this is ridiculous, just so you know

[schelle]

Today I am feeling ambitious and bored with safety. I am going to do something daring and scary. I am going to puncture the day dreaming bubble because if I don't... I'll never know. However, I do remember my vow to not do this a third time, throw caution out the window, if that's what you want to call it. How many times will I need to learn that

Comments

[sweetmoonshine]

I think we all feel this way in our day to day lives. We want to break out of our shells and be crazy and free-yet be calm and reserved at the same time. It's frustrating to feel that way-almost anxious about wanting to do something but your just not sure what!...I also think Im cursed with the same fate as you as far as your other e mail goes-having to fall for teh wrong boy- yep it sucks. People say its a "learning experience" but all Im learning is that either my taste is going down or I never really had good tate in the begining-I mudt have a sign posted on my forehead that says "all egotistical maniancs ask this one out, she'll say yes!!"

Re:

[schelle]

YES, the tension between being collected and being free. My friend Theresa calls me "uncollected cool." I want to be poised, carry myself with confident ease and charm, but my efforts to do so only come out clutttered, clumsy and impulsive. So then I anticipate the reaction by trying to be very very quiet so that my anxiousness won't embarrass me, but then I come across as boring, ditsy or a bad conversationalist. Growl. Also, I've yet to develop a good theory on where our knights in shining armor are lurking. We'll see, we'll see...

Re:

[sweetmoonshine]

Uncollected cool...I love that! I act the same way as far as being quiet instead of outgoing-I dont want to say the wrong things, yet miss oppurtunities to say the right things. I let things pass me by Im sure of it, yet sometimes dont want to step out of the comfort zone I've enveloped myself in!Very frustrating. As far as Knights...I keep waiting for him to knock on my door...maybe that's my problem. But where to find him? Im sick of looking.

my guy rantings continued...

[schelle]

Wait for him to knock on my door, I also. In my mind I make attempts to present myself in a favorable manor before a guy I'm interested in, sending my body language and eye messages that say I'M TRYING TO FLIRT WITH YOU. But my friends say all THEY ever see is me not talking to him when I could be. And then when I do talk, the guy's attention is easily diverted partly because I'm too busy analyzing him in my head, to figure out if I really like him or not, to participate in the conversation. I've decided people just need to be more patient. So it takes me a while to trust someone enough to talk a lot, even about non-important things. Good listening skills are important! Caution is a good thing! And isn't silence supposed to be intriguing or something? Apparently I'm missing something because the quiet thing really isn't working out for me with guys. I think maybe we just need to find an older more mature guy who understands our depth!