-
beating like a heart, i'm going to walk through every door i can start
In my last session with my therapist, he told me he's not going to bother getting IFS credentials, and I said, why?
and he said, well, I don't expect to have more than ten years to use them in,
and I said, what?! well, I mean, how old are you, wait, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to, which is the way I usually ask impertinent ( Read more... ) -
The future is mine just the same (where the wind blows, round and round in circles)
therapy Yesterday. We walk there. Teyla and I both leave the house/neighborhood on Wednesdays, and then I don't have to leave again until next Wednesday if I don't want to. Usually I don't.
Quarantine and being sick has reactivated my agoraphobia big time. I sense so deeply that I need to be left alone?? It's probably not healthy I admit. ( Read more... ) -
if you try the best you can, if you try the best you can, if you try the best you can
First thoughts upon listening to KID A MNESIA:
It does not surprise me that Radiohead's preferred edits make Thom's singing even less intelligible.
This came out 20 years ago???? Oh yeah, I remember taking my birthday money to the mall to get it. Cool. Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
( Read more... ) -
passing thoughts
Adulthood is different than I expected-- a lot more conversations revolving around buttholes than anticipated. Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
( Read more... ) -
freewrite 15 min, or until i get distracted
more freewriting
more talking before I've finished my coffee, insert eyeroll here
so they did this ... wait let me back up and refresh everybody's memory since I've become this incredibly sporadic journaler instead of my somewhat sporadic nature before moving to California--
side note: people who don't live in the western USA often don't realize ( Read more... ) -
'morning' pages freewrite
My therapist wants me to like myself and I am SO FRUSTRATED because I don't even know her--I mean.
( Read more... ) -
Hated myself when she wasn't around (uncomfortable, uncomfortable)
Time seems to go faster as I age. Honestly, very confusing, as I'm not any smarter. In fact, I have transitioned to a more embodied & corporal state of existence, rather than the purely intellectual "brain in a jar" I erroneously & narcissistically prided myself on prizing previously.
I contemplate youths so much more. Not as my old-ass friends, ( Read more... ) -
no, NO songs, only worry.
So as I stare down the barrel of a consultative exam for Social Security disability, I have not been able to stop thinking about ( what disability even is. [cw: probably internalized ableism, idek] ) -
(Untitled)
Goals for February: Every day:
5 minutes of exercise.
One sentence of journalling.
One paint stroke. Originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment there (
( Read more... ) -
no such thing as too much
I feel frustrated, stuck. I miss moving forward. I want to keep recovering, make progress.
I'm just tired of failing.
The irony here is palpable.
Sick of reviewing goals and seeing where they derailed, try again, start from not quite the beginning-two steps forward, then jitterbug my way back, only to fall down from exhaustion and stare ( Read more... )