blah blah blah, i'm going crazy, blah blah blah, its my fault but im not gonna do anything to fix it, blah blah blah, same shit different day

If I could, for one week I'd just love to lie around and dream. I just woke up from the best dream of my entire life. I've never woken up so happy. Funny to think you can find hope in doing nothing. One of my biggest wishes came true in it. The girl I wanted more than anyone was mine. My heart is still pounding. I want to go home and see her now, ( Read more... )

This will haunt me for years to come. But I made a decision to show up, and now I'm deciding to stay. They told me I should've stayed home. They were right. Now it's getting hard to sleep. Things aren't how they were supposed to be. My visions of what would make me happy failed, or are failing. I admit to fault and now I'm going to live with it ( Read more... )

Actually, I know what my problem is. I'm too passive. People have told me that but I never believed them. I need to be more assertive. I'm starting to get tired of bending 5 different ways to people to make them happy. It's just not cutting it for me anymore. Something brought my repressed self back to the top. I used to have anger problems. I ( Read more... )

You can never say I didn't try. I don't give a damn anymore though. There's so many more things I could have better spent time on than this. All the worry wasn't worth it. It just comes down to nothing to show for it. My hands are empty. People say they can help me with it. The truth is I want to hold out on my own til it drags me down to the ( Read more... )

R: please shoot me ( Read more... )

Tucker Max has changed my life. Not that I want to do the crazy stuff he's done, but I wan't to start writing down my stories. I think I could have a good writing career going after another year.

All these entries are basically about me wanting a girlfriend but being too lame to do anything about it. Most of them. So really, I could have saved myself alot of painstaking blogging around a vague idea. Hooray for honesty.

There's not a good way to explain it. I just want to feel something new or forgotten. Just feel. I'm tired of feeling stale. It's like listening to static in my head all the time. Make me mad. Give me butterflies in my stomach. Destroy me. What does it take to feel alive? I want to rip something apart. I want to run into the wall. Or get a hug. I ( Read more... )

So I finally made it away from home. I got what I wished for. It's pretty nice. I'm feeling a little homesick. I feel kind of alone too. It's always been funny to me that you can be geographically closer to more people you know than ever before, but you still feel like no one is there. I've got two of my closest friends within 5 to 10 minutes from ( Read more... )