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Old entry
I desperately wish I could go back to the things I once loved, things that didn't need to love me back to make me feel important. It's 8:32am and I am counting down the hours until he wakes up and says good morning. (Or doesn't. His texting habits are predictable and annoyingly so ( Read more... ) -
3 months
He says he loves me, and sometimes I believe it.
Sometimes I feel like I have numbed myself-- when he does things, or doesn't do things that I expect him to, I shut down. I've been angry before, but now it's dwindled down into something like an expected disappointment. There is always a margin for error, and I have learned to make it a huge one. I ( Read more... ) -
boxes
The wall is white. Blank.
It’s strange. We’ve lived here for more than a decade and that space had always been occupied by framed pictures of us: me in first grade, at prom, Cody when he was a baby. All of us as babies- maybe something to remind us that once we were all ridiculously tiny.
Now we’re a bit more grown up, and the wall is white and the ( Read more... ) -
You.
Cat asked us once, what point of view we were most comfortable writing in, and Ash guessed that for me it would be in the second person. It surprised me then that she would think that; I stopped writing for a long time and I guess I forgot, but looking back at my past entries, I realize it’s true.
I’ve always had less of a liking for stories written ( Read more... ) -
therapeutic word vomit
i think there's a certain burden to growing up-- no, of course i don't just think this, it's true and everyone knows it-- but it's only now that i'm really thinking about it, everything that growing up entails, and it really is quite a brutal endeavor. It’s not the kind that’s quick, too, not like tearing off a band aid and being left with a ( Read more... ) -
we are not swans.
Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
At least they haven't blocked livejournal at work. -
(Untitled)
Nothing feels right these days. Too much work for too little in return, everyone else seeming to get the better end of the deal and you-grasping at straws. You don’t know, maybe you don’t deserve nice things. Maybe you don’t deserve what everyone else is getting because you're a horrible person.
No, you're not a horrible person. You just ask for ( Read more... )