i just want an oppurtunity to feel the way that I know that I can feel with the right influences.

I am gay

I was just dreaming that i was trapped in Los Angeles. How do I know it was Los Angeles since i've never been there.. i don't know but it was. But it was a rural, country, backwoods Los Angeles. I had a sister and she wasn't with us for some reason at first. Throughout this whole dream "the downward spiral" is just blasting in my head i mean loud. ( Read more... )

Since things are known now. It's really hard to post public entries where i share the way in which i'm either feeling or what i'm thinking when it has anything to do with things that are important to me. They are no longer shrouded in mystery or so vague. I'd hate to make things uncomfortable. But if updates are what you really want i will let ya ( Read more... )

i really think that if you are addicted to lj like i know you are.. that you'll read this before you leave for the day.. and i think that you should call me again :)

i think i'm a freak.
but if i didn't live at home i'd be out in the field nekkid laying down looking up into the sky praying for a bolt of lightning to jolt my body.

I think i'm an asshole too.. it's just my nature i've come to the conclusion, i'm not sure whether i should try to remedy this or just let it be... i thought i was better than this

do you ever wonder if things are done out of habit rather than necessity?
it's not a pleasant thought because you begin to wonder if you're wasting your time doin' all the things that you normally do.

I spent tonight hanging out with Stephanie.. nick's gf... I had a really really good time. It's really nice being new to someone. We talked for like 5 hours, she is an interesting kid. I'm not sure but i was talking to mags the other day about a song about women pedophiles.. the band is pee shy and the song is little dudes and well i was goin' ( Read more... )

okay.. yeah i just got home i'm kinda drunk
i remember dan and i going after these girls and well we were all hitting on them and stuff and the asked us to go back to their place but we said no.. heh, i realize that isn't what i want. oh well.. i am a loser.
goodnight.

I am finding it quite hard to work with my new employees. I am used to people who "don't care" but a lot of these people really don't care at all. Nick and I are working on hiring a shitload of new people and hopefully they will be the type that care a little bit. Or at least take some fucking pride in your work and the place where you work. I don' ( Read more... )