I absolutely detest being sick.  And I absolutely detest being alone.  Lucky me, right now I'm both.  Everyone I'm related to decided to take a little vacation this week and leave me behind.  None of them even asked me if I'd like to go.  So now I'm lonely.  I'm going to end up making Graham stay with me every night until they get back, just so I  ( Read more... )

For the first time since being released from the hospital, I want to die.  Not kill myself, just die.  Maybe just disappear.  I would love to not exist.

Someone, do me a favor and kill me?

 So, I'm sprung.  Not too many people knew I was committed.  Ok, nobody knew I was committed, maybe save for Alex.  Though even he didn't figure it out until after I got out and told him about it.  It was a lonely stay.

On the plus side, I met a couple of wonderful people.  I made a new best friend and have a new crush - Lee.  He works for Rolling ( Read more... )

 Being homeless is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I'm meeting amazing people, I'm seeing amazing places, and I don't have anything that I don't absolutely need.  It's the most freeing feeling on the planet.

Maybe except for being in love.

The one thing I need that I don't have.

Merry Christmas.

 Well, I guess I'm homeless now ( Read more... )

I am irrevocably in love with Graham Martin.  What's worse, I think he knows ( Read more... )

I'm back on medication now.  I feel weird, I guess.  I feel like I need to be doing something, but have run out of things to do.  I'm going to make them put me on anti-anxiety meds.  They just keep telling me to "drink tea and breathe" and it's not fucking working.  I can't talk to people anymore.  I can't leave the house.  I can't sit for more ( Read more... )

 I made two new friends, which I'm really excited about.  Three, actually, if my memory serves correctly there was another guy hanging out with us and he was pretty cool.  My artwork is now displayed on someone's wall, which makes me proud ( Read more... )

I want xanax and cocaine.  Right now.  Badly. 

 What am I going to do?  Almost daily I'm drawn like a moth to the flame of a passionate suicide, and yet I always manage to talk myself out of it.  How long can this possibly last?  Nine years, it seems.  It feels like a chapter is closing in my life and I'm not sure if I want to be around for the next one to begin.  That's a like, I really do, ( Read more... )