Sparklies! 1.0
Surprisingly, this isn't going to be a Rainbow Legacy. It should be, but it won't.
And I just know some poor kid in Gen 7 or something is gonna be stuck with the name Chalcopyrite.
Anyways.
Our leading lady, the founder of the Crystal Legacy, Ruby Crystal!
- She's a Handy, Artistic, Family-Oriented Couch Potato with a Green Thumb. Don't look at me, I rolled those dice.
- She likes the colour red, apple crumble and custom music.
- She wants to make robo-babies (Creature-Robot Crossbreeder).
This is her house.
Ruby: OHMYSHITIT'SACOUCHTHISISLIKETHEBESTMOMENTOFMYLIFE
Ruby: Now I shall do dirty, dirty reading on you.
Ruby: Oh, hey, pictures of flowers, aren't they pre - that's... quite the stamen.
Ruby: I MUST FIND A STAMEN OF MY OWN AHEM HEM.
...And no one is at the park. Odd.
Ruby: Who is this guy supposed to be, anyways? I can never recognise anyone besides Will Wright.
Just Ruby looking sultry. At herself. In a reflection on the door.
'Cause the best food is free food.
Ruby: I CONTROL WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE, at least until there's a Seasons expansion.
Ruby: He has a really nice house. Why can't I have a really nice house? People with really nice houses are stupid. Stupid nice house people.
One-upping rejected boyfriends since ten minutes ago.
HELL NAW
P.S. WHAT IS THERE TO STEAL YOU DIPSTICK
Neighbour-Dude: OH MY WORD A BURGLAR I SHOULD CALL THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION
Burglar: OH SHET *rips sink off of wall*
Ruby: Well. This blows.
Ruby: Oh, hello! How can I help you, Car-Person?
Car-Person: We need to run some tests.
Ruby: Bwuh?
*job found! (Test Subject)*
Ruby: My butt hurts, but I can pay the bills! *thumbs up*
Ruby: Oh, Mr. Statue, will I ever find love?
Ruby: And do guys ever do wet T-shirt contests?
Just a nice picture of the cemetery. Where, coincidentally, Ruby is headed. Necrophile.
A zombie bear just exploded at you. You should probably be a bit more concerned.
Ruby: ...
Ruby: Pretty flowers; love the arrangement, the coordination with the pot, almost everything. If only they hadn't put that hideous headstone behind them.
Ruby: Hmm. This lovely plant looks almost like it may be extremely rare. I should return to steal it.
Ruby: Wait, what were you doing in there? Did the zombie bears get you?
Buck Broke: *ignoring crazy lady*
I say this as someone who recently spent a week and a half sleeping on a linoleum floor:
BRUISED HIPS.
Starved Lady: NO ONE SLEEPS IN THE CEMETERY
Burnt Lady: God, you're a prick.
RUBY! RUBY!
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
Ruby: OHAI I'M RUBY LIKE MY UNDIES?
Hank: I'M HANK AND YES I DO
Electro-Guy: I do not approve of this zombie-bear-exploded necrophile.
Ruby, trying to show Hank her kung fu.
Ruby: Hank, I feel like I can trust you - like you're different from other guys. I can tell you're not just after my body...
Hank: *goes for the grope*
Free food coming along well.
Oh, hey. Neighbour-Dude Who Was Totally Useless Against A Scrawny Burglar Despite Being Ripped is also Stupid Nice House People. Who knew?
I do want those suspenders, though.
Ruby: SO FUCKING HAPPYYY DX<
Home improvement.
Ruby: Wait, if that's a Bunsen burner, what is THA - oh it's a test tube.
You have quite the imagination there, young lady.
Ruby: STOP STARING AT MEEE *rips off Death Flower*
I bought you a bed. wtf r u doin
Ruby: Do not disturb my necrophile stalker dreams.
Ruby: HOLY SHIT OLD MAN ARE YOU MADE OF FARTS OR SOMETHING
Oh, shit, that's why the fire ghosts burn. THEY'RE MADE OF METHANE
Ruby: Wait - he was a GINGER?! BAWWW
Uh, Ruby, I hate to break it to you, but yo -
Ruby: BAWWW DAMMIT
Ruby: Now, see, if you'd just taken off your sunglasses before trying to fix the dishwasher, it'd all be fine and dandy.
Suit Guy: Gee, thanks. ):(
Ruby: A bed! When did that happen?
*headlaptop*
Hank: OFFICIALLY UNDEAD AND DAMN SEXY EEYEAH
Ruby: Hank, I'm worried about... YOUR PROCEDURE WAS FUCKIN' ASPENSIVE.
(Yeah, I don't know why the bed is unmade.)
Hank: Aww, sweetie, don't worry. I'm sure you'd get it all back in one night if you take the mayor hostage.
Ruby: ...
Hank: Come on, my crown jewel. Sad doesn't suit you. Seriously, smile. You're freaking me out.
Ruby: Aww. A rose and you'd be the perfect Romeo.
Hank: Scooore.
Wait, I don't remember buying that. Hank, you sneaky bastard.
He's got the Lifetime Wish to master painting and guitar.
It's gonna take a while.
Hank: YOUR ASS IS MINE
Ruby: LAWD NO
He wouldn't stop doing this to her. And she never got used to it.
Free food! And Ruby lookin' gooood.
Ruby: Why do I have to wear worse stuff the more promotions I get?
Ruby: I should turn my fashion woes into BEAUTIFUL MUSICS
Hank: YOU WANT I SHOULD GET OUT THE ROLLING PIN? HAH?
Sorry, just noticed that the food on the plate is invisible through Hank. Kinda cool.
They may only have half a house, but the gender roles are all set up. Ruby ain't happy with 'em.
And I reinforce them by taking gratuitous, voyeuristic undie shots.
Hank: I'M SO INDIE I READ SHEET MUSIC INSTEAD OF NOVELS
Then it's time for his first public performance. First comes a TS1 throwback.
Then comes a hater.
Ex-throwback: Ohmygawd, how can you not like him??!?! He's, like, sooo indie and, like, unique! And I bet he understands sheet music and everything!
Hater: ... /:|
BILLEH!
Hank: I made friends with Billeh. *smug*
Hank: Happy trees!
Ruby: We have walls.
HOLY MOLEY. That's enough to buy, like... more walls!
Ruby: Now that we have a little more privacy, do you want to try your shooting star imitation again?
Hank: Okay, that just sounded creepy. No.
Ruby: But... but... woohoo.
Ruby: That's right. I got it.
Hank: *whispermumble*
Ruby: OKAY HELL NAW
Hank: But... but...
Ruby: NO.
Hank: *pling pling* ...My lady's crazy... *pling pling* ...Won't do it my way... *pling pling* ...Good thing sexual frustration... *pling pling* ...is so inspirin'...
But wait, whose house is this?
Aiden: Heelloo, weelcome to myee house.
Ruby: Knock it off, dude. It's only funny in the lab.
Ruby: Soooo... you... single? Live in this big, empty house all alone?
Aiden: Well, yeah.
Hank: ...And this piece represents what my boots feel like after I walk through a big puddle.
Hank: I CANNOT FOCUS ON SQUISHY BOOT FEELINGS WITH THIS RACKET D:
...green Jell-o?
Ruby: Baby goop!
I see.
Ruby: Hank, you know that pair of shoes you tripped over and then you fell and hit your head on the table and nearly died?
Hank: ...Uh-huh?
Ruby: Well, I got them for a reason...
Ruby: They were for practice so you don't trip over... OUR BABY!
Hank: ZOMG
Hank: That's a great idea, actually! We should name it “Shoes!” Hello, Shoes!
Ruby: Wait, he cooks? Shit. What was I thinking, going after Aiden?
Hank: Hey, Ruby?
Ruby: A man who can cook... sigh... What's uuUUOH MY GOD
Hank: Yeah, I don't know either.
Ruby: Yeah, kitchen fire. Yeah, the little house that was an empty lot a week ago.
Hank: Oh - OH MY GOD
Ruby: HUNGERRR
Firewoman: THAT IS NOT YOUR GREATEST PROBLEM RIGHT NOW
Hank: Hmm. Tingly.
Ruby: Lovely salad, darling.
Hank: Yes. Lovely.
Hey hold on a tic - isn't she...?
EA, you lazy bastards. *grabs fix*
Ruby: HWU?!
Hank: CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP
Ruby: IT'S COMIIIING
- 2.0 -