i haven't written in so long....what has happened....so much...so little...the goals...the promises...what if you changed all the bad things just to find that you no longer do most of the good things...is it worth the change...i used to say i hated this part or that part of something and now...that part was nothing...that part was actually better ( Read more... )

today marks the end of anger management or shrink time or whatever you want to call it. Thirteen months straight of weekly visits to discuss what makes me angry. I wouldn't describe myself as angry anymore but rather frustrated. I am a calmer person than i was a year ago and I have worked through some of what has happened. I opened up so many ( Read more... )

i somehow forget this ( Read more... )

i got my injection and i felt like shit for most of the evening ( Read more... )

i've thought a lot this past week about life...my life in general...and where it is that i am going...2 years ago i had a path and everything was laid out before me til 13 days after my 40th bday. its now been 2 years and i haven't had any sort of idea on what i should even do to begin to rebuild. i've fumbled around w/ everything in my life and ( Read more... )

an entry started last tuesday prior to my flight but i left w/o posting it ( Read more... )

b/c i can...that's why. i'm losing control. i was so close to everything a few months ago. I had pulled it all together and now it's all apart again. I can't control my anger. Last night i was so furious that i would have killed anyone that got in my way...shaun kept me basically within sight for the whole night. i'm not dealing well with ( Read more... )

...as per requested i am sitting down to write. asked yesterday "where are you and how have you been" those two questions often annoy me b/c if you really have to ask me that then of course you probably are not a friend but rather someone who wants to pretend. i received a phone call from a couple of people i knew at purdue yesterday. both of ( Read more... )

...i feel almost like this may be the last time i write. you watch movies to live a life outside of your own. they take you places you would never likely go on your own. we've all seen that time when someone wakes up and they realize that their life had been a lie. today it finally set in that for almost 4 yrs now i slowly fell in love with the ( Read more... )

...i've spent time packing up my things. moving again. this time its just to my new house. i'm not leaving anything behind which is a good. i've thrown a lot of stuff out. cleaned out both of my desks and rummaged through my bookshelves. i found a lot of stuff from my classes at purdue. it's still hard for me to deal w/ that year of my life ( Read more... )