...just laying my head on the floor, sobbing intensely, feeling the soothing warmth of the sunlight that's shining on my back and hair, repeating in every tongue I can recall, "thank you... thank you, a million times ( Read more... )

( Cut for length, stuff about my trip )

( SPOILERS. )

Why am I here again?

approved for MA

did absolutely no good

won't backdate

won't cover my full bill for the surgery

now i'm a good 30 grand in debt with zero hope of insurance

what the hell good was living......... now i'm going to be struggling with this too?

If such a thing even remotely exists anymore ( Read more... )

Nic is writing another essay, head for the hills!

I started the thread that birthed this guild back in 2004 when I was going through a very tough time emotionally, battling a constant suicidal craving and self-injury that led to several half-hearted suicide attempts. I've been through it all; overdose, wrist-slitting, trying- and miserably ( Read more... )

Recovering, slowly maybe but only to me.  Everyone else sees me recovering very quickly, I guess.

Everything's going well...

relatively  I guess?

aside from pain and intense boredom.

cancer free, the way to be.

Update

I have the best news I can give right now.

a) I met with my surgeon today and he is confident it is a tumor.  That being said he says it is also in a place where part of the kidney is not an option.  The whole kidney has to come out.

b) I still have zero signs of metastasis, malignancy, or growth or spread.

c) I was mislead on the speed at which ( Read more... )

I got the call from the urologist, whom upon having seen my scans and reviewed them with other radiologists, decided that I do in fact have a tumor, not a cyst ( Read more... )