one attempt at one-eyed brunch [21/??? artefacts collected]

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ It's been almost a week since ex-mafia!Philip had a very unfortunate event run-in with still-mafia!Dean. The result? His previous Wonderland lives are still intact, but he's down one eye and his arm isn't doing so well either. And that's the understatement of the day

Comments

[dashboardlite]

[It's been almost a week since he donned a pin-striped suit and called himself a hitman. Almost a week since he slithered through the dregs of Wonderland's society with incomparable ease, shmoozing all types of people, challenging the cops, sucking down cigarettes like he was addicted to nicotine. Dean still can't wash the ashy taste out of his mouth

[dashboardlite]

[Dean listens carefully, expression dubious. He would make some kind of clever remark about how the Roaring Twenties were a pretty swingin' time, and how all the women were loose, but everything that Philip says afterwards strikes a really funny chord in him.

Dean isn't the pop culture film buff for nothing.]

Dude, that's like...exactly the same as the Boris Karloff movie.

[The more he thinks about it, the weirder it all seems. Dean starts listing.]

Crazy Egyptian priest tries to resurrect his girlfriend with a fancy spellbook, gets mummified alive, comes back from the dead and finds another chick in the modern day - the thirties, or something - to take her place.

[If he could remember what the Hell the priest's name was, this might be even easier. He really ought to sit down and watch that film again. Boris Karloff is awesome.]

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ Philip was twelve when he saw that movie for the first and (so far) only time. So when Dean mentioned it earlier he didn't give it much thought beyond something something Karloff something something mummy.

Now he thinks back deliberately and cringes as he suddenly realises just why he couldn't help but think that despite his complete lack of Egyptian expertise he'd heard the name Imhotep before.

But then he thinks back to something else, something he does remember very clearly. It doesn't exactly reach into the cold pit of his stomach, but superficially it's more than enough to put his mind at ease. ]

Lucky for her she's not Zita Johann then.

[dashboardlite]

Yeah, that'd suck. Hate to see a pretty girl get mummified.

[Dean contributes sagely, reaching across the counter for another piece of bacon. Taking a bite and using the piece of pork for gestural emphasis, he barrels on.]

Maybe it was a popular story back then. "Love for the ages" and all that.

[Because Hell, no one really cares about Egypt now unless it involves finding more gold in the Valley of the Whatever.

He mulls over the familiar tale, wondering how much could be non-fiction. Curses are legitimate, and supernatural stuff has been going on for a long, long time.]

Maybe the Egyptians were onto somethin' with all that afterlife mumbo-jumbo. [A shrug.] Pagan gods are real, so zombie high priests could be, right?

[sadfreezingbrit]

...But that's not how the film ends, is it?

[ It's not actually a question. Philip is fairly sure that Zita Evelyn Johann gets a lead female free pass to safety. ]

In any case, I'd rather they weren't.

[ He pokes his last piece of egg with little intention of ingesting it anytime soon. ]

I miss talking to people who lead normal, zombie-free lives.

[dashboardlite]

[Zita Evelyn Johann is saved at the last minute by remembering that she's a reincarnation of an Egyptian princess, and she prays to the goddess Isis, whose statue explodes and destroys the text that brought the mummy to life in the first place.

Classic deus ex machina.

Literally.]

Glad someone can scratch that itch for you.

[Dean pushes his empty plate to the side, raising an eyebrow at Philip. In all honesty, he actually is happy that the guy has been talking to a civvie. The more people who don't have to live their lives, the better.]

She take the Wonderland news well?

1/3

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ Honest and actual happiness or not, Philip realises (too late, of course) that he made the wrong comment in front of the wrongest person. Foot, meet mouth. ]

I- I didn't mean-- I mean, you- it's just that I, what I was trying to-- Because you know--

2/3

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ Aaaaand mouth shut. ]

She... she did, she was-- Fine. All things considered.

3/3

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ ...guilty smoke-free physicist puppy look? ]

[dashboardlite]

[It doesn't bother Dean. It really, really doesn't. He used to that kind of thing, so he looks on in quiet amusement as Ray Charles over there tries to get his bearings and think of something less offensive to say.]

Dude, chill.

[The crooked smile is forgiving, and he takes another sip of coffee.]

You're preachin' to the choir, now. I used to, uh... [Dean laughs.] Used to try and get one normal conversation a week, with a random stranger. Didn't matter who, it was just nice, y'know?

[Looking down into his mug, he purses his lips. It feels great to be a regular person sometimes. Keeps you grounded. Keeps you sane. Maybe even hopeful. People are resilient as Hell.]

Seriously, it's good. I mean, I get it. God knows there are people out there who don't see half the stuff we do but need the talking just the same.

[He grins into his drink.]

And it helps if they're cute.

[Snicker.]

[sadfreezingbrit]

[ Relief... relief... EYEROLL. Sip of coffee. ]

If you say so.

[ While Philip stares into his cup pensively the narration will gladly take a moment to explain what he himself hasn't figured out and probably won't grasp anytime soon either:

Philip currently has no intention of making a move on Evelyn or anyone else in Wonderland. Not only that, but he has forced himself into a mindest that doesn't even allow romance as a potential option. The scenario has been locked in a crate and tossed into the dark basement of his mind.

Only Dean's question, the perfectly innocent way he asked, shone a light on it, a sign saying HEY, REMEMBER RELATIONSHIPS? THEY ARE STILL A THING. THEY DID NOT STOP EXISTING.

And that is a sign Philip can't possibly allow himself to follow. Because it means imagining to care- to really care about somebody. And in the same breath it means remembering what Clarence does to people Philip cares about and finally it ends in a gruesome and bloody theory titled 'Things Clarence does to People Philip Really Cares About

[dashboardlite]

[Dean Winchester is of the firm opinion that a little lovin' wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more never hurt anybody - especially not here - but if he did stop to think about the implications of Philip getting close to people, he'd shy away from suggesting things so readily. After all, he's been on the receiving end of Clarence's tender demonstrations of affection.

But an alien headvoice can't hate everybody, right? It just seems a bit counterproductive.

Still. Relationships are important. Dean used to be the guy that shut himself away. Brilliant how he's transferred his freakish codependency problems to other people here.]

Couple weirdos. Another singing teenager. A talking horse.

[You know, the usual. He really ought to get on the communicator more, but Dean hates first impressions to be of him with one eye. Man, he misses being symmetrical.

Dean wishes he could encounter young women in distress, too, but they're in short supply around here.]

I swear, dude, I'm just waiting for this place to turn into a friggin' High

[sadfreezingbrit]

Um, rewind that one for a second.

[ Weirdos and singing teenagers seem a part of Wonderland's natural ecosystem, but the ability to play Dr Dolittle has yet to fall into Philip's hands. ]

Talking horse? As in 'stomps its feet, reacts to your words' sort of talking, like that- [ He cringes a little ] -that crocodile from the tenth floor or... or like '"How do you do?", having an actual conversation' talking?

{ Sounds pretty far-fetched, right? Least now you know how I feel watchin' you monkeys jabbering about all day. }

[dashboardlite]

No, I, uh...I had a conversation with a horse.

[This doesn't seem to bother him as much as it should, but he's been in Wonderland a pretty long time, now, and he's seen almost everything.]

It was...sorta yellow, talked with a country accent. It had an apple stamped on its ass. And it was wearing a cowboy hat.

[Oh, also-]

I wish I was joking, man, but it said it's name was "Applejack." Made me really want that cereal.

[sadfreezingbrit]

I really shouldn't find that so hard to believe, should I?

[ Philip forces a laugh and rubs his temple. Talking animals. He knows the sentiment is misplaced, but that revelation still feels a lot like the last straw of sanity burning down to a few grains of ash, despite everything that's happened here before. ]

...Did you ever wonder how-- Did you ever wonder why it's us? Why- why we showed up here and not... other people? Other horses? [ Snerk. ]

[dashboardlite]

[Dean stopped pretending he was sane a long, long time ago. Not that it ever bothered him when people told him he was crazy, but still.]

You mean in a cosmic "maybe God thought it would be hilarious" kind-of-way? [Dean shrugs.] I dunno. Interdimensional Hotel California seems more like limbo than anything else, 'cept I know I wasn't dead before I got here.

[Oh, well. The wheel in the sky keeps turning.]

Maybe it's just 'cause we're so awesome. You think it's because we're so awesome?

[Dean Winchester attempts lightening the mood, Take 1.]