...sept 28th of last year. i have contemplated every aspect. i've been working on being positive. i have always sat back and watched as things unfold. more passive in my actions. i want to change things. i have found a house to buy. it is slowly warming up outside so i will be able to ride soon. after i come back from tempe i am going to ( Read more... )

i wrote a rather long entry. i put it in here and a matter of minutes later deleted it. maybe when my friends called i should have gone out. i haven't been in the mood lately to go to the bar. i took things seriously between her and i. meg criticized me so much for going to the bar w/ my friends that i did not want this happening again. last ( Read more... )

...time in 2 years i woke up and saw myself in the mirror and was happy w/ what i saw. physical therapy went ok yesterday. i'm getting meds sent through the skin by electric stimulation which is like being stabbed by pins for 20 minutes straight on both sides of my elbow, bicep, and tricep. I passed all the strength tests and range of motion ( Read more... )

i need variety. to mix it up a little. it's like 31 flavors. for meg that is not referring to women so she won't want to punch me. i need to mix up the food. mix up the workout. mix up the evenings. mix up the days. it's like a daily schedule that doesn't change. it's boring. i pulled out like 18 months of men's health and thumbed through ( Read more... )

...her a lot. In my mind i feel as though i could be labeled as the dumbest person on earth. Always told that I do not let emotion show or let myself have feelings. I say now what is the point. If i were to care it leads to nothing but pain. Do i deserve it? Have i wronged someone in my past that it has come full circle to stare me the face ( Read more... )

I've been in a bad mood lately. I just don't care. I am almost to that point where I am willing to give up on everything. I'm always tired. I can't sleep at night. The stress of school is breaking me. Work is to the point where I just don't even pay attention at all. Not being able to lift and having to watch every little thing i do w/ my ( Read more... )

....not a matter of if but when things will fall apart. For most people little things happen from time to time but for me its always all at once. Ironically it's what i discussed the week prior w/ my little head doctor. I'm never worried that things are going to go wrong, i just know they will and i wonder how bad will they be. I've discovered ( Read more... )

everyone has questioned my actions of working out lately. the only person who has not told me i am overworking myself is craig. i've been criticized about being vain in my looks. that its all just to attract slutty girls at spring break. i want to have a body that is in shape. i don't care about the rock hard abs or big fucking arms. i am ( Read more... )

...its been a little while since i wrote anything. a new year but not a new beginning. I'm not changing anything and i really don't care if i didn't kiss anyone at exactly midnite b/c that shit won't effect anything this year like it did last. i'm excited to start my 18 credit hours this semester. not at all about the course material but the ( Read more... )

...was more than I expected it to be. I used to go home to see friends and family. At some point it stopped. The friends grew up and moved away and family became more of something that was required vice wanted. I learned from going home though that there are lessons to learn there. Things i never noticed or just didn't want to see. I found ( Read more... )