Time of Your Life, Ch 5, NC-17, RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

On the heels of the success with Johnston, Mike was made partner and Alona promoted to senior associate. But a lot would depend on Jensen keeping the Johnston account happy.

They went out after work to celebrate the changes. The restaurant was busy with after-work crowds. Country music played over the speakers and the beer flowed easily. Working late, Jensen was the last to arrive. Jared had been in the office but then disappeared. It was for the best. Kid didn’t belong in a bar. Jensen slid into the booth and reached for the beer that had already been ordered for him, throwing Katie a thankful glance.

The sudden voice in his ear made him shudder and slightly splash the liquid against his chin. “Remember that time we got drunk?”

Jay slid in next to him causing Jensen to shift and crowd Katie who frowned at him.

Jensen didn’t answer. Couldn’t. First, he’d look nuts and second, there were lots of times he and Jay had gotten drunk together.

Jay elaborated. “And then fucked like bunnies?”

The room was hot. Sweltering. Jensen opened another button on his shirt. “Hot in here,” he murmured to no one.

Katie agreed. “Then quit trying to sit in my lap.”

Jensen blushed and shoved Jared back over. The teenager lifted himself to sit partially on Jensen’s lap. Then had the audacity to wink at him.

Mike’s voice boomed out from across the table. “Dude, I heard you got the unit costs down to like three cents apiece. Shit, Johnston must want your babies by now.”

Jensen looked toward Mike. That was why they were here. Mike’s promotion. He shifted in the seat. Jay was freakin’ heavy. And the way Jensen’s body was reacting to this … child … was wrong.

“It says here that usually men have a preference about whether to bottom or to top.”

Jensen twisted his lips. “You can’t learn about sex in a book. Just gotta experience it.”

Jay raised his eyebrows. “Well, we’ve each tried each. So? What’s your preference?”

A blush colored Jensen’s cheeks. It was one thing to have sex and another to dissect it the way Jared was doing. “I don’t know. It was all … “

The light filled Jared’s eyes and he bent over to place a kiss on Jensen’s lips. “Amazing? Special? Awesome?”

Jensen pulled back and looked at Jay. He knew he was supposed to say something funny. That was his cue and it’s what he did when things got … “It was … more.”

Jay blinked in surprise and kissed him again. “I can’t decide,” he said mouth still hovering close, attempting to answer his own question. “I just want you.”

“You have me,” Jensen said.

Jared sat up and leaned against the back wall. Their schoolbooks lay around them. They were supposed to be studying. Except Jay had pulled out the sex-ed book he’d gotten from the public library and they’d gotten distracted with the drawings. He flipped through it again then pointed out a position to Jensen. The men were front to back on their sides, one had his leg up. It was clinically drawn, not particularly warm or tender or even sexy. But Jensen suddenly imagined coming up behind Jared, sucking on his warm neck while he …Then the vision changed in his mind and Jared was filling him slowly from behind, rocking into him.

“Yeah,” Jensen murmured arms already reaching for Jared again. “That looks good. Wanna feel you inside again. Wanna fill you. God, just want you so much.”

The books were tossed off the bed with a thud against the clothes that littered the floor. Jensen’s mother wasn’t expected home for a while. They had time. Jensen let himself go and just felt the pleasure that Jay gave him. Bodies slick with sweat and flushed with desire. Pulling and pushing and grasping. Licks and bites and nails digging in hard muscles. He found himself begging, pleading and he didn’t know for what until Jared’s eyes locked with his and reached for the lube.

When they were close, when they were one, Jensen let himself open his eyes. They didn’t try the position in the book. Couldn’t see each other that way and Jensen never wanted to not see Jared. See his eyes, his lips, the scrunch of his brows, the red tips of his ears, his hair matted against his forehead, every nerve ending about to shatter as Jared moved inside him. Jensen swallowed Jared’s breath as his orgasm raced through his body, cock pulsing against Jared’s stomach as the friction of their bodies pressing together nearly drove him insane.

“J-Jay,” he called out knowing that Jared was calling out his name at the same time. Mixed with other words. Words like god and always and love.

Later they showered and came closer to trying out that front to back position when Jared’s ass rubbing against him proved to be temptation Jensen just couldn’t fight against. Jay turned his head and they struggled to kiss as the water washed over them and Jensen rocked his hips ever faster until he was pistoning uncontrollably into Jared.

Jensen shouted, “Fuck … I love you,” as he came hard and long against Jay’s trembling back.

He reached down to be sure that Jared got there, too. Jerking his cock quick till the other boy sagged with a groan into the tile and Jensen had to hold him up by wrapping his hand tight to his abdomen. The water uncomfortably cool, they rinsed off quickly. Jared dried off with quick swipes and wrapped a towel around his middle as Jensen did the same. He was about to head out to dress, knew his mother would be back any minute when Jared stopped him.

“Jen?”

“Mom’s coming back. We have to get dressed.”

“Yeah. I know … just. Jen, you said … “

Jensen stared at him. “Jesus Christ, Jay, if that’s not obvious by now then what is?” He hadn’t meant to sort of snap. He also hadn’t meant to say it aloud that strongly. His face flushed, not quite embarrassed, just feeling exposed. He ducked his head.

But Jared always knew how to handle Jensen. “Look at me.” Jensen looked up. “I love you, too. And for all the times I didn’t say it I’ve thought it a million times. So … thank you for saying it.”

It’s not like Jensen didn’t know Jared loved him. It showed in every touch. He just didn’t know how hearing it would feel. How it worked its way through his blood until every pulse of his heart beat for this boy. His eyes felt wet and hot. “Oh, fuck,” he uttered at his inability to stop acting like a girl.

Jared kissed him softly. “Gotta get dressed. Come over later? Spend the night? I wanna say it again when I’m inside you.”



art by apieceofcake

Jensen squirmed in his seat, trying to fight back the memories and the rush of Jay practically sitting on his lap. He bit his lip to stop from turning his head and tasting Jay again. One last time.

Conversation flowed around him.

“Oh that would have been Jeremy Golden. God, I had a crush on him forever. And then we got locked in a closet together during one of those dumb games at a school’s-out-start-of-summer party.” Katie’s voice was filled with laughter.

Mike snorted. “Jeremy Golden? Sounds like a porn star.” He tended toward the vulgar when he drank.

Jensen fought to catch up. Eyes moving over his friends.

Katie leaned forward. “How ‘bout you, Mikey? Who was the first boy you kissed?” She giggled. “No, I guess I gotta ask about a girl.”

Mike winked at her. “You can ask about a boy.”

Her eyes grew huge, a laugh escaping. “You coming out to us?”

Jared shifted off of Jensen and sat perched on the edge of the seat. “Should I be worried about this one, too?” he whispered into Jensen’s ear.

Jensen gave off a quick harsh laugh. “Mike? Never.”

Mike glared at him. “I’m not gay. But if I were I’d be a great gay.”

The fact that that made no sense didn’t seem to bother the other man. Jay giggled in Jensen’s ear, breathy and young. Achingly familiar.

“So who’d you kiss?” Katie asked.

“First girl or boy?”

The teasing continued with Jim confessing to his own drunken mistaken boy kiss in his youth. Jeff claiming that he’d never once confused a boy for a girl and Katie saying she kissed a girl on a dare in college. Alona claimed she was boring because no one ever gave her good dares like that.

“College sounds like fun,” Jay whispered to him. “Where’d we end up going?”

Jensen ignored him and tamped down the stab to his chest. “Katie,” he said instead, turning to his assistant. “What would you do if you ever saw Jeremy Whatshisname again?”

She seemed surprised by the question. “Gee, I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about him in years. Hell, we never even dated after that first time. Maybe he didn’t like how I kissed,” she said solemnly.

“But … if you could find him. Would you?”

Her eyes narrowed as she studied Jensen curiously. He knew he wasn’t acting like himself. The whole notion was romantic and ridiculous and the guy was probably married or in jail or otherwise totally not suitable. A hand squeezed his thigh and Jensen took another drag of his beer. “I have to know,” Jensen said softly looking down at the worn wood table.

Katie touched his arm. “Is this about the guy you wanted to find? Did you try Facebook?”

“I haven’t tried anything.”

“How come?” Katie asked.

“Because I told you not to,” Jared answered, voice loud and clear this time. Not a whisper. It shook Jensen.

“I want to.”

“So do it, Jensen,” Katie urged. “You have nothing to lose. Was this … person … important to you?”

Mike chimed in, “What are we talking about?”

“Nothing,” Jensen and Katie and Jared said at the same time.

Jensen laughed at Mike’s confused stare.

Katie leaned closer and spoke more privately. “What’s stopping you, then? Are you scared?”

Jensen didn’t answer. But Jared said, “Yes.”

~~~
It wasn’t a common name. There were three results on the Facebook search page. Two had profile photos. One did not. The one without a photo lived in Austin, Texas and was also friends with Megan Padalecki. Jensen’s heart stopped.

Oh my god. He’d found Jared. And he was in Texas. He scoured around the public profile but there was almost nothing to see. Jared had four other friends. Clearly he hadn’t embraced the Facebook craze. Jensen had about fifty Facebook friends. And of those only three were actually friends.

He clicked on Megan’s profile. She listed her location as London. Her profile showed she was in a relationship. He stared at her profile photo. She grew up so pretty. She shared so many of Jay’s features. Same high cheekbones, same tip-tilted eyes. Only hers were a solid blue. Not like Jay’s which changed with his mood, with the weather, with the fire in his soul.

“Is that Meggie?”

The voice was soft, tentative. “Yeah. All grown up. Look at her, Jay. She’s beautiful.” Jensen couldn’t stop the emotion from choking him. He swallowed. A long finger tried to touch the screen and disappeared inside it up to the first knuckle. That never stopped being exceedingly weird.

“I found you,” he told Jared. “It says you live here. I mean in America. In Austin.”

Jared’s eyes were on the screen. “Meggie’s in London? Wow.”

Jensen tried to catch Jared’s eyes. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Where you went?”

“You said that before. But I can’t imagine leaving you. How could I leave you? I can’t imagine surviving that.”

“Jensen, you have to eat.”

“Not hungry.”

“You haven’t left your room in days. Jenny, please. I know you miss him. I know he was your best friend. I miss him, too. But you’re making yourself sick.”

Jensen turned to the wall and ignored his mother’s pleading voice. He hoped he’d get sick. He hoped he’d die. Because breathing hurt too much to bother.

“Yeah, well we did survive. It’s all one can do.”

Jared turned away. Jensen fought back the urge to yell. He needed to know why this was happening. What was the point? Did the cosmos think he forgot? He hadn’t, dammit. He remembered each blessed second he’d had with Jared. And every interminable moment since Jared had walked out of his life.

“How much longer will you be here?! What’s the fucking point?”

Jared took a quick step back. “I don’t know.”

“But you knew you didn’t want me to find you. Why?”

“Be-cause … I think. I’m scared that if you do … I’ll have to leave for good.”

~~~
It was a three hour drive to Austin. Jensen couldn’t stop thinking that. Couldn’t stop imagining what Jared looked like now. Would he be taller? As tall as his father had been? What would those muscles look like all filled out? What would his face look like as a man, all baby fat missing?

Yesterday he’d clicked on a Friend Request for Jared but Jared hadn’t replied. Jay walked around Jensen’s apartment sullenly. He kept saying it was a bad idea to find him but couldn’t say why definitively and in the end Jensen ignored him. He couldn’t even say for certain that teen Jared was really here. It was still very probable that he was some sort of hallucination. Although if that was the case it sure was a potent one.

When he wasn’t sulking around or claiming to be bored or trying to touch things in Jensen’s apartment or office to no avail, Jared was trying his darndest to seduce Jensen. And memories or not, delusion or not, Jensen wasn’t about to take advantage of a sixteen-year-old boy.

For the hundredth time, he pulled Jay’s arms from around his waist where they latched themselves behind him. “Jay. Stop. It’s not right.”

“You never turned me down before.”

“That was different. We were the same age then. Now … I’m twice your age. It’s illegal.”

“They won’t arrest you. They wouldn’t even see me!”

“You don’t even want this. Not really. You’re just bored.”

Jay turned away and released a breath. His hand tried to strike the back of the sofa but went through it. “Dammit.”

Jensen felt bad. Understood. “Hit me.”

“What?”

“It’s okay. You’re frustrated. You can’t touch anything. Except me. C’mon, I can take it. Let me have it.”

“You’re insane.”

“Probably. Most likely even. But … you don’t want me. I … don’t exist for you any more than you exist for me.”

“You don’t know what I want. You have this tight little life all strapped down safe. You say I left but I don’t understand that. Makes no sense. And all I want … “ Jay’s eyes misted and Jensen felt his heart lurch. “I want you back. Not … this you. My you.”

That couldn’t happen. Jensen took the boy in his arms and held on as he cried. After a moment he realized they were both crying. “Jared,” he said softly. “You haven’t replied. I should give up. I should take that for what it likely means. But … what if we try Meggie? One last shot.”

Jay shook his head no against his shoulder but Jensen knew that he had no choice. He had to know.

Megan’s reply came in the next day. Jensen was in the office plugging away on the Johnston expansion plans. Jared wasn’t around. He’d disappeared shortly after Jensen sat at his computer to send the private message to Megan, a frown on his sad face.

Her reply was short. Stilted. She seemed very surprised he’d written.

Jensen,

My god. I don’t know what to say. How are you? You want to see Jay? That would be so good. He’d want that. I’m sure of it. He’s at Austin General. But your mother must have told you that. No need to ask. Just come.

I’ll be travelling for the next few days. Can’t be helped so I might be hard to get a hold of. The timing is terrible but really it can’t be helped. I’ll explain later.

Love,
Megan

~~~
Jensen called his mother. They chatted a little and no matter how many times Jensen tried to bring the words up: Tell me what you know about Jared. He couldn’t. He couldn’t explain it. Couldn’t open himself up.

Jared at sixteen.

Everything about that time represented the worst time in Jensen’s life. Why now? What the hell was he going to find in Austin General? Did Jay become a doctor like his older brother? Made sense. He thought about Jared’s face when he spoke about his brother, Jeff. How proud he’d seemed at the choices his brother was making. Of course that was before it all went south.

“Jen. I … my parents … “

Jared looked upset. He was as white as a sheet. Jensen walked his friend up to his room. “What’s wrong?” For a panicked moment he thought maybe Jay’s parents had found out about them. But Jared’s next words stopped him cold.

“They’re getting divorced. Dad moved out last night. Mom’s so sad. I mean, I knew they had their issues. I guess this is what happens.” His eyes filled. “Oh fuck … Jen … “

Jensen drew him close “I got you. I’m here.” Jared held on and let himself be held. It was tough, but they’d get through it. Together. Like they always did.

He hung up on his mom without ever asking a word about the Padaleckis. Katie came in interrupting him. She distracted him with work and Jensen threw himself at it like a lifeline. In a month they’d be flying to Indonesia. Inspect the facilities in person. Katie was pleased to be included and Jensen hoped this would help settle her doubts about the situation.

A short time later Jared’s sudden presence surprised Jensen, although by now he really should be used to it.

“Were you talking to your mom before?”

Jensen nodded yes. Luckily Katie had stepped back to her desk.

“So she knows, right, that you’re gay. I mean, I can see you’re out. Here. And your friend Jason. Your folks, they know, too?”

“Yeah, Jay. They know.”

Jared seemed taken aback by this even though he clearly assumed it. “Wow. I mean, we were so scared. I never … can’t think about … how did you do it?”

He’d lost enough weight to be noticeable. Clothes fell off his body. School was starting and he showed up on day one only to turn around and walk back out the door. He walked for hours that day. Aimlessly. Every place his eyes landed on hurt. Every spot was a trap trying to capture him. Bury him. Only it didn’t work that way. He couldn’t really disappear.

By the third skipped day of school they’d contacted his parents. This shouldn’t have been surprising and it wasn’t. Later he wondered if he’d wanted the attention. If he’d needed to just explode.

His parents attempted to speak calmly to him. He saw the frustration in his father though. The tick near his jaw. It was similar to Jensen’s own. Josh was in college. Mackenzie shipped off to a girlfriend’s house. All so his parents could talk to Jensen. Again. They’d been talking all summer. It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t hear them. It’s just that he didn’t care about what they were saying.

“Jenny, please … talk to us. What is this? You’ve always loved school. Never did anything like this before. Let us help. Is someone bothering you? Is there someone you are avoiding?”

He turned away from his mother’s pleading gaze. Yeah. He was avoiding every inch of that school. Of his life. Was there a way of just avoiding his life? Because everything, everything took him back to Jay.

Alan Ackles wasn’t an emotional man. But he loved his son. And Jensen knew this was hurting him, could see it in his father’s eyes. “Is someone threatening you in some way? Bullying?”

They were grasping. Making up scenarios and scaring themselves crazy. He tried to assuage. “No … no it’s nothing like that. I just … couldn’t.”

His father rose and paced. “Jensen, this can’t continue. All summer you’ve been moping around. You have to get over this.” His pitch deepened and the volume rose as his frustration tipped to anger. “We’ve all had friends who had to move away. It’s not the end of the world.”

At Jensen’s stunned expression Donna quickly chimed in. “We know what Jared meant to you. How he was your best friend. But Jenny, honey.”

“Don’t call me Jenny!” Jensen didn’t know why he suddenly couldn’t stand this. Only that Jared called him that and it was … he couldn’t stand hearing it. “You don’t-“

“Of course I do. I miss Sheri. I understand. She was a good friend. But she had to do this for her family. The teaching opportunity in England is a way for her to get a fresh start. I know how hard it is for you. For Jared and his sister. Sheri isn’t being mean, Jensen. She’s only doing what is best for her family. To keep them together. There are things you boys didn’t …When you’re older, you’ll understand.”

Alan piped in again, “You can’t act like your life is over.”

Jensen erupted. “It is over! Don’t you see. God, you both are idiots. Jay isn’t my best friend. He … he’s fucking everything. And now … now … “

His parents froze. The air in the room was suddenly sucked out leaving a vacuum. His mother spoke in a higher than normal pitch. “Jensen … I don’t understand.”

He looked them in the eye. “I’m gay. So is Jay. We weren’t friends. We were lovers. For two years. And now Sheri fucking Padalecki tore him from me. And he never … couldn’t. Maybe if he’d just told her she wouldn’t have made him leave. But he was scared. Said he had no choice. But there’s always a choice. And he choose to leave.”

Jensen slumped now. Exhausted. Tears streaming and breath coming out in small gasps.

His father let out a soft, “Oh god.” His mother simply stared as if the boy crying in front of her was someone she’d never seen before.

Jay didn’t wait for Jensen to answer. He asked aloud, “Wonder if I ever told my folks?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen answered honestly, fighting back memories that he really couldn’t face. He wanted to go home. Climb into bed. Hide. Instead he wrote a final email to Jim and Jeff saying he was taking the next day off to take care of an errand.

Finally he turned back to Jared. “Will you come with me?”

Jared didn’t ask where. “I don’t think I have a choice.”

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