What am I? Am I only here to live in pain? Am I here just to take fault because of my past? I guess it is my fault I didnt say no. I guess its my fault that others suffer. I try to change for someone I love and care for yet all it does is cause pain. Now I wish I died. Now...I look at pills and wonder how long it will take to end the pain. I guess ( Read more... )

Today has been a little weird. I have been feeling sick to my stomache since my little incident. I also feel like I can not be a woman considering I am terrified of sex. I want it deeply. I sometimes wish I wasnt born. Yes it is EMO day. But I wonder if life would have been better for others if I wasnt around.

I am slightly down right now. My fiance is moving to Washington and I am moving to North Carolina. My grandmother is looking for houses. I really wish I dont have to but I wish to stay near my dad. I dont know how long I will have him here but still. I just wish I didnt have to choose between my dad and my love. *sigh* I guess there isnt much one ( Read more... )

I just saved a life today. There was a young bird trapped in the cafeteria of my school and I wanted to help it get outside. After five minutes of trying to get it out, the poor thing flew right into a window full force. It layed on a table twitching so I used my hat to pick it up. Me and my friend walked over to the plants and set him down. After ( Read more... )

After a near break-up with my fiance, we promised to try to solve our problems. Today, when we saw eachother, my heart took flight. I missed his touch and I am hoping that we will gain back our lost love. I do not want this relationship to end. With each kiss, I felt closer to him. Just being with him makes my day that much better. I love him more ( Read more... )

I have lost the will to live. I am sitting here with a knife on my comp. I just read my love's lj and found he doesnt care. Well, it took all the strength I had to break it off to save him from more pain. Now I found out that I was like a weight. I feel much better. Well, nothing left to do than count the seconds before my blood stains my clothes. ( Read more... )

This is getting bad. I have to mentally relive a moment in my past and my fiance was supposed to help me. I guess I can find a friend to be there. This is one thing I cant do alone. I am being torn apart as it is. O well...there isnt much I can do about it.

Well, today I got my final paychech. I am actually releived. I have been wanting to quit for a long time. I will be looking for another job somewhere else but not until next semester. Right now I could care less. I will spend more of my time trying to get better, and getting my grades up. ^^

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Today I went to the hospital. I had been in pain since saturday. I saw the nurse the day before and she said it may be a hernia. I was worried. Today the pain became unbearable. I went to the hospital and they examined me. Aparently, its an infection. I felt better now but I am on many different medications. I am taking 5 mills in the morning, and ( Read more... )