together to have lunch or dinner.
“Look at our boys,” Donghae's mother coos, “they've grown up so well. Don't you think it's time they built their own family, sweetie?”
Sungmin's mother smiles fondly, nodding. “They could get married together! How swell would that be, huh?”
Their parents talk and laugh and have the best time of their lives, as usual, but Donghae notices that Sungmin is sullen and quiet, not at all the way he usually is around them. After dinner, he pulls Sungmin aside to the back of the barn. “Is something wrong?” He asks.
“N-no,” Sungmin replies, still a bit uncomfortable from their conversation before.
Donghae ruffles his hair. “It's okay, Min. I'm not mad at you. You know that I can't stay angry with you for long.”
Sungmin releases an audible sigh.
“Is it about the marriage thing our mothers were talking about?” Donghae asks.
There's no reply.
“Think of the possibilities!” Donghae exclaims, lifting Sungmin's face by the chin so they are gazing straight into each others eyes. “What if the women we marry are lesbians, and together? Then we'd make the perfect fake marriage quad! Wouldn't that be awesome?!”
Sungmin's gaze turns cold, steel firm.
Donghae sighs. “I'm just joking, you know. Don't worry about it. You know they're all bark and no bite. They've mentioned this a million times already but when have they ever actually tried to find us likely candidates?”
“I guess,” Sungmin grumbles.
Donghae chuckles and kisses Sungmin on the forehead, then his nose, then his cheek, and finally, finally, his lips. “Trust me,” he says.
Sungmin doesn't let his hesitation show. “I do,” he replies.
And the darkness of the sky overrules them, hiding them from the world as Donghae pushes Sungmin back against the wall, to the ground, with limbs entangled, breaths mingling, voices coarse and fingers digging deep into each others skin. One rock from Donghae garners one muffled gasp from Sungmin and the night is long - but passes by so quickly, too quickly - and when Donghae awakes, body exhausted but his heart filled, so full, the space beside him is cold and unoccupied.
Donghae doesn't know it yet, but that slot would never be occupied again, not anymore.
-
“Sungmin's leaving for the city. Did you hear?”
Donghae glances up from the horseshoe he's been hammering on to the sole of the horses feet. “What?” He coughs, slipping when the horse decides to shake his leg forward. “How do you know, Shindong hyung?”
“I was just at his house to drop off some eggs,” Shindong explains, “he's already loading his stuff into a truck. You two are - well, you know - aren't you? I thought you'd know already...”
Without another word, Donghae drops everything he's holding into Shindong's arms and sprints to the road, across the fields, farther and farther until he finally reaches Sungmin's home. He's out of breath - he's been sick ever since that night out he spent with Sungmin behind the barn - and his entire body feels sore.
Why hadn't Sungmin mentioned anything to him? What is Sungmin thinking?
“I think that's the last of it,” he hears Sungmin's mother sighing. “My baby's going to be in the city all alone. Who will take care of you, Minnie?”
Sungmin's chuckle is strained, forced. “Don't worry about me, mom. I'll be fine. You have to take care of Donghae for me, alright? That kid is always getting into trouble.”
“Talking bad behind my back?”
Sungmin's eyes widen slightly, but he maintains his composure as he glances to the origin of the voice - that very familiar voice. “Hey, Donghae.”
Donghae. Hah.
“Are you leaving?” Donghae asks.
For whatever reason, Sungmin's mother felt the tensity of the atmosphere and quickly slipped away into the house. “Yeah,” Sungmin replies, “I'm going to study in the city.”
“Why didn't you tell me?” Donghae croaks. He's clenching his chest with his fist, eyes narrowed in pain - both physical and emotional. Sungmin feels a tug in his chest but tries his best to brush it away, to hide it. “Were you ever going to tell me? That's what all the city music was about, wasn't it? You were trying to get used to it.”
Sungmin glances around and hopes no one can hear them. “Kind of-”
“Kind of?! Min, why didn't you discuss this with me? How can you just leave without saying a word?!” Donghae nearly shouts.
After a deep breath, Sungmin bites down on his bottom lip and faces Donghae. “This is for the best, Donghae. If I just go away for a while, maybe we can forget all this nons-”
“Don't call what we have nonsense!” Donghae retorts. “Don't. Just don't.”
“I'm tired, Donghae,” Sungmin says, close to a whimper, “I can't do this anymore. Maybe if I leave - for a year, two years, ten even - then we could forget about all these feelings, all these things that are pulling us back.” I don't want to hold you back, Sungmin thinks, his nose so sour he can feel the pain surging to his brain. He can't cry. He won't. Not in front of Donghae.
Donghae scoffs. “You want to forget about me?”
“Not about you,” Sungmin shakes his head, “just... just our feelings, our relationship, the lo- the care we have for each other.”
Donghae takes a step up the stairs, Sungmin flinching backwards. They're close, too close. “What's the difference?” Donghae implores, eyes filled with hurt, desperation. “Why are you so stubborn? Why can't you just accept this and let the world try to understand us instead of running away?”
Sungmin hugs himself, fists clenched tight. Don't do this, Hae, don't make me regret my decision, he thinks.
“Why are you hurting me?”
The door to the truck slams close and Sungmin is thrown out of his reverie; he's saved. “I have to go,” he says, nervously walking down the stairs as quickly as he can.
Donghae grabs him by the wrists as he paces by, pulling him so they're looking at each other at eye level. “Don't go,” he says, “don't leave me, Min.”
Sungmin swallows a lump in his throat, his heart so swollen he knows that it'll explode if he stays even a moment longer. “You'll be okay,” Sungmin tilts his head to prevent the tears from escaping, trying his best to smile. “You said it yourself, Donghae; you said that as long as you know your love existed - that it had a purpose and that the person you loved had loved you back - then you'd be okay.”
“Why are you calling me 'Donghae'?” Donghae inquires. “Why are you pushing this to a point of no return?”
“If this can make everything end, then I'll never call you 'Hae' again,” Sungmin says, his voice trembling. The truck driver honks impatiently. “I really have to go now.”
Donghae refuses to let go and Sungmin's close to pleading, begging Donghae to release him. “I'll find you,” Donghae says against his ear, kissing his cheek one last time - no, one more time, because he wont let this be the last. “No matter where you go, I'll find you. I'll follow you to the ends of the world if I have to; just know that this isn't the end, Min. What we have, our feelings, it will never end.”
There's a quivering in his chest and Sungmin has to draw his breath forcibly. He peers into Donghae's eyes - void of anger, void of anything but determination - and pulls away. Sungmin leaves, without turning back, and there's only one thing he wants.
“Please be happy, Hae,” he whispers against the glass of the window pane, hands clasped over his chest.
“Please, find your happiness.”
-----
A/N: Ummm... yeah. I needed more Haemin? ^-^ These were only supposed to be drabbles. Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead, this crap did. Haha...hah. >.>
Lyrics at the beginning are from SJ-KRY's Heartquake (a.k.a. Ibyeol... Nuhl Shwibni - Leaving... Is That Easy For You? - 离别。。。对你来说容易吗？)!