Primeval: New World -- Ep. 7

Apr 01, 2016 15:11

Alrighty then! Better late than never, and thank you LJ for refusing to accept a way of posting you didn't seem to mind for the last six episodes you lousy (bleep) . . . (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep). Just for good measure you know.

So, the continuing adventures of our mostly Canadian anomaly research and rescue team!






We start without the standard time lapse, and I feel lost and confused already. Where is my scenic, cloudy and rather rainy Vancouver skyline? I don't know, but I do know this bodes ill for anyone hoping there would gradually be less pandering and more . . . well, not pandering in a given episode. As you can see on the right, photographs are being taken of half-naked women.





And here we see the half naked women, one of whom is either British or Australian.

Yes, I know the accents are different, but 1) I'm terrible with accents, and 2) There are more Australians in the Whistler area than anywhere else in the world except Australia. And while this is a purely personal experience, supported only by a friend who lives in the area, it has also supported my belief that clearly Aussies are obsessed with snow boarding, because that's why they all emigrate to Whistler.

I digress. Nat, the blonde in the middle, is from somewhere that is not Canada originally.

The photographer is kind of a prick, and Nat calls him on it, and he responds by informing her that, "Babe, I love you, you know that." She clearly wants to punch him, and so do I.





These two shots, from when he takes a break for a smoke are here strictly because my first reaction to the car on the right, that is, in the first cap, was, "Impala! Where's Dean? Do we get a Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki guest star? Please? Pleasepleaseplease --- Oh. Not the 'Pala. Boo."





Then we get effing creature cam. Right. If ever I'd thought this wasn't the right show, that disabused me of that notion. We get a sort-of closeup of the dinosaur, the photographer gets out a camera, clearly planning to take its picture.





And fires off a shot with a flash, which we see here on the left in creature cam. Because that's the best idea ever. Let's use a flash on a something that we don't know what it is, but kinda looks like a raptor from Jurassic Park. That won't upset a high-strung predator at all.

Then he gets eaten.

He has earned it.





Then we discover that this program is being sponsored by an over-the-counter heartburn medication, in one of the deeply amusing follow-ups to programs that nearly universally are a completely jarring change in tone from the show and this one is no different. There are also other commercials, but I already have too many caps to get through, I need to keep a limit on the ads.

Hey! Look! It's my scenic Vancouver time lapse! That's where you were hiding!





Toby is back and being asked the impossible by Evan as they bounce ideas off each other on a whiteboard. Hi Toby! We missed you and your adorableness!

Then there's an anomaly alert and Toby recognises where it is.




It has something to do with this picture of five tattooed, half-naked and sexily posed women.

Oh, the pandering.

Dammit, where's our female audience pandering! I demand more naked Mac, some naked Evan and I'd appreciate some spiffy Canadian special forces. Where's our Canadian Becker and Ryan, damn you! (Okay, I personally don't care one way or another about Ryan, but I'm trying to be inclusive).





"Why are you touching me?" Mac asks.

Toby knows the women there, she wants to go without Evan along. She wants to keep her boss from finding out . . .

Mac is rather distracted. There are a pile of attractive semi-nekkid women on the tablet screen.





Ahem. Toby used to be involved with this group of girls, part of the way she paid her way through university, and she doesn't want to inform Evan . . .

Mac is a little distracted.

Lookit those tats. And tits. Tats for tits. He may be thinking a little about tit for tat. Or something.





Evan is lying on a couch, looking at his wedding ring, clearly not entirely comfortable with leaving his dead wife behind, while his hair channels it's inner Harry Potter, and we all wonder when it is he's going to give us some half or mostly nekkid Evan.

I want some female pandering! Who's with me?

Ange comes by to give him heart palpitations that she still might leave, then imply he's stupid that he'd be worried she's leaving. They talk, he is deeply uncomfortable with her, uncertain, and I sort of feel like he doesn't feel like he thinks he does about her.




Then they share the most perfunctory kiss ever, and this is the best cap of it you could possibly get it's over so fast. It's like they've skipped over the honeymoon part of the romance, and straight into the doldrums of a relationship in a rut as he dashes off. It seems Mac has talked Toby into letting Evan know about the anomaly in the backwoods with the Backwoods Babes after all.





"Evan, I have something to confess--"

"You took nudie pictures to get through university."

"However did you know!?"

"There's this thing called Google, Toby." . . . [frowny face of sympathetic concern] "You can be yourself, you know."

While Toby is distracted by the implications that Evan might not think her a reprehensible human being for letting someone take sexy pictures of her to pay for her degree, Mac is a little distracted.





Oh, look. Shameless pandering.

Mac remains distracted, even as Toby hits him and tries to make him stop it.





Evan tells Dylan what's going on and where they're going, splits the team up into two pairs, him and Dylan and Toby and Mac. I can only assume that in his discomfort with his show romance with Ange, he is trying to keep himself separate from Mac lest they fall into bed together. Or have a quickie in the woods. Or a remote cabin.

There is a remote cabin, after all. It would be a really good place for that.

Mac is still distracted. In fact, the only thing that pulls him from his distraction is Evan.

Damn straight he does. Well . . . um . . .  yeah. Straight. So to speak.





Ange decides she needs to understand what Evan's doing for herself. Or at least, that's what she says. We all know it's to sit in between Evan and Dylan, because even a blind man can see the attraction between the animal expert and the science geek. Or something like that, anyhow.

I will say this. She beats Claudia and Jenny hands down in this one. First, she shows up in sensible shoes, sensible clothes and has nine years of martial arts training under her belt.

Man, she and Ken Leeds make such an awesome double act, him with his mad throwing skillz, her with the martial arts.

Dammit woman! Dump the geek and get with Ken already!





More effing creature cam. We get it! You don't want to spend the money on so much animation so you're taking wobbly, blurry shots instead. Jesus, find another way to imply therapods stalking prey, damn you.

Evan is discomforted by the two most important women in his life bonding in the back seat over wildlife tasers.

I know there's some electronic zapping S&M fetishists around . . . Could be interesting, Evan. Dylan and Ange in black leather, you tied down . . .





Mac is very distracted, then very disappointed when they leave behind places where he can get cell reception. Poor thing was in the middle of downloading naughty pictures of Toby.

Then they show up, and Toby is delighted to see her old friend Nat, who seems fairly sensible. When informed there's been cougar sightings in the area and animal control want people out, she agrees to just get everyone out calmly and reasonably. Toby is greeted in the cabin by scantily clad friends who get very girly, squealing all the while.

Then there's this. "I'm Toby's . . . friend."





"A friend who's a boy. . . . Huh."

And creature cam reminds us that there's still creatures.





So, then Nat stays behind, worried about the prick photographer. Then she sees something coming up behind Toby. Oh, look. It's a dinosaur.




Oh. Witty. Who . . . get it? December 25th Doctor Who marathon.

If I hear Eleven ask one damn more time about if someone's been peeking at his bloody Christmas list . . .





So, then they're chased by the dinosaur, and showing the kind of self-preservation instincts rarely seen on a show like this, Nat dives into the van and starts driving the fuck away from there. I really like her. I don't really care that she nearly left Mac and Toby behind to die, I really don't. How often do you see that?

Then she really panics, drives at whatever that van reaches when you put the pedal all the way down, and Toby tases her, knocking her out, and they drive right off the road, Mac clinging to the steering wheel, looking a little like he's begging Jesus to take the wheel, dammit. Anyhow, they drive off the road, down an embankment and get the van perched over a fallen tree. And there's Mac, looking at the log and thinking, "Oh, fuck."

Then Evan, Ange and Dylan get to the cabin, find Mac and Toby missing, without their rifles, tasers or anything, and radios for Mac, who explains that they're not far, assuming you're driving at 200 kilometres an hour. Nat is unconscious, Toby is fluttering about and Mac is just hoping no one gets eaten.





So, Dylan, Evan and Ange go looking for the photographer and naturally Ange finds the dead body. She looks like she's in shock, which is what happens when non-professionals find dead bodies, and I get the feeling Evan is extra-callous in an attempt to convince Ange that she doesn't belong there.

Nat and Toby exchange quips. Nat saying that Toby used to be up for anything crazy she suggested in the past. Toby replies that the makeup sex was good enough that she didn't care.





Mac looks like this.                                                 Toby looks like this when she sees that Mac looks like that.

Mac is then suitably chastened as he leans casually against a tree, visions of mostly naked lesbians dance in his head along with the sugarplums.





Ange is attacked by the dinosaur, something we see partially through creature cam, naturally, and then we cut to commercial.

It's almost time for Spacemas! I almost forgot between now and the last commercial break! Look! Vampires celebrate Christmas too!





Evan tackles Ange out of the way of the dinosaur. It's not quite the defensive missionary position, but I'm pretty sure this is just as good an angle, right? My sex position vocabulary isn't all it could be, you know.

Dylan takes out her frustrations on the dinosaur by stabbing it in the butt with a tranquiliser.





Oh, the scenic vistas of the Rocky Mountains! Oh, the way the trees move with the . . . time lapse photography. Can't we do scene transitions some other way? Okay, yes, there were an unnaturally large number of foreboding pans of forest in this episode, but they were all blurry, so I gave up on those.

Mac, Toby and Nat walk off in search of the anomaly. Nat wants to know what the hell just happened, and Toby tries to explain the large scale radiant magnetic phenomena. Mac intercedes on Nat's behalf. "Big shiny hole in the universe. Spits out dinosaurs."

An excellent, if incomplete summary. As he well knows, it also spits out giant bugs.

And wolflike critters that killed his girlfriend.

That's right. Hey, Mac, remember Sam? The girlfriend that made you angry and resentful and half-naked when she died? You mind explaining what's with all the leering at other women? I mean, not that you shouldn't get over her, but you seem over her awfully fast. If it's a front, I want to see sobbing in the next few episodes when you crack and pour your grief out on someone (preferably Evan's) shoulder.

Do you think he cries better than Evan? I know he doesn't cry better than Connor, because the only one I've ever seen in decent competition is Jensen Ackles' Dean Winchester. By the way, can we get a guest spot from Jensen? I'd love to be able to leer drool stare use him in a crossover fanfic.





Dylan, Evan and Ange hogtie the dinosaur and start the very slow process of dragging the thing to the anomaly, which they know is, 'Somewhere thataways.' Dylan and Ange do girly bonding at Evan's expense in the back, while Evan puts up with the fear that they may get together behind his back and leave him in the cold.

Well, there's always Mac, right?





There is more creature cam, as it turns out there's another one and it's stalking them. Creature cam is going in the drinking game.

As Nat, Mac and Toby wander through the woods in search of the anomaly, Nat assumes that Toby and Mac are dating, asking Mac if he's been introduced to the preacher father. Or the Chinese grandmother. Oh, look. A justification for Toby knowing Cantonese in the bird episode. Mac is also informed that Toby's father is conservative, repressive and probably fundamentalist. So, now we know why Toby thought Evan might fire her over the previous job.

I also wonder if this will be mere perfunctory character-building, or if there will be a point to us being told this. God, I hope there's a point.




They are being stalked by something growly. Dylan tells them to keep the smallest person in the middle and keep moving. They wind up like this instead. Mac then comments something to the effect that, when he'd fantasised about this sort of thing, it was a lot more fun. Which is why Toby's side-eyeing him so hard.




It is not a dinosaur.

It is, however, a tad cranky.

Luckily, Toby pays attention when Dylan gives them lectures about not being killed by the large animals in the Canadian wilderness and they do not die, nor do they have to use the taser on the bear.





The other trio is still dragging the dinosaur.

Then Ange is attacked again. She is awesome and kicks the dinosaur in the face. It is not the best screencap, but you all deserve to see Ange kick a dinosaur in the face. Then she shoots it with her taser and it's all very awesome.





Unfortunately, it is not knocked out and it runs off, unhappy with being kicked in the face. Dylan falls down a hill and it is all very bad. Then there is a commercial break.

"Now you'd need a weed whacker to find my nipples."

No. Just . . . no.




That's better.

Yes, I know I stole that. Hush, you.

Back to the show.





Dylan's arm is popped out of the socket and Evan leans tenderly over her before popping it back in. Then creature cam tells us the dinosaur we just saw go over the cliff apparently climbed back up and is watching them.

Everyone, take a drink.





So, Evan finally asks Mac to come help them drag the dinosaur, Mac leaves to do that after Toby promises to do nothing stupid while he's helping Evan. So, she lets Nat distract her from her work, first by getting her to look at the anomaly as a very pretty thing, like the Grand Canyon or something. Then they kiss.

You know, I have no problem with improving the position of LGBTQ people on popular media. I think it's great that they have included a woman on this show who is openly, if not gay, bi. It's important to normalise the relationship the media has with that community.

But this is pandering.

Mac takes off running like he's being chased by something, rushing to get to Evan and the others, who miraculously still have guns. I know, I was shocked, too.





So, here's the dinosaur, running and being chased by Evan, with Dylan and Ange in tow. You see, after they call Mac to help them drag the critter, they change their minds and decide to try chasing the one that's still moving under its own power to the anomaly. So, to contrast Mac's headlong flight from the right of the screen to the left, the dinosaur hurtles from the left of the screen to the right.

Then runs right past Mac, because it's sort of sick of being kicked in the face and electrocuted.





The first shot is of where Nat and Toby are standing when they hear from Mac that the dinosaur's coming their way. They dive over opposite sides of the bridge, out of the way, and the last we see of the dinosaur is it's butt, disappearing through the portal.





Everyone is okay. Ange gets her first sight of the anomaly and is absolutely hypnotised. Mac volunteers to drive Toby and Nat back to civilisation, citing his need to finish downloading his naughty pictures. Not before, however, we see this interesting shot of Evan, heroically looking into the anomaly, next to Dylan, still clutching her wounded arm. Ange on the far side, not yet noticing that Evan seems way more comfortable with Dylan than her, and Mac looking very suspicious, I think he's realised he and Evan might be on the rocks with two hot chicks fighting over his sugar daddy.

Anyhow, Mac walks off playing keep-away with Toby, who hops offscreen, trying to steal Mac's smartphone and Nat watches in amusement. Leaving Evan, Ange and Dylan as the unofficial grownups of the group, and Evan reluctantly calling in Ken Leeds to get people down there to drag the hogtied dino to the anomaly.





And in this moment we see the end of Ange and Evan's relationship, such as it is, looming on the horizon. Ange, oblivious, stares at the anomaly, while Evan looks behind him to where a lonely and bedraggled Dylan makes her painful way off on her own. They share a moment, separated by a hundred steps and Ange, then they both turn away, Dylan to limp home, Evan to contemplate the anomaly with his new girlfriend.




And we end with a final shot of this catalyst for infinite human suffering.

Cut to credits and pray we don't hear from the whiskey guy again soon.

Go on to Episode 8
Back to Primeval Archive

humour, primeval: new world, primeval

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