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[sarahf]

Everything I touch turns to shit. I destroy every relationship I've been in. Even my body wants out and is trying to kill me. Keeping secrets doesn't work. Being honest doesn't work. I'm a shit mother, a shit partner, and a shit friend. No wonder everyone keeps leaving. I don't fucking blame them

Comments

[dr_laura_v]

I don't know you well enough to challenge your comments about yourself as a mother, partner and friend, but I notice you don't mention yourself as a an editor to your authors. Maybe that's because even when you're feeling down, you know those people really, really value you

[ext_3314053]

This.

[sarahf]

Thank you. I appreciate your kind thoughts and they really helped me on Monday.

[ext_3314053]

*hugs* I know you have been through so much over the past few years, and I understand all the feelings you are having. I've been there. I struggle not to let myself get stuck there every day, too. I know how hopeless it can feel sometimes, especially when everything else in life seems to be crashing down around you. And I know that what I'm about to say might not help at all right now, but I'm going to say it anyway because, well, it's important. But YOU are an amazing person, and you are not doing anything "wrong." Sometimes life just kicks us when we're down and all we can do is show it that we are stronger than its bitchy double-crossing. It can take time to get to the point where we can do that, though. And we get stuck in ruts and spirals sometimes, and that's okay. You have so many people that do love you and are ready to let you lean on them when you get too dizzy from the spiraling and are ready to come out. You have lots of hands reaching in to help you out. You, my dear, are wonderful and absolutely worth loving. It's just

[sarahf]

Thank you. *hugs* Thank you so much.

[ceciliatan]

Please don't measure yourself by the "success" or "failure" of your relationships. They don't correlate to your worth as a person or your suitability as a partner

[sarahf]

Sometimes I get caught in the "well, if everyone leaves me, there's a common denominator there of ME, so kind of need to look at that and try to fix that" train of thought, you know?

Also, thank you. *hugs*

[ceciliatan]

*hugs!!!*

(p.s. there are sooooo many people I wish would wake up and realize they are the problem but I truly do think here you've just got confirmation bias...)

[sarahf]

Ugh, well, it doesn't feel like confirmation bias (fancy statistics words!). :( But thank you for saying so. Maybe it is.

[rosefox]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low, and so down on yourself.

You just had major surgery, and a lot of emotional ups and downs ("OH NO cancer! OH YAY no metastases!" being the biggest, probably, but certainly not the only). Even without factoring in breakups and the upheavals of the last couple of years, that's a giant rollercoaster for your mind and your heart and your body. Please be gentle with yourself while you go through this.

There are many people who love you. You are not alone. Call me anytime it would help to hear a friendly voice.

[sarahf]

Thank you. *hugs*

[esmeraldus_neo]

I think you're an amazing person, from the little I've seen.

We're told the right relationship lasts forever, but I believe most relationships are ephemeral. I don't think letting go means rejecting love for fear of pain, I just think relationships are highly individual and not all of them are for a lifetime. My marriage wasn't a failure because it ended in divorce--it was a successful relationship that ran its course.

I wish I'd got the knack of remaining friends with exes a little earlier in life, but I know I wasn't meant to be with most of those people forever. I'd rather be alone (though that means alone with lots of friends).

You ARE awesome. Depressed, probably, from how you sound, but awesome.

[sarahf]

Oh, I'm firmly in the camp of a relationship can be successful if it doesn't end in death. :) I think my relationship with my husband was extremely successful. Just...I kind of miss having a partner.

And thank you. Working on the depression part, or trying to.