Sparklies! 2.0
1.0
Back so soon?
I shall now summarize recent events via interpretive dance.
...
...
...
There. That ought to clear things up.
Hank: Oh God are you gonna die I really hope you don't die please don't die who would I sex and who would tell me when I'm on fire and who would have a real job and
Ruby: FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE, GET ME A TOWEL
Ruby: Oh, my goodness! Hello, Amber! Aren't you a brave little virtuoso!
Amber: I DON'T LIKE YOU
Hank: Hey, where'd you come from? We should call you Amethyst! Yeah, that's a good name for an easily impressed outdoorsgirl!
Amethyst: Yeah, you might be badass enough for me.
Hank: But I wish we could have named one Shoes. You're sure there isn't another one in there?
Amethyst: ...eh?
So I guess the fact that they're both not dead means Aiden is the father.
Maury Povitch: Hey, you could have at least considered consulting me. :(
More invisible ghost shenanigans.
Hank: *pling pling* Yeah, down in the dirt... I got a mofuckin' fan club...
And that's a great shirt... Too bad you're a chub... *pling pling*
Ruby: Will you like me if I give myself strabismus?
Amber: *pointed ignoring*
Ruby: Oh, yeah, I wanna hold your hand, baby.
Hank: Aww, that's so swe -
Ruby: AndbyhandImeanpenis.
Hank: ...
Hank: Y'know, that was a clever pickup. You're pretty bright.
Ruby: *sarcasmdar beeps*
Ruby: BBS HOMG YAY
Ruby: Here comes the rocket ship, ready for docking! Schwoooom...
Amber: DO NOT WANT YOUR SMELLIES
And, as if on cue...
Amber: Sparkles in my eyes! X]
Amethyst: No, you can't have the red block. It's too badass for you.
Yeah, see, she's still here!
Ruby: Okay, girl, let's get you walking!
Amber: YOU ARE GOING TO DROP ME I KNOW IT
Amethyst: Wait, if you're a ghost, how...?
Hank: Shush and enjoy. :D
Hank: Say it with me. Mmmeat. Delicious, juicy meat. Close your eyes. Envision the beautiful meat.
Amethyst: *blink*
Ruby: C'mon, c'mon! You're almost done!
Amber: YOU'RE FAT
Hank: Mmmeat. Meaty meaty meat. Say it.
Amethyst: ilu, Dad. Now stop it.
Hank: Delicious meat.
Amethyst: YOUR OVERT FOCUS ON MEAT INCLINES ME TO QUESTION YOUR SEXUALITY
Hank: Mmmeat.
Amethyst: offs fine. MEAT.
Hank: YAY!
Ruby: I HATE BBS
Hank: RUBYYY MY HEAD HURRRTS HALP
Ruby: What have I done?
Hank: I heard you're having my children. Can I come along?
Ruby: *sinks deeper into an infinite black emo pit of remorse*
Billeh: HOLY HOTDOGS BBS COMING oh God can't think stupid thought bubble got caught in my hairrr-
Hank: This is fun! Isn't this fun? I'm having lots of fun!
Ruby: *reconsiders moral code and tries to fake massive haemorrhage*
And she haemorrhaged out Markasite (Mark), an easily impressed goodnik!
Ruby: *apologizes to Darwin for breaching natural selection*
Ruby: Well, Mark, this is the house, and getoffmylawncreepybitch you might spend the rest of your life here! Isn't that depressingly set in stone?
Mark: Hmm. Could use a second floor, but not that bad.
It's essentially a one-bed-one-bath bungalow right now.
Hank: ...and you'll have the house and the family fortune all to yourself and you'll get a wife - or husband, hey - hand-picked as the hottest option in Riverview!
Mark: You can do that?
Hank: I'll put in a good word for you. Us dead folks gotta stick together.
Dude, I'm not CEO. I'm GOD.
Ruby: Right, Amy - now that you can talk, what's the first thing you're gonna do?
Amethyst: Party like it's 1979!
Ruby: Right - and what did I tell you about drinking?
Amethyst: Don't take it straight 'til you're legal!
Wusses.
Amber: Daddyyyy D,:
This anim is probably the most adorable thing in the game.
Hank's transportation.
Hank: Bitches 'bout to get schooled in the field of rock.
That's quite the protest you've got there.
Laurel: WHAT DO WE WANT
Betty & Personface: MUTATION
Laurel: WHEN DO WE WANT IT
Betty & Personface: NAO
The Pro-Radiation Movement gathers momentum as Hank wishes they were listening to him instead.
Hank: *pling pling* Ohhh, Billeh... Faithful Billeh... The fact that you're the only one listening is kind of silleh... *pling pling*
Hey, look, it's my versionified Nina Caliente! The crowd grows.
Hank: *dzjing dzjing* Child, why must you wear watermelon *dzjing dzjing* Your momma don't realize - she's a fashion felon *dzjing dzjing* And maybe a racist *dzjing*
Oh, EA. Good job.
Nina: BE BETTER
That night, Ruby celebrates her transformation into true adulthood alone in her garden. Of course.
Hank: OH! Ohgod. Thestench. Agh. Must... think... nice-smelling... thoughts...
Hank: He woke us up.
Ruby: I know. What do you want to do about it?
Hank: I'm kinda tempted to throw him in the pond.
Ruby: You're mad.
Hank: Believe me, I know.
Ruby: You make a good evil plan, though.
Hank: Hellz ya. *smirk*
Hank: *dzjing dzjing* Bitches gon' try and steal my song, you better go back home and take your stupid pants wiiitcha *dzjing*
Founder portrait
COMPLETE
A B.A. in Cute with Specialization in Rainbows is hereby awarded to Markasite Crystal.
They play so well together in Amy and Amber's new room.
Mark: Yellow is tastiest.
Amethyst: Yeah, but red is still ~badass~ and is therefore better.
Mark: Are you kidding? Something's worth is defined entirely by how good it tastes.
Amethyst: Boys.
Mark: Girls.
Amber: Souls.
Hank slowly approaches the mainstream.
Greenshirt: I'd be on that like a bench, aww yeah.
Hank wishes.
Amethyst: PURPLE PIRATE PJS, BETCH
Oh boy. She's got her dad's smile. And a dash of daredevil.
Amber: I FEEL PIRATELESS DON'T LOOK
Hope that friendly trait helps you out.
Hank: Son, I can teach you everything about music. I can make you into a star. So if you'll just play two bloody notes...
Mark: Tasty ballstick.
In TS2, it was always destructive when kids rolled this want. Now it's kind of sweet.
Amethyst: I wonder when Mom is getting home today.
Amber: I HOPE IT'S NEVER
Hank: *HUK*
THE DUMB SWEATER RETURNS
Hank: All right, how about... “beg for forgiveness when you come home smashed, painted green and smelling like another man's cologne.”
Mark: Beg for who in the what have you been up to lately?
Hank: *shrug* Rockstar.
Gee, I wonder which one's the responsible twin.
Why so happy, Hank?
Hank: Birthday time!
Wait - but - you'll be old.
Hank: Ghosts don't get old! We just go FFFOOMP and stay the same forever!
*FFFOOMP*
Hank: Uh? Buh... uh... BAWWW
Hank: You like brown, eh? Well, I happen to like pink. It's such a perfect colour. It's light, sensitive, cheery; suits me so well, don't you think?
Amethyst: ...And I'm supposed to believe you sleep with my mother?
But he is good to his (snort) daughters. He's BFFL'd both of them.
Ruby: FRU?!
Amethyst: OMG BBS holycrapMompleasedon'tdieee
Amber: Oh, just lie down. You'll be fine.
Also, Ruby is a wrinkly. Heh.
Ruby: OH GOD THE PAIN REMEMBER MEEE
But she's fine, and out of nonexistence pops brave, easily impressed Rose (as in quartz)!
Rose: Hold me, my weird-nosed mother. I feel a great distress.
Amethyst: Y'know, now that I look at 'em, the blue blocks are pretty badass, too.
Mark: And they're tasty! :D
Amber: Good. Now shut up. :D
Aww. Why so sad?
Ruby: Beyoncé's video was better.
LOL uninterested in pop music so can't judge
Ruby: Are you sure you should be watching the Blood/Gore Channel? It's awfully vio -
Amber: STFU BETCH
Amethyst: ...and it has no effect on your attitude, obviously.
Amber: *sarcasmdar beeps*
And where are you off to at sunset with such an evil face?
Ah. Rolled a want, did you?
Amethyst: Damn straight. I'm badass.
Then... Buck Broke walks out? Skeeetch.
SUUUPERSKETCH.
Mausoleum = pedozone. Truth.
Oh... dear. You got... blasted...
Amethyst: Don't worry, it was just an exploding zombie bear. I coulda turned those guys inside out.
Amethyst: Hmmm. How should I make it known to the world how badass I am?
PURPLE HAIR. You can't be badass without PURPLE HAIR.
Amber: Fuck you, you little piece of shit.
She only talks trash, really. She's a sweetums.
Amber: *drops shit* *looks at Ruby* YOU PICK IT UP.
Amber and Amethyst bring home the Matching Doomchildren that day.
Hot Air Balloon: I AM WATCHING YOUUU
Amethyst: ... *looks worried*
Amber: What? What is it?
Amethyst: ...
Amber: C'mon! Speak out!
Amethyst: ...I just lost the game.
Amber: OH GFDI
Doomchild 1: Mr. Ferdinand.
Doomchild 2: Mr Ferdinand. You're so awesome.
Doomchild 1: So awesome.
Hank: Don't look them in the eyes...
Amethyst: *SUSPICION*
And I'll leave you with Mark's Sparkelfartendanse! Because I have to be sucked dry by mechanical vampires this afternoon.
Next time:
- Cute found.
- Love lost.
- Badasses and chubs.
- 2.1 -
Back so soon?
I shall now summarize recent events via interpretive dance.
...
...
...
There. That ought to clear things up.
Hank: Oh God are you gonna die I really hope you don't die please don't die who would I sex and who would tell me when I'm on fire and who would have a real job and
Ruby: FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE, GET ME A TOWEL
Ruby: Oh, my goodness! Hello, Amber! Aren't you a brave little virtuoso!
Amber: I DON'T LIKE YOU
Hank: Hey, where'd you come from? We should call you Amethyst! Yeah, that's a good name for an easily impressed outdoorsgirl!
Amethyst: Yeah, you might be badass enough for me.
Hank: But I wish we could have named one Shoes. You're sure there isn't another one in there?
Amethyst: ...eh?
So I guess the fact that they're both not dead means Aiden is the father.
Maury Povitch: Hey, you could have at least considered consulting me. :(
More invisible ghost shenanigans.
Hank: *pling pling* Yeah, down in the dirt... I got a mofuckin' fan club...
And that's a great shirt... Too bad you're a chub... *pling pling*
Ruby: Will you like me if I give myself strabismus?
Amber: *pointed ignoring*
Ruby: Oh, yeah, I wanna hold your hand, baby.
Hank: Aww, that's so swe -
Ruby: AndbyhandImeanpenis.
Hank: ...
Hank: Y'know, that was a clever pickup. You're pretty bright.
Ruby: *sarcasmdar beeps*
Ruby: BBS HOMG YAY
Ruby: Here comes the rocket ship, ready for docking! Schwoooom...
Amber: DO NOT WANT YOUR SMELLIES
And, as if on cue...
Amber: Sparkles in my eyes! X]
Amethyst: No, you can't have the red block. It's too badass for you.
Yeah, see, she's still here!
Ruby: Okay, girl, let's get you walking!
Amber: YOU ARE GOING TO DROP ME I KNOW IT
Amethyst: Wait, if you're a ghost, how...?
Hank: Shush and enjoy. :D
Hank: Say it with me. Mmmeat. Delicious, juicy meat. Close your eyes. Envision the beautiful meat.
Amethyst: *blink*
Ruby: C'mon, c'mon! You're almost done!
Amber: YOU'RE FAT
Hank: Mmmeat. Meaty meaty meat. Say it.
Amethyst: ilu, Dad. Now stop it.
Hank: Delicious meat.
Amethyst: YOUR OVERT FOCUS ON MEAT INCLINES ME TO QUESTION YOUR SEXUALITY
Hank: Mmmeat.
Amethyst: offs fine. MEAT.
Hank: YAY!
Ruby: I HATE BBS
Hank: RUBYYY MY HEAD HURRRTS HALP
Ruby: What have I done?
Hank: I heard you're having my children. Can I come along?
Ruby: *sinks deeper into an infinite black emo pit of remorse*
Billeh: HOLY HOTDOGS BBS COMING oh God can't think stupid thought bubble got caught in my hairrr-
Hank: This is fun! Isn't this fun? I'm having lots of fun!
Ruby: *reconsiders moral code and tries to fake massive haemorrhage*
And she haemorrhaged out Markasite (Mark), an easily impressed goodnik!
Ruby: *apologizes to Darwin for breaching natural selection*
Ruby: Well, Mark, this is the house, and getoffmylawncreepybitch you might spend the rest of your life here! Isn't that depressingly set in stone?
Mark: Hmm. Could use a second floor, but not that bad.
It's essentially a one-bed-one-bath bungalow right now.
Hank: ...and you'll have the house and the family fortune all to yourself and you'll get a wife - or husband, hey - hand-picked as the hottest option in Riverview!
Mark: You can do that?
Hank: I'll put in a good word for you. Us dead folks gotta stick together.
Dude, I'm not CEO. I'm GOD.
Ruby: Right, Amy - now that you can talk, what's the first thing you're gonna do?
Amethyst: Party like it's 1979!
Ruby: Right - and what did I tell you about drinking?
Amethyst: Don't take it straight 'til you're legal!
Wusses.
Amber: Daddyyyy D,:
This anim is probably the most adorable thing in the game.
Hank's transportation.
Hank: Bitches 'bout to get schooled in the field of rock.
That's quite the protest you've got there.
Laurel: WHAT DO WE WANT
Betty & Personface: MUTATION
Laurel: WHEN DO WE WANT IT
Betty & Personface: NAO
The Pro-Radiation Movement gathers momentum as Hank wishes they were listening to him instead.
Hank: *pling pling* Ohhh, Billeh... Faithful Billeh... The fact that you're the only one listening is kind of silleh... *pling pling*
Hey, look, it's my versionified Nina Caliente! The crowd grows.
Hank: *dzjing dzjing* Child, why must you wear watermelon *dzjing dzjing* Your momma don't realize - she's a fashion felon *dzjing dzjing* And maybe a racist *dzjing*
Oh, EA. Good job.
Nina: BE BETTER
That night, Ruby celebrates her transformation into true adulthood alone in her garden. Of course.
Hank: OH! Ohgod. Thestench. Agh. Must... think... nice-smelling... thoughts...
Hank: He woke us up.
Ruby: I know. What do you want to do about it?
Hank: I'm kinda tempted to throw him in the pond.
Ruby: You're mad.
Hank: Believe me, I know.
Ruby: You make a good evil plan, though.
Hank: Hellz ya. *smirk*
Hank: *dzjing dzjing* Bitches gon' try and steal my song, you better go back home and take your stupid pants wiiitcha *dzjing*
Founder portrait
COMPLETE
A B.A. in Cute with Specialization in Rainbows is hereby awarded to Markasite Crystal.
They play so well together in Amy and Amber's new room.
Mark: Yellow is tastiest.
Amethyst: Yeah, but red is still ~badass~ and is therefore better.
Mark: Are you kidding? Something's worth is defined entirely by how good it tastes.
Amethyst: Boys.
Mark: Girls.
Amber: Souls.
Hank slowly approaches the mainstream.
Greenshirt: I'd be on that like a bench, aww yeah.
Hank wishes.
Amethyst: PURPLE PIRATE PJS, BETCH
Oh boy. She's got her dad's smile. And a dash of daredevil.
Amber: I FEEL PIRATELESS DON'T LOOK
Hope that friendly trait helps you out.
Hank: Son, I can teach you everything about music. I can make you into a star. So if you'll just play two bloody notes...
Mark: Tasty ballstick.
In TS2, it was always destructive when kids rolled this want. Now it's kind of sweet.
Amethyst: I wonder when Mom is getting home today.
Amber: I HOPE IT'S NEVER
Hank: *HUK*
THE DUMB SWEATER RETURNS
Hank: All right, how about... “beg for forgiveness when you come home smashed, painted green and smelling like another man's cologne.”
Mark: Beg for who in the what have you been up to lately?
Hank: *shrug* Rockstar.
Gee, I wonder which one's the responsible twin.
Why so happy, Hank?
Hank: Birthday time!
Wait - but - you'll be old.
Hank: Ghosts don't get old! We just go FFFOOMP and stay the same forever!
*FFFOOMP*
Hank: Uh? Buh... uh... BAWWW
Hank: You like brown, eh? Well, I happen to like pink. It's such a perfect colour. It's light, sensitive, cheery; suits me so well, don't you think?
Amethyst: ...And I'm supposed to believe you sleep with my mother?
But he is good to his (snort) daughters. He's BFFL'd both of them.
Ruby: FRU?!
Amethyst: OMG BBS holycrapMompleasedon'tdieee
Amber: Oh, just lie down. You'll be fine.
Also, Ruby is a wrinkly. Heh.
Ruby: OH GOD THE PAIN REMEMBER MEEE
But she's fine, and out of nonexistence pops brave, easily impressed Rose (as in quartz)!
Rose: Hold me, my weird-nosed mother. I feel a great distress.
Amethyst: Y'know, now that I look at 'em, the blue blocks are pretty badass, too.
Mark: And they're tasty! :D
Amber: Good. Now shut up. :D
Aww. Why so sad?
Ruby: Beyoncé's video was better.
LOL uninterested in pop music so can't judge
Ruby: Are you sure you should be watching the Blood/Gore Channel? It's awfully vio -
Amber: STFU BETCH
Amethyst: ...and it has no effect on your attitude, obviously.
Amber: *sarcasmdar beeps*
And where are you off to at sunset with such an evil face?
Ah. Rolled a want, did you?
Amethyst: Damn straight. I'm badass.
Then... Buck Broke walks out? Skeeetch.
SUUUPERSKETCH.
Mausoleum = pedozone. Truth.
Oh... dear. You got... blasted...
Amethyst: Don't worry, it was just an exploding zombie bear. I coulda turned those guys inside out.
Amethyst: Hmmm. How should I make it known to the world how badass I am?
PURPLE HAIR. You can't be badass without PURPLE HAIR.
Amber: Fuck you, you little piece of shit.
She only talks trash, really. She's a sweetums.
Amber: *drops shit* *looks at Ruby* YOU PICK IT UP.
Amber and Amethyst bring home the Matching Doomchildren that day.
Hot Air Balloon: I AM WATCHING YOUUU
Amethyst: ... *looks worried*
Amber: What? What is it?
Amethyst: ...
Amber: C'mon! Speak out!
Amethyst: ...I just lost the game.
Amber: OH GFDI
Doomchild 1: Mr. Ferdinand.
Doomchild 2: Mr Ferdinand. You're so awesome.
Doomchild 1: So awesome.
Hank: Don't look them in the eyes...
Amethyst: *SUSPICION*
And I'll leave you with Mark's Sparkelfartendanse! Because I have to be sucked dry by mechanical vampires this afternoon.
Next time:
- Cute found.
- Love lost.
- Badasses and chubs.
- 2.1 -