My Name is Jarl: The Importance of Being Dressed (17 almost work-safe images)
(( Previously, on My Name is Jarl, our hero Jarl climbed the ladder of success in the Mages' Guild, stopping only when somebody noticed he doesn't actually know any more magic than, say, your average turnip. Perhaps this week's installment will actually make use of the map.))
Okay, magic journal, we've hit a roadblock in the Mages' Guild. We can't actually get promoted until we get good at magic, and we're out of money for lessons. Fortunately, we've got another job all lined up!
Remember the Fighters' Guild job for those four Telvanni? Well, let's go show them that the penalty for maybe-future booze-tampering is a HOT AXE FULL OF JUSTICE! And until I figure out how to actually put justice inside my axe, I'll just have to swing it really super extra-hard. Also, need to work on making my axe hot. Or maybe not hot, because there's a lot of dark elves around, and fire doesn't hurt them as much. Maybe I need to make my axe something else. We'll think on it, journal, and decide later.
But! We're talking about killing the Telvanni agents, so first we've got to go to Caldera!
Caldera's an Imperial town, so the buildings look different than in Balmora. Also, it's nighttime. But we're farther from the river, so there's less fog. Caldera's a small town, with no Fighters' Guild, although they do have a Mages' Guild. They also have a pawn shop, where I traded my old iron axe for a shiny new steel one! I'll miss you, axey, but I'm getting something better. And maybe you'll get to split logs or something, and you'd like that. Try to be happy for me!
Anyway, I headed on out of town, and noticed a funny thing behind a rock by the road.
I said hi, and he seemed pretty surprised that I could see him. Ha, silly orcs, they think that when they can't see you, you can't see them. They're not smart like Nords. But they do like chopping, and this one says he'll give me a present if I help him, so I do. He needs me to take a note to another orc back in Caldera, and since it's a short walk I say okay. I like presents.
Um, doesn't me giving you the note from him mean I already found him? Is there another tree and rock and other rock where he could hide? Boy, this quest is getting tricky. I'll head back to where I found him, and he'd better have my present.
Nope, luck's with me! He's still there. Time to get my present!
Hey, that wasn't very ni--well, okay, it is kind of sparkly. Stupid orc, being a jerk about it. Where was I?
Oh, right, killing Telvanni. So I go to the Caldera mines, and right there I see a little wild elf. We've known wild elves, or wood elves, or whatever the haft they're called, so I figure I'll see if I can talk him into being on fire. You never know, journal, it might work. Remember Fargoth? Ha ha, Fargoth.
So I start talking to him, and it turns out he's in the Thieves' Guild! Wow, journal, imagine meeting a fellow guildmember out here on a Telvanni-killing job! We talk a little, him about how he's good at hiding and running away (and shooting arrows, too, I guess), and me about the skulls I've split and the booze I've drunk. Also, maybe I tease him a little about the feather in his hair. Maybe.
Anyway, when I got around to asking him if he was here to kill Telvanni agents too, he got real quiet for a minute, then said he was sorry I had to get mixed up in this. I tried to tell him we hadn't mixed anything up yet, but that I had some matze and sujamma, if he had an empty jug to mix them in. I don't think he was listening, though, because he was shooting arrows at me when I said it.
You know, magic journal, when you're not strong like a Nord, but are weak like a little elf, running away from your enemies and shooting them with arrows is probably a good plan. You just have to be smart like a Nord, and remember to have somewhere to run away to. Poor Alveleg (that was his name) forgot that part, and I backed him up against a rock and showed him my shiny new axe.
He was so appreciative, he let me borrow his shield and his chainmail, which feel a bit better than what I had already.
MY SHIELD HAS A SPIKE, AND IT'S MADE FROM DRAGONS! The shield, not the spike, although I suppose maybe the spike is, too. Anyway.
Alveleg was guarding a cave door, and it seemed like the kind of place more booze-ruiners might hide, so I went in to check. Well! I didn't even get to say a word before they charged me, so they were a little smarter than Alveleg. Or maybe they just saw me wearing his bloody armor and carrying his shield, but it was pretty dark in there so I don't know.
They were a challenge, all three at once, with one standing in the back and reaching over the other two to conk me with a damn stick. I had to drink some healing potions, and I think I might've grabbed the wrong kind in there at one point, because for a little while I was sort of on fire, only it didn't hurt, and they had a harder time hitting me through it. Hope I've got more of that!
I decided that while they were dead, they wouldn't mind me taking a little nap in their hammock. Somebody did, though, because I woke up to a guy in funny black pajamas trying to stab me!
(Can you spot the credible threat in this picture? Neither could I.)
He died fairly easily, and it turns out that his pajamas were armor. I guess slumber parties can get really rough around here. That's good to know ahead of time. His pajama-armor looks pretty valuable, though, so I'll take it with me. I'll also take all the valuables in the cave, mostly a few stray coins, some potions, and a couple scrolls, but also...
These gals knew how to party. It's kind of a pity I had to kill them. But wait! There's a problem! I checked a couple times to make sure, and there's no mistake: this stuff is too heavy. I can't carry all of it with me, but it's too valuable to leave behind.
I'll have to drink it.
Whoo! I feel great, journal! A little fuzzy-headed, whoop, and a little clumsy, but wow! I could carry ten caves of treasure! Ha ha! Let's go! Whoop! Shh, magic journhal, don't trip over the bodies.
Oh, hey, another Nord on the road back to Caldera! Hey, that's not me, is it? Nope, I'm still dressed. Okay. I will greet my brother Nord, and see if he and his inferior pigtails need help!
Of course I'll help my brother Nord! With a smile on my face and a stumble in my step, off we go on the road together, in search of the festering witch. Although, you know, I think the walk is starting to sober me up, because I'm starting to realize I didn't consult you in this one, magic journal. Sorry about that.
Well, I don't know if we found the witch, but we definitely found a woman. She seems a little short for a witch--or am I thinking of giraffes? I'll just ask her if she knows my naked friend.
Well! I guess she has!
What do you say, my naked kinsman?
Oh. Hold on just a moment. Magic journal?
Should we side with our naked kinsman, or should we side with the "witch?" And when we're done here, we're going to have a lot of money from selling all that armor, and there are lots of trainers back in Balmora who could teach us a thing or two. What kinds of lessons should we get?
((The image with Jarl's post-boozing stats on it also shows his major and minor skills; raising those will get him closer to leveling up, while raising any of his other skills (not shown) won't move him any closer to leveling up, but will mean he could get a bigger boost to the related attribute when he does level up. And yes, Jarl really has gotten this far as a measly level 1. Let's fix that, shall we?))
Okay, magic journal, we've hit a roadblock in the Mages' Guild. We can't actually get promoted until we get good at magic, and we're out of money for lessons. Fortunately, we've got another job all lined up!
Remember the Fighters' Guild job for those four Telvanni? Well, let's go show them that the penalty for maybe-future booze-tampering is a HOT AXE FULL OF JUSTICE! And until I figure out how to actually put justice inside my axe, I'll just have to swing it really super extra-hard. Also, need to work on making my axe hot. Or maybe not hot, because there's a lot of dark elves around, and fire doesn't hurt them as much. Maybe I need to make my axe something else. We'll think on it, journal, and decide later.
But! We're talking about killing the Telvanni agents, so first we've got to go to Caldera!
Caldera's an Imperial town, so the buildings look different than in Balmora. Also, it's nighttime. But we're farther from the river, so there's less fog. Caldera's a small town, with no Fighters' Guild, although they do have a Mages' Guild. They also have a pawn shop, where I traded my old iron axe for a shiny new steel one! I'll miss you, axey, but I'm getting something better. And maybe you'll get to split logs or something, and you'd like that. Try to be happy for me!
Anyway, I headed on out of town, and noticed a funny thing behind a rock by the road.
I said hi, and he seemed pretty surprised that I could see him. Ha, silly orcs, they think that when they can't see you, you can't see them. They're not smart like Nords. But they do like chopping, and this one says he'll give me a present if I help him, so I do. He needs me to take a note to another orc back in Caldera, and since it's a short walk I say okay. I like presents.
Um, doesn't me giving you the note from him mean I already found him? Is there another tree and rock and other rock where he could hide? Boy, this quest is getting tricky. I'll head back to where I found him, and he'd better have my present.
Nope, luck's with me! He's still there. Time to get my present!
Hey, that wasn't very ni--well, okay, it is kind of sparkly. Stupid orc, being a jerk about it. Where was I?
Oh, right, killing Telvanni. So I go to the Caldera mines, and right there I see a little wild elf. We've known wild elves, or wood elves, or whatever the haft they're called, so I figure I'll see if I can talk him into being on fire. You never know, journal, it might work. Remember Fargoth? Ha ha, Fargoth.
So I start talking to him, and it turns out he's in the Thieves' Guild! Wow, journal, imagine meeting a fellow guildmember out here on a Telvanni-killing job! We talk a little, him about how he's good at hiding and running away (and shooting arrows, too, I guess), and me about the skulls I've split and the booze I've drunk. Also, maybe I tease him a little about the feather in his hair. Maybe.
Anyway, when I got around to asking him if he was here to kill Telvanni agents too, he got real quiet for a minute, then said he was sorry I had to get mixed up in this. I tried to tell him we hadn't mixed anything up yet, but that I had some matze and sujamma, if he had an empty jug to mix them in. I don't think he was listening, though, because he was shooting arrows at me when I said it.
You know, magic journal, when you're not strong like a Nord, but are weak like a little elf, running away from your enemies and shooting them with arrows is probably a good plan. You just have to be smart like a Nord, and remember to have somewhere to run away to. Poor Alveleg (that was his name) forgot that part, and I backed him up against a rock and showed him my shiny new axe.
He was so appreciative, he let me borrow his shield and his chainmail, which feel a bit better than what I had already.
MY SHIELD HAS A SPIKE, AND IT'S MADE FROM DRAGONS! The shield, not the spike, although I suppose maybe the spike is, too. Anyway.
Alveleg was guarding a cave door, and it seemed like the kind of place more booze-ruiners might hide, so I went in to check. Well! I didn't even get to say a word before they charged me, so they were a little smarter than Alveleg. Or maybe they just saw me wearing his bloody armor and carrying his shield, but it was pretty dark in there so I don't know.
They were a challenge, all three at once, with one standing in the back and reaching over the other two to conk me with a damn stick. I had to drink some healing potions, and I think I might've grabbed the wrong kind in there at one point, because for a little while I was sort of on fire, only it didn't hurt, and they had a harder time hitting me through it. Hope I've got more of that!
I decided that while they were dead, they wouldn't mind me taking a little nap in their hammock. Somebody did, though, because I woke up to a guy in funny black pajamas trying to stab me!
(Can you spot the credible threat in this picture? Neither could I.)
He died fairly easily, and it turns out that his pajamas were armor. I guess slumber parties can get really rough around here. That's good to know ahead of time. His pajama-armor looks pretty valuable, though, so I'll take it with me. I'll also take all the valuables in the cave, mostly a few stray coins, some potions, and a couple scrolls, but also...
These gals knew how to party. It's kind of a pity I had to kill them. But wait! There's a problem! I checked a couple times to make sure, and there's no mistake: this stuff is too heavy. I can't carry all of it with me, but it's too valuable to leave behind.
I'll have to drink it.
Whoo! I feel great, journal! A little fuzzy-headed, whoop, and a little clumsy, but wow! I could carry ten caves of treasure! Ha ha! Let's go! Whoop! Shh, magic journhal, don't trip over the bodies.
Oh, hey, another Nord on the road back to Caldera! Hey, that's not me, is it? Nope, I'm still dressed. Okay. I will greet my brother Nord, and see if he and his inferior pigtails need help!
Of course I'll help my brother Nord! With a smile on my face and a stumble in my step, off we go on the road together, in search of the festering witch. Although, you know, I think the walk is starting to sober me up, because I'm starting to realize I didn't consult you in this one, magic journal. Sorry about that.
Well, I don't know if we found the witch, but we definitely found a woman. She seems a little short for a witch--or am I thinking of giraffes? I'll just ask her if she knows my naked friend.
Well! I guess she has!
What do you say, my naked kinsman?
Oh. Hold on just a moment. Magic journal?
Should we side with our naked kinsman, or should we side with the "witch?" And when we're done here, we're going to have a lot of money from selling all that armor, and there are lots of trainers back in Balmora who could teach us a thing or two. What kinds of lessons should we get?
((The image with Jarl's post-boozing stats on it also shows his major and minor skills; raising those will get him closer to leveling up, while raising any of his other skills (not shown) won't move him any closer to leveling up, but will mean he could get a bigger boost to the related attribute when he does level up. And yes, Jarl really has gotten this far as a measly level 1. Let's fix that, shall we?))