AtLA fic: Wrong and Right

[scwlc_fic]

Title: Wrong and Right

Author: SCWLC

Disclaimer: I own zip. Zilch. Nada.

Rating: Hmm. Call it PG

Summary: She has amnesia and it takes her a while to find what's right. Zutara.

Notes: Okay, I started this yesterday and I had no sleep last night thanks to the jerks who talked in the damn hotel hallway all night. So any problems can just be blamed on that.



She woke up in a room with white walls and furs everywhere. Sitting next to her bed of furs was a boy. He was maybe twelve, thirteen years old, bald, and was wearing strange-looking orange and yellow clothes. Strangest of all, though, was the tattoo of a big blue arrow on his head.

"You're awake!" he said, grinning eagerly at her. "How do you feel?"

"Strange," she told him. "Really strange."

"I'm sure you do," he said. "You've been unconscious for days. After you slipped and hit your head on that ice outcropping you haven't woken. The healers were starting to get worried. I was getting really worried," he said, taking her hand.

She blinked at that, taking it in. She'd hit her head. Head trauma. That would explain a lot. Still . . . trying to get her head around things, she asked, "What's . . . where am I?"

Suddenly looking a lot more worried, the boy said, "You're in one of the healing igloos of your village." He stood. "I should get a healer. Let them know you're awake."

"You should . . ." she was having some trouble getting it out. It just . . . it made her feel scared and stupid at the same time. "You'd better tell them that I can't remember anything. At all."

The boy sat back down with what would have been a thud if it weren't on fur over snow. "What do you mean you can't remember anything?" he asked.

She took a deep breath. "I mean I can't remember my own name, let alone who you are."

"Oh, Katara," he said, looking deeply upset. "Then I'd better hurry." He stopped in the door, and said, "I'm Aang." Then he left, having not even told her who he was to her or why she should care.

"Katara," she tried it out. It didn't feel wrong, at least. "My name is Katara."

The next week was incredibly confusing and fairly disturbing to her. She'd been introduced around the village, where everyone knew everyone else, and she felt pretty overwhelmed by the sheer number of people she was supposed to know without having to think about it. She'd been introduced to a grandmother she couldn't recall, a step-grandfather who said he'd trained her in waterbending (a notion that had her extremely nervous), a father who was the chief (did that mean she had special responsibilities she wasn't performing?) and a brother who alternated between treating her like a really dumb piece of breakable china, and some sort of terrifying she-demon.

Actually, she kind of liked the terrifying she-demon thing, but she'd deny that to anyone who asked.

What had been really disturbing was that kid, Aang. After a few days of trying to look at familiar places, do familiar activities and spark some memory from them, Aang had sat with her in her room and said, "Nothing yet?"

"No," she said in frustration. "It's like I can remember a skill if something happens that makes me need it, but I can't remember how I got the skill, or other times I've used it."

"Well maybe you should try something else," he said shyly. Then he'd kissed her.

Katara had frozen in shock, then flung herself away from the kid. "What are you doing!"

"I . . . uh . . ." he'd clearly been grasping at words. Then he'd out and out said what she was sure had to be a lie. "I'm your boyfriend."

If she hadn't been feeling vaguely ill at the thought, Katara might have laughed. If she hadn't been sure he was just some kid trying to take advantage of her state of amnesia, she might have been less angry. No one had yet told her who he was to her anyhow. Apparently she was supposed to divine her memories by instinct without being told. It was annoying as hell. So she may have overreacted a tad. "What are you talking about!" she shrieked. "You're like what? Eleven?" Okay, that had been a little unfair. "You're a kid, you're too young to even have a girlfriend, let alone me! Get out!"

He'd looked terribly wounded, and she'd been treated to a lecture by Sokka - her brother, she reminded herself - about how Aang really was her boyfriend, and how he was a great guy.

"Great child you mean," she'd snipped back at him.

Sokka had opened his mouth for a moment, as if to object, then closed it and sat next to her with a sigh. "For the record, I agree with you. Now. But you'd made a big deal about being his girlfriend before. Aang's been through enough though, that the least you can do is not freak out all over him. Okay?"

She'd nodded. How she'd said what she did before had been pretty horrible. Didn't make the whole thing with her dating a kid make any more sense.

When it was clear their home wasn't doing anything, she found herself climbing onto a giant, furry, six-legged, flying thing. His name was Appa and he was a darling animal. Katara had made a sort-of peace with Aang, convincing him that they should just be friends. At least until she could remember something. "After all," she'd rationalised, "Part of what makes people fall in love is personality. And as long as I can't remember you, I don't know you. So . . . maybe we'll fall in love again if we just try being friends for a while."

He'd promptly agreed, and it had eased the tension. Katara privately told herself that she wasn't even going to think about it again, because the whole idea of dating that kid was weird.

Still, they were on their way to the Northern Water Tribe, because the best healers were there, and because they'd been there before. No one would tell her when or why, but it was hoped that between the healers, and the memories from there, that she'd maybe remember something.

When they reached the island of Kyoshi, Katara had the first memory finally spark for her. She was walking down the main thoroughfare of the largest village of the island, when suddenly she was hit by an overwhelming vision of fire. The village was . . . had been on fire. There was something about it. It had been because of someone in particular . . .

Then nothing. When she came back to herself, the young woman her brother had introduced as Suki (after he and the girl had spent about five minutes trying to lick each other's tonsils into submission), was holding her up and asking if she was okay.

"Yeah. I think," Katara said, catching her breath. "Did . . . did the village ever . . . was there a fire?" she asked.

Suki had smiled at her. "You remembered something," she said happily. Then, a little darkly, "Zuko, he . . ." she stopped. "Sorry. I'm not supposed to tell you things like that."

"Aargh!" Katara yelled in frustration.

Suki smiled wryly. "I would, but the healers seem to think it will make it harder for you to actually remember. But you did remember something."

She'd actually remember a little more with the name 'Zuko'. A flash of black hair had skipped by in her memory. She filed that away. Katara had found that people would often slip up and mention a little extra if she caught them by surprise. By now she'd figured out that her brother and Aang were trying to replicate some sort of trip the three of them had been on in the hopes that it would set something off. Clearly they'd been right.

When she told them that evening, they eagerly started expounding on where they were planning to go next. It seemed like it would be a pretty long trip, but that was okay with her. Better seeing new places to try to get memories than being stuck in one place getting more frustrated because nothing was working.

But nothing came to her when they went to Omashu. Not when she saw the mail delivery service, not when Aang insisted on dragging her into some tunnels that almost got them eaten by badger moles, forcing some blind girl who apparently knew her too to rescue them. It didn't happen when they met the actual king of the city, who was crazy and should have sparked a memory for the sheer frightening novelty of the man and his pet, whatever the thing was.

Nothing.

Nothing happened when they stopped off to see Haru and his father, nothing at the iron ship that had been a prison for so many earthbenders. The whole time she was on that ship it was like something was at the back of her mind, poking and prodding. Nothing had come to her though.

It wasn't until they stopped at a glade near a river that she remembered something else. She'd gone to stand on the riverbank, when she turned and saw a tall tree and suddenly a raspy voice seemed to say in her ear, "I'll save you from the pirates." It sent shivers down her spine, and made her bite her lip a little. She whipped around, but there was no one there.

Frowning, she found herself drifting to the tree, and leaned against it. Her eyes drifted closed and there was another flash of black hair like the one on Kyoshi. This time there was also the sense of a raspy voice that made pleasant shivers go down her spine. A hint of danger and . . . warmth?

"Katara!" Aang's voice interrupted her reverie. "Katara. Are you okay?" he asked, looking worried.

She shook it off. The moment had been lost, and she said, "Yeah. I just . . . did something happen here? Something with . . . with . . ." she paused, then decided to say the crazy thing anyhow. "Something with pirates."

Aang grinned. "Yes! Yes! You're remembering. You took that scroll from the pirates and they-" he stopped. "Sorry. I'm just so happy you're remembering things. We'll get everything back in no time."

He ran off, delightedly telling Sokka that Katara had remembered the pirates. Katara was startled when the blind girl, Toph, said from behind her. "What else, Sugar Queen?"

"Why do you call me that?"

"Because you're so darned sweet all the time," the other girl replied. "Even now when it's obvious you want Aang to leave you alone, you're still just so nice to him all the time." Then she said, "So? What else did you remember that you don't want Twinkletoes to know?"

"Suki said something about someone named Zuko when I remembered Kyoshi burning," Katara said slowly. "I think . . . I think I remembered something about him now. Black hair."

"I wouldn't know about that," Toph said with a shrug. "Blind, you know."

"Does he have a raspy sort of voice?" Katara asked, remembering how it made her feel . . . anticipation.

"Yeah," Toph said with a nod. "He's a firebender."

"A firebender," Katara repeated softly. "That would explain the warmth."

There was a lot more nothing. Nothing at the woods they stopped in, nothing at the giant canyon with the giant spiders, nothing at a temple that Aang shamefacedly admitted was just a stop on the way for her, no matter how many significant things had happened to him there.

They'd landed close to a nunnery when another memory struck. "So this is your girlfriend," said a sharp, feminine voice in her memory. Katara froze, then looked around. A sense of being picked up by strong, warm arms flickered through her awareness, along with the now slightly familiar memory of black hair. Instead of the raspy voice, though, there was a brief flash of pale skin. "Something happened here," she murmured. "That Zuko . . . he was here."

"Stupid paralyzing tongue . . . animal thingy," Sokka groused.

Katara blinked. Clearly she really wasn't remembering everything, because she should have remembered a, 'paralyzing tongue . . . animal thingy'."

Nothing else came though, even after they went through the whole abbey. Katara actually got the story out of an unsuspecting nun, of Zuko chasing her and Sokka down, of a fight and her waterbending perfume to get rid of the animal that saw with its nose. She was going to ask more questions when Sokka caught up with her and dragged her off, calling her sneaky.

Was Zuko good or bad, she wondered. The nun had indicated he was a rampaging person bent on destruction, but everything she'd remembered made her feel safe, warm and . . . nice. It was a little confusing.

More places, and a complete lack of memories again. They finally reached the Northern Tribe, and to Katara's disappointment, all they could add to the diagnoses so far, was that she wasn't remembering on purpose. Like she wanted to not remember something specific, so everything else had gone away with that. Until she managed to remember that one thing, all she'd get would be fragments.

Still, they let her wander the city, even into the sacred space of the Spirit Oasis.

She was grateful for that last one, because moments after she'd set foot in there, she was struck by a memory. It felt much more complete, but she still couldn't recall the face to go with the raspy voice. What she did recall was bending. She'd had a duel . . . no. A fight. A hard fight. Searing heat, and a sense of exultation. She'd been winning. Then something changed.

"You rise with the moon. I rise with the sun."

The memory made tension coil within her in a very good way. "We fought here," she said.

"Yeah," Sokka's voice from behind her startled her. "What do you remember?"

"We fought," she repeated. "I beat him. He was . . ." she slowly turned. "He was there," she said, pointing to the wall. "Then the sun rose and he . . . he fought back."

"It really will come back to you," Sokka said. "I promise. We'll keep looking until everything comes back."

Later that evening though, Katara wondered. Was something wrong with her that this Zuko, who seemed to have been a bad person, made her feel . . . tingly?

There was a whole lot more of nothing, until Toph suggested a deserted town on the edge of the Si Wong desert. The others had looked at her doubtfully, but they landed. Katara hopped off, sick of being with people and being watched and having everyone expect that any second she'd remember something.

Toph's suggestion worked, however. Standing in the street, she suddenly heard an anguished voice snarl, "Leave!" He was angry this time. Angry and grief-stricken, she decided. Something terrible had happened to him.

"A . . . a fight?" she asked, hesitantly. She'd stopped talking about Zuko, because they were now on guard for her questions and didn't give her any more hints. Also, some part of her wanted to hold those memories close. Like they were somehow too important to be bandied about like other things.

"Yeah," Sokka said, heaving a sigh. "You know what this means?" he asked Aang.

"What?" the bald boy asked.

"We're going to have to stop and every single stop on the way or risk missing something," Sokka said with another heavy sigh.

Toph quietly snorted. "Idiots," she muttered, too quietly for anyone but Katara to hear. She refused to answer any questions about why the pair were idiots, though.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Then they reached Ba Sing Se. Toph had immediately dragged Katara off. Once they were out of the sight of the boys, Toph said, "It's pretty obvious Sweetness, that this is about Sparky. Zuko," she corrected after a confused look from Katara. "So I'm just going to cut to the chase of the next time you saw him."

Katara immediately let Toph take the lead without any further resistance. This was the best clue to what was happening with her she'd had so far. Now that she thought about it, it was true. Every memory had to do with that dark hair, raspy voice and pale skin. So her memory loss had something to do with him, one way or another. It made sense. She followed Toph underground, through a few passages, and came out in a chamber filled with glowing crystals.

She was assaulted with brief glimpses of memory, but nothing concrete.

"The Fire Nation took my mother away from me!"

"I'm sorry. That's something we have in common."

Something both smooth and rough in texture against her hand. It was warm.

"I thought you'd changed!"

"I have changed!"

Betrayal.

She came back to herself feeling tears drip down her cheeks. "He turned on us."

Toph paused, then seemed to come to a decision. "Just so we don't have to go through it all over again," she said, "He made a dumb choice, but he was in a bad place and didn't know better. You forgave him. So can we not go through it again?"

Taking in a shaking breath, Katara slowly nodded. Whatever this was, she didn't know the whole story and it was over anyway. No point in being . . . well . . . anything.

His gold eyes still haunted her dreams that night.

There were a lot more stops, with an ever-more frustrated Aang and Sokka. Katara was frustrated, but for a different reason. Toph had effectively told her to keep the association with Zuko a secret from the pair, so she had. But it meant that they were stopping at place after place that significant things had happened to her, and no memories surfaced.

"Are you sure we shouldn't tell them and just skip straight to the next place we saw Zuko?" she asked.

"I'm sure," Toph said. "Trust me on this. Not only will it upset Twinkletoes and Snoozles, they might decide to avoid anything to do with Zuko just on principle."

Katara was relieved when they reached the Western Air Temple. It seemed like nearly every corner had a memory of Zuko. It seemed Toph was right, because Katara was getting a very clear, and unpleasant, picture of the rough treatment she'd given him. No wonder he wasn't there with the others helping her get her memory back if even after he'd joined up with them she still treated him that way.

She'd curled up in a ball late that evening, having found a quiet corner out of the way to cry in. She felt a sense of loss. Like something that could have started never would, and she could see that what she'd never have wasn't worth what she'd gained for the loss. Katara was still feeling that way the next evening when they settled down on a small plateau that had even more memories of her being horrible to this boy with black hair, pale skin and golden eyes that made her insides shiver.

She still couldn't remember his face, though.

Toph came to her rescue again, distracting the others and telling Katara she needed to take Appa and go alone to a particular Fire Nation island.

It was a long flight, and Katara didn't bother exploring after she and Appa landed. She just slept. When she woke, the hairs on the back of her neck were standing. Someone was watching her.

Slowly, she turned around, dreading what she'd see. In front of her, dressed in silks, was a face she couldn't believe she'd forgotten. "Zuko?" she breathed.

"I got Toph's note," he said. "I . . . what did you want to see me about?"

There was a pause, then Katara asked, hesitantly, "What, exactly, did the note say?" And who did she get to write it for her? That was also an important question, but Katara decided that answer could wait.

"That there was something really important you had to talk to me about, and that I needed to meet you here," he said. "Where we found Yon Rha."

She didn't know who, or what, Yon Rha was. "I . . ." She wanted to kiss him. Katara shook her head to focus. "I have amnesia. I guess she figured meeting you would . . . would help. I . . . remember you, a little. And . . . nothing else."

He looked poleaxed. "Me?"

She nodded. "I remembered you burning Kyoshi, and then the pirates - something to do with the pirates. Then there was the bounty hunter. I remember our fight at the Spirit Oasis and . . . and something happened near the desert. The catacombs and then . . ." she suddenly couldn't keep herself from saying it. "Then I was horrible to you. Horrible and mean and . . . and I'd understand if that's why you weren't there with everyone else to help me remember. I'd hate me too if-"

He darted forward and laid a finger over her lips to silence her. "I didn't know. No one told me. I would have been there."

"What?" she asked. "Why . . ."

He shook his head. "I don't know."

They were close, and Katara found herself staring at his lips. Something in her mind locked into place. "We kissed here," she murmured, and suited action to memory.

He froze for a moment, then Katara felt those warm lips moving against her own, their tongues slipping forward to gently stroke against each other. It felt familiar and it felt right. "Katara," came that roughened voice. This time it wasn't from her memory and the shivers were even stronger. "Katara, what are we doing?"

"Kissing," she told him, slipping her arms over his shoulders and pulling him down. His arms stole around her waist and she sighed into his mouth as the world righted itself more. She wasn't thinking of anything but him and that moment.

When they finally parted a little to breathe, Katara felt her eyes widen. Unlike before, where she'd get bits and pieces of memories, shocking her into immobility as she processed them, it was as though they had quietly stolen back into place while she was distracted. She could remember everything, and it made her burst into tears. "What's wrong?" Zuko asked, anxious. He pulled her closer, and the feel of him made her feel better at the same time as it made her feel awful.

"I remembered," she told him. "I remembered everything. What I did to you, what . . . I know why . . . why everything."

"I don't understand," Zuko said. He'd pulled away though, and Katara felt the loss keenly. "Is this about Aang?" It was as though a mask had settled over his face. A friendly, kind, platonic mask.

Katara nodded miserably. "After we faced Azula, I knew . . . I knew I wanted to stay with you. I loved you."

Zuko's face twisted, briefly, in something that bore kinship to despair. "Loved?"

"Still love," she told him. Then she looked down and away lest she throw herself at him again. "I knew for certain that I didn't think of Aang that way. I couldn't."

"Then why?" Zuko demanded. "I asked you to stay. I said I wanted you. What changed?"

"My . . . my Dad interrupted," she said. "He got us alone. He reminded me that . . . that you were going to be Fire Lord. That you were going to have to marry for . . . for the Fire Nation. That you couldn't afford to be held back by . . . someone . . . someone with my background." She looked away, miserable.

"I didn't care about that," Zuko said. "When I thought you were going to say yes I'd already started figuring out how to get them to accept you. I already knew what to say to the council. We could have . . ." He shook his head, stepping closer. "Was that all?" he demanded. "You just let him talk you out of it? Out of us?"

"No!" Katara cried. She couldn't stop herself as she grabbed onto him. Wanting to hold him and feel him next to her again. Zuko seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before pulling her close.

"That wasn't all, was it?" he rasped in her ear.

"No," she affirmed. The waterbender took another shaking breath. "I was going to talk to you, after, when Sokka arrived. He went on and on about Aang, and how in love with me he was. About how Aang deserved to get something for managing to save the world without having to lose his morals over it. How I shouldn't lead him on." Katara laughed, bitterly. "I told him I wasn't a prize, and he just said that - that the hero should get the girl."

"Katara," Zuko murmured her name. As though he couldn't think of anything else to say. She felt his lips press into the top of her head, and it felt so right. She'd take that over anything else, anyone else, always.

Burrowing into him as much as she could as they stood there, not noticing anything but each other, Katara finished her story. "Then Aang got there. He was so happy. He'd done it and . . . and he mentioned Aunt Wu."

"The fortune-teller?" Zuko asked, sceptically.

Katara nodded. "It was just . . . it was like everything but you was telling me I should go with Aang. That I was . . . that I was supposed to make him happy."

"I could curse that sense of duty you have," Zuko told her. "Just because people tell you it's the right thing, doesn't mean it is." He pulled away from her enough to look her in the eye. "Just so I understand. Your father said you shouldn't be with me, and Sokka and Aang said you should be with Aang, and you . . . you left me?"

"It was more convincing than that," she snapped, affronted.

"I didn't mean it wasn't," Zuko said. "I just . . ." He shook his head.

A voice from behind them spoke. "I never would have wanted you this way."

They both turned. "Aang!" Katara exclaimed. She was already pulling herself together, making the change from heartbreak to the image of a girl in love.

"Don't," Aang said. "Why didn't you say something? I would have understood."

"What?" Katara asked. "Don't what?"

"Don't pretend," the Avatar told her. "You're very good at pretending. I never would have guessed you were unhappy."

It was habit that made her say it. It was a long time inculcated in her that her job in life was to make people happy. It was what she did. Even if she had to lie to do it. "I'm not pretending."

"Yes, you are," Aang told her. "Toph said you were, once. I didn't believe her. I couldn't. I didn't think you'd do that to yourself."

"I have to-"

"You have to do what you want to do for once," Aang said. He looked sad. "I followed you here because I was worried about you. Seems I was right for all the wrong reasons." He impulsively stepped forward, taking her hand. "Do you think I'd want you with me if it made you unhappy?"

That made her think. "You're not angry?" she asked.

Aang sighed. "Not at you. I'm angry that we all made you think you had to make me happy at your own expense, I'm angry we all hurt Zuko so that he pulled away from us." He turned to Zuko. "I always wondered why. Now I know." He paused, then said. "Okay, I'm a little angry with you. Did you just think you'd be able to keep pretending forever?"

Katara shrugged. "You were a decent boyfriend," she said. "There wasn't any real reason to break up. I wasn't miserable."

"Not miserable isn't good enough, Katara," Zuko scolded her gently. "Trust me, I learned that with Mai."

"I just-"

Aang let go of her hand and pushed her gently at Zuko. "You just need to be happy. Now go try to land the position of Fire Lady." He smiled wryly. "And I'll go join Toph and Suki in yelling at Sokka for telling you that you were the carnival prize."

Before she could say anything else, Aang had taken off. "So?" Zuko asked her. "Are you willing to try to land that spot? It's still open."

"Yes," she said, feeling her mouth stretch into a smile so wide, she was sure her face was too small to contain it. When he started nervously talking about arranging for rooms and things for her to do, Katara told him, "Zuko? Shut up and kiss me."

He did, and that was absolutely the most right thing they'd ever done.
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