As this extremely overwhelming season approaches everyone is filled with a fabricated sense of joy and happiness. Lately I've come to the conclusion that I don't like christmas all that much. And somehow that translates to me hating Jesus...which is rational of course. As I've gotten older I've anticipated Christmas so much over the year and then ( Read more... )

Everyone keeps saying that things will get better and that I've nothing to be worried about but it seems like everytime things seem to be okay, they aren't. I'm tired of being upset I don't want to feel like this any more. I don't know how to make it go away. Everything I do lately is wrong and it just doesn't feel like it's worth trying anymore. I ( Read more... )

Emily kate has left for college.Its going to take awhile before I accept that I won't being seeing her in the next few days. This summer has gone by so quickly. I can't believe that school starts in two weeks. My senior year starts in two weeks. I started some apps today...it was crazy.Band camp is going well. We are pretty awesome this year. I'm ( Read more... )

I watched the notebook the other night and after I cried for twenty minutes during it, I started to think. Is there really anyone out there for me? I know having a boyfriend isn't that important...but the thought of being alone forever is terrifying. And I'm going to be a senior, what if I don't get into a good college?I mean I diod terrible on ( Read more... )

hey, so it's my birthday. I'm 17. I'll be a senior next year and I'm scared to death. I'm drum major for next MB season too. I'm afraid of everything. But I'm so excited too. Everything is happening so quickly...this past year happened to quickly. Its the end of may already and it feels like october. This year has shown me everything. I've ( Read more... )

Last night when I was talking to Eric, I said, to be cliche, that I'm this emotional rollercoaster. After I said this, he continued by saying, well..we all are, you just have one or two more loops then everyone elses. This arose because I had mentioned to Eric about how bad my luck is with men. It's either I adore them and the feeling is not ( Read more... )

-broke up with paul ( Read more... )

Everything so fucking retarded and fucking screwed up. I swear to God, I'm not going to get into fucking college for music and I'm not smart enough to do any other Goddamned thing. I have like 4 friends and I always feel like im bothering everyone. I fucking hate how its always my fucking fault. My Goddamn obligation to repair something I didn't ( Read more... )

I have no idea what happened over the past couple of weeks. oh i went to disney world. It was exciting. Thrilling, intriguing, informative, all sorts of neat stuff. My mom found out about paul. And she is meeting him tomorrow. The irony: My dad is being cooler about him than mymom. Which is very ironic. Last weekend...I saw paul friday ....But this ( Read more... )

yeah...so it's really cool, how I'm just the eh, she's alright girl. I don't think I've made an impression of anyone's life. I'd rather be completely hated by people that considered, just eh. Why don't people like me? Am I that fucking wierd? I didn't think I was that bad. I'm tried of making every situation awkward and having words come out of ( Read more... )