It's so different to be on the other end of this, for once. It has turned the past on its head along with all the ills and torments that I once saw as massive scars rallying down the my spine. Yes, I am the bad guy now, which I accept like a shot of acid down my gullet. But it doesn't really matter. Good or bad, I don't care to hold the side of ( Read more... )

This is all unbearably lonesome, this existence. All in a wish for someone to understand this point of view, as unconditioned as I could ask it to be. I wished there was someone who had at least an inkling of a fucking idea, as to why I am like this.

I have more in common with psychopaths.

Thank you Father for planting this seed all those ( Read more... )

I am sick strengthened by nothing but end
wishing for the beginning of sweet denial

when the world lives in its box
living the practical life with smile and tears

here is I
for what?

"The lizard wakes up and finds he's the last lizard alive ( Read more... )

"Yes, sir, an intelligent man of the nineteenth century must be and is morally obliged to be primarily a characterless being; and a man of character, an active figure--primarily a limited being."

". . . I am strongly convinced that not only too much consciousness but any consciousness at all is a sickness. I stand upon it ( Read more... )

"How sweet it must be to let go of the colossal burden of a self-dominating, self-forming life, to relax one's grip on one's own center, and to yield passively to a superordinate power and authority--and what joy in yielding: the comfort, the trust, the relief in one's chest and shoulders, the lightness in one's heart, the sense of being sustained ( Read more... )

No one seems to realise that their pains, their drama, their great savage moments of depression under the pressure of dead relationships, bodies of stagnant thought and finite love; no one seems to see their lives, their very existences under these 'terrible' circumstances for what it really is. It is the stage play, the pretence that keeps our ( Read more... )

I'm not sure there is any turning back. Through Becker I have realised exactly what is going on in this little head of mine. The battle between the infinite consciousness and the limited, finite biology of my body . . . an inferno of madness clawing out of the boxes of the human model, tearing away at everything until nothing really means anything ( Read more... )

"It can't be overstressed, one final time, that to see the world as it really is is devastating and terrifying. It achieves the very result tht the child has painfully built his character over the years in order to avoid: it makes routine, automatic, secure, self-confident activity impossible. It makes thoughtless living in the world of men an ( Read more... )

Do you not see the man in these words ( Read more... )