Today I defended my dissertation. I never thought this day would come, but I did it. I passed. I'm a doctor now. Now I'm going to go hibernate for a while!

Now she's blocked me from Twitter. Still no communication. I miss her so much. I feel so worthless.

But I will fight for this until she tells me not to.

8 hours straight of sobbing, staring at the phone, texting, leaving voicemails every few hours. She said she didn't want to hurt me, but ignoring me hurts more than anything when so much is left unsaid. God, I hope that wasn't the last I ever hear from her. After all these years, she can't just disappear like that without any closure whatsoever ( Read more... )

I have so much to say, and I can't contact her to say it.  I can't keep all this bottled inside.  Almost 6 years together... it can't end like this.  It just can't.  God I wish she'd turn her phone on.

My suspicions were correct.  She just left me.  I'm fucking destroyed and I don't know what to do.  She was my everything... now she won't even pick up the phone.

Whatever ability to cope other people have developed, I just don't have it yet.  I'm drowning here.

After our discussion a couple weeks ago, it's becoming clear.  She's already left me, she just still has one foot in the door.

I never wanted to end up alone, no matter how it may seem.  I guess I just need someone who will believe in me, even when times are hard.

I really need help, but I'm so afraid to seek it out.

Now my friend Tony is telling me he has pancreatic cancer.  He just found out a couple weeks ago.  Mom will most likely be okay after her surgery in April, but pancreatic is still basically a death sentence.  I don't know what else to say.