Typical me to come in here with some crazy story. This is the best one yet! I found out July 5th that I was pregnant! Today I am 8 weeks 1 day and I'm due March 10-16th . Bryon is going to be an amazing father and has been so good to me. I am so excited for this next journey. I feel like I am where I should have been all along.

( Read more... )

As I sit here enjoying my coffee and cig in the sun I think....I wonder why I have been feeling that way I have lately. Why am I pushing Rachel away again? I feel myself slipping away from my individuality. This its self causes me to stop and take space. I notice I'm sleeping more, get irritated quickly and anger surfaces often. My heat pounds more ( Read more... )

Rachel and I were on on the beach and all of a sudden got hit by a title wave and then It went away and we survived but I had called 911 to tell them and the woman calmed me down and told me she'd send someone to make sure that nobody got washed away and then we were on a cruise boat a Disney cruise boat and we were on the ocean and we got hit by a ( Read more... )

It's 143 in the morning and yet again I'm not really sure where to begin as I lay here in bed. So many things keep running through my mind where do I start . I start with Rachel and I have the married for almost 3 years and we have been to hell and back and I am a large reason it's happend. For some reason I do not know how to be faithful or leaste ( Read more... )

Rachel ( Read more... )

Sometimes i think my personality is so close to Rachel's that its what causes most of our bad days. I need someone who can lift me up on the days that bad vs be the one making them bad to begin with. I feel its unfair to blame her but the way things make me feel but i'm the only one who can change that. Its so back in forth in my mind all the time ( Read more... )

I find myself questioning myself more and more then i have before. I am curious if it has anything to do with the choices i have made. As if deep down i have pushed all the wrong buttons and now the only way for the truth to get out is through misery and confusion. I still think about if i made the right choice leaving Will that it scares me, ( Read more... )

It's amazing what music can trigger deep down inside of me. This song came on Pandora and i haven't heard it in years. Prob shortly after my father passed away was the last time i listen to it. The pain that resurfaces is somewhat unbearable. This time of the year i think about him a lot. April 8th will make 10 years he has been gone. It amazes me ( Read more... )

I saw a post today that made me really think about what the next step from here is ( Read more... )

Im starting to realize i might be living a life im not entirely made for. I have had this image in my head of where i should be and what my life should look like. I think i have it all wrong. The more time that passes at my 9-5 married life the more i think i made the wrong decision. I find myself always questioning if im making or made the right ( Read more... )