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[sabacultcha]

Hi Jodi! I just wanted to let you know that doing nothing is getting you nowhere. I'm sure that this sounds obvious to you and that as your reading this you are giving me one of those faces that makes me want to scream, but none the less, it had to be said. Also, if you could please wear deodorant and brush your teeth, I'm sure that I wouldn't be

Comments

[nilemonitor]

Well Jodi, I have to agree with Chickenlung, you do have quite the stench and I personally would appreciate any deodorant, perfume, or perhaps even bounce sheets in the sleeves of your shirts that you could wear.

Thank you,
Broccoli T. Porkenhips

P.S. Leaving the oven on is very irresponsible. Pigs like me get cooked easily. We can't help it, roasting ourselves in an oven is just what we like to do. Sheesh.

[_thrillhouse_]

Dear Jodi,

Recently two of my fish died, leaving one carrying eggs and destined to die alone and childless. I am in need of advice as to how to deal with this development, and was hoping you would lend your expertise in this area. I can promise you handsome compensation for your assistance, which you can choose from the following:

a) clever advice on how to make it seem you have brushed your teeth using only a piece of cloth, leaving none the wiser

b) your choice of mix tapes

c) tickets to the smash musical hit Cats

d) free consolation pet upon the death of any pet

e) $10 for winning second prize in a beauty contest

f) free wig with the purchase of any large wig

Please note however that if you choose the tickets to Cats that blackout dates apply.

Brendan

[sabacultcha]

Let them die and eat caviar. For this sweet tip, I will cash in on prize a).

Thanks.

[_thrillhouse_]

Mmm low quality goldfish caviar. I bet there's a market for that. I'll have to buy some ritz or some other equivalent low-cost cracker so that I can truly complete the experience. For this, I thank you.

And now, here is my clever advice to you: Take something made of cloth, be it a rag, a shirt, whatever, and using your finger, rub it all over your teeth instantly removing plaque. Try and avoid using wool as it gets caught between your teeth causing embarassment and questions. This doesn't really help with the bad breath associated with not brushing your teeth, but I'm sure you could chew on a dryer sheet or something afterwards. I hear lemon-scented ones are "refreshing."

(Extra bonus advice: This also works with high-grade paper napkins!)

[sabacultcha]

Ok, thank ya. This advice will surely make me more acceptable.