kingdom hearts -- polysaccharine

[scenotaphs]

title : polysaccharine
wordcount: 440
rating: G
summary: There are no perfect little girls--at least, not in the sallow bone-grey world she knows.

Comments

[ibuberu]

I like how you focused on each of the female characters here, very well done! You described them with a great style and carefully chosen words, especially Namine, I feel.

Though at some points, there seemed to be too much imagery, particularly here 'who hides a wildcat’s unbridled ferocity beneath the thin veneer of her saccharine-sharp smile', overall it was a nice look into Xion's mind.

[scenotaphs]

Y-yeah orz. As I've already waxed and waned lyrical (whut) about in the past few... fine, I don't know how long, I've sort of been assessing it with more annoyance HAHA. I felt, at the time of doing the final read-over before I posted it, that it was rather clumsy and unpolished compared to some other works, and still sort of feel that way because of all that heavy-handed slapping around or metaphors and imagery with all the aplomb and finesse of a hippo |D

Oh well, practice makes perfect! \o/ \o/