Two different times this weekend B came over to me, kissed me on the forehead, and told me he loved me. It was incredibly sweet. It made me feel a lot better about us. I know I've been so sad lately and it makes it easy to focus on what is wrong with life instead of what's right. So I'm totally giving him lots of credit for being caring when he ( Read more... )

My brain is deep in a full on anxiety manic freak out mode, so today has been full of suck. I spent all day trying to not loose my shit, which is always not fun. B was watching a lot of tv and I of course had to keep yelling at the tv, because people were annoying the heck out of me. Thankfully he's sort of use to me being manic now, so when I was ( Read more... )

B and I are still fighting off a stupid cold flu thing. He stayed home from work tonight, so I'm hoping I'll get to sleep. He's snoring so loud I may end up on the couch. Ugh ( Read more... )

I can't win with anti-psychotic drugs. I started a new one on Saturday and last night ended up having to go to the ER. My heart was racing, I had bad chest pains, and all my muscles were stiff. I was shaking horribly and sweating. I called my mom and when I told her what drug it was she said she was dropping everything and coming right over to take ( Read more... )

I saw the psychatrist today and he put me on new meds as well as upping the dosage on the others. I told him essentially I was feeling totally batshit insane again and I couldn't stand it. Thankfully he's incredibly nice and helpful and agreed we must get the anxiety and paranoia under control before I end up hurting myself. After the appointment I ( Read more... )

The last few days have been so rough. I told B that I am so worried I'm just loosing my freakin mind. I had to take Oxycodone two days in a row. The pain was bad and the anxiety was out of freaking control. I hate to take it, but I felt like I had no choice. I can't keep calling my mom and crying about how I can't do this anymore. I really want to ( Read more... )

I got a call from Ariel's school counselor today. Apparently she's talked to Ariel a few times about her stinky PE clothes and her personal hygiene. Ariel is a 13 year old hormonal drama mama. She's a typical girl where every thing brings tears, so I'm sure she played the saddest tune about how life is so rough to her counselor. She told her that I ( Read more... )

Sure enough as I predicted my brother tried to kill himself today. My baby brother went over to his place and found him uncouncious laying on the ground in his garage. He thought he was dead, because he had no pulse. I'm now the only one in our family who hasn't found him without a pulse and gotten to do CPR, freak out, call for help, batshit ( Read more... )

The Christmas party was nice. A bit long, but nice. It was good to see some old friends. Especially this gal named Brynn. Brynn and I have known each other for about five years now, but we're always sort of on the cusp of becoming good friends. When she saw me tonight she said, "I've been thinking about you! We NEED to get together to talk and hang ( Read more... )

I'm supposed to go to a Christmas Party at church tonight with my mom and Ariel. I've been struggling with horrible anxiety all week, so I'm not looking forward to a night with a room full of people. It doesn't help that I woke up with a horrible headache too. Then my mom called me to tell me that my brother's wife who is supposed to go with us has ( Read more... )